~*~

Chapter XII

“I’ll be back home… someday…”

2월 14일

Myungsoo sat cross legged on his bed, looking around his, Sungjong and Sunggyu’s room.  He was supposed to be packing up his stuff at the dorm so that he could move back to his parents’ home.

But instead, he was staring off into the distance trying to collect his thoughts.

“Myungsoo-hyung.”  Sungjong waved his hand in front of his face.  “Myungsoo, are you okay?”

He blinked and focused on Sungjong.  “I’m okay,” he whispered.  “Let’s get packing.”

Sungjong nodded.  “Where do you want me to start?”

“The closet?” Myungsoo suggested, turning to his desk.  “I’ll pack up my desk.”

Sungjong nodded and started to fold Myungsoo’s plaid shirts neatly, placing them carefully in boxes. 

Myungsoo looked down at his desk.  It was covered with papers and pictures.  His hands shifted through the papers.  His bills, credit scores, scripts, song lyrics, fanmail…  He shook his head and stacked all of the papers neatly, pushing them into a file folder.

His hand hovered over the next part of his desk, his photography part of the table.  He looked down at the many different pictures from various events.

Some pictures spanned back all the way back to their debut.  Myungsoo liked to keep one of the pictures, a picture of Sungjong, Sungyeol and Woohyun outlined by the stage lights from backstage during their Come Back Again era, on his desk reminding him how far they have gotten and how far they will go.

Myungsoo smiled as he saw another one from their Before the Dawn era.  It was a picture when they all had recently had gotten new hair cuts or colours and Sunggyu was attempting to put little braids in Sungjong’s new blonde hair.  Myungsoo shook his head, remembering Sungjong’s pout as the others laughed at the group’s maknae.

His hand hovered over another one.  It was a blurred picture of them practicing in the practice room.  Myungsoo was sitting out because he had hurt himself earlier but he was watching them so he didn’t fall behind. All of them were sweating hard, their hair was now ruffled and slicked down with sweat.  Myungsoo took the picture with his cellphone, it ended up smeared, the bright lights reflecting off of the mirrors and their sweat, their swift and presice movments blurred in the shutter.

Still, Myungsoo loved the picture.

On their own, his fingers started to shift through the piles of pictures.

Every single time he pressed his finger, there was another moment captured in time.

Click.  Sunggyu in a store in Japan, holding a few shopping bags and smiling for the camera.

Click.  Dongwoo fooling around backstage before one of their Paradise stages.

Click.  Woohyun in the practice studio, fooling off, making some hearts at Sunggyu which made the other glare at him darkly. 

Click.  Hoya sitting on the  couch, his feet up against the wall as he worked on something. 

Click.  Sungyeol sleeping against Sungjong as the younger read a magazine.

Click.  Sungjong sitting on a bench in a train station, looking off to the right.

Most of the time, they needed to be someone else in front of the camera, it was like being a character on a drama instead of being who their fans thought was their normal person.  Myungsoo liked to capture the moments when Infinite was who Sunggyu, Dongwoo, Woohyun, Howon, Sungyeol and Sungjong were, and not just who the fans thought they were.

Myungsoo’s fingers played with the next picture of Infinite standing in front of a Christmas tree with Nurungie, Dubu and Coco in their arms.

“I miss them.”

Myungsoo looked up.  Sungjong was looking at the picture over his shoulder.

“It was so much fun to have them around the house and it was really nice to see them grow,” Sungjong continued.

“Wha…”

“Hyung, you’ve been standing there for nearly ten minutes.  I’m mostly finished with your closet.”  Sungjong said, his voice half teasing, half worried.

Myungsoo blushed and looked back down at the picture.  “It was really nice to have them around,” he mumbled, talking about the puppies.

“Yeah,”  Sungjong nodded and rested his chin on Myungsoo’s shoulder.  “Are you going to finish packing that up?”

Myungsoo nodded and swept the pictures up into a pile.  Neither of them noticed the stray piece of paper that floated down behind the desk.

After a few hours, they finished packing up his stuff and started bring the boxes down to the car.

Finally, the last box was taken downstairs.  Myungsoo pulled on his backpack and tucked his camera under his arm.  He sighed, pausing before opening the door.  So, so, so many times, he had walked through the door.  Sometimes so tired that he would trip over the many shoes and boots stacked up around the door.  But every single time, walking in through the door, he would happy to be home and happy to have acomplished something over the day.

