Krystal

"What is this important thing that you wanna tell me about?"

At first sight, you wouldn't know that this simple chocolate sliced cake that I ordered was actually a chocolate mousse cake. I am not fond of desserts, especially chocolates but this one is an exemption! I would bring my family here and I know, they'd love this restaurant, especially Amber! She'll love this cake! I should call her later--"Soojung. Hey? Earth to Soojung?"

Somehow, hearing Sulli's voice, made me stop my movements. "Jung Soojung? Hey, are you okay? Soojung-ah? Did you hear--"

"I heard you, Sulli." I finally placed the fork down. "I heard what you said."

Without knowing, I released a deep sigh and it seems that Sulli sensed that something was wrong? "Soojung-ah, did something happen?"

I bit my lower lip, wondering why it was so hard for me to share this. Sulli is a friend---and we even treat each other as sisters. We know each other’s secrets, so why is it hard to tell her everything, now that she’s here, sitting across from me, waiting for me to say something? Fiddling with my fingers, I noticed the engagement ring that was perfectly wrapped around my finger. I couldn't help but touch and admire the beauty of it, and in an instant those memories came flashing back when the day Amber gave this ring to me----when she asked me to marry her.

It was amazing. It was the best day of my life.

"---is it Amber-hyung? Did something happen to her? ---or, did you guys fight?"

Her questions interrupted my thoughts and I couldn't help but to feel… hurt? Is that the right term? I didn't know, but as I heard my fiancée's name, there was this slightest twinge that was coming from my chest and an unknown feeling or emotion that I couldn't quite describe.

She might got the hint now already, "So, I am right. You guys had a fight." Well, Sulli almost got it.

A fight. I chuckled dryly. I wished, we really did fight. It was a lot more better than what I am thinking right now or should I say, worrying these past few days since Amber left the country. "We didn't fight." I managed to say.

"You didn't?"

I nodded, still not meeting her eyes. ".... Yeah."

"So what happened?" She had a small bite of her own chocolate mousse, before sipping her red iced tea. "Don't tell me that you called me here with nothing to say?"

"Of course, not. It’s just that..." Here I go again. Why is it so hard for me to say it?

"It’s just what?" She continued. Minutes passed, I heard her sigh and I could tell that she was getting frustrated. "Just tell me Soojung, okay? Don't keep it from yourself."

"I am not, Sulli."

"Oh, yeah? Then why aren't you saying anything? How could I help you if you are not going to tell me?"

I released a sigh. She was right. How will she help me if I am not going to tell her everything?

I noticed that time is ticking and Sulli is waiting for my response. My eyes landed on the engagement ring around my finger and when I touched it, memories came flashing back again. "I just... I am not sure..."

"Huh?" Was the only thing Sulli said, confusion was written all over her face.

I was fidgeting on my chair, because the looks Sulli was giving me was kind of intimidating. As if she was going to chop my head off with her scrutinizing stare. "I am not sure, Sulli. If Amber---"

"If Hyung is what?" She cut me off. "Come on, Soojung-ah. Just spill it out."

Silenced engulfed between us, and Sulli was impatiently waiting of what I would say next. I was reprimanding myself. Why is it so hard for me to say it? It’s as if it was life and death. I mentally rolled my eyes on that. I lit up my phone that was placed on the table and checked the time. 3 PM. Geez, I guess I wasted so much time. I kind of felt sorry for Sulli, because she has been waiting on that chair for 30 minutes just for me to spill it to her.

"I think, Amber is keeping something from me..." I trailed. Somehow, the words that I would say next felt like a knife that was constantly stabbing through my chest. "Like... Like a secret." And with that, I think I saw something that flickered into Sulli's eyes.

JESSICA

I had managed to drag Amber out----away from my apartment----away from my son, and now we were standing face to face without me looking at her.

I just didn't know why I brought her here---at the park. Maybe, because there were just few people strolling around or maybe---"Jessica."

