He watched Kris fading away. Walking away from his life, possibly forever. He didn’t know what to do. He wants him to stay, but nothing that comes from his mouth. He didn’t have any strong reason to do that. He does not have a right to do that.

His knees feels so weak, he just stunned standing there, looking at Kris direction who is now disappear. His world feel like being torn to shreds and everything is falling apart at the seams. He stopped crying, that’s good, maybe his tears have drained. He can’t stand the fact that he will never see Kris.

The pain never gets easier. He sees his face in his mind all the time. Everything around him is dead, but not his feeling. He didn’t smile anymore. He feels nothing but a numbing pain in his heart. No one can console him. I’ll never see him again. Never. Never is a long time to hurt. It will never end. The pain is unbearable, as I’ve lost a part of myself that I will never get back.

He walks back to his class, walking like a living zombie, didn’t care at all when his body rammed into the ocean of students in the campus corridor. He sits and pretends that nothing happened; while his puffy eyes can’t hide it very well, his friend notices it, but they are not that close to ask him what happened in his life, his personal life. He keeps his silence until the class is dismissed. He walks back to his apartment.

The apartment is dark, Sehun hasn’t back yet. He watches the television, switching the channel trying to find something interesting to occupy his mind until Sehun’s gets back.

-----

Luhan waits for Sehun that night in front of the bubble-tea shop entrance. He finished talking to Kris over the phone, trying to gain some information about the talk between him and Tao today. It didn’t end well.

Sehun walks out of the shop, turning his head to the left and right, searching for Luhan. Well he didn’t want to welcome Luhan in his life earlier, but Luhan keeps making it difficult to do. It’s hard to believe that Luhan will never leave him again, maybe later after he finds a girlfriend, well Sehun should be ready to face that, since of course, he will not be the one who to do that to Luhan.

“You still here?” He raised his eyebrow

“Yeah, we should eat dinner together after this, Hunnie. You know, I’ve been searching for the best restaurant around here, you should gain more weight, you are so pale and skinny”

“Stop. I can take care of myself”

They enter Luhan’s car. But Luhan didn’t start the engine yet, instead he is looking at Sehun with his beautiful eyes. “Hunnie”

Sehun’s heart is racing; he didn’t like any situation like this. Anything can happen between them and he didn’t want to guess. “Yeah-?” He answer softly, not even stealing glance to Luhan

“Let me be the part of your life, once again. Give me a chance”

Sehun turn his head to his right, looking at the windows, staring at the darkness and an empty street.

“I’ll never leave you again, I promise you this. It’s just, I’m sorry for being too greedy so soon. I’m so grateful because you stop ignoring me, but I know nothing about you, I regret that, everyday”

He didn’t answer that either. He is too scared and happy at the same time. He really does. Luhan still care about him after all this time. He keeps pushing him away, but he is pulling himself closer to Sehun every day. So he tries to accept him as his friend, look where he ended up to? Sitting inside Luhan’s care, can’t even express his feeling.

“I’ve lost my appetite; can I go back to my apartment now?”

“, no, you can’t do this to me, Hunnie. I gather all of my guts to tell what I said before, and now you decided to ignore me again?”

“I’m not ready for this” Sehun grouched, getting a little annoyed with the situation

“Tell me when, I’ll wait”

“I don’t know”

“Why is it so hard for you to accept me in your life, Hunnie?”

“I’m just scared”

“I know you do” He grabs Sehun’s hand, holding it tight “Take all the time you need, Hunnie. Just stop pushing me around”

They both remained in silence. Luhan drives his car slowly. “I just remember something, Hunnie. I think you should go back and comfort Tao”

“What happened?” He stares at Luhan who drives and taking fast look at him, smiling in comfort

“Nothing, I just talked to Kris over the phone. He already explained it all to Tao, just like you wanted”

“Tsk, and what do you mean by the word I should comfort Tao”

“Umh, actually he cries a lot today while seeing Kris, he said”

“Old news”

“God, Sehun. Stop being so overprotective with Tao”

“So you are judging me now?”

“I’m not judging you, damn, Sehun” Sehun knows when Luhan using his name to call him that means Luhan being serious or a little bit angry to him.

