Jongin is never a screamer; he leaves that to the girls, the privilege to moan his name as he pounds into them ball deep, the periodic creaking of the bed as an instrumental to their slipping pleasured voices.

Calling out Kyungsoo’s name never felt so natural, it rolls out of Jongin’s tongue deliciously.

Like chocolate delicately melting on his tongue, leaving traces of sweetness, blinding him into craving more.

He wants more.

He has to have more.

More than tongue tasting tongue.

More than grinding together, crafting a friction that never felt so sinful.

Everything about Jongin is immoral in comparison to Kyungsoo.

Jongin keeps imbedding to his brain that he shouldn’t care.

But he does because he should have tried harder when Kyungsoo refused to undress him as he offered.

He should have pulled Kyungsoo by the wrist when he left the room and planted himself in the living room.

He should have never left Kyungsoo buried in his notes in his own place when he could bury him within his arms.

He shouldn’t be there, soaking in noise, swimming liquor and crashing with unknown bodies.

Kyungsoo is going through his notes, he is trying to understand everything as a whole, to explain, to draw the line through psychosis and neurosis. But he is just an average student, he studies only when there are exams, studying in advance is a foreign thing for him. There are things that he can’t understand and that was when he results to the lowest kind of learning.

Jongin had abandoned him with his signature smirk clinging to his memory hindering him to absorb the knowledge written down in snowy papers, so he chops it down, piece by piece, word by word so he could swallow it.

His thoughts still cannot escape Jongin, he clings to the chopped pieces, it was like every atom was Jongin.

He cannot be reduced further.

It frustrates Kyungsoo to bits.

The light pitter-patter of the rain fails to hold his Jongin thoughts down, his neck keeps glancing to his periphery, to watch the world showering outside. The raindrops staining the windowpane paralyze him.

He cannot remember when he started zoning out, all he knew is that when he does, it’s a long time and he does it often.

Only an aberrant stimulus would pull him out, and this time, it’s in the form of a loud banging at the door. A girl meets his eyes.

 “Who are you?” she asks Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo does not talk much but he knows that he is supposed to be the one asking that, but he recedes nonetheless.

“I’m a friend of Chanyeol but he isn’t here at the moment”, Kyungsoo says.

“Right.  Is Kai here?”, she asks Kyungsoo.

Of course. The girl is there for Jongin.

Jongin who had always been followed by girls, as his entourage.

Or by guys even, Kyungsoo doesn’t know.

He doesn’t need to know.

He is Do Kyungsoo and he will never be like them, a slave for Kim Jongin.

Kyungsoo would never bend for him (in either ways).

Jongin who knew him from grade one, and made his life miserable since then.

He was ecstatic when college finally tore whatever sick coincidence they have in being in every single class until high school.

He was Jongin free at last and he was going to attend his dream college.

 “Hey! Owl-eyed guy, move aside, I’m coming in”, the girl says.

Kyungsoo doesn’t move, he doesn’t know her, so why should he?

“Are you seriously just going to block my way?”, the girl asks.

“I don’t know you, I can’t let you in I’m sorry”, he grips the doorknob with the clear intention of shutting the door in her face.

“Seriously? Look at me, does my look threaten you? You might look squishy and all but you’re still the guy here”, with that, she pushes the door aside and flops herself to the couch, her move certain and confident.

Physical appearances are pure masks to Kyungsoo, so he can’t be blamed if he doesn’t rely much on them nor invest much for himself.

After all, he is on the quiet side.

People think silent individuals hide things.

He couldn’t agree more.

So how could he believe that the girl’s sole intention is to wait for the evil masked as Kim Jongin?

That she isn’t a killer assigned to murder students who are alone, slice their skin and gather their organs to sell to who knows.

Or maybe, Kyungsoo just watches too much horror movies.

“Do you know when Kai will be home?”, the girl breaks the silence.

“I hardly know him, nor do I feel the need to”, Kyungsoo mumbles to himself.

“That doesn’t answer my question----, she momentarily stops, then glances at the window, and continues, “I’m so stupid, with him I will always be”.

Kyungsoo wonders why she is suddenly dropping all the fierceness and confidence that she showed earlier. The female who shoved the door, practically marking her territory is gone, her traces vanished, all replaced by a fragile girl whose eyes are lurking with sadness almost showing a hint of tears.

It amazes him how someone changes so rapidly.

Change really doesn’t come over night.

Within seconds, it can.

“I’m running after him, I’m the one running but he is the one who is getting tired. It’s not fair. He isn’t fair. I’m breaking every time he kisses someone, I got so good at hiding my tears, maybe he thinks that it’s okay for me. I was never okay, I just kept wishing that someday I’ll be the one he’ll kiss, take on a date, or look at me like I’m the most crazy special girl, and when it did happen, nothing changed because no one ever is enough for him. I can’t believe he used his friggin break up line on me.”

Kyungsoo has no idea what do as the lurking tears finally trails down to her pale cheeks.

Should he tell her that it’s okay because Jongin is a jerk anyway? because that would be giving false reassurance.

Wipe them? because , his hander kerchief is soaking with rain water.

Should he hug her like they do in soap operas? because from a stranger that would be weird not to mention extremely creepy.

Kyungsoo had read too much but he never encountered a guidebook on how to comfort people.

That is why he prefers being alone.

 He is good at it.

 So good that when a human company pokes him he blacks out on how to be a social being.

Kyungsoo hugs her anyway, careful and gentle, calculating almost scared that his actions would be interpreted wrongly.

“Why are you hugging me?”she asks.

“It looked like you needed one”, Kyungsoo replies, his arms still  around the stranger who seem to have the habit of spilling out his life miseries to anyone who would listen.

The door creaks open, a voice roars across the room, it is neither from the two people who are currently sharing sadness and warmth.

“What the is going on? Krystal get the hell out of here!”

 It is Jongin who is home earlier than he should be.

All because Do Kyungsoo is there, and the thought alone couldn’t steady his mind.

And this is what he sees.