~*~

Chapter XVIII

He needs to come back…

4월 12일

Sungjong and Myungsoo were hanging out together in Myungsoo’s hospital room when Sungjong’s phone buzzed with a new text.  Sungjong looked down at his phone and shook his head, putting it back down into his lap. 

“Who was that?” Myungsoo asked. 

“Sungyeol-hyung.  We were going to go out for dinner.  Sungyeol was asking if I was coming or not.”

“Are you going?” Myungsoo asked. 

“I was planning to stay with you instead-”

“Sungjong,” Myungsoo lifted himself higher onto the bed.  “You should go.  Just go, okay?”

“Why?  I want to hang out with you instead of the other hyungs.”

“Is it just because I’m going to die in a few months?” Myungsoo snapped.

Sungjong stared at Myungsoo.  “Bu…”

“Sungjong!  You need to know that I’m not going to make it.  Dr. Song said that I’m going to die soon, it’s not going to work if I leave you alone wanting to hang around with me because in a few months, that’s not going to happen.”

“Hyung.  You promised that you would come back.”

“Everyone lies, Sungjong.  Everyone does.  So stop believing in everything.” 

“If I shouldn’t believe in everything, that means that you won’t die, right?”

“No!  I’m going to die, Sungjong!  I’m going to die soon!” 

Sungjong glared at Myungsoo and grabbed his bag from the floor.  “You know what, hyung?  I don’t care.”  Sungjong stomped out of the room without a glance back. 

“Lee Sungjong!  Come back here!”  Myungsoo threw back the covers and went to stand up, but stopped as the IV line in his hand stopped him.  He cursed and tried to unhook himself from it. 

“Myungsoo!  What are you doing?” he looked up as his mother came into his room, grabbing on his wrist, stopping him from pulling the IV out. 

“Umma, where did Sungjong go?” Myungsoo asked, trying to shake off her hand.  “I need to talk to Sungjong.”

“He just left, so sit down, I’m sure that he’ll be back later.”

“No!  Umma!  Let me go!  I need to go to find him!” Myungsoo yelled.  He managed to pull his hand out of her grip, but without her support, he fell down to the ground, his legs were too weak to hold him up. 

“Myungsoo!  Just get back to the bed,” his mother said gently, pulling him back to the bed. 

He squeezed his eyes together tightly, trying to calm his racing heart.  “Umma, I messed up,” he said quietly.  “I wasn’t supposed to say those things, I didn’t mean to say those things, why did I?”

His ranting cries were cut off as he suddenly started coughing.  Even after a couple of moment, he couldn’t stop coughing.  The coughing seemed to be endless.  There were a few things that Myungsoo hoped would be endless, like his life or Infinite, but the one thing that he never wanted to be endless was the uncomfortable feeling in his chest and the coughing.  Myungsoo held a hand to his chest as a cough racket its way out of his chest again.  He felt as if he coughed any harder, he would cough up his lung too. 

“Myungsoo, are you okay?” his mother asked, resting her hand on his head, gently calming him down. 

He nodded, coughing again, his breath rasping in his throat.  “I’m okay, Umma.”

She gently rubbed his back.  “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am!  You don’t need to ask me that over and over again!  I’m fine!”

As soon as those words left his mouth, Myungsoo regretted it, clapping a hand over his mouth to prevent other words from leaving his mouth.  “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Umma, I didn’t mean it like that,” he said, his eyes wide at what he had said.  “I didn’t mean it like that…”

But his mother smiled and patted his head.  “I know you didn’t, Myungsoo, it’s okay, you can wipe that worried look off your face.  It’s your mother’s job to worry, it doesn't matter that you have some harsh words for me, I know you don’t mean them, so it’s okay.”

Myungsoo’s lip trembled as tears welled up in his eyes.  “I’m sorry, Umma… I-” Another cough choked his throat as tears fought their way out of his eyes.  “I’m sorry… I’m really sorry…”

“It’s okay, Myungsoo, it really is,” she said gently. 

He quickly brushed away the tears on the corners of his eyes and looked up at the ceiling.  “It’s so hard…” he confessed quietly. 

His mother hesitated and Myungsoo felt her hand gently touch the back of his head, softly fussing with his hair.  “If it’s too hard, Myungsoo… you can let go, if that’s what you need.”

Myungsoo shook his head.  “I can’t let go, it’s too hard to do that.” 

“But if it is too hard, Myungsoo, you can let go.”

He looked up at his mother, gratefully.  “What would I ever do without you?” he whispered. 

She smiled and patted his head.  “What will I do if I don’t have you?” she asked quietly. 

