It is a bright sunny day in July. The sky was painted in bright blue and the shiny green grass glistened in the sun. The sun beamed upon his face. His gaze was locked onto the cloudless sky through the glass window in the 2^nd floor balcony. He closes his eyes, inhaling all the fresh air in the morning mixed with dew and the view of beautiful garden below, goes perfectly with today’s theme.

The garden is naturally beautiful and colorful; Amber doesn’t want way too much decoration. He wears his white dress shirt; his black suits folded and hung on his left arm. He smiles looking at the people below busy chattering while decorating the place with beautiful flowers, putting all the chairs and tables in the place. White wooden folding chairs waits for the guests split by a petal-marked aisle way. Some people are decorating the clean-lined canopy covered in sheer fabric with hanging white orchids.

He turns his head as soon as he heard the click sound coming from the room door. Sehun take a peek and showing his black hair and smiling at him warmly. “What are you doing there? Why don’t you wear your suits? You look so messy”

“How about hi, next time Sehunna!” He laughs and grabs the beer bottle on his bedside table, hugging Sehun softly and sits on the edge of the bed.

“Whoa, isn’t that too early to drink that, Tao?”

“It’s okay; I’m going to take a sip, just a little bit”

“Come on, let’s prepare yourself, put your suits and where the hell is your bowtie?” Sehun take a look around trying to find something around the room. “How come you are so calm about this, Tao?”

“You never change, aren’t you, Sehunna? Where is Luhan Ge? I miss him”

“He will be here in any minute, maybe he is wandering around enjoying the view”

“I’m glad you are happy, Sehunna. I really do.” Tao smiles calmly, pointing on the dresser and asking Sehun to take the bowtie and his belt he put them there last night.

Sehun walks towards him and stand in front of him, gesturing him to gets up “Come on, let’s prepare yourself. You hair looks okay with that blonde color, Tao. You look like a total badass”

Tao laugh “I take that as a compliment, come on, and help me put the belt and the suit”

Tao is extremely happy seeing Sehun is now enjoying with his life. He is living together with Luhan now. He moved out from their shared apartment, 3 years ago. It was two weeks after Kris’ disappearance. It was totally Tao’s decision, and of course because he overheard that Luhan asking him to moving in with him since Kris is going back for their thesis trial only and move out and going to Canada permanently. Kris never saw Tao again. Tao wants to meet him, but it is impossible if Kris never mentioned where is he living during his trip back to country and Luhan didn’t help either because he is now busy living happily with Sehun. All he cares is now making Sehun’s life less miserable.

Luhan even got him his own course business, helping him to rent the place. Sehun rejected it at first, but Luhan said that is the last time Luhan going to spend the money for Sehun. Sehun thought it is kinda a good way for Luhan to finally stop buying him lots of expensive things. He is stubborn bastard. He can’t even say no or reject his gifts without him getting angry for days because of the disappointment.

He remembers the fight that occurred that night between him and Sehun, arguing that Sehun will never leave him alone in their apartment. But Tao begging him to move out. He wants to start a new life, trying to be independent. He can’t do it if Sehun keeps pestering him around. He has reach his lowest point after Kris leaving him, keeping all the unspoken words that he has been meaning to say it out loud to Kris. He waits for days, waiting for the older to contact him. Nothing happened. He suffers from the greatest broken heart but he never loses his hope, he keeps waiting for Kris. He learnt the hard that he has to face the reality squarely. He can have a happy life even with great sorrow in his heart, even while carrying loss.

Physically his body is probably keeps on going just fine and it’s only his mind that has the problem. The idea of “things shoud have been different” running through his brain over and over again every day. It’s just too hard to admit that the damage is done, and he should live his life with or without him from that day. Kris probably living happily right now, why shouldn’t he? He thought.

Tao finally graduated and get a job in a consulting office. Every day is a busy day for him with piles of documents needs to be administrated and it keeps coming, never stop flowing. He sometimes went to the karaoke with his workmates, enjoying his adulthood and to refresh his mind. He and Amber just got back from their holiday back to their hometown, meeting their parents, visiting the beach and embracing the memories of their childhood.

“Okay, done” Sehun’s voice bringing him back to the realization. He finishes helping Tao to wear his bowtie and belt. Fixing both sides of the sleeves from his suit.

“Thanks, Sehunna”

“There you are!” Luhan appears from the door, showing his perfect smile. Sehun pulling him closer and kiss him passionately.

