~*~

Chapter XX

Whisper with the winged angels

4월 25일

About a week later, the six members of Infinite entered Myungsoo’s hospital room.  Myungsoo was still weak and unconsious.  There was an oxygen mask covering his nose and mouth and wires leading off of his chest to machines that monitored his heartbeat, blood presure and something else that Sunggyu wasn’t so sure about. 

“Hey, Myungsoo-yah,” Sungyeol said so softly and tenderly that it made Sunggyu want to cry.  “We’re all here and wondering when you’ll wake up.  Wake up please…”

“Hey, you shouldn’t speak like that,” Woohyun said, his tone nearly scolding.  “If you want Myungsoo to wake up, you need to smile so he can get the strength from you.”

Sunggyu laughed and so did Dongwoo and Sungyeol, their laughter dying down quickly.  “Okay, we’ll talk about fun things then,” he said, sitting down in the chair.  They all drew up chairs around Myungsoo’s bed, determined to wait until Myungsoo woke up. 

Suddenly a few hours later, quietly, Myungsoo started to mumble.  Sunggyu looked up surprised, reaching out for Myungsoo’s hand.  “Myungsoo-yah?” he asked, hoping that his voice would help.  “What is it?”

But Myungsoo was still unconsious, but closer to waking than he had been in the past week.  Myungsoo’s brow furrowed a little bit as he frowned and tried to speak again.  “Hal… halabeoji…”

The six of them looked at each other, scared and confused. 

“Myungsoo’s grandfather,” Sungyeol finally said.  “he… died.  Didn’t he?”

~*~

It was cold, Myungsoo felt as if he would never become warm again.  The whole world was dark and cold.  There was no way that he could tell whichway was up or whiche was was down.  Myungsoo remembered from the last time, he remembered hearing someone calling him from the distance, calling him back home, but this time, he couldn’t hear anyone. 

The world was silent and cold.  Myungsoo tried to reach up and call for anyone, not wanting to be alone in that dark cold world. 

“Sungjongie?  Woohyun?” he called out.  “Sungyeol? Hoya?  Dongwoo-hyung? Sunggyu-hyung?  Where are you?”

“Myungsoo-yah…”

Myungsoo turned around and saw a farmiliar person standing behind him.  He rushed up to him and threw his arms around the other’s waist, gripping tightly.  “Halabeoji!” he said happily, hugging his grandfather as tightly as he could. 

His grandfather laughed and lifted him off the ground, just like he did when Myungsoo was a little boy even though Myungsoo was taller than him.  Myungsoo grinned happily, but it hurt so much to see his grandfather, his father’s father, standing there.  He could remember when he was in grade nine, his grandfather had come down with shingles and had died a few weeks after he was diagnosed. 

“I miss you so much,” Myungsoo confessed.  “I miss you so much.”

“Me too,” his grandfather said, patting the top of his head.  “I miss you, Moonsoo, your mother and father and your grandmother so much.”

“Can't you visit us again?” Myungsoo asked as he let go. 

“Myungsoo,” he said sternly.  “Remember your mother told you, I’m not going to visit you, I’m dead.”

Myungsoo winced at his grandfather’s frank remark, but he could remember when his grandfather died, he would insist that he wasn’t dead and that he was going to come back to visit soon.  His mother had told him firmly that his grandfather was dead and the only time that he’s going to see him again is when he was ready to.  With a soft smile, she wrapped her arms around him and told him that it wouldn’t be his time to go for a long time, but his grandfather would be watching over him as he grew up. 

“Why are you here?” Myungsoo asked, suddenly scared that he was going to take him away.  “Am I dead?”

His grandfather’s laughter filled the air as he brushed back Myungsoo’s hair.  “Don’t worry, Myungsoo.  It’s okay, you’re not dead.  Not yet.”

Myungsoo looked up at his grandfather, feeling lost.  “What do you mean?”

His grandfather took his hand and led him towards a door.  “It’s not your time yet, there’s a spot for you here, but it’s not your time.”

Myungsoo felt tears pooling in his eyes.  “Halabeoji…  Let me stay with you.” 

