Luhan's alarm annoys him too early in the morning. He snooze it up, trying to get an extra couple of minutes sleep forgetting all his plans going back to his home for his mom's birthday. The alarm accidentally turned off by his hand, and there he is, continue to sleep peacefully didn’t even realized that a couple of minutes turning into a couple more hours. A loud knock from his door startled him. It's Kris; trying to wake him up. He murmurs saying that he is awake now, trying to get up lazily, rubbing his back and scratching his stomach like it was itchy or something. He look at his deer shaped wall clocked, squinting his eyes to be more focused on the numbers. He is late, he is ing late. It's 8 AM. He jump out from his bed, running to his bathroom and take a quick bath. He is grabbing the clothes he was preparing last night, back shirt with black jeans and red hoodie jacket matching his red sneaker. He took his backpack, thankfully all set, he packed up his things last night, he say goodbye to Kris and running down the stairs to the parking lot.

He calls his mom, saying that he is probably going a little bit late to arrive way beyond he was planning to. There's no need to hurry, it's just a traffic, he thought to himself; stepping on the gas still with average speed.

He is looking at the stores when he passed the city, looking for cake shop to buy his mom her birthday cake.  He saw one and immediately park his car in front of the shop and buy their biggest birthday cake available that morning on the shop with triple layer of chocolates that his mom liked very much. He asks the store waitress to write his congratulatory message to his mom on the cake. He put the cake box behind the driver seat carefully and he should not drive clumsily today or the cake will be ruined. It will take almost two hours trip.

-----

As for Kris, he woke up early that morning, wondering why their apartment still quietly peaceful, he expects to hear noise from Luhan's early activity. Suspecting that Luhan might be late and falling asleep again. He groans and woke up and walked slowly to the door knocking at his door softly, nobody’s answer. He knocks it once again, a little harder this time. He heard soft murmurs from inside, and leaving the door.

He took his bath and finish cleaning himself for 30 minutes. He brushes his wet hair with the towel, walking slowly to his bedroom. Turning his head around when he heard Luhan’s door open and he is running fast to the bathroom, taking the quick bath, taking all his things in hurry, and saying goodbye to Kris without even looking at Kris face to face.

Kris sighed, he check his mobile phone, looking at the blinking led showing there are some notifications, he tap on the message icon and read two text messages from Tao. Tao informed him to delays his arrival because Amber is going to work overtime half day and they should go there a little bit late than they have planned before.

Kris knew that Tao is alone on Saturday, because his roommate is working. He quickly changes his clothes, grabbing his bag, filling it with his mobile phones, charger, wallet and his car keys; rushing to the parking lot and drives himself to Tao’s apartment.

He silently walks from the 2^nd floor hallway at Tao’s apartment, it’s empty, walking towards the familiar door, softly knock at it a little bit whispering Tao’s name. He waits for a minute but there’s no sign that somebody will open up the door so he decided to call Tao and telling him that he is waiting for him outside his apartment.

“Ge, what are you doing here this early? I already texted you about Amber, right?” Tao open up the door, looking at astonishing Kris wearing his white shirt and blue ripped jeans. Perfectly matched with his brown boots compare to himself who wears like a slob that morning.

“Good morning to you too, Taozi” Kris smiles. Tao pouted noticing that the older is making fun of him for sudden question about his arrival.

“Morning, Ge. Do you want to come in?”

“I’ll just stay here all day, of course I want to come in” Kris ruffles Tao’s hair, noticing that the younger is not taking his bath.

Kris enters the apartment, taking off his shoes and walking casually to the couch on the living room. It’s been a while since his last visit. He take a seat in front of the telly and spreading his both arms on the top of the couch. Looking at Tao who is standing in front of him, folding his arms in front and looking at Kris confusedly.

“What are you doing? Take a seat here” Kris patting the couch right next to him, asking Tao to seat.

“No, I should take a bath first. What are you doing here so early, Ge?” Tao move his feet to his room direction and stop, looking back at Kris.

“I want to take you for breakfast”

“So nice, I’m hungry too! Just wait here, Ge. I’m going to take a bath”

Kris can hear the water is running and a soft humming from the bathroom. He scans the living room; he didn’t notice everything from his last visit. He looks closely at the frames in the bookshelves near the windows. He can see Tao’s taking picture with “supposed” to be his parents, he see the next picture where Tao is running at the beach, the younger Tao, with the familiar face of a girl, Amber, laughing happily. The last frame, the biggest and newest one, obviously, Tao posing with Sehun, pinching Sehun’s right cheek while his other hand holding the camera. Sehun’s expression is not even amused while Tao seems enjoying every bit of that moments, smiling widely.