“Just drive me home, or drop me here, I’ll walk”

“Damn you are so stubborn sometimes, Hunnie. I’ll drive you home, but we’ll talk about our conversation later, promise?”

“Fine”

-----

Tao sleeps peacefully in uncomfortable position in front of the television. The sound of the key contact with the key hole gradually making him awake. Sehun is back.

Sehun take off his shoes, running to the couch direction, seeing Tao lying there, looking at him too and smile. “Sehunna, you’re late”

“Yeah, sorry, Luhan drove me back”

“So, you two become friends?”

“Sorta”

“That’s good; I’m happy for you, finally have a friend other than me”

“You are not my friend”

“Right, I’m your precious brother!” Tao smile

“You saw that guy, today?” Sehun sits next to Tao, comforting him by putting his hand on Tao’s shoulder

“You mean Kris Ge? Yeah.. He said goodbye to me”

“And you let him go?”

Tao feels overwhelmed suddenly because of Sehun’s question; damn he surely has the pack of piercing words that always coming through his mouth.

“No, will you stop crying? I’m tired seeing you cry, Tao.”

“No, I’m not” Tao quickly wipes his tears

“Stop crying for him. You just known him for a month or two”

“But, I don’t want to lose him”

“What about Amber?”

Tao put his palms to cover his face; he didn’t want to face this again. He didn’t want to choose, no he will never choose.

“Tao, you have to choose, tell me, and listen to yourself, which one do you prefer to be together?”

“NO, I DON’T WANT TO!”

Sehun sighed; it’s hard to deal with Tao in his current mood. But the thing is, he has to be patience to get Tao to open his mind to him “You don’t trust me?”

“Well, obviously you don’t!”

“What do you mean?”

“You never talked about your personal life with me! And why do you care about mine”

“Fine, I’ll tell you mine, and you tell me yours, how about that?”

“No, you might be lying”

“No, I won’t I promise”

Tao look at him with his disbelief glare. “Okay, you first”

“What do you want to know?”

“About you and Luhan Ge”

. Sehun is regretting his promise to Tao earlier. From everything that he could ask, he ended up asking about him and Luhan. The one that he has been avoid to be discussed this whole time.

“What about me and Luhan?”

“I’m not that stupid, Sehunna!” Tao slapped his shoulder a little bit harder than he intentioned to.

“Okay, he is my childhood friend, my neighbor, before my family moved to countryside; you know that right, after my family bankruptcy”

“Then why are you avoiding him this whole time?”

Sehun takes a deep breath, trying to gain his gut that he finally going to say it out loud to Tao, he feels that he could trust Tao about this.

“Don’t you dare to ever talk about this to anyone else, or I’ll choke you to death, Tao”

Tao giggling, forgetting all of his problem, feeling so grateful to finally listen to Sehun’s personal life. “Okay”

“I have feelings for him, since my childhood, for him, more than just a friend”

Tao’s eyes widened. So that is the main reason why Sehun never seem to be interested with others guy or girl than Luhan Ge. “Really?”

“You still don’t trust me?” Sehun rolls his eyes, trying to hide his blush

“Oh my God, you are blushing, Sehunna~” Tao giggling even louder, shaking Sehun’s arm like a child wanting an ice cream.

“, I’m regretting this already” he murmurs

“Did he know about your feeling, back then?”

“Nope”

“Why didn’t you tell him about it?”

“Why don’t you tell me how hard to do it, since you are failing on that one too”

“So tell me more! Do you still like him? Or- do you love him?” Tao shocked, did not expect that statement out of his own mouth

“You tell me yours and I tell mine, that’s our deal”

“No, that’s not fair”

“Why I have to be the one to tell my feeling and you don’t”

“Because I’m not sure, I don’t know, I’m confused, I think I’m going crazy, just kill me already” Tao speaks faster than he ever did, makes Sehun smile a little bit watching him like this.

“Welcome to real life, Tao.”

“I’m going to bed now” Tao gets up from his seat but Sehun grab his wrist and pull him back to his seat

“Damn, you think you can escape from me, you brat!”