He wrapped his warm and strong arms around Myungsoo’s shoulders and dropped a gentle kiss on the top of his head.  “I’ll be here for you.  Don’t worry.  Come back when you have said your goodbyes and you are truly ready to leave.”

Myungsoo hugged him tightly, feeling the tears starting to fall down his cheeks.  His grandfather reached out and wipped away the tears running down his cheeks.  Myungsoo looked up as his grandfather gently cleared his face of tears. 

“You should go now, Myungsoo,” he said gently. 

This time, Myungsoo nodded shakily.  His grandfather smiled and opened the door for him, letting in the light from the other side.  “Tell your grandmother and your father that I still love them and tell Moonsoo that I’m proud of him.”

Myungsoo nodded slowly. “Halabeoji?”

His grandfather smiled and nodded, telling him to continue his thoughts.  Myungsoo closed his eyes, not wanting to see his grandfather’s warm gaze, it was too painful to see. 

“I…”

He placed his hand on his shoulder.  “It’s okay to be scared, it’s okay to be hurting too.  You have your family around you.  Now, hold your head high and go home.”

Myungsoo smiled and hugged him once more.  “Thank you, Halabeoji.” Myungsoo felt his warm hand on his head and suddenly he was 15 again;  a free spirited young boy, ready to take on the world. 

“I’m so proud of you, Myungsoo,” his grandfather whispered in his ear.  “I’m so proud.”

He laughed shakily and tried to wipe away the tears that streamed down his cheeks.  “You’ll be waiting for me?” he asked.

His grandfather nodded, placing his warm hand on his cheek.  “I’ll be waiting.”

Myungsoo closed his eyes and just for a second, wished that he could stay there with his grandfather, just so that for a little while longer, he could feel like he was young and had nothing to worry about. 

“Go, Myungsoo.”  His grandfather pushed him towards the door again.   “Don’t keep your family waiting.  I imagine that your friends, Sunggyu, Dongwoo, Woohyun, Howon, Sungyeol and Sungjong, don’t like to be kept waiting either.”

Myungsoo smiled.  “They don’t, they’re really impatient.”

His grandfather laughed.  “Then go, don’t keep them waiting.”

He smiled again and nodded.  “Bye, Halabeoji.”

“Bye, Myungsoo.  Go home now.”

Myungsoo nodded and stepped through the door.  He turned around and smiled once more at his grandfather.  His grandfather smiled at him once more and waved.

Then the door closed behind him, leaving him alone.

But he wasn’t alone, he could hear someone calling to him. 

Myungsoo knew that he needed to head home.  So he started walking, following the voices home.

~*~

“I’m going to go get some coffee,” Sungjong said quietly. 

Without another word or a glance back, he hurried out of the room and a short way down the hall to the coffee vending machine.  Placing a couple of won into the machine, he stared at the coffee machine as it slowly made the coffee. 

It hurt so much to see Myungsoo so weak and pale in the bed, knowing that only a few days ago, he had been smiling and wide awake with them.  Sungjong leaned against the wall and ran his fingers through his hair, trying not to let the tears escape his eyes. 

“Oppa.”

He jumped as a little voice came from his knee hieght.  A small girl was looking up at him, carefully holding out the coffee that had finished vending. 

“Oh, thank you,” Sungjong said, taking the coffee from the girl.  “What are you doing here?”

The little girl pointed down the hall.  “My unnie is here,” she said.  Suddenly, she hugged him around his legs.  “Oppa, stay strong.  L-oppa is strong for you, be strong for him too.”

Sungjong closed his eyes as the little girl’s words sliced through his heart.  When he opened them again, the little girl was gone.

“Sungjong-ah…”

He looked around and saw Hoya coming up behind him.  “Hey, hyung, I was just getting the rest of you coffee too-”

“Sungjong, you need to stop avoiding Myungsoo.”

“I haven’t been doing that,” Sungjong protested as they walked down the hall to Myungsoo’s room.  “I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Sungjong.”  Hoya stopped him as they entered Myungsoo’s room.  Gently, he rested his hands on Sungjong’s shoulders, forcing him to look at him.  “I know it’s hard and difficult, but you need to go see Myungsoo.  He needs you and as much as you don’t want to admit it right now, you need him too.”