Tao’s open the bathroom door, the soft click sound makes Kris looking at the source of the sound. Tao head and eyes peeking out behind the door, checking on Kris, Kris notice that Tao embarrassed and quickly turn his head to look the other way, trying to busy himself looking at the bookshelf. Tao is running to his bedroom, quickly change to something that can match Kris’ perfection, well he found nothing. Of course he will choose his black t-shirt and his black skinny jeans. He took his mobile phone on his bed, putting it on his jeans pocket, grabbing his wallet and looking for the last time onto his final appearance in front of the mirror.

He steps outside his bedroom, walking toward Kris who is now sitting quietly tapping to his mobile phone’s screen.

“I’m ready, Ge”

Kris startled and put his mobile phone back to his pocket. “Oh, you look so hot in black, I love that”

“Stop it!” Tao can’t hide his flushed cheek and looking for his bag to avoid Kris’ strong gaze

“We will be leaving after our breakfast ok?”

“That’s ok. I mean we can go to the mall, right, Ge?”

“Sure, I heard from my friend about this great restaurant, I want you to invite Amber to have dinner with us there”

They both walking out the apartment, Tao making sure he locked the door properly, Kris waiting behind him, waiting for the right moment to hold Tao’s hand. Again. For the third time. He really misses that. He holds Tao’s hand quickly after Tao turning his body around and startled because of the sudden action from the older, but he keep quiet anyway, enjoying it inside.

Tao a little bit upset when Kris releasing his grip on his hand while they are walking down the stairs. But his heart pounding fast when Kris’ arm are around his shoulder, making their body closer than ever, he can even feel their ribs bone brushing to each other while walking. He can smell Kris’ cologne fragrance, the one he addicted the most about him.

While Kris is a little bit confused, bold move, he thought, laying his arm around Tao’s shoulder, but why he didn’t respond to my move? I mean he could move his arm around my waist too. Maybe he didn’t like it?

-----

Luhan arrived at his big white house, more like their family mansion, since his parents did not actually live there. They bought that house when his mom having some sort of illness that requires her to take good long rest and his father think it’s better to live in fresh area. His parents just stay there on holidays or for some family events. They lived in an penthouse in the city center to reduce his father time and energy going to their family company every day.

His mom greets him happily along with their loyal maid, Mrs. Kim, Luhan open his car’s door and gesturing to Mrs. Kim to take the cake from the seat behind the driver. He hugs his mom tightly; it’s been months since his last meeting with his mom. It’s not that he does not want to meet her, she is busy attending all these “socialites” event as Luhan recall.

“Mommy missing you so much, my han-han”

“I miss you too, mom, there’s a cake I bought for you for today”

“Thanks baby, your father will be here in a minute”

“Another meeting?”

“Yeah, you should have known him better”

“Aishh, it’s your birthday he should give it a rest for a day”

“Stop it, he is doing his best for this family, and look at you, my baby boy is now a grown man, come in, Mrs. Kim already cooked your favorites”

The high ceiling be slicked up by the decorative lighting, it all looks so fancy, and majestic. Double curved staircases standing strong in front of him as he enters the house.  He puts his bag on the couch in the living room, walking to the dinner table. Lots of food is served, it is a little too much food for just three people, he thought.

“Just eat the appetizers; we are going to have lunch as soon as your father arrived”

Luhan just nodded and eating the fruits cut in beautiful shapes.

“How’s your study, Han?”

“I’m going to submit it this week”

“Good, I’ve been planning for our trip to Europe this year, after you graduated” His mom sitting right next to him, massaging her son’s shoulder gently.

“Why don’t you go with father, just the two of you, you know like your second honeymoon, stop worrying about me, I can go to Europe another time”

“Why?”

“I want both of you to relax and enjoy yourself”

“We already have our honeymoon every day, darling” His mom gets up from her seat; slowly disappear as she enters the kitchen.

His father cleared his throat, intentionally, standing at the corner of the dinner table. It always been awkward between them. Luhan rarely met his father, not even getting enough affection from his father. His father is kind of person who does not show his love blatantly. His mother is the main fuse when they face awkward situation. His mother is like their bridge of communication. She can’t never leave them two alone together; it would be hours of silence and awkwardness.

