The Seventeenth Chapter

Sehun never felt so light his entire life when he finally told her those three words. But he knew that the worst was yet to come as he saw a flash of grief on her eyes. She didn’t even look surprised.

“I was afraid you’d say that.” She took away his hand that was holding her left cheek and bit her lower lip. She looked like she was in conflict with something inside her mind. “I can’t return your feelings, Sehun. I’m still.. in love with my older brother.”

The light feeling he had for a moment was instantly replaced with bitterness. “You shouldn’t be in love with him, Daesom. It’s not –“

“Acceptable? It’s a taboo? Do you think I didn’t know that? I can’t stop feeling this way like how you can’t stop yourself from falling for me.”

Sehun didn’t like where this was going. But he couldn’t just give up on her. He knew that he still had a chance and he won’t let go of that hope. “Don’t tell me you can’t love me, too, Daesom. You can –”

“But I won’t.” She firmly stated and stood up. “I choose not to. I care for you, Sehun. But I won’t go that way.”

His chest tightened because of the pain. Why was everything so hard for him? He wanted to cry. He wanted to hate her. But he didn’t have the strength nor will for that. “Why, Daesom?” His voice was broken as he whispered. “Can you at least tell me why?”

“I need to go.” It was her only reply before she took steps towards the front door.

Sehun abruptly stood up to stop her but his head started aching again. He winced as he tried to find something to grip on before he could collapse. He made a quick mental note not to drown himself in alcohol again.

He felt a pair of arms supporting him and guided him to lie down the sofa. He thought that no matter how many times she had hurt and pushed him away, having her close still brought comfort to his soul.

He managed to grip on her hand tightly before he closed his eyes. He had no intentions of letting her go. “Please stay.”

“Sleep, Sehun.” Daesom told him softly. “I’ll stay for tonight. Just have some rest.”

“How about tomorrow?” He asked like a little child. He was afraid that if he let himself fall unconscious, she would disappear.

“Just sleep for now and don’t think of anything else, okay?”

Although Sehun tried to stop himself, he eventually fell into slumber. The alcohol already took its toll on him and sleep was the only option his body had. But he never let go of that hand he was holding like his life depended on it; he just hoped that she won’t be the one pull away.

-

When he opened his eyes that morning, a dreadful feeling quickly flooded him. What did he expect? Of course she was gone. She said she cared for him, but that wasn’t enough reason for her to stay. That was why he had been afraid of telling her just how he felt. Because he knew that the moment he did, she would leave.

Daesom was just like him before. She couldn’t afford having someone who loved her because it would be harder for whatever she was going through.

Sehun ran a hand through his hair before he rested it atop his forehead. He wasn’t sure if he was just dreaming but he could remember something last night. Maybe it was just before Daesom left.

Delicate fingers that brushed his hair. A soft, lingering kiss on his forehead. Warm tears that dropped on his cheeks.

“I don’t want to hurt you more than I already did. Don’t be too reckless when I’m gone, okay?”

Sehun would have scoffed at her. Who was she, his mother? But he couldn’t do that because everything still hurt inside him. He poured out everything to her but she refused to return the favor. Would his life just be like this until he died? Perhaps Sae Hee’s words had been right all along. No one would ever love him for real. No one would stay with him ‘til the end.

But unlike before, he refused to give up.

He rose up from the sofa to wash up. He still reeked of alcohol and he had to look for Daesom. He won’t let her get away that easy. Never in his life did he want something that badly. She still owed him a lot of explanation. Did she think he would just let it go?

Sehun went inside his room to get some clothes when he noticed something different. Daesom’s luggage on the side was gone. He dashed to open the cabinet beside his and dread washed over him again when he realized that all her things were gone: her clothes, her paintings, her shoes – everything gone.

He would have marveled at how fast she packed up her things if this was on another situation. She didn’t want to leave any trace. She was really set on disappearing from his life forever. He was still at a loss on what to do when his phone started ringing inside his pockets.

Sehun planned to ignore it but when he saw that it was Jongin calling him, he had a feeling it was something important. He swiped the screen to answer and waited for Jongin to speak first.

“Sehun, are you there?” Jongin’s voice sounded panicky.

“What do you want?” He replied lifelessly.

 “I think you should come to school now. I don’t know if it’s true, but there’s a rumor going around about Daesom –“

Sehun’s senses became alert when Jongin mentioned her name. “What about her?”

“She’s been cut off from the art scholarship that got her into the university. And.. I think she’s dropping out of school.”

He wasn’t sure if Jongin was already done talking but he shoved his phone back inside his pocket and quickly got out of the house.

-

The moment he stepped into the grounds of the university, he already heard the buzz of the people around. He caught words like ‘expelled’, ‘dropped out’, ‘drug problems’ and even ‘pregnancy’. Some who recognized him started whispering to their selves but he couldn’t care less.

The world is full of judgmental people and all the bull that they liked to talk about so he wasn’t shocked that they had already made theories of their own. But it still angered him that they could talk about her like that. They didn’t know a single real thing about her.

And he realized, neither did he.

Sehun did not actually know where to go. Should he go to the school administration and ask what really happened to Daesom? But he was sure that they wouldn’t give out information like that unless he had a very important reason.

Good thing he caught sight of Jongin and Chanyeol by the locker area who in turn saw him, too.

“Sehun!” Chanyeol called him as he approached.

Jongin frowned when he got closer. “What happened to you? You look like hell.”

Sehun was in a rush that he forgot that he hadn’t taken a bath yet or even brushed his hair. But he ignored that fact and immediately said. “Tell me what happened to Daesom. Did she come by this morning? Did you see her?”

Both his friends’ expressions turned grim. “No. We just heard the news when we arrive