“Ugh, guys? Get your own room please!” Tao’s getting annoyed

“I know right? He is been like this since, I don’t even remember! Btw, how are you? Whoa your hair is great. Special day, huh?” Luhan showing his proud smile and tapping Tao’s shoulder

“Yes, it is”

--

The airport at this point is so crowded. Kris can always feel people brushing past him. He can hear countless conversation, loud and low, with high or heavy-pitches voices. He can see some people sleeping in the seats, most waiting while keeping their children from running around crazily. There are constantly terminals boarding and unloading. He can see some people alone and some in big groups, chattering and laughing, or just playing with their gadgets.

He walks passed by small restaurants inside the airport, he can even smell the food and hear it sizzling when he walks by, but he is not hungry at all. There are big boards everywhere that read the time, departing and incoming flights, holding the information about the arrival and the boarding time for the planes on the terminals.

Kris sits patiently looking at the kid that caught his attention who are trying to kick the chair in front of him and getting mad because his short legs can’t reach it. He take a look at his watch, in exactly 15 hours he is going to attend his best friend wedding, that’s great, he should be happy, no, he does not want to be happy at all. He does not want to see Tao’s smile in the altar and kiss the bride happily. He didn’t want to attend this wedding, but that would be selfish and it will be the exact prove that he is not ready to move on from his life, from his love, Tao.

He is not denying that he still loves Tao. After all these years, 3 years later, consuming the pain and never let it go, because the pain is attached to all of his memories with Tao, and he think he can bear with it, as long as the memories didn’t disappear, he is okay. No, he is not okay. He is trying to busy himself with a lot of works, trying to involve with new relationship with new people, but no one can replace Tao in his heart, and he is tired for trying to replace him and just let him in.

His broken heart was still and for such a long time, he only felt numbness. And then an anger and sadness surged through him with so much power. His mind went black, as did his heart. All people know that he is a successful business man, with charming smiles, but they didn’t know the pain he has to face every time he is alone.

There was a time when he actually refuses to get out from the bed after dreaming about Tao in the morning, picturing how they are happy together, because he is too afraid of the reality that waits for him. And now he think that he is ready to face the ugly truth, the most painful moment that he will ever face in his life, seeing the love of his life, marrying somebody else.

His reverie being interrupted by the ringing from his phone, it must be his private assistant calling for his schedule and work related updates. “Yes, Wu speaking” the work is always been his drugs to him, the work is something that really can take his mind off Tao for a moment. People knows him as the workaholic Wu who never gets tired to work even after midnight, the truth is, working is the one that can cure him from his painful heart, for a moment.

--

He takes a deep breath, now sitting at the passenger seat inside the cab as soon as he arrives at his hometown; he thinks he is ready to face this. Finally seeing his friend, Amber, turning into a beautiful woman, wearing her wedding bride dress and giving her vow to his soon-to-be husband. He should be standing with me in that altar. He thought. He shook his head, trying to stop his selfish-self to control his mind.

If it is not for Amber, who is trying to contact him for a week, he will never come to this wedding. Thanks to Luhan who is giving all his left contact information to Amber.

His phone is ringing; he quickly sees the caller ID and what a coincidence the guy he wants to punch really hard right now is calling him.

“Yes, Lu”

“Hi, Wu! Are you already on your way?” Luhan’s cheerful voice making him sighed

“Yeah, taking a cab now”

“That’s great! Thanks for deciding to come, Wu! I’ll punch you in your face really hard because I hate you for being a selfish man who decided not to contact me whenever you are in the city and thanks to you who pretending to be busy all this time”

“Am I Late?” he really wants to be late, and expecting that everyone already went home as he arrived.

“Yes you are, we are on the reception ceremony now, just tells the taxi cab driver to move fast”

“Fine, stop nagging”

--

His heart aches as soon as he stepped out from the cab looking at the beautiful altar at the park. Some people are chattering sitting on the chairs, wearing their white dresses and formal attire. He feels his heart being squeezed tightly as he hears the romantic song playing inside.

He is having a huge doubt whether he wants to continue to come inside or leave the place and never go back forever. But he continue to walk, he walk passed by the altar and it’s beautiful flowers, walking closer to the sound of the music at the back yards, he can see lots of people, sitting on the rounded tables, most of them are standing in the middle and dancing with their partner.

