“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

-Mother Teresa-

“I know, Dad. I’m just having a day off. I’ll go to the office tomorrow, OK.”

“You should go back. I’ll be fine.” I watched Lydia as she stood on the balcony of my new apartment. Her clouded expression changed and she smiled.

“It’s not polite to eavesdrop,” she said and tucked her cell phone into her pocket.

I grinned sheepishly. “By the way, thank you for finding me a place to stay in such a short notice.”

“You’re welcome. You’ve met your family and friends, haven’t you? So, how does it go?” she said and sat on the comfy white coach in the living room. I followed her steps and sat in front of her. “Your MIA has been driving everyone into the edge. You’ve created a tsunami.”

I chuckled. “Everyone’s fine. I was just finding peace with myself.”

“Aha, and how does your parent reacted when you told them about finding peace with yourself,” she quoted at peace in the air.

“Dad was cool with it.”

She gazed at me suspiciously.

I breathed out sharply. “He threw rock at me.”

Lydia burst out laughing.

I glared at her and added. “…and mom, she shoved me loads of food just because she said, I looked skinny. I have to eat five bowls of rice until I can barely move to climb the stairs. I almost throw up on the dining table.”

Lydia continued to laugh and I rolled my eyes.

She chortled and she smiled at me. “Your parent was awesome.”

“Well, now you know where my awesomeness came from.”

She let out the last laugh and her expression changed. She’s serious again. “So, what are you going to do now? You’re still in love with her, aren’t you?”

I sighed and brought my hands to my head. The burden was too much to put up. “My heart was not a switch that I can just turn on and off just like that. Loving her was addicting…and missing her has become a habit. And how much I wanted to hate her….to stay away from her…at some point, I just couldn’t. She has become my drug. And it’s complicated, I couldn’t just quit because I said I wanted to….and…and I couldn’t just…find another girl to love and move on. I…I can’t. I mean…I don’t want…”

“You don’t want to forget her,” she said softly. Her gaze was smooth and kind. “You want her to stay as a part of your memories, a torturing memory that you want to remember forever. You wanted to keep hurting yourself by remembering her just because she’s the best thing that ever happened to you. And it doesn’t matter how much she’s hurt you, she’s your epic love and you wanted to continue to love her as long as you breathe. Even if, she’s not going to love you and someday she may fall in love with another and live her own happy life. She gets her happy ending. But, what about you? Don’t you deserve your happily ever after?”

I smiled weakly. “You knew me too well,” I commented chuckling. “I’m sure someday, I’m going to stop this…complication and live my own life. Fall in love again…having a family…”

“The only way to find another is to let go…and move on.”

I breathed in deeply. “I am letting her go. But there’s a part of me that seems to be reluctant to erase the memory of her. The cuts were too deep. It left a scar. And it’s hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.”

Both of us stared at each other and after a while, a knock on the front door echoed.

“I’ll get it,” Lydia offered and she walked to the door. The door flung open and a lady emerged.

“Yuri, come on in. I almost forgot our date today.” I smiled brightly and moved closer to her. “You look beautiful as always.”

She laughed quietly. “And you’re still the Lee Seungri that I remember. Glad to see you again.”

I grinned widely. “So, what’s up? You said you wanted to talk.”

“Well,” she began and took a step inside the house. “I wanted to talk to you…about Chaerin,” her eyes flickered to Lydia. “…alone.”

I felt myself trembling. I was not ready to really talk about her.

“I’m…just about to leave. See you later, Seungri.” Lydia grabbed her handbag on the couch and suddenly I felt weak. A foreign feeling seeped through my heart and I shivered.

Absentmindedly, I grasped her hand and whispered, “Stay.”

Lydia’s eyes popped out and I felt Yuri’s gaze was on me, watching us warily. I don’t know why but I really don’t want Lydia to go away. Her presence meant so much to me. Maybe I just don’t want to go through this alone. I needed a shoulder to lean when everything’s over. I needed someone to calm me, ho