Luhan startled and look toward his father who are standing there, holding his black briefcase, wearing his suits.

“Hi, dad” Luhan trying to break the ice between them

“Where is your mom?” is his father “first” question every time they left alone.

“In the kitchen, come here, sit down, dad, let’s eat” Luhan try to calm his self down, trying to control the situation, he is 23 years old for god’s sakes, and soon he is going to learn 24/7 from his father, he should been able to start communicating with his father without his mother’s help.

His father following his only son order, putting his briefcase at the empty chair and sitting in the corner of the dinner table. His mom appears with a bowl of soup in her hand. She smiles noticing that his husband and son trying to talk without her help. She moved faster, putting down the bowl of soup in the center of the table.

“Okay, let’s eat now” She said clapping enthusiastically after she kissed her husband’s forehead and take a seat on his right chair, sitting in front of Luhan.

His father rarely eats at home, usually he eats outside in some fancy restaurant with his business partners, meeting outside his office, for a better ambiance and some refreshment is sometimes need for business dealing. Leaving his mother hanging out here and there in her friend’s house and attending socialites’ event and gala almost every weeks.

His father eats faster, knowing that his phone is now ringing, but he didn’t want to answer any phone in front of his family, especially in their dinner table, he excuses himself after finish his lunch and walking outside the house while talking with the person on the other line.

Luhan sighed and put his spoons a little bit too hard on his plate, his mom knows that Luhan getting upset when he saw and notice that his father putting his work on his highest priority, again, than his family. “Shh, don’t do that, Han. He is just doing his best for this family” His mom trying to calm him down and shoving a spoonful of Chinese birthday noodle onto his plate.

“He always been like that, work is always his first priority, this is your birthday, mom.”

“Don’t get to hard on him, Han. You will know his burden someday, when you have a family, when you built your own family, you know you will work at your best for your family”

“NO, I don’t wanna be like dad, mom”

“Keep talking to yourself, just remember mom’s word, family is your best treasure, your dad told me that”

“Yeah, right” Luhan grab his spoon and continue to eat

“Han, have you got any information about our old friend, the OH family?”

“Sehun? No, actually I’m already forgetting what is he looks like mom, I mean it’s been years, I try to search for him, but nothing in result.”

“I wonder where were they going, I really miss Mrs. Oh, she is a good partner in my gardening event”

“I’ll keep trying to find them mom, I promise” Luhan chews his food and gazing at his garden through his windows, that’s true, his mom and Sehun’s mom is best friend back then, they are quite close.

-----

Kris and Tao already arrived at the train station, a little bit too late for their plan, they holding hands happily, walking next to each other. Kris let go of Tao’s hand, making Tao pout a little bit upset for sudden action of Kris, while Kris walking away from him getting in line in front of the train ticket machine.

He bought two of tickets, putting it back slowly to his pocket and start walking back towards Tao who are waiting patiently on the waiting chairs behind him and sitting right next to him, putting grabbing Tao’s hand, pulling him to stand, making Tao’s cheek blushing and hot at the same time.

“We should go now, Taozi, or we will miss the train”

Tao fallin asleep as soon as they sit on the train, sleeping on Kris’ shoulder, making Kris happy, and can’t stop smiling, does not even care people staring at him like he is crazy, he didn’t care at all. He put his arm around Tao’s shoulder, keeping him closed to him and holding him tight.  He wish he could have this moment forever, and able to kiss Tao’s forehead for his bonus.

He didn’t want to wake up Tao but he should since the next train stop is their destination. He shook Tao’s body slowly making Tao gasped and wakes up completely, knowing that he is not in his comfortable bed.

“Taozi, we have arrived”

Kris grabbing his hand, led him to the door once the train stop completely. They both are walking outside the train station, taking a cab to their meeting place with Amber. Tao laying his head on Kris shoulder, feeling so comfortable with Kris because Kris giving him permission to rent his shoulder for him for two hours in the train. Well, Kris does not mind, he can use his shoulder every time he wants or even in his lifetime. But Tao does not fallin a sleep this time, he keeps his eyes on the road. Holding Kris right arm tightly, making him warm, addicted to this warmness. It’s so comfortable.