He take a look around, trying to find the bride, and the groom…finally he catch a glimpse at the bride’s dresses and she is dancing with someone, resting her head on the guy’s shoulder, smiling happily, he can’t even see the guy’s face, only his back covered with black suits. His hair is blonde, is that Tao? He thought.

His knees suddenly feels weak, he is looking for a place to sit nearby and dropped himself into a chair, lowered his head and tried to accept the scene in front of him. He takes a deep breath and tries to control his emotion, and ignoring his heart that being ripped and torn apart.

I sit here and wonder if you’ll ever understand just how much of me belong to you. He thought. All these years, all the pains, is not as close as he feel right now, this is a torment that he didn’t deserve to get, not at all. He has a right to be happy. 

I can’t do this. he finally decide to himself, I thought I can handle the pain, I thought I can pretend that I’m happy for them, but I’m not. I’m sorry for this, Amber. He said to himself, getting up, turning his back and leaving the wedding silently.

---

Tao staring and smiling looking at Amber dancing with his father, they are close to each other as he recalls, she will always be his father little girl, his father even threaten him one day that he should protect Amber when he grows up at all cost.

He put his right hand on his pocket, realizing that there’s something he has been hide inside his pocket all this time. He gets up and approaching the bride.

“Excuse me, Sir. Can I have a moment with the bride?” Tao asking politely teasing the father

“Of course, Son!” Amber’s dad releasing his hand on Amber’s waist and letting Tao to take over.

“Taozi…” Amber smiles and almost crying

“You look beautiful, Ambi… I think I have fallin in love with you” Tao teases her making her face blush

“Stop it!” She slaps his shoulder

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to give you” he reached into his pocket, now holding a simple yet beautiful bracelet with an infinity symbols for its connector.

“Oh my God” Amber cover , trying to control her emotion

“No, no don’t cry, you don’t want to ruin your make up, here let me put it for you”

“I can’t, its Yizi’s!”

“Yeah, and I’m sure she is happy to give it to you, Ambi” Tao takes her left hand, and put the bracelet. Amber suddenly hugs him. Tao didn’t say a word, there’s no need a word to describe how happy he is, and Amber is the right person to wear that bracelet for his sister.

Amber leans his head to his shoulder, smiling happily as she finally letting go all her guilt forwards her friend accident years ago, finally accepting that Tao is now growing up perfectly fine, although she is completely understand that something will never be the same, how his is in pain, how he miss one person, one person in this world that he never saw again, three years ago.

Amber tilts her head, looking at one of her guest that walking slowly leaving the party from Tao’s back. “Taozi?”

“Hm?”

“is that… Kris?”

It’s like his heart has been jolted up by the thunder as he hear the name. He quickly turns his head and takes a good look at the one person Amber pointed. Of course he remembers it well the way Kris’ walks. The way he swings one of his hand as he walks. But what is he doing here? Isn’t he staying at Canada? He shook his head, no that’s impossible.

“Um, I don’t think so, all I know he lives in Canada now” he turn his head back facing Amber, while Amber still focusing, seeing the guy leaving the scene.

“Yes, that’s him. I invited him, Taozi”

“What?”

“Stop standing here, go catch him!” Amber shouts, losing her patient. Makes some of the guests looking at them.

Tao initially stepped in hesitant, but he eventually ran after the figure that he had been waiting for such a long time just to see his face one last time. He grabs his shoulder as soon as he reach the possible distant.

“Gege?” he grabs his shoulder, trying to catch his breath

Kris is frozen, didn’t budge after recognizing the sound that he always wanted to hear all this time. “Gege, I know it’s you” Tao continue as Kris turns his body around

“Hi, Tao” He smiles awkwardly. Amazed by Tao’s appearance. He is looking so handsome with blond hair, wearing those suits, and his cute bowtie.

“Where are you going?”

“I just... I need some air, I didn’t want to disturb you, I saw you- dancing there”

“Are you leaving? You didn’t say a goodbye this time?”

“I intend to, but-“

Tao keeps looking at him, waiting him to finish his sentence.

“By the way, congrats Tao, for you wedding, I’m-happy for you” Kris trying to sound sincere, but he failed.

Tao widened his eyes, and laugh, holding his stomach. “This? This is not my wedding, Ge”

“What?”

“You heard me, this is not my wedding, this is Amber’s, and his husband, Gege Zhou, he asked me to be his best man as a sign of his gratitude” Tao turn his back, pointing at the tall man who are now dancing and kissing Amber’s forehead.

Kris stands there in shock, his heart beating so fast right now. “Amber didn’t tell you who is she marrying?”

