“Fate controls who walks into your life, but you decide who you let to walk out, who you let to stay and who you refuse to let go…”

Going back to his house made everything cleared. It’s like I knew him better. As if I’ve been there in his entire life. Being together from the earliest time.

I felt him.

I could see through his mind and heart.

And I could see our similarity despite our differences.

He and I were two individual that seemed to resemble each other. How we saw the world had been determined by how we grew up. How we think and how we make a decision came from our experiences.

We’re both were two lonely souls.

And we’re both had erased our past just to have a brighter future.

And destiny, had brought us together, tangled in the game of fate and life.

 “That moment when you burst out crying alone in your room, and you realise that no one truly knows how unhappy you are because you don’t want anyone to know.”

Yuri’s nag echoed in my thought. And she was right.

I was afraid to face the world alone but at the same time I couldn’t trust anyone to stand beside me. My dark past teaches me to be careful with my heart. Don’t give it to anyone if I’m not sure they could keep it with care. And with that, I hid my heart, concealed it with a thick wall and built armour to protect it.

I’m afraid to be hurt.

I let out a deep sigh and continue to stare at the old photograph. A boy was smiling widely in his school uniform but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. I could see the sadness, the pain that he tried to conceal with a big smile. But he failed to fool me.

Because I’ve been there. I knew how it felt.

I just don’t understand why destiny allowed some people to meet when there’s no way for them to be together.

I fell in love with him. Not once, but twice. And we’re still missed each other. Maybe because we’re not meant to be together.

I don’t know how I didn’t recognize him in the first place. We were together for a year and yet, I’ve failed to know him.

Maybe because I was too coop up with my problem that made me oblivious of his name. I should’ve realised it when were married. The priest must have called his real name in the marriage vow but again, I was lost in my thought to notice.

Same thing happened when we signed our marriage certificate.

I’m such a fool.

I don’t even know the name of the person I’m marrying.

The moment my eyes caught his name on the divorce paper, my heart skipped a beat. I was confused. I mean, who is this guy? Did he had lost his mind and forgot his own name? Or I’m the one who was crazy?

And I rushed to his house to find the answer and the picture of a little boy in his room, sent a cold shiver into my spine.

He and that boy was the same person.

The boy was him. And he…was him.

Lee Seunghyun. Lee Seungri.

And Lee Chaerin, had just gone mad.

Stupid Seunghyun, how could you forget me?

Stupid Seungri, how could you lie to me?

And stupid me, how could you be such a klutz?

Stupid…stupid…stupid…

Seungri was gone and I don’t know if he ever coming back. Our time together had passed. And I have to accept the fact that we both were not belong to each other. He had his own life and I had mine. Our parallel worlds just don’t collide in this universe. Two straight lines that will never have a meeting point.

I’m late in realising his love for me and he went too far. Far from my reach.

Destiny had brought us together and destiny had broken us apart.

I’ve ruined both of us. And nothing could fix it.

I don’t want to chase him. I don’t want to rob his wonderful life from him. Jiyong was right. He’s better off without me. I couldn’t ask him to be with me when I couldn’t be sure to give the happiness he’s worth. I don’t even know if I could be happy again. Like when we’re still kids.

I’m not Lee Chaerin that I used to be.

And he didn’t need a sidekick, a partner in crime. All he needed was a lover, a friend, a life companion and I’m afraid I couldn’t fit the bill.

Maybe it’s true, he’s well off without me.

And the feelings that I felt for him, I buried deep down in my heart.

And I let him go...

Today was Ha Yi’s first birthda