Yonghwa

“Argh. Seriously, where is it?”

I rummaged my bedroom trying to find something I had forgotten. My room looked like a crashed airplane now. Clothes, pieces of paper, books, and other things were lying and thrown all over the place. Before I could find what I was looking for, Mom knocked on the door.

“Yonghwa-ya? What are you doing?” She opened the door and gasped at the sight before her eyes.

I paused and turned slowly towards her with an embarrassing smile. “I, uh…I’m looking for something…”

“Well, you’d better clean this whole mess when you finish. And don’t forget to sweep the floor too.”

“Ne, eomma…I’ll clean up in a minute!” I answered as she turned away from the doorway.

As I was looking through a pile of papers, I finally found that one piece of note I’d been looking for. It was already slightly torn and frayed. The texts were already fading. I tried to salvage what was left of it. I copied the handwritten texts that I could still make out into another piece of paper. It was a piece of a song I was writing around 2 years ago. It was a song I was planning to give to Seohyun at the beginning of our friendship. Though before I was able to finish it, I lost the paper and completely forgot about it since then.

“Hmm…why can’t I remember the lyrics?”

The remains of the handwriting that I could salvage were really insufficient. I couldn’t recall what I was going to write into the lyrics. Maybe I should just write new lyrics from what I could save from the remains.

Hopefully we can speak banmal to each other

Even though it’s still awkward and unfamiliar

Instead of saying ‘thank you’

Talk to me in a friendlier way

I could only make out this much from what I found. I picked up my acoustic guitar and tried to pick the chords that I remembered. Fortunately I remembered the basic chords and rhythm. I started brainstorming for some new lyrics to the unfinished piece.

Knock. Knock.

“Come in,” I said to the door while still focused on brainstorming.

“Yonghwa-ya?” Mom came in. “Aigooo, what did I tell you? Clean up the mess before you start anything else!”

“Ah, I’m sorry, eomma. I forgot for a second there, hehe…” I quickly put away my guitar and started picking up the mess I made.

“I won a lottery at the supermarket, got some sets of meat to barbeque. Is it okay if you invite some of your friends tonight?” She asked me who was still struggling to put things where they belonged. “Seohyun should definitely come!” Mom suddenly got excited at the thought of Seohyun coming over.

“Woah, a barbeque party? That’s great! We haven’t had any barbeque for a while,” I jumped in excitement, throwing all the papers I was holding in the air only to get a soul-piercing glare from Mom. I quickly came back to my senses and picked the papers and cleaned the hell out of my room.

---------------

I picked up the phone and dialed Seohyun’s number.

“Yeoboseyo?” she answered the call.

“Yeoboseyo, Seohyunnie. Um, Mom wants to invite you to come over to my house tonight. We’ll have a barbeque party. Can you make it?”

“Tonight? Um…ne, oppa…”

Then I hesitated before asking something to her.

“And, um…can you…ask Yoona to come also?”

“Arasseo, oppa…”

“Okay, thank you Seohyunnie! See you later,”

“Ne, oppa… See you later…”

With that the call ended.

Things between me and Seohyun have been…awkward. Ever since that night, I couldn’t act right in front of her. I didn’t know how to act in front of her anymore. She has been a really close friend to me, but after what happened to me lately, I somehow could no longer see her as just a friend. My heart fluttered when I was near her. I always felt that no matter what I do in front of her just never good enough. I always wanted to be as nice as I could in front of her. But because I didn’t know what to do, things only became more awkward.

Despite all of the feelings I felt, I still treasured the thought of us being friends all this time. I didn’t want anything to ruin the good things we already had up to this moment.

After calling Seohyun, I called everyone else. As I scrolled through my contact list in my phone, my finger stopped at one name. Taeyeon’s.

“How have you been?” I mumbled to myself.

It’s been a while since the last time I gave her a call. I wonder if it would be awkward to call her after this whole time. We were still meeting each other often at school, but we haven’t had any real conversation. Despite what had happened between us, she was still my friend. I got in a dilemma to invite or not to invite.

As if my body couldn’t take my dilemma anymore, my thumb slides itself on the touch screen of my phone and pressed the call button on Taeyeon’s name.

“Yeoboseyo?”

“Um, Hi, Taeyeon-ah…”

“Yonghwa? Hi, Yonghwa-ya!! How are you?”

“I’m fine, haha. You?”

“Hahaha I’m fine. What is it, Yonghwa?”