Sungjong looked down, feeling his cheeks burning with near shame.  “It’s… just so hard…”

Hoya gently steered him to the chair beside Myungsoo’s bed and forced him to sit down in it.  “Talk to him, Jjongie.  It’ll be better.”

Sungjong tried to avoid looking at Myungsoo, but then Sungyeol threatened him with, “If you don’t talk to Myungsoo, I’m going to destroy your pretty face.”

He half laughed, but tears were stinging his eyes as he finally looked at Myungsoo. 

“Hyung… you look so pale,” Sungjong whispered.  “Have you been working to hard inside?  Jungyeop-nim hasn’t let you have a break yet?  I remember you said that you wanted to go and take some more photos some time soon.  Can I come with you?  I miss you so much, hyung, I didn’t mean to aruge with you, I didn’t mean what I said…”  He trailed off, looking at Myungsoo.  His shoulders sagged as he realized a bit more that he wasn’t listening, that he wasn’t awake.  Sungjong pulled his chair closer to Myungsoo’s bed and gently brushed back his hair.

“I just saw a little girl, hyung, she told me that you were strong and I should be strong for you too, how can I be stong when you aren’t there to help me?  I hope that you can hear me, Myungsoo.  It’s about time you get up, isn’t?”

He closed his eyes again and rested his hand on Myungsoo’s cheek.

“Wake up, Myungsoo.  Be with us again, sing with us again, be Infinite with us again.  Wake up, Myungsoo-hyung…”

There was no reply except for the steady pulsing of the heart monitor.

Sungjong gently brushed his cheek with his thumb.  Myungsoo looked so peaceful…

His face blurred with tears.  Sungjong brushed away his tears quickly, but they kept on coming.

“I’m sorry for crying, I don’t want to cry.  If I do cry, I hope it’s because I’m happy, because something good is going to happen.  Please, hyung, wake up so that I’m not crying for anything…”

Sungyeol rested his hand on Sungjong’s shoulder and Sungjong turned around to hug Sungyeol tightly.  Sungyeol wrapped his arms around Sungjong’s shoulder and he felt some of Sungyeol’s tears fall onto his head.  He could hear Woohyun trying to quiet down his own tears and Dongwoo comforting him as tears no doubtedly ran down his cheeks as well.  Hoya coughed loudly, though Sungjong could hear the tears choking Hoya’s throat as well. 

Sungjong softly started humming a song to Myungsoo, tears falling down his cheeks.

I stood upon a hill,

Stared up into the blue sky,

And drew a lovely person from my heart.

All the times that they spent together as the seven of them came flooding into Sungjong’s mind.  All the times that they laughed together, they cried together, they had fun together along with all the late nights, the arguments, the fights that they had.  Because all of those memories made them who they were, the memories made them Infinite.

I want to fly up to the ends of heaven,

Hug the breeze in the air,

And whisper with the winged angels.

“Hyung… wake up please…”

~*~

Myungsoo felt nothing.

Nothing.

There was a tightness in his chest, suffocating him.  Pain hovered on the edges of his mind, but was kept back by a warm force, holding it back, protecting him as he lay there, weak as a baby. 

He tried to think back to the last thing he remembered before the darkness, but the only thing he remembered was phantom voices telling him to breathe.

It had been such a long time since the first time that Myungsoo woke up in the hospital, the time that he was brought to the hospital because of pneumonia.  At the time, it had seemed like a big deal, it was the first time in a long time that any of them had to go to the hospital because of illness.  Now, it seemed so small and so insignificant, but it was the beginning of his whole journey. 

Myungsoo could remember the day he collasped on the stage so clearly as if he was there again.  It was a memory that he didn’t like to remember, Myungsoo could always hear the echo of Infinite’s calls for him and how he failed to answer them for the first time. 

The time he had on Earth seemed too short when Dr. Song told him that he had lung cancer.  It hurt to think that the thing that was keeping him alive, his lungs, were the same things that were slowly killing him. 

Nothing hurt as much as telling Infinite that he was going to die in seven months and he knew that it hurt them even more on New Year’s Eve when Myungsoo threw up blood and was rushed to the hospital.  It took a long time, but Myungsoo was back up on his feet until February when he collasped again. 