“No, and Luhan. Damn, Luhan!” He shouts after he saw Luhan and Sehun waving at him, getting up from their chair enjoying every moment of it and slowly approaching him.

“Wu! I miss you so much!” Luhan spreading his arms, running towards Kris, but Kris blocking his body by get a grip on Tao’s shoulder.

“No hugs for me?” Luhan pouts as Sehun coming closer

“You are lying to me, I hate you” Kris shouts

“I never lied to you, I just said that you have to come, and we can be reunited, four of us, and by the way, meet my fiancé, Sehun, remember him?”

“Yeah of course, Hi” Kris offers his hand for a handshake, and this time, Sehun accepting it.

“Hi, Kris, Nice to meet you”

“Whoa, what did you do to him, Luhan?” Kris teases Luhan once more time and finally hugs him

“I know right, he is too cute” Luhan release Kris’ hug and clinging into Sehun’s body

“We are going to eat now, we will leave the two of you, to-you know, to finish your unfinished business” Sehun winks and dragging Luhan back to the party

Tao smiles at Kris, the moment of awkwardness after three years of disappearance can’t be avoided. Both of them put their hands into their pocket and walking slowly side by side to the empty streets with lots of trees. They can hear the sound of the wind greets the tree leaves calmly.

“So, how are you, Ge?” Tao take a look at Kris face, scanning it silently, trying to remember all his memories with the guy in front of him, the guy who teach him how to feel love, and be loved unconditionally.

He looks a little bit mature, wearing those suits, and his hair is now dark, turning him into professional businessman. How are you, Ge? Do you miss me all this time? Do you still think about me sometimes? Have you replace me with somebody else in your heart? Is the question that he wants to ask, but denying it to coming out from his mouth.

“Um, you know, busy with work”

“I can see that, turning into young businessman, you deserves that, I bet you enjoy Canada so much?”

“Yeah, I mean, the people are nice, what about you Tao? Have you graduated? Where do you work?”

“Just boring office and life, Ge.”

Kris chuckle, he is still the same adorable boy he met years ago.

“So, who is that man, the groom, how is this happen?”

“Well, I asked Luhan Ge to help me to find him, actually, he is Amber’s teenage crush, Amber’s been taking care of me after my sister’s death, and she forgot to take care of herself, so I try to return all the favor she gave me.” Tao tells Kris how the story starts, how he ended up breaking up with Amber and letting her go for Zhou, lucky for him, Zhou are still single, and happy to embrace Amber once again in his life.

“So I was misunderstood all these time” He whispers loud enough for Tao to hear

“Amber is not the one who teaches me how to love somebody, Ge. You are”

“Me?”

“Yeah, sorry to disappoint you that day. The day you finally decided to leave me, I’m sad, I’m broken, but I’m okay now, seriously I’m so happy seeing you again today”

“Me too” They both standing facing the lake under the big tree, the view and the weather are great today, no wonder Amber picks this place for her wedding. “So, do you have a girlfriend now? Kris can’t wait any longer to know Tao’s relationship status, he is really nervous to hear the response.

“Do you see one?” Tao smiles, leaning his body against the tree and looking at the lake “What about you? Please don’t break my heart” Tao teases him smiling bitterly

Kris chuckle and shook his head, “I’m too busy working” He said

“I miss you, Ge. How dare you leaving me and didn’t tend to contact me all these years? How dare you to come into my life and then leaving me with so much pain” He said

Kris takes a deep breath, how he regrets his selfishness that turns into a pain for both of them. “Sorry” is the last thing that he could say. “Let’s just forget about it, Tao”

“Do you want to forget about it?”

“I wish but I can’t”

“Do you miss me, Ge?”

“Everyday”

“Then what are you waiting for?”

“waiting for what?”