On the occasion, he would stumble back to the dorm, drunk after being a normal young man out at a bar with some friends.  On those days, one of the others would always take care of them, like they did when ever one of them came home in that state.

That’s how their dorm worked.  They would celebrate if someone was happy, they would take care of the others if they were feeling under the weather.  The doorway that Myungsoo was standing in, was the place for many tears, much laughter, many feet and feelings.

The doorway that he stood in was the doorway to the place where the seven boys called home.

Myungsoo opened the door slowly, his fate slowly dragging him away from home.  The longer that he stood there, the more he didn’t want to leave.

“I’ll be back, I’ll be back home… someday…” Myungsoo whispered to himself.  “Some day soon, I promise.”

He looked around the dorm one last time and closed the door behind him.

~*~

2월 17일

Myungsoo and the rest of Infinite were out at a resturant with other Woollim Label artists, trainees and staff for dinner.

During dinner, they talked about random things, from Woollim Girls’ new comeback to their childhood to if Soryong had a chance with a girl that he liked.  They talked about everything possible.

The only subject they left untouched was Myungsoo’s cancer.

Myungsoo was fine with that, he loved that he could watch the others acting normal, just being who they were for once.  Woohyun was talking with Jiae and some of the other Woollim Girls.  Sungjong and Sungyeol were discussing something with Daeryoung and Soryoung.  Sunggyu, Hoya and Dongwoo were talking with members of Nell.  Even though Myungsoo felt slightly lonely without anyone talking to him, he liked it.

“Hey, oppa.”

Myungsoo looked up and smiled at Jiae as she sat down beside him.  “Hi, little princess,” he said affectionately.

She smiled and blushed slightly at his pet name.  Myungsoo loved calling her that, she was Infinite’s little sister and their little princesss.

“I haven’t gotten a chance to visit you recently,” she said.  “I’m sorry.  The company has kept me busy with practices.”

Myungsoo smiled.  “It’s okay, I understand how it works.”

Jiae took his hand and ran her pale fingers over his hand.  “Are you hurting, oppa?”

Myungsoo looked down at their hands.  You could hardly see it, but he knew that Jiae could see it and so could his family and Infinite, there was the faint scar from where the IV line entered his hand.  Myungsoo pulled his hand away from Jiae’s gently, not to offend her, but rather to protect her from what she already knew.  “It’s okay,” he lied.  “I’m not hurting.”

Jiae smiled and nodded, her eyes knowing that he was lying, but not asking him to open up to her.  “I need to go now, oppa,” she said instead. “It’s a busy day tomorrow.  I was about not to come here tonight, but then I thought it would be nice to talk to you guys again.”

Myungsoo smiled. “Thanks for coming.”

She smiled again and stood up from the table, grabbing her phone and jacket.  “I’ll see you soon, oppa.”  She waved and hurried down the table to thank Jungyeop for dinner and to say goodbye to her fellow trainees.

Myungsoo smiled to himself, and looked down at the cup of tea he was drinking.  He would have prefered to be drinking instead, like the rest of Infinite, Tasty, Nell and the trainees of age, but he was on a strict no alchohol rule from his doctors, parents and probably Infinite wouldn’t hestiate to reinforce the rules.  Myungsoo sighed as he thought about the nights before when they all headed out to a club to drink together, he was always the strongest drinker and could take more drinks than the others.  Myungsoo could tell by Sungyeol’s sideways gazes that he was thinking the same thing.

Suddenly, Myungsoo’s phone beeped in his pocket, telling him he had a new text.  He pulled it out of his pocket and unlocked the screen.

Little Princess: It’s okay to be hurting, oppa, it really is.

~*~

“Bye, Myungsoo!”  Sungyeol waved as the other six of them jumped out of the van at the dorm doors after dinner as Geonam, their manager, was driving them back home.  “See you later!”

Myungsoo smiled and waved back. “Thank you!  It was fun!  Bye.”

As Geonam drove away from the dorm, Myungsoo twisted around in his seat to see the others.  He smiled as he saw Sungyeol’s farmiliar tall frame standing on the sidewalk, silhouetted by the lights from the building behind him where the other five were retreating.  Myungsoo raised his hand to wave even though he knew that Sungyeol couldn’t see him.  Only when the car turned the corner and the dorm disappeared from view, did Myungsoo lower his hand and turn back to face the front.

