Donghae felt oddly giddy, though the same feeling rung alarms in his mind. He was changing, he could feel it in his guts, yet he was torn about how he felt about this change. While once again wandering in Boala( of course not in the hopes of running into Hyukjae. Nope.(yes)) he had  crashed into an elderly  man with wrinkly white skin and a long white beard. The old man was clad in a white gown of sorts, thin hands that held onto strings of plastic bags now reached out to grasp for some of the scattered fruit. Donghae had promptly stood up, intitally feeling like snapping at the old fool to watch where he was going, yet something made him change his mind just as he had opened his mouth. He had ended up apologizing and had helped the old man gather the scattered stuff. The old man had smiled warmly, it had this odd soothing effect on Donghae.

“Be well, my son.” The old man nodded to him, gently patting his shoulder as he began to walk off. Impulsively Donghae had tagged along, like an enthusiastic pup he had followed the man up a hill to the hut he had said he lived in, all alone. Donghae felt high as he gained another smile, the elderly introduced himself as Sensei and Donghae had, in a trance like state, blurted out his name and who he was. Though, Sensei had seemed to not judge or make an opinion out of him, there was no negative reaction either and Donghae was on his way down the hill when a pack of wild dogs decided it would be fun to chase after Donghae. Donghae groaned and ran like his life depended upon it, he darted through alleyways, hoping he knew where he was going. When he was sure he had lost the pack of yapping mutts, Donghae slowed down and looked around. It had grown dark already, the moon reduced to half hence not enough light. Plus he admitted he was lost, the street he jogged up on was oddly silent, the houses and apartments around all had their lights out. The cold wind whispered in his ear, vague shadows slithered upon the road and Donghae shuddered, suddenly wanting to be in his cabin, tucked warmly under his worn out blanket.

When he spotted a flight of inviting stairs that led up to a balcony, Donghae instantly hoped over the small gate that was meant to keep intruders away from the stairs. Donghae wasn’t going to let that small an obstacle stay in his way. So he slinked up the stairs, clambered onto the balcony and grimaced at the long window that faced him

“You better be unlocked” he grumbled under his breath as he pushed at it.

It moved and Donghae grinned. Now all he needed to do was to be super silent, sneak in undetected and move out once the sun came out. He sulked over how, once again, The Captain would scold him about having made him worried by staying in Boala the whole night. He was also disappointed as to how he had not managed to bump into Hyukjae or locate him. The wooden floor creaked under his boots, no matter how much he tip-toed as he made him way through the dark apartment. A single orange bulb made objects like a couch barely visible, he had made his way over the tip of his sword that hung on his side loosely jabbed at something, leading to that object falling over and crashing. Donghae winced, grumbling profanities as he jumped over the couch and crouched behind it.

Soon he heard the much dreaded and barely there sounds of footsteps.

“Whoever you are, show yourself or else I’m shooting in your general direction.”

That voice!

“Hyukjae?” he inquired hopefully

A few seconds of painful silence and then light flooded the room. Donghae winced at the sudden bright light and blinked rapidly. Once his eyes did settle he peeked over the couch.

Hyukjae stood in his pajamas, revolver trained and a smirk on his lips “You’re paying for that vase.”

--

“Fer the last time! No I was not gonna steal yer stuff I just needed shelter fer the night!” Donghae scowled, unhappy at how Hyukjae seemed to be enjoying this and a little happy to see Hyukjae.

Ok, more than a little happy.

Very happy.

Fine.

“Why, were you lost or something?”

“o-of course not!” Donghae asserted and Hyukjae shook his head a with a knowing look. Shoulders slumping Donghae leaned back onto the couch the softness of the material calming his shoulders “Fine, yea, I got lost. Now ye’ can laugh at me.”

“I’m not laughing at you though.”

“Yer laughing inside yer evil head, I know it.”

Hyukjae flashed him an innocent grin “ I have no idea what you’re talking about, why are you in Boala again?”

“I wanted to figure something out, reckoned ye’ will be able to help me with it.”

Hyukjae narrowed his eyes, puzzled and motioned Donghae to carry on.

“I can’t get ye’ outta my mind.”

Hyukjae had felt he had imagined the Pirate saying that, so he waited, blinking blankly at Donghae who huffed and turned to sit facing Hyukjae who was once again sitting a bit too close (not like Donghae minded anymore)

“Pardon me?” Hyukjae stared incredulously at him.

“Dun make a dumb face, I said I can’t get ye’ outta my mind so—and it’s been happening fer a real long wile now, don’t ask me exactly when but it just won’t go away I mean I even tried sleeping with a girl and then another and hell I got no sleep that night but I did get lots of booty if you know what I mean-so um thing is, that didn’t help. I thought I just needed to get a good lay but even after that and during it just felt so weirdly wrong, ye’ know? And ye’ were still in my head!” Donghae exasperatedly pointed to his mind, hands gesturing awkwardly as he abruptly shut his mouth because, bloody hell, was this awkward. He knew what he was saying, partially, and this was the very first time he had ever actually admitted having feelings for someone. It suddenly felt too hot.

