“Why am I afraid to lose you, when you’re not even mine?”

People always said that they are afraid of the dark but we always knew it’s not about the darkness; it’s about what’s in it- the uncertainty that makes us afraid. And that’s rule was applied to me- I was afraid, of my uncertainty. I don’t know the future; I don’t even have the power to unveil the secret.

But something I was sure of...

That I’m running out of time.

Chaerin was still not in love with me. The last time I checked, we were still in the phase of throwing each other hurtful remarks.

Lydia said it’s not about make her falling for me; it’s about making her realize that I was the right choice to be with.

Isn’t it the same thing?

If she falls for me, then she will be with me, right?

“You have to make her choose you, make her see the reasons. Not force her to make the decision.”

Lydia’s voice echoed again as I draining the alcohol into my system. Getting drunk in the house was definitely better than getting wasted in the club. I had the lights out and I sat in the blackness of the living room, trying to mend my broken heart from the forlorn attempts.

I inhaled deeply.

Chaerin still hadn’t open up her heart for me. How can she do that when her heart still filled with somebody else?

My heart cringed in agony.

Until when will she wait for him? It’s not that he even cares about her. I’m the one who care, I’m the one who love her and I’m the one for her, why didn’t she see that?

I slurped another shot from my glass. The scotch tasted like water- plain and bland as I’d consumed too much.

I’d slumped in my living room since I got back from the office, recoiled into tormenting memory of rejection and hopeless endeavours that I’ve made weeks ago. Fell into unconscious trance as I sat against the couch.

I was exhausted and lost.

I tried to make her sees reason, but at the same time, I’m losing mine.

Why do I have to wait for her? Why do I have to love her? And why do I have to suffer?

I groaned inwardly.

Love makes me weak and love makes me strong. Both were the opposite consequences that made me feel out of my mind recently.

I heard the crack of the door and I turned around lazily. Chaerin has arrived from work with fatigued face and heavy shoulder. Her arms clasping her coat and her handbag. I stood up and swaged to her with a glass of alcohol in hand.

“How was your day?” I muttered drowsily, staring at her widen eyes. She appeared to feel shocked due to my sudden cosplay of a drunkard, still in my white shirt and grey pants. My coat was stuck under the coffee table. And I never had an urge to retrieve it or change my clothes. I don’t even have the urge to do anything except weeping and make myself drunk.

She sighed. “Tiring.”

I smirked. “Do you need anything? I could lend a shoulder…”

“Scotch,” she said firmly, grabbing the glass from my hand and drink it swiftly.  She handed me back the glass with a sly grin plastered on her face.

Smiling, I took her hand and dragged her into the living room. “Come, I’ll make you drunk and you can tell me everything about being tired.”

She scoffed lightly and sat beside me on the floor, leaning her back on the couch. “You’re wasted, Seungri. And I don’t want to be drunk with you. We’ll never know what will happen if we lose control of ourselves.”

I smiled bitterly.

“There’s nothing going to happen, Chaerin. I promise. I’ll just be a good listener and we’ll be, two best friends talking over a drink. That’s all.” I poured another drink and handed her the glass.

She breathed out sharply. “Fine,” she uttered and took the drink. She held it close to her knees as she folded her legs and crushed it to her chest. “It was nothing actually. Just…endless work.”

I scoffed. “Yeah, tell me about it. It’s not like we will be alive for another thousand years, so why we have to work our off likes there’s no tomorrow?”

She smiled into the darkness and gulped her drink.

“And how was your day?” she asked.

“Slow,” I said and glanced up to her. “I was impatient to see you.”

She laughed her chiming laughter. “You did it again.”

“What?” I inquired puzzlingly. What did I do that make h