“You feeling alright?” Geonam asked, looking at him through the rear view mirror.

Myungsoo nodded and looked out the dark window.  “Everything’s fine, hyung.  I tell you everything I know.”

“I just want to make sure.”

Myungsoo smiled.  “Thank you for caring.”

Geonam smiled at Myungsoo as they stopped at a red light.  “Myungsoo, you and the others are like sons to me now.  You’re all little boys that need to be watched over 24/7 or else you’ll get into trouble.  It would be impossible for me not to care.”

~*~

A short ride later, Geonam parked the car in front of Myungsoo’s house.

“Thank you, hyung.”  Myungsoo smiled as he got off the car.

“See you later, kid.”

Myungsoo smiled once more at his manager.  Often, he felt like they didn’t appreciate their managers as much as they should, they took care of a lot of things and made sure that they got to places on time.  They protected them and took care of them.  Myungsoo knew that a big part of the reason they were as high as they were was because their managers helped them to get up to that place. 

“Good night, hyung.”  Myungsoo waved once more and closed the door behind him.

Myungsoo smiled and watched him drive off down the street.  Once again, he raised his hand to wave, even though he was pretty sure that Geonam wasn’t looking behind him.  The car turned the corner, its rearlights flashing the turn signal before turning off into the night.

Myungsoo sighed and turned towards the front door.  He breathed out into the cold night air, his breath coming out in white clouds and smiled giddily.

He looked up at the night sky.  He spun around, looking at the many stars above him.  There wasn’t as many stars up in the sky mainly because of the light pollution, but the stars were better there than at their dorm or at the hospital.

Myungsoo grinned and mentally scolded himself for acting like a child.  With one last glance at the stars, he hurried up the front steps. 

He dug around in his pocket for his keys and fumbled with them in the dark.  Myungsoo squinted and lifted his keys up into the better lighting to figure out which one was which.  Out of the corner of his eye, he could see his mother and Moonsoo in the kitchen, laughing together as his mother did the dishes and Moonsoo did something on his computer.  As he watched, his father joined them in the kitchen, first kissing his wife on the cheek, then sitting down with Moonsoo at the counter.  Myungsoo smiled at the warm scene, sudden swell of happiness consuming his chest.  He loved his family so much, his mother was warm and supportive, his father gentle and loving, his brother just as annoying as a brother should be, but they loved each other just as much as brothers should.

Myungsoo, still smiling, picked out the right key and unlocked the front door.  “I’m home!” he called as he hung up his jacket in the closet.

“Hey!” Moonsoo yelled from the kitchen as their father added a warm welcome home.

“Hello.”  His mother came out of the kitchen, wipping her hands on a dish cloth.  “Did you have fun out?”

Myungsoo nodded and kissed her cheek.  “Thank you for letting me go out,” he said.

“It’s worth it to see you this happy.”  His mother smiled at him.

He smiled back, before a huge yawn cracked open his jaws.  “I guess the party didn’t leave me with much energy,” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes. 

She nodded, concern in her eyes.  “Do you need any thing?”

He shook his head.  “I think I’ll just take a nap.  I’ll be back downstairs later,” he promised.  “I’m just tired, I’ll be fine after a nap,” he added after to ease the concern in his mother’s eyes.  “Really, I will be.”  He hurried to through the kitchen, dropping off a quick hello to his dad and a friendly punch on the shoulder to Moonsoo.  He quietly closed his bedroom door behind him and collasped onto the bed. 

Contrary to what he had said to his mother, after he laid down, he didn’t want to take a nap. 

Myungsoo sighed and closed his eyes, listening to his mother bustling around in the kitchen. 

His mother had helped him so much since he was diagnosed, helping him with getting up out of bed, helping him with pills and other medications and many other little things.  Anything that she did to help, was a thousand times better then one of the nurses helping him do it.  Any time that he had to swallow too many pills, his mother would be there with a cup of water and a warm hand to wash them down.  If he was feeling any pain, his mother was there to soothe the pain away with her loving words.  More than once, she was there, gently rubbing his back as he threw up everything that he had.  Even as the vomiting felt like it went on forever, she was there, gently brushing back his sweat soaked hair and tears at the corners of his eyes. 