“Thank you for accompanying me today, Ge”

“No need, Taozi. I’m glad I can spend more time with you”

“I never take a train before, I mean alone”

“Really? Are you afraid of getting lost?”

“Yeah, I got lost before, thanks to my mom who can easily spotted me in the crowded area”

Kris laughing finds it so amusing. Tao release his grib from Kris’ arm and looking at him, trying to look angry because Kris is teasing him.

“You like laughing at my stupidity, don’t you, Ge?”

“No, you are not stupid at all, I found it so adorable”

“Stop it!” Tao blushing and slap Kris’ hand uncontrollably

“Aw, that hurts!” Kris acts like it is hurt while it’s actually not.

“Thank you for lending me your shoulder too, Ge” Tao keeping his face in front, not looking at Kris because he feels embarrassed for saying that out loud.

“I don’t mind that either, I like it too” Kris showing his genuine smile, looking at Tao who is not looking at him back.

They both entering the restaurant, searching for Amber, she sits on the corner sofa, the most comfortable part that can be seen very clearly from their entrance. Amber waving her hand happily, calling Tao’s and Kris’ name.

Tao sitting right next to her, while Kris sitting alone in front of them. Just like the usual Amber, chattering about most things that happened in her life for a couple of weeks. Talking about her works, her boss and officemates.

“Finally I have some girl friends!” She shout happily making Kris laughing so hard since Amber he knew does not really a big fan for having a girl friend and a little bit hard to gain relationship from girl because she does not like the topic, usually fashion, she is not a fashion follower, not even make up, she is just pretty by being herself. It’s not that most guys does not interested with her, but she is always stated that she has someone special in another town, even though she didn’t say it out loud that special person is her boyfriend.

She has a couple of admirers in her college, but she never reply to their attention, not sure she is trying to be a faithful girlfriend for Tao or just because she did not really interested in them. Even a guy like Kris can’t have her attention, romantically.

“I’ll get you two the pancakes just a couple blocks from here and also, I give you two time to talk in private, I didn’t want to be a disturber” Kris gets up from his seat, leaving the two alone.

Although Amber is not sure about his feeling to Tao, she surely misses Tao every day in her life, not able seeing and hearing his voice frequently kinda stressing her out. She hugs him, tighly, after Kris walking away, she didn’t want to be seen as a normal girl, a normal girlfriend who loves doing lovey dovey with his boyfriend.

While Tao is a little bit shocked because of that; but he didn’t do anything to refuse it instead hugging Amber back, her short hair softly.

“What’s wrong with you? Do you miss me a lot, Ambi? Just admit it” Tao trying to tease his girlfriend, deep down drilling his brain thinking that he had that kind of hug before, in the train, inside the taxi, with different person, with Kris, and the feeling is surely different, he didn’t have a blushed cheek or his heart not even pounding this time.

“Yeah, I miss you my Taozi. Where have you been? You are surely spending greatly most of your time with Kris now.”

“You are the one who introduce him to me, and you said he is a great person”

“and what is your conclusion after you are growing closer to him?”

“Yes you are right, Ambi. He has a great personality, and it’s not my fault, I don’t want to disturb you from your work, since you are really busy with your work lately”

“I’m sorry, Taozi. I make it up to you later, Ok? I promise”

“Aishh, I’m not a child, Ambi. Do what you have to do, I’m fine” Amber releases her hug from Tao’s arm, looking at him closely with her innocent expression, this is the first time in her life that she wants to kiss that pinky bow-shaped lips of Tao’s.

“Ambi, wha-“Tao is looking at Amber confusedly, but he didn’t have much time to finish his sentence because Amber already crashed her kiss onto Tao’s lips. She put her arms around Tao’s neck, making their body closer, leaving no spaces between them. Tao kissing her back, without any hesitation, he misses her a lot too, he admit it.

She kissed him again and again, each kiss more intense than the last. Tao wrapped his arms around her when Amber pulled herself closer against him. Time was lost until they heard steps coming towards them, realizing they are kissing in public. Not that everybody inside the restaurant care about it. Amber quickly retreated from Tao’s embrace.

They both look at the waitress who surely does not know his place for disturbing their kiss and not knowing his cue for the best time to ask for their order.  “Are we ready to order, Sir? Mam?” He smiles genuinely trying to ignore the couple’s annoyed glare

“Yes, please” Amber move her hands from the menu and order the food followed by Tao.