Tao chuckle and hug Sehun to hide his embarrassment. “Sorry, Sehunna”

“Sit tight and tell me about your feeling towards Amber and Kris now, today, no more escape”

“I don’t know what to tell” he releases his hug from Sehun and rests his head into Sehun’s shoulder

“Okay, I’ll help you, just answer my question, which one do you miss more, Amber or Kris when they are not around”

“I miss them both”

“Of course you do, but which one do you prefer to see when they are not around?”

He thought about it all the time, way before Sehun asking him that, but he couldn’t figure out the answer. Or he is just being in denial all the time, didn’t dare to face the truth. He thought he missed both of them equally. He remember a couple days before, when he misses Kris so much that the ache of longing to be with him echoed through the very narrow of his bones. It was like a chill wind trapped in his heart. Time itself seemed too slow, that week felt like a month. He never knew that missing someone could take over every fiber of his being and wring him out like a wet sponge every day. It is a torment that he was unprepared for.

“Umh-I guess, I miss Kris ge a lot”

“So-“

“but that does not mean I don’t miss Ambi, I think I’m actually prepared for Ambi being away from me all this time, but Kris Ge, I’m not ready” Tao quickly interrupt Sehun and explain his answer.

Maybe Tao is a little bit old fashioned for thinking along with the stereotypes that who you are going out with is the only one. But he couldn’t handle it the fact that he is not helplessly interested with someone else, yet he didn’t want to end any of his relationship between him and Amber, and of course Kris. But Kris has chosen his way, away from him, what should he do? Pushing Amber away too?

“Sehunna, do you think I should talk about my future plan with Amber?”

“Yes, you should. Stop playing it safe, Tao. I don’t know how Amber would react about you and Kris, but I think she will understand it completely”

“She knew about Kris, he told her.”

“And?”

“She asked him to stay away from me.”

“I can’t blame her for that; she has every right to do it”

“No, I’m a little bit upset; she can’t control me, who I want to be friends with”

“Dumb” Sehun rolls his eyes, getting tired with the conversation that never finds its conclusion

“Mr. Smartass! I’ll go seeing her this weekend then”

“I’ll accompany you”

“Thanks, Sehunna”

-----

While Kris is sitting on the bar, he never been drinking for a long time, but it helps him a lot to forget all of his problems. Seeing Tao today and hug him so tight not even helping him to recover the feeling of missing Tao. All he sees is pain because seeing Tao’s tears hurt him the most. Maybe it is wrong to give up on him, maybe I should be an for once, and take him with me, away from this city; If only he could do that.

His ache is utterly terrible. He never felt physical pain from missing someone until that week. There’s a huge hole in his heart. Sometime it feels like a boulder in your chest and it weighs you down. He crave holding his hand so terribly, and just to be in his presence and look into his eyes. It was terribly painful.

He didn’t plan to drink that much that night, but he lost his conscious, waking up with monstrous headache trying to gain his consciousness. Forcing my brain to recall last night memories, nothing comes into his mind. He walks to the bathroom and start vomiting, the pain in his stomach felt like absolute death. He can’t even breathe.

Luhan ran towards the bathroom, patting Kris’ back slowly. “Oh my God, you are the worst, Kris”

Kris pressing the flush button, Luhan hand him the small pillow from their bathroom closet. He wipes his face and sitting down on the bathroom floor. Feeling so exhausted all of the sudden. 

“How old are you man? You shouldn’t strain yourself like this.” Luhan walks out from the bathroom and getting him a glass of water.

“I don’t know what myself got into, I just went out for a couple of glass of drink”

“A couple? You don’t remember anything?  The bartender called me to pick you out, God you were awful last night”

“Sorry for the trouble, Lu”

“I know your heart is broken, but that does not mean losing your mind, your dad call you this morning, luckily he trust me saying that you are going to campus today”

“Thanks”

“Come on, I’ll help you get up”

They both finally sit on the couch in their living room. Luhan sighed. He wants to meet Sehun today, asking him to go away for their first sweet escape to Nami Island. With the great view and fresh air, maybe he could talk with Sehun and finally getting his acceptance coming back into his life.

“I think I’m regretting my decision, Lu”

“Which one?”