Myungsoo knew that there was no way that he could repay her, but when he told his mother that, she only smiled and put her hand on his cheek like she did when he was younger.

“Nae adeul, you’re my son, it’s a mother’s duty to take care of her son. So don't worry, and know that I love you.”

Myungsoo sighed and ran his hand over his face and through his hair.  Why did he need to be like this?  Why was he the one that was diagnosed?  Why was it like this?

He could always feel the pain from the others as he suffered.  He didn’t want the others around him, the ones that cared for him, suffer when he was the one who was hurting.

A tear escaped his eye.

Then another one.

Then another.

~*~

Im Seohwa was Myungsoo’s mother.  Maybe it was always a mother’s feeling, but from the moment when her first son was born, she had a feeling that her son would grow up and do something special.

She was right as Myungsoo grew up to be an idol and an actor.  Even if Myungsoo had decided to be a comedian, lawyer, teacher or even an astronaut, she would’ve been proud of him.

She was very proud of her son, like any other mother is.  Now, she was even more proud of him as he kept on fighting his best against the cancer.  It hurt her every time as she saw her son unconscious from the pain or from the lack of energy as the treatment took its toll on his body.

Seohwa walked down the hall towards the laundry room with the laundry basket as she heard something from behind Myungsoo’s door.  She stopped and raised her hand to knock on the door, but she stopped herself as she recognized the sounds.

Myungsoo was quietly crying in his bedroom, soft sobs came from behind the door and she heard the soft crunch of his pillow and sheets being beaten up.

She had no idea why Myungsoo was crying.  She hated to see her son cry or be in pain.  The only thing she wanted to do was to rush into his room and wrap him up in a warm hug and wipe away his tears, but she didn’t.  She knew that Myungsoo would rather be alone than have his mother pressure him.

So instead, she raised her palm against the cold wood of the door and pressed her hand against it, as if to reach her son on the other side.

“Myungsoo…” she whispered.  “Nae adeul… Umma’s so proud of you.  I’m so proud of you…”

A warm set of arms wrapped around her shoulders and she looked up to find her husband there.  She turned in around and let herself sink into his arms.  “Yeobo, our son’s hurting so much.”

Her husband nodded and patted the top of her head as he hugged her tightly.  “I know,” he answered simply.

“I wish there was someway that we could help him.”

“Me too… we’re doing the best we can, yeobo.  I think he’s hurting less when you’re beside him.  You need to be strong for him.”

She nodded as she looked towards Myungsoo’s closed door.  Myungsoo’s sobs were fading down and she could hear the rattle of pills falling out of the bottle. 

It was hard to think that it was her son, her first son, someone that shared the same blood as her and the man beside her, was the one behind the door, trying his best to swallow the pills that he needed and fighting so hard to stay by his family’s side. 

“We all need to be strong for him,” she whispered.  “He’s being strong for us, so we need to be strong for him.”

~*~

Moonsoo was already at the kitchen counter when Myungsoo returned to the kitchen, wrung out from his tears and hungry once again.

Moonsoo had a few weeks of break between the semesters so both brothers were home again.  Myungsoo knew that his parents loved having both of them home and he realized how much he missed sitting down to eat supper with his parents and Moonsoo together.  There was a lot that he missed being home as the four of them, he missed how he would wake up and have breakfast with his mother, watch a game or show on TV with his dad, yell at his brother through the house to ask where the video games went and eventually settle down to play a game or two with his brother.

There was still the friendly argument between the brothers, mostly things like what drama to watch, which actress was hotter, or who gets the last drink, but it was because they were brothers.

Myungsoo smiled at his younger brother before raiding the fridge.  Still, he was too skinny for his mother’s liking and he was finally getting back into his habbit of eating between meals as he tried to gain back the weight he had lost.

“How was dinner with the others?” Moonsoo asked as he looked up from his laptop in front of him.

“Hm?”  Myungsoo looked back at his brother before he realized what he asked.  “Oh, it was good.  Lots of food and there were all of the artists and trainees so it was fun.”

“That’s good,” Moonsoo replied, the reply noncommittal, but still, Myungsoo knew that he cared.

Myungsoo grabbed a drink from the fridge and took two glasses out from the cupboards.  He coughed a couple of times while he poured Moonsoo a glass before taking his own. 

