His boots travelled along the leaves-filled path, crunching the dead leaves at the same time.

It’s autumn, it’s her favorite season, Doojoon thought bitterly.

After so long, after 3 years, Doojoon’s heart never for once healed for a little bit. It’s always there. Cracked, broken, bleeding, aching.

Eunmi has gone, and left him for so long. But never once did Doojoon forget about her.

Every day, all Doojoon did was to go to work, eat, sleep and repeat. There’s no more spark in his life. Or rather, he doesn’t even have a life. He’s only breathing, not living. He’s dead inside.

The sparkle in his eyes were long gone. The smile on his face was no longer bright. His jokes were no longer meant to make people laugh. His life was no longer his life.

The Yoon DooJoon died the day Eunmi died.

-

“Hyung, are you ready?” Dongwoon asked as he glanced at DooJoon.

It wasn’t that uncommon when DooJoon would just stare off into space. But most of the time, he would be staring at Eunmi’s picture.

They say Love can bring you happiness and smiles but what DooJoon knew is that Love brings nothing but pain and longing. Love, what is love? DooJoon didn’t know. He’s lost the motivation to look for love. Love is an illusion. It makes you think that it’s a wonderful and beautiful thing when really, it isn’t. It is the most horrible thing. It brings pain, heartbreak, tears and all the unhappiness in the world. Love is not what you think.

But the above is only DooJoon’s(and author )’s thinking.

But to some people, Love is everything and probably the best thing. They think Love heals all the scars, they think love can save someone, they think that love can bring happiness and joy into your life. For them, Love is absolutely essential in their life. It’s like air. Without love they would die.

And the above is what DooJoon used to think.

But not anymore.

“Hyung, back too earth please,” Dongwoon shook DooJoon’s shoulder vigorously which brings him back to his senses.

“Ah. Yes, let’s go,” DooJoon stood up and walk out of the room.

His mind still preoccupied with the meaning of love.

What exactly is love? Do you know?

-

Dongwoon feels really bad seeing his hyung suffer and live like this. His only dongsaeng, died.

Cancer.

It was the sole reason why Eunmi was fighting with DooJoon, the reason why she had given up on DooJoon, the reason why Eunmi suffered.

The only reason why Eunmi died.

She had esophageal cancer.

When she knew she had cancer, she totally shut herself away from everyone.

He refused to see anyone, including Dongwoon and DooJoon. She didn’t talk or go out of her room. She just ate whatever crackers there is in her room.

But when she got herself together, she made sure she made everyone detest her.

She became y and snapped at petty things. And because of that, she had been fighting with DooJoon. She started to accuse him of cheating and screamed her lungs out at him most of the time.

She didn’t bother about Dongwoon as well. She ignored all of his advices and started to rebel against him.

Everyone thought she had changed. Everyone thought she had simply change for the worse.

What they didn’t know was that it was her body that changed for the worse.

She made everyone detest her so that no one would need to cry for her when she dies. She didn’t want to see the most important people in her life to cry and grief over her. That was too much drama for her.

She wanted to leave in peace, even if there’s no one to grief for her.

Isn’t it better? That no one needs to waste their tears on you and you can simply just leave this world in peace.

DooJoon really thought that she was becoming bratty and simply ignored her.

Dongwoon too, gave up on her.

And luckily, when they did, they didn’t bother to look for her which means that she could stay in the hospital and not worry about them knowing that she was sick. Extremely sick.

But when Dongwoon went back home to visit his parents, he knew everything.

Dongwoon’s parents reprimanded him for not taking care of Eunmi and ignoring her.Dongwoon wanted to defend himself but when his parents told him what happened to Eunmi, all he saw was his life crashing into pieces.

He called DooJoon to tell him about Eunmi and the moment DooJoon heard about it, all he could do was sit there lifelessly on the couch as though waiting for someone to tell him that it was a prank and it was a joke.

Oh yes, a joke.

A joke from god to Eunmi and all of the people who loves her.

When Eunmi saw DooJoon and Dongwoon walking into her ward, all she could do was gawk at them. She wasn’t too weak then and still had a few months before she would leave.

“What the hell are you guys doing here? Leave! I hate the both of you!” Eunmi screamed and threw a pillow at them but they knew she was doing that so that they would hate her.

DooJoon fell on his knees in front of Eunmi, torrents of grief coursing down his cheeks.

Seeing DooJoon cry, Eunmi’s heard broke and for the first time since she knew about her cancer, her dam broke.

That day, an aura of grey hung in the atmosphere of the ward. DooJoon fell asleep by Eunmi’s side while Dongwoon slept on the couch. Eunmi’s heart almost stopped when she saw the two most important men in her life cry for her.

And as the days went by, DooJoon stayed by her side each day, accompanying her while Dongwoon always ends up leaving because he simply could not bear to watch his baby sister’s life slip through her hands.

DooJoon and Eunmi did everything they used to do and everything they wanted to do.

And those memories were what tortured DooJoon deeply.                 

And when Eunmi left the world, he was stuck in the past, always.

They were nets that trapped him. He couldn’t get away from the,. They always find him in the end. He eventually got used to it and let the memories prey on him while he let them eat him alive. Or rather, eat him dead.

-

Once again, DooJoon stood before Eunmi, ranting and complaining to her about how much he missed her and how she was so heartless. There was no tears. It was like a normal conversation and he had been like this for the past 3 years.

Dongwoon watched his hyung helplessly as tears continuously dripped down.

There was no way DooJoon could ever return to his old self.

No way.

And so, have you figured out what is love?

Is Love something essential or is it something so horrible?

Love can be both its only how you handle it and how it’s being given to you. If it is given to you in the form of pain, what can you do except accept it? After all, pain makes you stronger. If it is given to you in the form of joy, then be prepared that there would be setbacks that would take all the joy away from you, but if you know how to keep the love close to you, you would be able to keep it.

Love in all ways, is a beautiful monster. It can out all the happiness in you . It can also give you all the happiness in the world with terms and conditions. No matter what, remember that you’ll pass by this beautiful monster and you would get to keep one of the love that you pass by.

And may I wish that it would be the good one for him.

And if you have figured out what love is, may you please comment below?

Requested by b2unique. Thank you for requesting! Please do request again! I’m so sorry for the long hiatus. I was having exams and it really took up a lot of my time. I’m back now though and I really want to write for you guys so request away!