“Walking out from his life-“

Luhan sighed; he didn’t know what to say anymore. Even if he says something, didn’t change the fact that it is already happened. And Tao didn’t ask him to stay either as he recall from his last phone conversation with Kris. That means either Tao didn’t have the guts to tell Kris about his true feeling or maybe he is just not that into him. Maybe it is all false alarms this whole time. There’s nothing he can do to comfort Kris this time. Maybe it’s time to face it, and teach him to move on with his life.

-----

Luhan waits outside the campus entrance, waiting for Sehun before he starts his tutoring job that day.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Sehun appear with his black coat and jeans, wearing his cap hiding his pale face. He watches Luhan tapping his foot impatiently from a far and running because he thought it was an urgency matter.

“Hi” is the first word that pops into Luhan’s mind. He is too happy to see this handsome creature in front of him. Greeting him like other normal people, is it too weird to be happy about that?

“I want to take you somewhere this weekend”

“I can’t”

“Geez, you don’t even know where I’m going to take you yet” Luhan grabs his hand, squeezing it a little bit, because he miss him, seeing him every single day doesn’t make the feeling go away either.

“No, I’m serious I can’t. I will accompany Tao to do his business this weekend”

“Where to?”

“Visiting his girlfriend” Sehun releases Luhan’s hand and folding both of his arms in front of his chest

“And why would you like to accompany him and being a third wheel?”

“He never take public transportation that far before”

“I’ll join you, can I?”

“You want to take a public train?”

“Why not?”

Sehun stop talking. He didn’t want to say anything regarding Luhan’s social stratification that are vastly different with him, now.

“Why? Are you underestimating me, sir?” Luhan speak a little bit louder than before

“A little bit”

“I will walk there, as long as do it with you”

“That’s plain stupid. Is that it? I have to go to my class for my tutor job”

“I’ll walk with you” Luhan put his hand on Sehun’s shoulder, making their body closer and keeping the warmth.

Slowly, a rosy scarlet color spread over Sehun’s cheeks. He quickly turns his head away, hiding his embarrassment. Damn. Luhan making it worse day by day.

What Sehun doesn’t know is that Luhan feels the butterflies in his stomach also flapping their wings to the beat of his heart. It is incontrollable heat that rushed to your face when you see that certain someone you miss. It’s the feeling of a thousand kissed on the lips, but never actually happened. He wants to express his love for him, looking at him in his eyes and saying it out loud and never take it back.

Luhan is a player before, but he never experiences any feeling like he feels right now, with Sehun. The fact that showing off his affection is a little bit harder than ever. It’s not as easy as his ex lovers. He would even kiss them on their very first date. But it feels very different with Sehun, just by looking at his face making his heart flutter.

“I can’t go to see on at your shop today, Hunnie”

“You should do something better than just sitting waiting for me to do my job”

“That is the best thing I can do!”

“The best?”

“Yeah, I want to filled my hours seeing you doing your activity, because I already missed it for years”

“Shut up” Sehun rolls his eyes, his heart thump harder, he swear he could punch Luhan in his stomach and make him stop doing the flattery

“See you on Sunday, I’m going to miss you Hunnie”

“Bye”

Luhan grabs his wrist, pulling him closer to his body. Taking a quick hug, making Sehun’s eyes widened because of the shock. They usually did that in their childhood before saying goodbye, but this is FREAKING different. They are now both adults, and surely standing in public area.

“What the fu-“

Luhan chuckle and waving goodbye to him without any guilt in his face “Bye, Hunnie”

--

“Oh my God, I feel like I am a child going out to a picnic with my parents” Tao whining, getting up from his seat in the waiting room of the station.

Luhan chuckle and happy because maybe he wants to be in that situation, going out for a family picnic with Sehun and their son, someday.

“That’s why I call you spoiled brat” Sehun randomly ruffles Tao’s hair, making Luhan a little bit jealous seeing all of his affection to Tao.

But he can’t complain, seeing Tao slightly happier than the last time he saw him. Although Kris is trying so hard to move on with his life, but he surely didn’t want to mention about Tao and going on a trip with him today, especially when he is visiting his girlfriend for sure. So he had to lie to Kris on this one.

“I didn’t ask you to come with me today, Sehunna!”

“Stop teasing him, Hunnie” Luhan pull Sehun’s coat and patting the seat next to him, asking him to sit.