“Do you want to watch that new drama tonight?” Moonsoo asked.  “Han Hyojoo is in it.”

“Since when did you think she was so cute?”

“Maybe since my older brother started rubbing off on me,” Moonsoo laughed. 

Myungsoo laughed with Moonsoo, his laughter getting cut off with a few coughs. 

“Are you okay?” Moonsoo asked.

“Yeah.”  Myungsoo nodded, coughing again, and his hand came up to his chest to rub against the slight pain in his chest. 

Suddenly, before Myungsoo could realize, the slight pain escalated into a burning pain across the right side of his chest. 

The glass fell from his hand and shattered over the floor, spilling the contents everywhere.  Myungsoo gasped in pain and surprise, holding both hands to his chest.  

“Myungsoo!”  Moonsoo was beside him in a flash, holding him up.  “Are you okay?”

He nodded, closing his eyes against the pain.  “I’m okay…” he whispered.

The pain was worse then before, slowly burning along his chest.  Myungsoo squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed the heel of his hand against his eyes, trying to get the pain to go away.

“Do you need me to get Umma?” Moonsoo asked, hovering beside him, not sure what he needed to do.

“No, it’s okay,” Myungsoo said firmly.

“But, hyung, you’re really pale and shaking,” Moonsoo said, trying to get Myungsoo to sit down.  “We should get you to the doctor and-“

“Moonsoo!  I’m fine,” Myungsoo snapped.  He pushed Moonsoo off and stepped over the glass, planning to get the broom to sweep up the glass.

Dark spots were invading his vision as sharp pains stabbed through his chest.  Something tickled in his chest again.  Without thinking, Myungsoo coughed in an attempt to get it out of his chest.

Pain hit his chest again in a hot white flash, consuming his chest.  The world blurred in and out of focus, causing it to look like a bad boat ride.  His throat started to close slowly, cutting off his breath. 

Myungsoo stumbled and collasped against the wall, gasping for a breath, trying his best to keep his dinner down.

“Boys.  What’s going on in here?”  Myungsoo heard his father enter the kitchen and he tried his best to push himself up onto his elbows, but slumped against the wall as all his energy left him.  He couldn't speak up as his father’s worried voice registered through the pain.  “Myungsoo!  Moonsoo, what happened?”

“I don’t know, Abeoji!  He just started coughing and now he’s in pain.  I don’t know what to do!”

Footsteps ran up to him and a hand brushed against his forehead.  Warm and strong hands cupped his cheeks holding him safe from what ever phantoms lingered in his peripherals. 

“Myungsoo!  Myungsoo!  Wake up!  Moonsoo, get your mother.”

Myungsoo hadn’t realized that his eyes were closed as Moonsoo’s footsteps rushed away from the kitchen, yelling for their mother. 

Myungsoo struggled to open his eyes as he heard his mother’s footsteps hurry into the kitchen.  The lights in the kitchen seemed to bright as he squinted into the blur of shadows and light.  Moonsoo was beside him, his eyes filled with panic that Myungsoo wanted to erase.  His father was in front of him, his warm and strong hands holding him.  Myungsoo wanted to tell them that he was fine, but his breath was cut off as he coughed again.  His eyes fell shut as the pain became too much for him.

“Myungsoo!  Can you hear us?  Moonsoo, call an ambulance quickly!”

He tried to drag himself out of the darkness, struggling to remove the hands that grabbed at him to pull him under.  He nearly succeeded, he could make out the outline of his mother and father’s worried faces above him, but another wave of dizziness dragged him down again.

He was falling…

Into the darkness… 

Once again, WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTT~ Still a long way to go! 

I asked around if you wanted a sad ending or a happy ending, and the results of the magic poll is... *drumroll*... I'm not going to tell you because I like keeping secrets from you.  You don't know how many secrets I am keeping from you.  (also because I'm indecisive and I'm super bad at making descions, but I have made my secret decision and please look forward to the ending! ...which is soooooooooo far away...) 

And on the other hand; thank youuuuuuuuuuu~ Thank you everyone!! I have reached 100 subs!! Thank you!! Thank you times infinity!  I love all of you!  All 105 of you!  I'm so thankful for all of your subs, upvotes and comments!  I always get so happy when I see new comments, upvotes and subscribers!  

Please comment and upvote and subscribe!  I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and will look forward to the next chapter!