It’s been 1 hour since Kris left, where is he? Tao talked to himself, starting to feel worried for the older. He took his phone, trying to contact the older. He didn’t answer or reply his text. Where is he? He take a look at the door continually every time the door is opened.

He finally comes back, with empty hands. His face is not as happy as before, something is wrong. He didn’t even look at Tao when he walks towards their seat. Tao a little bit upset for sudden change of the older behavior, but he keeps it for himself.

“Where is the pancake?” Amber laughing and wrapping her arms on Tao’s waist

“I forgot it, sorry I got lost” Kris answer coldly still trying to escape from Tao’s glare

Did I do something wrong? Tao asked himself, feeling worried and sad at the same time; he didn’t want his gege to be mad at him, heck he says that he will never be mad at Tao, what is happening? What is wrong? Please don’t be mad at me, Ge… Tao whispers to himself, starting to sweat himself because of his worries.

-----

Luhan rotating the doorknob on his hand, it’s so good to back to his old room, nothing has changed. He specifically requested to his mom that they should leave the room like nothing will ever change, because it contains of his childhood memories, well most of them are his teenager memories. He can even smell the fragrance that he growing up with, his mahogany teakwood drawer smells all over the room, just like the old days. He put his backpack to his bed, basically jumping to the bed, resting his sleepy eyes coz waking up too early this morning, according to him until he fell asleep, covering himself with his favorite soccer club bed sheet and blankets.

He wakes up several hours later, doing nothing but playing with his tablet, checking his social media accounts and chatting with his friend. He remembers his favorite soccer ball that has been signed by one of the famous soccer player in his country. He wants to take the picture of it, since he forgot to do it the last time he got back and Kris teasing him because he failed to show him one thing that he was proud of from his teenager experience.

“Mom!” He shouts as he open his room door, slowly walking down the stairs from the 2^nd floor. The house is always like this, feeling empty inside, because it is too big to be lived by 3 people, plus Mrs. Kim.

“What is it, Baby?” His mom peeking from the bar counter in front the kitchen area

“Where did you put my soccer ball that has a sign on it?”

“The one you got for your 14^th birthday?”

“Yes!” He shout enthusiastically

“I’ll ask Mrs. Kim”

His mom turning her body around and walking to the back, to Mrs Kim’s room. Luhan took a seat at the bar high chair and pour the orange juice that always been served there, besides wine and other alcoholic drinks.

“You should find your old things in the attic” His mom is back along with Mrs. Kim, who are gesturing Luhan to follow her.

“Where is dad?” Luhan asking his mom before finally training Mrs. Kim

“In the patio, I’ll be joining him later after I finished making the juice and the appetizer, and you should too”

Luhan just nodded, training Mrs. Kim’s step carefully, the woman is kinda old now, and she didn’t talk much as Luhan recall his memory. She was his family loyal maid.

“Here it is, Mister” She grabs the box dusty box, as a sign that the box were never touched by a human being for a long time. “I should clean it first, it is so dusty”

“No, you don’t have to, thanks” Luhan grabs the box, walking fast to his room.

He open the box, pulling out the items one by one, his first cap from his baseball team in his first junior high school, his collectible NBA basketball cards, all of his teenager things that has been forgotten for such a long time. He finally grabs the soccer ball, looking closely at the signed area near the bottom and smile like he won something and own the victory.

He take a look at the last items on the bottom of the box, the bracelet, the green bracelet, he is trying to remember it, what is it? Is it mine? He hold the bracelet, looking at it confusedly, he didn’t remember to own such things from his teenager life.

It was four thin knotted bracelets, it looks cheap. No, it was a handmade; this is made for him, from his old childhood friend, Oh Sehun. He made this special friendship bracelet for him, the day they finally separated, saying goodbye to each other. They promise not to cry that day, well, Sehun surely trying his best not to cry, and Luhan is the one who pats his back and saying that someday they will meet again, and Luhan is going to go back to his hometown, and find Sehun. But that didn’t happened the way it supposed to happen.

They are exchanging goodbye gifts for them to remember each other, each day. Luhan wears that bracelet for 2 years, after they separated, it was broken, when he plays soccer, and he didn’t know how to repair it, he put it on his drawer since then, and forgotten.

