I run like I have never ran in my life. I ran until I reached the gate, wrenched it open and ran again. My chest burned with the pressure but I kept going. I need to see him. I need to go there where I know he’ll be waiting and nothing can stop me.

            My vision blurred, not completely seeing the places and the people around me. My mind and feet is working together with just one goal: to go that place and see him. In the back of my head is where the images of the past, like as if they were burned right there, never to be forgotten again. The realization, all of it felt overwhelming and I am so afraid that I might get suffocated by it.

            I focused on Toushiro and try to hold on with my memories with him: both in the past and in present. I am so afraid that it might be too late and I won’t see him, like I failed to see him the day of the accident. The feeling is so desperate like my life depended on it.

            At last, after what I felt like ages, I saw it. The once imposing arch that I know so well: ‘Sakura garden’. I stared at it longer than necessary and it felt like as if it’s welcoming an old friend back. All I can see is beauty and remembering what I came for, I ran again.

            I stopped a few feet when I saw him. He was just standing there eyes closed his head inclined in the heavens like as if he’s waiting for something…someone. Happiness flooded through me. It’s been so long…twelve years. I can’t believe it’s been twelve years.

            I took a step forward still he didn’t move.

            “Toushiro-kun…” I whispered and ran the remaining distance between us.

            I slammed in his arms and I hugged him fiercely. I was half crying and half sobbing with emotion.

            “Tehru…chan.” he said total amazement in his voice. “You’re here…”

            “Gomen…gomen nasai.” I cried.

            He held me at arms length and looked at me incredulously. “I can’t believe you’re here. I have almost given up.”

            “You’ve waited so long…” I sobbed. “Baka desu.”

            He half smiled. “Why would you say you’re stupid?”

            “I’m stupid because I have forgotten you.” I cried harder. “Twelve years…I have forgotten you, you of all people.”

            “It’s not your fault.” he smiled sadly.

            I looked at him and another realization took over me. “And you blame yourself.”

            It was not a question but nevertheless he nodded to answer me.

            “That’s why you were always so sad when you’re with me.” I said yet again. “Why didn’t you tell me who you are?”

            “It was stupid of me too, not to recognize you at first.” he laughed nervously. “Even when I see you with all your purple things, so I was surprised when your friend Misaki introduces you as Tehru Fuuji.”

            I looked at him my full attention with him. He reached for my hand and we sat down in the garden floor.

            “I always went here you know…for twelve years.” he explained. His eyes were focused somewhere unparticular. “I came here after the accident, every especial occasion: your birthday, Christmas, valentines, the day we first met, and every time I do, I always hope that you will come back here, that I will see you waiting for me. I came back even after I went to America to study.”

            “There’s one thing I don’t understand though.” I said clasping his hand into mine. “Why didn’t you come at my mother’s funeral, if you really did wait for me.”

            “I went after you when I heard the news.” Toushiro said looking at me and the eyes and they were full of hurt and sadness. “I went at the funeral but your father saw me. I shouted for your name but you didn’t hear me. Your father took me as far as possible and told me not to bother you anymore. He asked me to leave for America for good and never come back or else he’ll send you far away. I know you couldn’t bear to be away to the place where your mother has her memories so I agreed. I sent a letter for him once I am in America.”

            Images flash in my mind. “Yes I saw the letter you sent him.”

            “The night before my departure, I came here and waited for you until my mom took me away. You never came.” he said sadly.

            “I was forced to see a psychiatrist.” I explained. “I was losing it. It hurts so much.”

            “I was shocked when I saw you at school. I never imagined I’ll see you again and I was more shocked that you don’t remember anything.” he said. “The many times I’ve been here I never looked for you in fear that your father might know. I have no news about you.”

            “He blamed you didn’t he?” I asked quietly.

            He nodded. “He said it wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t ask you to meet me that day.”

            “It’s not your fault.” I said trying desperately to assure him. I know deep inside he blames himself.

            “I can’t stand it, seeing you in so much pain.” Toushiro said; a tear escaped from his eyes. “You love her so much and I admit I blamed myself.”

            “It was an accident and I don’t blame you.” I said hugging him.

            “Arigato.” he said gratefully like it’s all he’s been waiting for me to say, that I don’t blame him.

            We sat there and I asked him to tell me everything he’s done in America. How his life has been and I told him my story. I was at peace, everything is perfect or so I think.

            “Everything’s okay now.” I smiled. “You’re here and we’ll be together.”

            He was silent for a moment before replying in barely a whisper. “I have to go.”

            “What?” I asked; stunned. I might have misheard.

            “I still need to go to America.” Toushiro said.

            “W-why?” I stammered. “You don’t want to be with me…?”

            “Iie…that’s not the reason.” he said shaking his head. “I have a reason.”

            I couldn’t believe I was hearing this. “Why?”

            “I need to go there and finished my studies.” he replied.

            “Why does it have to be there?” I demanded. “You’re here, you can study here.”

            “I need to go away and to grow up.” he explained. “I need to prove something to your father. It’s the only way he’ll accept me for you.”

            “You don’t have to worry about him. I can talk to him.” I answered desperately. “He owes me.”

            Toushiro shook his. “Don’t blame your father. He’s been a slave of guilt and sadness. When your mother died he’s been hurt too. He blames himself more than me. He thinks that if he just spent more time with you and your mother this wouldn’t have happened.”

            “That didn’t change when mother died. He still won’t spend time with me.” I argued.

            “Your father has been afraid and weak. He couldn’t stand to see you so hurt. Tehru you have to understand.” Toushiro said placing his hand on my shoulder.

            I shook my head. “No…”

            “I will come back…when I know I’ve proven something.” Toushiro said making me understand. “You know it’s the only way.”

            “Why…?” I sobbed. “I don’t understand.”

            “It hurts for me too.” he murmured in my ear. “I’ve only found you and it hurts that I have to leave you again, but I have to.”

            I hugged him like as if someone might take him away from that moment. “You’ll come back?”

            “Hai.” he nodded. “I promise to come back.”

            “Wasurenaide.” I said.

            “I won’t forget.”

            He kissed me and the pain didn’t subside. My heart aches so much. I can’t believe he was leaving me again but I couldn’t blame him.

           A/N:

another update. >:)) this one brought me tears as well as the previous chapters.

sigh. it's really hard to find TRUE love. At last Honto Wa Ne. ♥

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