“I love you, you idiot. I love you with all my hearts, mind and even my soul. The second you left me making me realized that you mean the world to me. I thought you would be the one person who wouldn’t abandon me. You always promised that you will be here, right beside me, even when if we are separated. I would do anything for you, even now, even after you have ripped me into pieces. You were the person in the world who told me that everything is going to be okay and actually meant it. When you said that, I believe it. When you told me I was adorable and cute, I believe it. Even after you leave me without any explanation for years, deep down inside of me still believe that you still love me, until this day. I try to convince myself otherwise. It is wishful thinking. I don’t know what to do without you, my heart and smile would never be the same after the day you left me. I’m so lost. I’m sorry for giving you mixed signals before, I need time to figure out myself what do you mean to me. You were my best friend as well as my lover. My other half. I’m so empty without you. I think about you all the time, and wonder if you’re thinking about me too. Even though you are probably not. I keep hoping that you’ll decide to check and contact me, how am I doing lately, that you will miss me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to handle this. You are the first person who taught me how to love and be loved. But you leave me, you didn’t fight for me, you leave me broken into pieces, do you know that? But I still want to be yours forever, even after everything. I need you, Ge. How ing pathetic is that?” Tao starting to sobs, he didn’t cry all these years, but in front of Kris, he cannot hold it any longer, there, already said what he wants to said, the words that he has been keeping all this time. Enduring the pain alone, now the pressure is gone. Only causing more pain, knowing that maybe Kris has change, Kris didn’t love him anymore. He didn’t care at all, all he cares that Kris should know how he meant for him.

“Tao, I’m sorry…” Kris said

“Sorry? That’s it?” Tao covers his face with both of his hands

“That’s unfair, I don’t know that you loved me back, I don’t even know your feeling towards Amber at that time, I fought for you, I even ask Amber for her permission to love you that is so unfair if you thought that I never try anything to have you…”

“That day, at the airport, how I wish you kissed me, even after I refused it…”

“You did?”

“And what’s left for us now?”

“Tao…I-“

“It’s okay, Ge, say what you have to say, it’s been three years already, I think I can handle the fact that people change, and you don’t have to lie with me, if your feeling towards me is now has changed, let me know”

Kris is the happiest guy on earth today, after all these time, feeling all the suffer, and being stupid for leaving his love suffering all the pain, they are in love, and he just realized that, three years later, such a waste. He hides his smile. He wants to tease the love of his life that standing against the tree cutely in front of him. He wants to say that he always love him, how no one can replace him, but that would be cheesy, isn’t it?

“Stop crying, will you? Did you remember what I say, why would you cry every time you see me, Tao?”

“is the only promise that I failed to keep” Tao laugh while sobbing, making him looks so cute as Kris adores him even more.

Kris wipes his tears, smiling at him, “Look at you, growing older, so handsome, but still the same adorable guy that I fall in love with”

“Gege, you didn’t answer me…”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Not until you answer me” Tao pouts

“Can I ask you a question?” Kris repeats his question trying to act stubborn

“Such a stubborn man, tsk” Tao cross both of his arms in front of his chest “What do you want to ask? But promise me, you’ll answer my question after this”

Kris chuckle, “You know, actually you don’t have to hear my answer after hearing my question, Tao”

“Then what is it! Stop playing around with my nerves!” Tao yells cutely

Kris laughs harder, suddenly removing all the space between them as he draws closer to Tao’s body. “Can I kiss you now?”

Tao smiles widely, cannot hide his blushing cheek, hell he doesn’t care that his face is burning hot with embarrassment mixed with his ultimate happiness knowing that Kris still loves him. He nodded softly and bowed his head down. But Kris using his fingers and raises his head up.

Kris put his one of his palms against the tree, right beside Tao’s face. Tao couldn’t help feeling the adrenaline from his heart. It felt so protective and secure in his presents. He couldn’t stop blushing and the sound of his heart pounding inside his chest getting louder, he can’t hide the fact that he was falling head over heals for this guy.

Tao wants to close his eyes, but as he feels Kris’ breathe in his face, he opens it widely “Is it going to be weird, Ge?”

“for the first timer, yeah, it is going to be a little bit weird, but you will enjoy it, I promise” Kris smiles “Now close your eyes, baby”

Kris smiled, a smile trickle of laughter leaving his lips as he slowly bent towards Tao, his lips grazing his lips so softly. Tao’s hand instinctively entangled with Kris neck, slowly urging his lips harder against Tao’s lips. One of his hands slowly but surely tangling into Tao’s hair. Each intake of breath was another reminder of what was really happening, his cologne, the way his hands entangled in my hair, pressing my lips against his with a more urgent pace.

“I love you, Tao” Kris said after they release the kiss to take a breath

“I love you too, Gege” Tao smiles widely, hugging Kris and drowning his face at the crook of Kris’ neck.

finally, it finished!

I'm sorry if the ending a little bit disappointing, still figuring out if I want to do an epiloque after this.

I wanna say thanks to all my readers :)

thanks for your comments and love <3

really appreciates it.