He gave Sehun a keychain, a deer keychain. His eyes widened. He is shocked, he remembers it now, the one that hanging from Sehun’s mobile, it is his gift, for Sehun, and he still using it. Oh Sehun that I’ve been searching on for years is the one who works at the bubble tea shop? That doesn’t even make sense, why would he work that hard, his dad is rich, just like mine. He thought.

His heart races, couldn’t hide his happiness, finally finding his old friend, his mom calling him from below, but he is too busy to answer it, holding the bracelet tight. Did Sehun remember me? Did he ing understand that I’m searching for him like crazy for years? Did Sehun giving up on him? Am I forgotten? He thought.

His mom opens the door interrupting his reverie. “What are you doing? Let’s go, your dad is waiting”

“MOM! I finally found Sehun!”

“What? Where?” His mom sitting down at the edge of the bed, looking down at her son who is sitting on the floor holding something.

“He attends the same college with me! Well I have to make sure of that first, I mean, I can’t even think straight right now, I’m too happy about this!”

He told his mom his whole story meeting this Sehun person, he didn’t tell her about his crush to this Sehun guy though, his mom is supportive towards his relationship, but he didn’t want to make things complicated right now, just make it simple as he wants.

“You should meet him tomorrow, Han”

“What? What about your birthday party?” Luhan gasped after hearing his mom instruction

“I know you too well, my baby Hanhan! You will not going to sleep tonight, thinking and curious about this whole thing, I’m okay, I have many of my friends visiting tomorrow, I don’t want you to sit here but your mind is going somewhere, it’s not what I wanted”

“No, I promise to behave like you wanted, mom”

“No, you have to find this Sehun guy, for me. Ask him for his mother, I want to meet her, I really miss her, Han”

“Find, I’ll do it for you, only for you”

“You are exaggerating, I know you want it too” His mom wink, now grabbing his shoulder and pressing it softly, gesturing that he has her support on this.

Luhan gets up, trailing his mom to the patio, meeting his dad, and start talking about their plan after Luhan graduated.

-----

Kris walks slowly, like he always do, holding a pancakes takeaway for Amber and Tao. He slightly smiles when the sun caressing his cheek that evening. He suddenly stops his foot, looking through the restaurant glass windows in the corner of the entrance outside. Not moving a single inch. Looking at Amber and Tao who are hugging happily smile to each other now. There’s a slight jealousy, he can feel it, and he is just stupid, thinking that he owns Tao because he is not. And it is Amber you are looking at for God’s sakes. You should stop being so possessive to Tao. He mentally slapped himself and ready to take a step and open the door.

But he stops, once again, with his mouth wide open now, his heart aches so much. He saw Amber kissing Tao, and Tao enjoying every moment of it, kissing Amber back. He dropped the takeaway, still standing there, while the restaurant guest is staring at him when they open the door and walk passed by him. He comes to his senses after a couple of minutes frozen in front of the restaurant door.

He picks up the dropped takeaway, hissed and throws it away to the garbage bin near the newspaper stall on the corner of the street. He sat down, sitting next to a stranger. He puts his palms on his face, covering his stressed face.

What is happening? Why Amber kiss Tao? Is there something going on with them that I don’t know? Are they in relationship? They are a couple? And I know nothing this whole ing damn time? Am I that stupid? .

He wants to scream right now; feeling so dizzy and disoriented. He wants to punch those street light poles senselessly. I am dumb, letting people to enter my heart, this whole time, and getting hurt, like the last time I open it to someone and ended up being hurt. He wants Tao explanation, not that Tao is the one who are responsible to this, no, it’s not his fault, he thought. He is the one who are ing stupid and thinking that Tao might like him back all this time. Maybe Tao only treat me as his brother this whole damn ing time. He gritted his teeth and clenches his fist like he is ready to punch someone really hard on their face. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm down his burning emotion, trying to think positive, although it is surely the hardest thing to do right now.

He gets up from his seat, calming himself and walking back to the restaurant. He didn’t want to see Tao’s face. He didn’t want to show this side of him to Tao. Even though he is angry as hell right now, he didn’t know who is the one to take the blame, he didn’t really sure whose fault is this but himself for being so stupid this whole time, hoping too much, having too much confidence.

“Where is the pancake?” Amber laughing and Kris took a gaze at her when she wraps her arms on Tao’s waist, the burning heart is coming again, his silent jealousy, it kills him inside.