“Hunnie? Oh my, that’s too cute for him, Luhan-ge”

“We have a childhood name, but he never calls me mine again” Luhan pouts, trying to gain his attention, and failed. Since Sehun seems didn’t care at all.

“What is yours, Luhan-ge?” Tao without any guilt pull Sehun from his seat and sat down among them, spreading both of his arms into their shoulder.

“Tell him, Hunnie!”

“I’m sorry, I don’t remember it”

“You are such a bad liar, Hunnie~” Tao mocking him while giggling, slapping his hand. Luhan can’t stop laughing either, looking at both of them mocking each other.

“You two are made for each other” Sehun tries to escape from them but Tao holding his arm too tight.

“Luhan-Ge, you should teach him to smile, it’s so sad seeing him with his straight face for years since I met him”

“I wish I could” Luhan said, looking at Sehun’s face attentively

“I don’t have to smile without any reason” Sehun speaks in defense.

“I want to be the reason of your smile, Hunnie” Luhan smile genuinely, looking at right-side of his face, getting a little bit stiff didn’t care about Tao’s existence between them.

Tao giggling hearing those words coming through Luhan’s mouth “Luhan-Ge, you are a trained player, aren’t you?” whispering to Luhan’s ear making him chuckle.

“What are you two whispering about?” Sehun watch both of them giggling and giving them a suspicious gaze.

“Umh-nothing” Tao gets up, gesturing that the train is about to arrive.

There’s nothing he can do inside the train, 2 hours trip seeing Tao’s head resting to Sehun’s shoulder, sleeping peacefully. Luhan a little bit upset because he missed his chance to spend most of his time with Sehun.

They took a cab to go to their meeting place. They choose to meet at the park this time. They arrived earlier before the meeting time.

They walk towards the park, they walk passed by the flower shop and looking at it thinking maybe he should buy for Amber?

“Sehunna, I want to buy a flower first”

“Okay, we will wait for you at the park” Luhan and Sehun continue to walk, finally Luhan has some moment alone with Sehun and didn’t miss it a single second. He finally linked his arm to his.

Tao is not happy another. His smile fading away. He suddenly feeling uncertain. What is going to do now? Meeting Amber? What to talk about? Their future? His mind filled with uncertainty, worrying about what might happen between both of them, after the talk that they have unconsciously avoided this whole time.

He chooses to buy a bouquet of white rose. He never gives anything special to Amber. He never do anything romantic with her. He walks outside the shop, walking to the park. Many golden hues form the color of the leaves that lay scattered all around. A child’s laughter rings out as he jumps on a heaped pile of discarded leaves. Many lovers walking hand in hand as they walk passing by the park.

A slight breeze whispers along the trees and teases more leaves into releasing their tentative hold. He walk passed by the children’s playground, with a sandpit, swings and roundabouts all being used to their full extent by the laughing youngsters enjoying the warmth of that day.

On the opposite side there are lots of colorful plants, their heady scent filling the air. As he walk further into the park he see benches, painted green to match the foliage, He saw Luhan and Sehun already sitting on one of them. Enjoying their sandwich and cool drink.

He stops walking. Taking a deep breath, savoring the freshness giving him peace and exhilaration at the same time. Such a great park, right in the middle of the city.

“A white rose, Tao?” Luhan raised his eyebrows looking at Tao who are standing in front of them, holding a bouquet of white rose.

“Yeah, why? It’s beautiful, isn’t it, Ge? I hope she likes it”

“Where is she?” Luhan asked

“Why are you being so impatient?” Sehun looking at him judgingly

“Just curious, that’s all” He put his big grin and innocent smile

“She is on her way. Sehunna, you two can go now; I can wait here, by myself”

“NO! I’ll wait for her to come here and then we’ll go” Luhan quickly responds to Tao

“What’s the matter with you?” Sehun asked, giving him his piercing gaze.

Lucky for Luhan, Amber arrived at the right moment. Well I’s not like he has any secret agenda towards Amber or Tao, but he wants to see the girl who stole Tao’s heart, thinking that maybe she is someone that special that can’t even be replaced by Kris.

“Hi, Guys!” The girl in front of them smiling, wearing a little bit boyish style of clothing. Wearing her black sneaker matching it with short pants and long-sleeve sweater.