Hyukjae was a bit too silent. Donghae nibbled on his lower lip, the silence made him uncomfortable.

Meanwhile for Hyukjae, it felt like he had been bombed by too much information just now. Donghae had said so much, that too unknowingly, as showed by his casual and rushed manner of narrating it all. Air gushed out of his gaped mouth and just then he had realized he had been holding his breathe.

Ok, wow.

“That’s just a lot to take in” Hyukjae pursed his lips, eyes darting around as if he was trying to figure out whether this was even happening! “So what you’re saying is you like me?”

“I Didn’t say I like ye’…wait.” Now confused himself he ruffled his hair in frustration “Wait I guess...yeah if I can’t get ye’ outta my head it’s probably cuz I like ye’…yea makes sense.”

“Probably, hunh?” Hyukjae blinked at him “and then you tried sleeping around, thinking it was just your lust and satisfying yourself would just make it all go away—wait you lusted after me?” his voice cracked near the end and he found donghae’s quickly reddening face rather comical “n-no! I didn’t say that!...wait…”

Hyukjae groaned, shaking his head in disbelief, the shaking seized when a thought struck hi mind, his eyes flashed and he inched closer to Donghae. “You know what, there’s an easier way to just figure it out in a quicker manner.”

“Whats that?” Was all Donghae managed to blurt out before Hyukjae grabbed at his collars and pulled him close, lips mushed against each other and instantly Donghae found his body reacting on its own, Hyukjae himself was clambering onto Donghae and the two toppled over the edge, at the painful landing, though the movement of lips and caressing hands helped distract them from the painful landing greatly.

By the time they pulled away, dazed and breathless Hyukjae whispered “Did that feel good or did it feel wrong too?”

Donghae had a crazed grin on his face as he answered by molding his lips onto Hyukjae’s for another long, languid kiss.

--

“Soo..”

“Hm?”

“This is crazy.”

Hyukjae laughed “It sure is.”

“And very wrong.”

“Wow, first time hearing a Pirate talk about something being wrong” he got jabbed in the ribs promptly by Donghae’s elbow “Ow! Ok sorry, no but what I really meant was..” Hyukjae shifted, they had crawled their way back onto the couch and Donghae had actually allowed Hyujae to disarm him by grabbing his sword and unhooking it from Donghae because Donghae seemed to like to climb up on Hyukjae and no hyukjae did not want to risk getting accidentally killed.

“I meant that technically speaking, this…these feelings between us are wrong, the society won’t like two men going at each other would it?”

Donghae hummed, eyes averted and slumping onto Hyukjae, he was right.

“Similarly, an officer and a criminal having a thing for each other is not right either yet…yet denying what you know to be there is also not right, so here I am, confessing my feelings for someone, which isn’t right but it feels just so damn right at the same time.”

Donghae shifted to lean forth, the tips of their noses brushing as he peered mischievously onto Hyukjae’s eyes “And exciting.” Arms embraced him, hyukjae’s fingers brushed over his nape and he shuddered, leaning in for more but hyukjae turned his face away “Addicted to my lips or something?”

Donghae looked utterly seductive as he crawled onto Hyukjae lap, lips softly attacking onto his jawline. Hyukjae gulped as heat coursed through him “Ah-excitement fades away gradually.”

Donghae quit his ministrations and pouted up at him “Can we please not get into the ‘what am I to you” thing as yet? I mean it was bloody confusing and hard to say it all to ye’…let’s just give this time, see how things roll out, kay?”

“Sure, but I’m no , please know that.”

Donghae frowned; Hyukjae was suddenly trying to avoid his gaze so Donghae moved to cup his jaw in his hands and made him look his way. “Hey..I know that, I want ye’ to know I respect ye’…and I care lots fer ye’ as well which just adds to my confusion cuz those girls I slept with…I dun feel anything fer them…so yer’ fer sure not similar to a for me.” Hyukjae let it go at that moment, because honestly, how could he demand answers from Donghae when he himself was not sure? This could be a phase and the two could think back to it as being some sort of a mistake.

“I’ll be killed if my Cap’n finds out about us.”

“And I’ll be kicked out of The Force and shoved behind bars if my side gets to know, hell we will both be hanged.”

“We can’t really help it…can we?” Donghae whispered as his hand cascaded over Hyukjae’s dark hair, fingers threading through the tousled locks.

Leaning into the touch, Hyukjae whispered “No…not anymore we can’t”

From then on began a series of meetings held in secret, Hyukjae’s apartment was initially their usual meeting spot. These short, hasty meetings and long time span of remaining separated only boosted what they felt to each other. From keen they became desperate; both of them knew they had their lives on the line, yet it felt so right.

It was just too late to turn back now.