Myungsoo felt tears sting his eyes.  He had felt like he was crying every five seconds recently, and he started to blame the drugs he was on.  “I love you, Umma.”

“I love you too.”

He smiled at her, before his throat tightened with another cough.  His whole body shook with the next set of coughs.  Nausea started to twist at his stomach as he kept on coughing. 

“Myungsoo?” He felt her hand on his hand he gripped his mother’s hand tightly as he closed his eyes tightly against the coughs.  Myungsoo’s mother drew gentle circles on his back as Myungsoo drew in a gasping breath between the coughs. 

“Umma…” Myungsoo wheezed.  “I… can't…”

“Myungsoo!  Just hold on for a bit longer, okay?” his mother begged as she called for help.  “Just hold on a bit longer.”

He nodded as he coughed again and gasped for air.  “U… mma…” he gasped out, still bent over at his waist.  “Umma…”

“I’m right here, Myungsoo, it’s okay.”  His mother gently brushed his hair off his forehead where it was getting stuck with sweat.  Her other hand was gripped tightly by Myungsoo’s as he fought another cough.

“Umma…” Myungsoo’s voice was nearly inaudible through the coughing.  “Umma…”

Her answer was drowned out by another wave of coughs and gasping.  Myungsoo held a hand to his chest as he felt as though his chest was compressing his lungs together. 

Black spots were appearing in front of his eyes as Myungsoo tried his best to draw in enough oxygen.  Vaguely, he heard Hyeji running into the room and rushing to help him.  Myungsoo gripped his mother’s hand tightly as Hyeji placed a cold stethescope on his back. 

“Myungsoo, take in a deep breath, okay?  In… and out…”

He wasn’t sure if he actually did what she asked, but Hyeji took her stethescope off his back and hurried out of the room, calling for Dr. Song. 

“Myungsoo… please, hang on…” his mother said desperately.  “Myungsoo…”

He couldn’t take in a decent breath to answer, gasping for breath like a fish out of water.  Instead of answering, he kept a strong grip on his mother’s hand, telling her that he was still there.  Telling her that he was with her, and telling himself that he was with her. 

But soon, the feeling of his mother’s hand was fading away.  He felt light headed as the whole spun with the lack of oxygen.  

“Um… ma…” he whispered, his energy fading.  “Umma…”

He felt totally numb at this point, he was on the verge of blacking out when he felt his hand slip away from his mother’s. 

“Umma…” he whispered, his voice barely audible.  “U… mma…”

Myungsoo tried once more to reach for his mother, but he wasn’t sure if he made it. 

He was falling…

Everything blurred away to black…

~*~

Sungyeol looked up as Sungjong stomped up to their table, throwing his bag and jacket over the back of his chair.  He could feel the anger coming off of Sungjong in powerful waves. 

“Hey, Sungjong…” Sungyeol said cautiously.  “What’s up?”

“All my hyungs are stupid,” Sungjong growled. 

“Thank you, I like you too, Jjongie,” Sungyeol said sarcastically. 

Sungjong tried to glare at Sungyeol, but it ended in a smile.  “Sorry,” he apologized.  “I just had an argument with Myungsoo-hyung.”

“I’m guessing it didn’t end well?” he said. 

Sungjong rolled his eyes.  “What do you think?  Anyways, have we ordered yet?”

Sungyeol smiled at Sungjong as they looked at the menus.  For the rest of the dinner, Sungjong put away his feeling of anger and they all enjoyed a peaceful mean until Sunggyu’s phone rang and their whole world was turned upside down. 

~*~

Not knowing what would happen when he answered his phone, Sunggyu swallowed his mouthful of food and answered the phone.  “Yeoboseyo?”

The clatter around the table continued as Sunggyu talked on the phone.

“Okay… thank you.”  Sunggyu put down his phone and stared off into the distance.

“Who was on the phone?” Woohyun asked, realizing after a few moments that he was silent.

Sunggyu fiddled with the phone as everyone’s attention turned to him. “That was… that was Myungsoo’s mom,” he said softly.  “She… she told me that… that Myungsoo… he started choking mid-afternoon.  The doctors… they don’t know what’s happening yet.”

“What?”

“What does that mean?”

“Is he okay?”

Sunggyu held up his hand, stopping the flow of questions.  “Myungsoo’s in surgery right now.  The doctors aren’t sure if he’s going to be okay.”

The lively atmosphere of the table died down, now the only sounds were their breathing and the chatter from the tables around them.

“Myungsoo’s mother asked us not to come to the hospital, she’ll call us when they know more,” Sunggyu said, his voice heavy with sadness. “So let’s continue eating and then go home.”