When Myungsoo got back up onto his feet, he only had three more months to live with the lung cancer.  Still, every day, Infinite and his family would be right beside him, trying to help him every step of the way. 

It hurt when Myungsoo could only hear silence.  It reminded him that he would soon hear nothing, that soon, he would be dead.  The darkness scared him so much as he tried to fight his way back to his family.

Slowly, he fought off the darkness, the whispering hands coaxing him to sleep for a little while.  Even if it was only a little hope, only a little pin-prick of light, he still held on as tightly as he could, hanging onto the only thing that was holding him to life, to his family, to Infinite. 

Myungsoo looked up weakly as the silence was broken with a lovely sound.  Where there was once silence, there was a voice, a soft beautiful voice, singing to him and slowly coaxing him back up to his feet.

I stood on a hill,

Stared up at the blue sky

And drew a lovely person from my heart.

Some day, some where down the road, you will wake up and find that all you have left are a handful of time, a heart full of goodbyes and your brothers by your side.

Maybe that day will come, and you’ll feel like it’s too soon.  All you got to do is hope that you have your brothers by your side.

I want to fly up to the ends of heavens,

Hug the breeze on the air,

And whisper with the winged angels.

The darkness was pushed away with a bright light and a warm hand reaching out for Myungsoo.  He reached out and took it, holding onto it tightly. 

“Myungsoo?”

He felt a hand on his forehead and let out a slow breath, trying to gain enough strength to pull himself out of the darkness. 

“Myungsoo, wake up… come back to us…”

The words were enough for Myungsoo to find the strength to push away the rest of the shadows. 

Slowly, Myungsoo opened his eyes.  His eyelids felt heavy, but he pushed them open.  He knew that some day soon, he might not be able to open his eyes again, but today, he was still there. 

The bright sunlight streamed through the opened window, bathing everything in a sharp white light.  He heard people moving around beside him, their excited and worried voices melding together through the roaring in Myungsoo’s ears. 

“Myungsoo?”

“Can you hear us?”

“Someone go get Hyeji!” 

“Myungsoo, are you awake?” 

Someone was hovering over him, Myungsoo could barely make out Sungjong’s distinct features and found it warm and comforting that Sungjong was so near by.  He felt too weak to do anything except for stare at Sungjong, hoping that the darkness wouldn’t take him away.  Myungsoo could tell that Sungjong’s lips were moving, saying something, but he couldn’t hear Sungjong’s voice.

Something cold and wet landed on his cheek, joining the dampness on his own cheeks that he hadn’t realized was there.

Was it raining?  He wasn’t sure.

“Myungsoo-hyung… can you hear me?  If you can, stay strong, hyung, come back home to us soon… Myungsoo… we all love you so much, the hyungs and I love you.

“Come back home to us.”

Myungsoo tried to nod, wishing that he could do more to comfort Sungjong, tell him that he was still alive, that he was still breathing, that he was still fighting.  Myungsoo was afraid that if he let the darkness take over again, he wouldn’t be able to see any of them again. 

But he knew one thing: Infinite would be beside him every step of the way. 

Slowly, he let out a weak breath, and said the only words that could pass through his lips. 

“I love you too…”

Myungsoo let go of reality and floated away again, falling through the air.

Falling into… 

~*~

동산 위에 올라서서 파란하늘 바라보며

I stood up on a hill, stared up at the blue sky

천사얼굴 선녀얼굴 마음 속에 그려봅니다

And drew a lovely person from my heart

하늘 끝까지 올라 실바람을 끌어안고

I want to fly up to the ends of heaves, hug the breeze in the air

날개 달린 천사들과 속삭이고 싶어라

And whisper with the winged angels.

~*~

~End~

~*~

Waiiiiiiiit~ 

Even though it's the end, the story is still not finished!  

I just wanted to leave you guys here.  Hahaha. 

There's going to be an explanation for this!  I promise!  

If I get comments, subscribers and upvotes, I'll update tomorrow~  I'm really excited to know your reactions so please comment a lot!  

Annnyeong! *disappears down rabbit hole* 

Happy Holidays!

Have fun with your family and friends.  

Stay safe and warm!