My heart skipped a little. "Jessica, h-how are----"

"What are you doing here?" I was surprised with myself. Did I just snap at her? I finally looked into those brown orbs and guilt washed over me instantly. There, I saw hurt---confusion and I almost reached out to her. But, I held it in. I clenched my fist and looked away, as if I saw nothing into her eyes.

And there it goes, silence. When I was a kid, I really hated silence. It made me felt like I am alone---like I am the only person in this world. But right now, at this very moment, silence was my ally. Like it was easing my nervousness or so I thought.

I saw that she closed the gap between us by stepping forward. I didn't look up. I wanted to step back but my body was controlling over my brain right now, and my beating heart is not helping too.

Then after a long silence, "Because of you." she said, "I am here because of you and Albie. Please give me a chance to spend my time with Albie and you."

All of a sudden, I felt so weak. As I took a step back, my leg wobbled like a jell-o. I was stunned at her straightforwardness. How could she do this? What is happening to me?  

I couldn't look into her eyes---I couldn't find any reasons that could make her stay away from us.

But why are you pushing her away? Don't you love her anymore? My inner thoughts asked me.

But it is not easy. I would have answered. Loving Amber is not easy.

Tears were starting to pool in my eyes and I didn't want her to notice it. So I turned around and started to walk away from her. But suddenly, a strong grip on my arm was stopping me from going away. As the wind blew, her scent came along with the wind and I couldn't help but yearn for it. Amber's scent was easy to describe-----sweet but not too strong; fresh and clean. I was surprised that it didn't change. I would be surprised if she changed.

"You are doing it again." I heard her say, "You are going away and then you're going to avoid me. Like what you are doing right now."

Her voice was so soft that it could entirely embrace me already, yet she sound so hurt as if she was wounded. I wanted to turn around, put my arm around her waist and my head on her chest to hear her heartbeat. I wanted to embrace her so tight like as if there was no tomorrow, whispering some soothing words that could make her heart at ease -----but of course, I restrained myself from doing so.

I closed my eyes, wishing I could vanish in this painful situation. "I don't understand what you're trying to say."

Pretending was easy but there was a limit to it. My voice cracks at the end and maybe Amber noticed it. I felt her hand on my arm and I felt shiver down my spine. Her hand was trembling and I sensed that she was being careful with her actions, maybe she didn't want to scare me off.

A squeeze. She gave my arm a gentle squeeze and it nearly sent me off to the edge. I closed my eyes. I had managed to build these walls for four years and I was not going to give away. It was like a mantra. I kept on telling myself these years that I wouldn't get anything from her but pain.

"Jessica." She breathed onto my hair and I think I just melted when my name rolled into her tongue. I bit my lip so hard until I could already taste a tint of blood. Please stop doing this to me, Amber.

“I want to make it up for you. After four years of absence, I want to be by your side while I am here. I want to know Albie. I want to take care of my son while I'm still here. Please let me, Jessica."

Even though that I wasn't facing her or looking at her in the eyes, the determination was shouting through her words. A part of me wanted to believe and just give away but the other part was telling the opposite way. I know that she'll stay here for few days or weeks then after that, she would get back to my sister and their daughter who were patiently waiting for her. In the end, Amber would leave us here. That was the sad truth.

For four years that I had been living here, I got accustomed of taking care of my son alone-------of course, sometimes with the help of Seohyun and Tiffany. 

But with Amber who is willing to make it up for us, I know that everything will change, especially for Albie. How would I explain to him that his "dad" is finally here? I don’t even know how to tell him that his “dad” is a woman.

"Jessica?" With that, I was pulled away from my train of thoughts. "Please say something, Jessica."

I couldn't take it anymore----the sadness and desperation in her voice. If I could just hug her right now, I would----if destiny would let me.

Slowly, I turned around to face her and the moment I laid my eyes on hers, there were waves of emotion that I couldn't quite describe. I didn't open my mouth nor looked away to ease the awkwardness, but we were just staring at each other.

Will I do this?

Should I finally introduce her to Albie as his father?

But what will be his reaction after I told him everything?

Will he get mad at me for not being honest with him?

While these thoughts were running in my head, I remember what Tiffany told me over Skype a few days ago.