They all nodded and turned back to their food, the atmosphere much more heavier then before.  Now, none of them really wanted to eat, despite the fact that they hardly ever got to eat like this.

All of their minds were on Myungsoo and whether they would survive or not.

Suddenly Sungyeol stood up, his chair scrapping behind him.  “I’m leaving,” he announced bluntly, grabbing his jacket and hurrying out of the resturant.

“Wha-wait!  Sungyeol!” Woohyun ran after Sungyeol as he disappeared down the street.  Sunggyu had expected Sungyeol to run off, hearing that his best friend was maybe dying was something that Sunggyu couldn’t imagine happening, but he had hoped that at least Sungyeol would run off a little bit slower.  He should’ve known that Woohyun would run after Sungyeol too.  If the closest friends weren’t Myungsoo and Sungyeol, the next two would’ve been Woohyun and Sungyeol.  Sunggyu knew that Woohyun knew that he needed to stay close to Sungyeol as his hyung and nearly-best friend, to remind him that even if he lost Myungsoo, he would still have the others around him. 

Hoya wipped his mouth and set down his napkin.  “I’m going too,” he said quietly.

“Where are you going?” Sunggyu asked, feeling slightly lost after Sungyeol and Woohyun ran out.

“Where else?” Hoya asked, his voice bitter.  “The hospital.”  He hurried out of the resturant, leaving behind his half finished meal.

“Hoya!” Sunggyu yelled, standing up to yell after Hoya.  “Lee Howon!  Wait!”

Hoya left the resturant without a second glance.  Sunggyu sighed and  turned around as he heard some strange sounds from Dongwoo. “Dongwoo, are you okay?” Sunggyu asked as he saw Dongwoo’s tear filled eyes.

Dongwoo waved him off and wipped his eyes.  “I need to get out of here too.”  He hurried out of there following the others.

“No!  Dongwoo!” Sunggyu yelled.  Dongwoo was the second oldest, even though it would seem like that would be stating that the sky was blue, it was different with them.   Dongwoo would often act like the second youngest, even more playful then Sungyeol at times, but every time that was needed, he would remember that he was the second oldest and take care of the others as the warm caring hyung he was.  Dongwoo cried a lot, he cried the most out of all of them, it didn’t scare Sunggyu that Dongwoo was crying, but it scared him that he ran away.  Dongwoo was a child at heart and Sunggyu had no idea where Dongwoo would be going.

He raced out of the resuturant after the others, but everyone was already out of sight.

“Really?  Where did everyone go?  Woohyun-ah!  Sungyeol-ah!  Howon-ah!  Dongwoo-yah!”  Sunggyu yelled.

“Sunggyu-hyung.”  Sunggyu turned around.  Sungjong was standing behind him, his jacket tucked over his arm and there was tears in his eyes.  Sungjong, their maknae, always cared by the older members, looked as though he was the eldest as he held out his hand for Sunggyu, ready to help him with what ever he needed.

“Sunggyu-hyung.  Let’s go home,” Sungjong said quietly.

“But I need to find the others…” Sunggyu trailed off, looking helplessly down the street, hoping that he could see the others.

“They will find they’re own way home,” Sungjong said firmly.  “Let’s go home for now.”

Sunggyu didn’t bother to complain as their maknae lead him home. 

He was the leader of Infinite, he had told their CEO and the managers that he was the oldest, he could take care of the younger ones.  Sunggyu knew that he could, but as Sungjong lead him home, he doubted that he could again.

~*~

When Hoya arrived at Myungsoo’s room, his room was empty, even his bed was gone from the room. 

“Hoya?”

He looked around and saw Hyeji standing behind him.  “Oh, hello, noona.  Do you know where Myungsoo is?”

Hyeji nodded. “Follow me,” she said as she headed down the hall. 

Hoya wanted to tell Hyeji to hurry, but he kept silent, knowing that Myungsoo wasn’t getting out of surgery any time soon.  Hyeji lead him to a waiting room where Myungsoo’s family was waiting. 

Myungsoo’s mother looked up as they entered and stood up to greet them.  Hoya rushed forward and hugged Myungsoo’s mother. 

She jumped slightly at his hug, but returned it all the same.  “Thank you for being here, Howon.”

He nodded.  “It’s nothing, Eomeoni, we’re family…”

Hoya had asked Myungsoo once if he was scared, Myungsoo hadn’t full on replied, but Hoya knew that Myungsoo was scared. 

And now Hoya was too. 

~*~

Dongwoo wasn’t sure where he was heading until he finally got there.