“I forgot it, sorry I got lost” he answer coldly turning his head to the windows trying to escape from Tao’s glare

The three of them enjoying their meal, Amber who didn’t notice for Kris sudden change because she is too busy being lovey dovey to Tao. But Tao knowing every second of their meal is living hell to both of him and Kris. He just wants to end it up quickly. He didn’t want to put Amber to this kind of situation.

The three of them saying goodbye, while Amber pecking on Tao’s lips in front of Kris, It is so quick that Kris unable to avoid his eyes from seeing that kind of situation. It hurts so much knowing that he hold one sided interest to Tao.

They both are entering the cab ride to the train station, sitting far apart from each other, different view from this morning. Kris keeping his gaze on the moving view on his left window didn’t want to see Tao even a bit. While Tao looking at him confusedly, thinking what he did wrong that makes Kris ignoring him like this.

Tao can’t even sleep in the train on their way back to their city. Kris is sitting seats away from him, didn’t want to look at him, it is hurt so much seeing his gege turning cold like this. He wants to see Kris smile, hearing his chuckle and his embrace. But that didn’t happen at all.

Kris walks fast to the parking lot once they arrived. Tao having a trouble keeping up with the rhythm because he is so tired and sleepy. Kris opens up the car door and turning on the engine waiting for Tao to enter the car. Tao sighed, and enters the car slowly, fasten his seat belt, turning his gaze, looking at Kris sadly and holding back his tears that starting to struggle to fall from his eyes.

It’s been 10 minutes since they are sitting there in the car, silently. Tao finally have courage to open his mouth “Ge, why are you ignoring me?” He bits his lips, trying to stop his trembling voice

Kris didn’t answer, not even took a glance at him, just keep driving in silence, trying to busy himself up thinking about something else, his company, his thesis, but it does not making his heart aches away.

He parked his car on the parking area in front of Tao’s apartment, looking at his steering wheel without even blinking. “This is your stop, Tao” He whispers loud enough for Tao to hear it

“Why are you ignoring me?!” Tao starting to shout at him, grabbing Kris’ right arm and shook it hard

Kris brushed off Tao’s hand from his arm, accidentally looking at Tao’s face, the face that he keeps avoiding this whole damn time, it hurts even more watching his dearest Tao whimpers trying to control his tears

“I don’t want to talk about this, just give me a moment, now please you can go, Tao” He calm himself, trying to be the sane one in this kind of situation

“What are you talking about, did I do something wrong? Tell me, Ge! I’m sorry..” Tao bowed his head trying to control his tears even harder.

“I said I don’t want to talk about this!” Kris couldn’t control his voice, start yelling at Tao even he didn’t mean to do that in the first place.

Tao look at him with his teary eyes, and finally open up the car door and slam it hard, starting to walk away from Kris, making Kris feeling guilty than ever, trailing him and grab his wrist, holding it too hard

“Stop it, it hurts!!” Tao struggle to release his hand from Kris’ grip

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to..”

“What the hell are you talking about!!” Tao pushing Kris’ chest making Kris almost stumble behind

Kris lost his patience, he clenches his fist, looking at Tao fiercely “You really wanna know?! You really wanna know, Tao? Let me ask you a question, and please answer it with the ing truth, what Am I to you?”

Tao startled, looking at Kris’ face who are just inch away from him, grabbing his wrist too hard, but he didn’t even care about the pain, because his heart ache so much right now, but he didn’t know the answer of Kris question, he keeps looking at Kris, didn’t know what to do.

“You don’t want to answer it? Fine. Then let me rephrase the question to you, what is your relationship with Amber?!”

Tao closed his eyes, he thought that Kris might punch him that moment, but he didn’t, just yelling at him

“You don’t want to answer that one too, Tao? Should I make it clear to you? Are you guys a couple?”

Tao whimpers, closing his eyes again and slightly nodded.

Kris release his grip from Tao’s wrist, he he shook his head, he does not believe everything he thought before was true, it hurts like hell in his heart, he didn’t want to deal with this any longer, he wants to escape from this. “And you failed to tell me this whole ing time, Tao?!”

Tao open his mouth, trying to understand the situation “Why do I have to tell you such thing!”

“God, you are the most-“Kris stopped, he knew that his words might hurt Tao, and glad he can control himself at this situation, “Let me make this easier for you Tao, I LIKE YOU, I IN LIKE YOU! Haven’t you notice it this whole time? God!”