Tao hides the bouquet of flowers behind his back, smiling awkwardly to Amber. While Amber is busy looking at the new person in front of her. “Hi, name is Amber. Who are you?”

“Hello, I’m Luhan, nice to meet you” Luhan smiles forcefully, okay maybe he doesn’t think objectively judging Amber by her appearance.

“I think it’s better to leave you two here, come on, Luhan” Sehun gets up, gesturing Tao to sit replacing him in the park bench. Pulling Luhan who are not willing to go. Sehun glared and Luhan forced to get up from his seat.

Amber and Tao sitting there, awkwardly. This kind of situation never happened between them. Tao didn’t mention any of his intention to meet her that day. Heck he didn’t even know what is he doing that Sunday meeting her, not just because he misses her.

“Ambi, this is for you” He hands the bouquet of flower, not even in a romantic way.

Amber widened her eyes, a little bit shocked; Tao never did anything like this before. She is so happy. “Wow, it’s beautiful, Taozi. Thank you” She took a quick peck to Tao’s left cheek.

“I’m glad you like it” He smiles genuinely, trying to composed himself and remove the awkward atmosphere between them.

-----

Luhan and Sehun walks hand in hand leaving the bench they both seated before, leaving Tao with Amber doing whatever they have planned. They both ended up walking towards the wooden bridges painted in maroon red and the pathways arranged in horizontal line neatly. The stop at the center of the bridge. Enjoying the view of the lake. Sehun resting his arm to the wooden railing.

Luhan immediately stops and join next to him. “How long have they been together, Hunnie?”

“I don’t know, they already been together before Tao met me”

“Childhood friend?”

“I guess”

“They both are awkward”

“We are awkward” Sehun still gazing at the lake, maybe it’s time to finally open up to Luhan. The right place and the right moment. Maybe after telling him his side of story, he will understand and God knows maybe he didn’t even want to be friends with him anymore.

“No, we are not” Luhan quickly entangling his arm to Sehun’s. “She is more like his sister to me” Luhan continue his judgment to Amber and Tao’s relationship making Sehun uncomfortable with the topic.

“Stop talking about them”

“Okay, you are right, we should talk about us” Luhan grins

Sehun feels more annoyed than before, okay, he thought he is ready, but when Luhan bringing that topic to his face, he is surely not ready to face this.

“You can’t avoid this forever, Hunnie”

“What to avoid?”

“Us”

“What about us?”

“You tell me”

“I have nothing to talk about”

“Are you sure? The last time we are talking about our past is when you are yelling at me, saying that you waited for me every day, waiting for my letter”

Luhan waits for his reaction but nothing comes out from his mouth, he keeps staring at the calm waters and enjoying the breeze caressing their hair.

“Hunnie, let’s come clean about our past and move on with our life, I beg you”

Sehun finally looking at Luhan in the eyes “what do you want to know?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t send you any letter for years, I’m sorry being a selfish jerk all the time, I mean, yes I forgot about you years after I moved out of town, I gets busy with my life, socializing and adapt with the new environment, new friends.”

“Go on” Sehun can see deep down in Luhan’s eye that the guy is really sorry and meant every single words that comes out from his mouth

“It took me I don’t know, maybe 3 years to finally realized that I miss my old friend, my childhood friend, I miss my Hunnie, I try to send the letter but it comes back saying that I sent it to the wrong address or names, I searched for your family, searching for the clues that you might be living somewhere else with your family, I find nothing, I even went to our hometown and go to your house, I’m a little bit upset knowing that you are not there anymore, I thought I would deny every single proof that you are still there, I’m sorry”

“Bankruptcy is the main reason why my parents deciding to moved away”

Luhan’s eyes widened. It is the answer to all of his questions, he whispers, squeezing to Sehun’s hand with their arms still entangling to each other “What happened?”

