The sun is lifeless, stuck in an undisturbed slumber denying the skies of its blaze.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo is wide-awake; Baekhyun leaning on his shoulders who is everything contrary to Kyungsoo is at the moment.

 

 

 

He could see the even breathing of his best friend from the corner of his eyes.

 

 

 

His soul is not intact, detached from his flesh, in that hour he is Quentin Jacobsen , seeking for the traces Margo  Roth Spiegelman had intentionally left him.

 

 

 

He likes reading while the rest of the world is sleeping, he likes being up while humanity dissolves into a comforting eerie silence.

 

 

 

Nothing could halt him, not even with the weight of Baekhyun’s head resting on his shoulder while they cross the city of Seoul in a moving vehicle filled with people his age.

 

 

 

 

 

The last page of the book he is reading is turned, a sliver of light touches his face, he opens the curtains to confirm that the sun has finally waken up.

 

 

 

He shrugs his shoulder earning an annoyed groan from Baekhyun

 

 

 

He does not stop until the guy hits him lightly on the spot that his head had occupied.

 

 

 

He is being greeted by too-friendly faces, parading smiles that Kyungsoo thinks is a little too tiring to maintain.

 

 

 

He doubts the sincerity behind their welcoming faces, in fact he doubts almost everyone. That has always been the case, it is an uneasy feeling but that is one thing he likes about himself.

 

 

 

He is never the one who gives his smiles freely, to see the young man smiling would turn as the shock of the century. His heart-shaped smile would be contagious to anyone who sees him wearing it.

 

 

 

It’s not that Kyungsoo is unfriendly. Maybe he is a little. He just deems it unnecessary to strut around faking smiles, there is nothing worth smiling at anyway.

 

 

 

They fall in line to the personals who are giving them their nametags and keys. Kyungsoo has never been in a retreat before, the unknown scares him to bits and that is one of the reasons why he chose to attend.

 

 

 

Blame that on the last picture quote he saw on tumblr. The words: if it scares you, you should probably do it, was written across the photo.   

 

 

 

He saw it coming, his two friends are roommates, and his own room is just across from theirs. Chanyeol comes enveloping his lover in a constricting hug as if he hasn’t seen him in ages. The giant just came over in the previous night.

 

 

 

He pushes the door open expecting an awkward meeting to however is unfortunate enough to be roomed with him but  the room is void of another living creature. Maybe he is lucky enough to have a room for himself.

 

 

 

He is uncomfortable sharing a bed with a stranger anyway.

 

 

 

He unpacks his belongings and attends the orientation with the couple in the orientation room.

 

 

 

When he sees the banner across the hall, he glares daggers at Chanyeol. The giant clearly left out the part that the retreat is a Christian youth encounter.  Chanyeol just gives him that creepy grin expecting it to fix Kyunsoo’s disbelief.

 

 

 

They sing praises to start off. Then they have to introduce their selves, Kyungsoo stiffens. The Youth Encounter is just starting and he concludes that he does not like it at all. The facilitator explains that they have to choose a letter from their name and use it in a word to describe themselves.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo thanks the heaven when the facilitator announces that it is voluntary.

 

 

 

He watches as one by one people goes in front greeting everyone with a lively tone being followed by booming laughter because apparently some individuals made their introduction by cracking a joke.

 

 

 

He could visualize himself down there, slumped narrow shoulders, head bowed down , stuttering incoherent words conjuring a bored expression among those ocean of eyes, inspecting every bit of his figure in disgust.  

 

 

 

Anna A for Adorable.

 

 

 

Jandi  J for Jorgeous

 

 

 

Chanyeol C for Chlamidya.

 

 

 

Baekhyun whispers to Kyungsoo “Park Chanyeol P for ert”.

 

 

 

Baekhyun Y for Yours only Park Chanyeol.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo mutters to Baekhyun when he sits beside him “Byun Baekhyun B for Byuntae”  

 

 

 

Myungsoo G for Gay.

 

He knows Myungsoo. They attended grade school together and never did he mistake the guy for a gay. The crowd cheers for Myungsoo who is brave enough to confess with the church people inside the room.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo admires him.

 

 

 

Myungsoo is brave enough to jump off the cliff; he wants to free himself from all insecurities as well.

 

 

 

To live.

 

 

 

No doubts.

 

 

 

No burdens.

 

 

 

Just him, lightly roaming the earth.  

 

 

 

Somehow, he feels as if his chair was pushing him to stand, to finally rid himself of the pounding heartbeat in his chest.

 

 

 

If it scares you, you should do it. He mutters to himself.

 

 

 

He closes his eyes, ignoring the noise around him, when he opens them someone is already standing up front.

 

 

 

“Kim Jongin, I go by Kai. K for Kyungsoo,” the rest of them are exchanging confused gazes.

 

 

 

The cheeky devil just smirks.

 

 

 

And Kyungsoo is aware, absolute, positive.

 

 

 

That smirk is for him.

 

 

 

---

A/N

 

The book Kyungsoo was reading is PaperTowns by John Green. Have you read it guys? It's a must read.

I love how John Green writes, the guy is a genius im telling you.

About the retreat, i have been in one and yes i adapted the use-a-letter-in-your-name-to-describe-yourself and those introduction came from my classmates.

I did not do it though, im a self proclaimed chicken but Onew is nowhere near from eating me.

I was planning to say Joanna A for Awkward but yeah , you get the picture.

 

 

Kai's smirk . ughhh...

 

 

Thank you you for reading !