“I was wondering if you could come to my house tonight. My mom got a set of meat to barbeque and told me to invite my friends. Can you make it?”

“Ah, of course! Sounds fun, hehehe,”

“Okay, then. See you later?”

“Haha, yeah. See you later!”

It went better than my expectation. There wasn’t a slightest hint of awkwardness in her voice. It was not awkward for me too. Maybe that means that we already got over each other?

After I finished inviting everyone, though only some of them could come, I went back to my room and continued where I left off.

----------

I got stuck right after the first verse. I didn’t know what got into me but my head really didn’t work as good as usual.

I looked up to the clock: 5.30 pm. I’ve been stuck for almost 4 hours.

Knock, knock. Someone knocked on my door.

“Come in,” I answered without looking at the door, still immersed in thinking about what to write.

I heard the door creaked open and light steps came inside the room.

“Mom, I’ve cleaned up ev---“ I exclaimed before turning to see who it was.

“Oppa…”

I froze. It was Seohyun with an awkward smile.

“I-I...w-wha—“

“Hehe, I’m sorry for coming so early but I had nothing to do at home so I thought I just visit you earlier.” She let out an awkward chuckle.

“Hehe, well, I can’t say I’m not glad that you’re here early,” the atmosphere started to get awkward. “Have you met eomma?”

“Yes, downstairs. I got a hug from her the moment she opened the door.”

“Hahaha, yeah well sorry about that…she also looked really excited when she told me to invite you,”

We melted the moment with our hearty laughter and warm smiles. She looked really beautiful. At first I thought she took extra effort to make herself look better before going here, but then I realized that she only dressed as usual. She was the same Seohyun I’ve known for the past two years. I didn’t know why it took me so long to realize how beautiful she was.

“So, what were you doing, oppa?” she asked.

“Oh, nothing. I was just wri—“ I paused.

I just realized what I’ve been doing and I couldn’t let her see it yet. I turned around to the desk in panic and quickly put all the scrap papers into the drawer. But I was a second too late.

“What is this? Uri seoro…” She picked up the original piece and began reading the first line. Before she could read any further, I snatched the paper right from her hand.

“Ya! Don’t read it!”

“Wae, oppa? Why are you so protective with that?” She pouted.

“U-uh, it’s nothing, really. You don’t have to see it now.” I said then I saw her pouting. Why do you have to be so cute and beautiful?

“Now?? You mean, I can see it later?” She brightened in excitement.

“Ya! I didn’t say that!”

I stood and stared at her as she examined the whole room with her x-ray eyes. Her gaze stopped at my guitar lying on the bed. Oh, man. I totally forgot about that.

A devilish smirk crept up her face. “Aha! I know what you were doing!” She pointed to the guitar. “You were writing a song!”

“You got me. It’s for CNBlue. No biggie.” I shrugged and pretended that I gave up.

“Hmm, I don’t think it’s that. You were so protective not to let me see it just now.”

I sighed. “Well…”

Before I could answer, she walked closer towards me.

“Please let me hear it once?” She said cutely. I knew she hated doing aegyo and that she was bad at it, but one thing that she never knew was that it always worked on me.

Another heavy sigh escaped my lungs. I grabbed her by the shoulder and leaned closer to her. I felt her shoulder stiffened as she let out a faint gasp. I looked into her widened beautiful eyes.

“Don’t worry. You’ll be the first one to hear it,”

No, I did not just say that…

Silence followed. I let her go and just stood there without a sound. I could see her face getting tomato red. I could also feel blood rushing to my face. My head was in haywire and my heart was beating madly.

“T-that’s wonderful!” She broke the silence. “Promise?”

“Promise.” I smiled.

“I want to check downstairs and maybe I could help your mother to prepare for tonight. Are you coming, oppa?”

“Hmm, maybe later. I still need to do something.”

“Something as in the song, right? Alright, go finish it. I can’t wait to hear it!” She laughed as she made her way towards the door.

I rushed to the door and opened it for her. “Here,”

“Uh,um. Gomawo, oppa…”

I stood at the doorway as I watched her back going down the stairs. I felt butterflies in my stomach, my heart raced, and the only thing I could think of was her smile and laughter. My head was over the clouds. Then ideas came rushing. It flows really well that all the questions I had when I got stuck were answered. It weren’t just ideas, it was more like feelings. I closed the door and sat back on my seat by the desk and continued to write the lyrics.

“Thank you, Seohyunnie.” I mumbled under my idiotic smile.

You are the missing lyrics I’ve been looking for.