“I don’t know, my dad never explain it to me, I was just a child back then, and I didn’t want to ask it now either”

“So, that’s why-“

“That’s why I have to work my -off just to go to college”

“Don’t worry, Hunnie, I’ll help you with your financial problem from now on”

“No, I don’t want it. Besides it’s your parents’ money, Luhan. Be mature for a second”

“I’ll work; I’ll make my own money”

“Stop; stop thinking that life is all about money. I know I used to think the way you are now, but this experience changed me, I’m grateful with my life, knowing that life is not as simple as I have in my childhood, being responsible man with my own life taught me a lot”

“Yes and you changed, you are not the Oh Sehun I knew back then, he has this cheerful smile that can make his eyes forming a beautiful crescent-shape, I miss my old Hunnie”

“Sorry to upset you, but I’m not that child anymore”

“But that does not mean you can’t live happily with your life, Hunnie. Can you smile? Let me see your “New Sehun” smile” Luhan holding Sehun’s chin, pushing it to his face, waiting for Sehun to smile.

“I’m not crazy; I can’t smile without any reason”

“Just try it”

Sehun try to form a smile with his lips, in the end it only forming an awkward smile like someone stepping on his toe.

“God, that’s awful” thanks to Luhan complementary Sehun is back to his straight face.

“I told you”

“Hunnie-“ Luhan stop, thinking about what he is going to say next, is it too personal if I asked him this? Is it too fast?

“What?”

“Have you-ever-had a girlfriend?” Luhan ask haltingly

Why is he asking him this kind of question? Sehun thought. What should I answer? Is it going to be weird if I don’t have any relationship experience this whole time? Should I tell him that I’m not interested with women? And why this kind of question making my heart beating so fast, he is just asking this because he is curious, that’s all, stop flattering yourself, Oh Sehun.

“Is it weird to say No?”

Luhan did not think he would get an answer like that. gaped involuntarily.

“I take that as a weird” Sehun sighed, regretting his answer.

“No, No, No, Hunnie, not at all, but do you ever had a crush?”

“Yeah”

“Who is the lucky girl? Tell me about her” Luhan smile bitterly, knowing that his curiosity hurting himself at the end.

“It’s a boy”

Sehun’s answer makes little consolation, though part of him was jealous of the man who was not even mentioned by Sehun. Yes he is jealous with someone unknown.

“Oh, you like a boy? What happened?”

“You are asking too much question” Sehun try to act a little annoyed but the truth is he wants to avoid this talk before he mentioned Luhan’s name on it.

“No, tell me about him! I want to know every single detail about him!”

“Why it matters to you anyway?”

“I’m getting a little bit jealous” Luhan startled, covering his own mouth saying the sentence out loud.

Of course it wouldn’t really matter to Sehun, he knows what Luhan meant by that. He is always like that; he is a little bit possessive to his belonging. Maybe some part of him thinking that Sehun is still belongs to him. Sadly it’s not. Or is it?

“Stop acting like a child.” Sehun sighed; he is surely the other version of Tao, with additional stubbornness and chit-chatty side.

“I have a both girlfriends and boyfriends before”

“I didn’t ask” Sehun scoffed, he wants to cover his ear at that time, didn’t want to hear all of those words that are going to coming through his mouth.

“Tsk” I could hug him tight right now because of his cuteness, Luhan thought, but he shook his head trying to control himself. He didn’t want to do something stupid and ruined everything right now. But he wants Sehun to be part of his life from now on, trying to share all of his experiences, but he didn’t consider Sehun’s feeling. Yeah because he didn’t know that Sehun likes him.

He cleared his throat before continue, “My first girlfriend is my classmate from my junior high, she is sweet, but it’s just a fling, we didn’t last for long, then I met this boy who is a captain in our soccer team-“

Sehun clenched his teeth, trying to control the pain inside his heart, damn it, I didn’t want to hear any of that, he try to think anything, anything that can occupy his mind, trying to ignore all the words coming from Luhan’s mouth. He still continue with his story, he has lots of ex-es, damn it hurts so much thinking that Sehun is the one who are suffering all this time and Luhan is enjoying his life, every little bit of it.

Sehun didn’t notice that Luhan is almost finishing his love life story. Luhan is going to do it, his confession to Sehun. Sadly he didn’t realize that Sehun is already busying himself with something else in his mind. Ignoring him all this time.

“….and I just realized, it’s all just a fling, they make me happy, of course, but it’s only temporary, I need something to make me happy permanently, giving me the spirit to wakes up in the morning. It’s like a drug that you want more and more, but sometimes it can consume me and makes me lose my sense of rational, sometimes it makes me weak and helpless.”