The trees whispered around him and the stream flowed past him.

He sat down on the same rock as Myungsoo had sat down on as the first day that they were here.

Tears flowed down his face, dripping down his chin. He sobbed into his arms.

The tears wouldn’t stop coming, they kept on streaming down his cheeks, no matter how hard he tried to stop them.

He cried a lot, he was Infinite’s cry baby.  Nearly all of their wins, he had cried, he couldn’t help it, all of his feelings came out in tears.  When ever that happened, he could always depend on Myungsoo’s warm hand on his shoulder to calm away his tears and wipe his cheeks dry for him.

But now, as he sat on the river bank, crying helplessly.  He knew that Myungsoo’s warmth wouldn’t come to him and take away his tears for him.

~*~

Sungjong closed the door behind him quietly as Sunggyu stumbled into the dorm, obviously exhasted.  Sowon, their puppy, ran out of the kitchen, barking excitedly.  Sungjong smiled softly and picked him up as he gently guided Sunggyu farther into the dorm. 

“Come on, hyung,” Sungjong said quietly, placing Sowon on the ground.  “Get some rest, okay?”

Sunggyu shook his head.  “I should’ve gone after them, I think I should-“

Sungjong tackled Sunggyu around the middle and basically threw him onto the couch.  “We’re going to wait,” he said firmly.  “They’ll come home when they’re ready.”

Sunggyu was too tired to argue as he sat on the couch to wait. 

Sungjong wanted to get Sunggyu to wait in his room, to sleep hopefully, but he decide the fact that Sunggyu wasn’t trying to run after the other members was a good thing. 

Sowon barked at his feet again and Sungjong picked him up, patting his head absent mindedly.  Sungjong carried him to his room and collasped onto his bed, staring at Myungsoo’s empty desk across the room. 

He Sowon’s head and tucked him under his chin, finding comfort in the small present that Myungsoo had left them.

“Is it my fault?” Sungjong asked Sowon.  “Is it because I argued with him that he’s in this?  That he’s dying right now?  Should I have been better to Myungsoo?  Please don’t let this be my fault!  I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, hyung, I didn’t mean it like that….”

Sowon seemed to realize he was upset and gently his chin. Sungjong Sowon’s soft ear.  It seemed like only yesterday when Woohyun had suggested to them that they call the puppy Sowon, so that they could hope again that Myungsoo would come back to them, back to Infinite, but now that wish seemed so distant and so useless that Sungjong wanted to cry and beg to any God above them to bring Myungsoo back to them.

Sungjong closed his eyes, praying with all his heart.

Myungsoo needs to be okay…

~*~

Woohyun lost Sungyeol as Sungyeol raced out of the resturant, but found him again in a near by bar.

“Sungyeol-ah.” Woohyun tapped his shoulder to get his attention, taking in the emtpy drinks in front of him and Sungyeol’s intoxicated state.  Sungyeol wasn't the strongest drinker and looking at the nearly emtpy glasses, Woohyun could guess that tomorrow morning wouldn’t be pretty for Sungyeol. 

Sungyeol looked up, his eyes were glassy with tears.  “Hey, hyung,” he whispered sadly.

“Come on, let’s go home,” Woohyun said, trying halfheartedly to get him up.

Sungyeol shook his head and took a sip of the drink that he had in front of him.  “No… I just want to drink,” he mumbled, shaking off Woohyun’s hands. 

Woohyun sighed and sat down beside him, waving over a bartender for a drink.  “Why?” he asked Sungyeol. 

“Because I want to forget what is happening to Myungsoo,” Sungyeol said, his speech slurred, as he took another sip.  “I want to forget that my best friend is dying as we speak.”

He tipped the glass up to his lips and a tear fell down his cheek.  Woohyun could see how hard Sungyeol had to try to swallow, and it wasn’t just from the alchohol, but from the tears as well.

“Because…” Sungyeol whispered, tears falling down his chubby cheeks.  “I want to forget that this time next year, Infinite will be six instead of seven.” 

Hello! 

Did you like it?  *laughs evily for a little while before taking a nap*  This chater is actually half of a longer chapter that I planned to post, but that chapter looked really long so I split it into two parts.  Look forward to the second half of this chapter next week~ 

Anyone else watch High School Love On?  Did you see this week's episode?! My feeeellllzzzzz... And Infinite F's debut stage too, and some little random sneak peeks from Grow.  And the MAMA too?  Infinite (especially the maknae line) seem to be really busy and tired... I hope they'll get some rest soon.  

Well, thank you for your comments on the last chapter!  Comment again pleaaseu!  *flying Nam hearts everywhere*