Tao gasped, he wasn’t sure about his reaction to Kris confession in this kind of situation. Kris regrets what he says immediately, it’s not the kind of situation he was preparing to deal with, and to make his confession to Tao. But what has been said can’t be undone, He take a look at Tao, who are still shock with his confession. He took a deep breath, trying to take the control again.

“Tao, I know it is my fault for not knowing your relationship with Amber-“

“I thought you knew..” Tao interrupted Kris’ sentence

“I should have checked on Amber and all of this can be avoided”

“You mean, you didn’t want to be friends with me, you have this intention the whole time?!”

“No, that’s not what I meant! You know that!”

 “Stop it! I don’t want to hear anything from you, Ge!” Tao cupping his own ears with his hands

“I don’t have this kind of feeling at first! It’s just happening to me without me even noticing it!” Kris trying his best to explains

“Why it is so complicated with you, Ge? Yes, you are right, maybe we should have never met in the first place!!” Tao’s yelling at him, once again but this time with his tears running from his eyes to his cheeks

“You didn’t mean that”

“YES! I’m regretting it all now! My life would be easier without you!”

“Stop it, you didn’t mean all of that!”

“STOP YELLING AT ME! JUST GO! GO AWAY FROM ME!” Tao squat, closing his ears with both hands, starting to sobs

“Fine, I hope you’ll live a happy life without me, Tao, I mean it!!”

Kris didn’t try to convince Tao anymore, he just had enough, and he is the one who hurt the most right now, not Tao. Why would he even care about Tao since he surely does not care about him from the beginning? He walks fast to his car, closing it with a slam and turning on the engine and leaving Tao crouching down there, alone, in the middle of the night, crying.

Kris droves his car faster, he should be the sane one, he thought, regretting all of his action, but Tao is being so pushy tonight, he should calm himself down first and ask for Tao’s explanation later, but all of it happening too fast and he can’t event control his emotion.

Tao is still crouching down at the parking area, the night is chilly, and he grabs his phone that rings, he saw the caller’s name, Sehun.

“Se-Sehunna-“ He sobs, hearing Sehun’s greeting on the other line

“Tao? What’s wrong? Where are you?” His voice turning into worries, thinking about something bad happening to Tao

“I’m in the parking lot-“

“Just wait there” Sehun runs, not even care to grab his coat, he running down the stairs, never been worrying about Tao this much, since they met.

He saw Tao crouching down, drowning his face in both of his arm. Sehun grabs his shoulder, trying to take a look at his face.

“Tao, what’s wrong?”

Tao lifted his head, his hair is a mess, his eyes are both red, and his tears ruining his perfect face. “Gege Kris..”

“What the is happening? What did he do to you?!” Sehun turns his head for both directions, trying to find any Kris existence.

“Gege, don’t go..” sehun turn his head back towards Tao’s direction, noticing that Tao is calling for Kris. Sehun shook his shoulder hard enough to make him realized the reality.

“Come on, it’s chilly out here, let’s get inside, okay?” Sehun help Tao stood up and led him to their apartment. Didn’t ask a single word to Tao, just trying to calm him down for current situation is the best thing that he can do. Tao might be spoiled kid, but he rarely or even never saw him in the state like this, sobbing hard.

 He led Tao sit in their comfy couch, still sobbing but not as hard as earlier. Sehun makes a warm tea for him, his back, and hold him close.

“What happened, Tao? Did he hurt you? I swear I’ll kill him the next time I see his face”

“No, Sehunna!”

“Then tell me what happened with you?”

“I bet you are never going to see his face again from now on..” Tao starting to cry again, feeling sorry and regret his action that night, he did not mean to hurt Kris, he’s just confused with himself, trying to figure out why his heart aches so much when he knew that Kris is hurt because of him, without him knowing it. So stupid of him.

He should have been aware of the intention of Kris from the start, his attention and affection to Tao. Kris is definitely seeing Tao and Amber kissing today. Tao finally realized. What about his feeling towards Kris? a friend? a brother? He still needs to figure that out, and stop being a denial jackass.

Sehun stop asking question, just hold Tao in his embrace, nothing to be said right now, he just know that he should been able to make Tao feel better.

Your eyes were too innocent for me to see

That you were planning on running me

I wasn’t prepared for your little show

Deafened by your smile,

I didn’t hear the “hell” in your “hello”

below my expectation T_T sorry