Luhan sighed, didn’t even dare to look at Sehun, who are surely still ignoring him, flying inside his day dream, didn’t want to hear every single detail in Luhan’s love life. Luhan take deep breath, and he finally say it out loud, to the man who stand beside him, his confession.

“then I met this guy, the guy who work at the bubble-tea shop, I like to watch him work, I didn’t know that he is my childhood friend, I want him every single day, didn’t dare to say anything or even greet him. He didn’t say a word, but he noticed my existence at his shop every day, sometimes we even make an eye contact. I didn’t stop thinking about him when I got home. I think of that person more than often. I notice every little thing he do and remember every little thing he say, how his eyes giving me the cold stare when he is trying to act angry, even that can bring me so much joy. I’m so excited to get to know him even more, his life, his secret, his dream. I want to gain his trust and I want to spend my every second with him. He is always in my thought. I want to protect him from the world, I feel safe when I’m with him.  Then I realized, maybe I have a lots of exes before, but none of them ever gave me that kind of feeling. I keep denying it at first, but then I finally realized that, I’m deeply in love with that guy”

He is frozen, didn’t know what to do, all of the words that coming from his mouth he never intended to say that out loud, where is that long sentences coming from? He thought. He waits for Sehun’s reaction. Didn’t dare to steal a glance at him, but their arms are still entangling to each other. But he finally relieved been able to say the word that stuck in his mind all this time.

“Hunnie?!” He finally decided to start the conversation all over again.

Sehun startled back from his reverie. He didn’t want to hurt Luhan by saying that he didn’t pay attention to his every single words because it is too painful to hear. So he tries to act annoyed.

“God, can you stop talking?”

Luhan gasped, this is not the reaction he wants to see, or hear. Hell he didn’t care about any of that, he is a little bit angry because Sehun didn’t react the way he wants. But he didn’t hear any rejection too from the younger mouth.

“Fine, I’ll stop talking!” Luhan releases his arm from Sehun’s. He grabs Sehun wrist, pulling his body crashing to his.

Sehun widened his eyes, dumbfounded because of Luhan’s lips crashing into his. His lips touched mine. It was soft and it felt good. He didn’t reply his kiss; he is just too busy frozen and thinking that it was just a dream. I knew that sometime we would have to stop, but I didn’t push his body, deep down I know I didn’t want to end this. The kiss is sweet, unexpectedly and gloriously sweet.

Sehun could have died, right then and there, his wishes and his greatest goal in his life either vanished into thin air, or feel like has been answered and achieved. He wishes he could stop the time, and have this moment forever. He didn’t care about anything at all at that moment, just this right moment, touching his all-time crush, Luhan’s hot lips.

--

Without warning, Luhan touched Sehun’s pale pink lips to his. Bringing his hand up to cup his jaw the same time. He can see Sehun closes his eyes. His lips are stiff, as if they never had been kissed before. He pressed his body closer to him, tying his free hand behind his neck, Sehun didn’t reply his kiss, and he didn’t care. They molded together, fitting perfectly to each other. This is what he needed for so long. What he wants to do after all this time.

Their lips pull apart; a gentle breeze flutters over the flame extinguishing the desperate heat. Their breath comes out in short, desperate gasp. The rest of the world is slowly coming back into focus.

, I didn’t prepare for this. Sehun thought, and he didn’t prepare the moment after this either. What should I do? I’m so embarrassed right now. He didn’t dare to see Luhan’s face right now.

His mobile is ringing, he thank God and grateful because Tao is calling him at the right moment, so he didn’t have to face Luhan’s face and immediately grabbing his mobile on his pocket and picking it up.

Luhan staring at him, waiting for his reaction, but that stupid ringing phone disturbing his moment, he wants to throw the phone to the lake and let it be dead forever.

“We should go back” Sehun turn his body around, starting to walk away from Luhan. Luhan runs behind him trying to equate Sehun’s pace of walking. They both stay in silences on their walk back to the initial place where Tao and Amber met.

Deep down Luhan is happy, but he has to hold his smile, he finally did it. his confession after this whole time suffering and trying to chase Sehun.