Yonghwa

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Thank you, Yonghwa.

I couldn’t stop thinking about you.

I don’t have that same feeling you feel towards me.

Mianhaeyo.

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I couldn’t stop thinking about those words.

I couldn’t sleep, eat, or do anything without hearing those words over and over in my ears. Why? Another word came up in my head. Why? Why it has to be this way?

I still couldn’t accept reality. We had come up this far, and then everything had to fall apart just like that. But thinking about it again, it was probably for the best. I understood her reason. She actually cared for me. She didn’t want to do this anymore so that I wouldn’t be too attached to her and get hurt because of her. Despite everything, I respected her decision.

I got up from the bed. The house was quiet because Mom was out to buy groceries. I went to the mirror in the bathroom and saw myself. My eyes looked really tired because of the sleepless night and my hair was messed up. I sighed.

“I’m a mess…”

I washed my face and got out of the bathroom. I took out my phone, checking if there was any incoming text that I missed. There was no notification. I navigated my phone to the sent messages. It said that the last message had been delivered. It was a message to Seohyun.

[

YH: Seohyunnie. I just want to know if you’re okay. I’m really worried about you. I’m sorry I couldn’t find you in the theme park. Thankfully Jessica did. I’m sorry.

]

Another thing I couldn’t get out of my mind. I was really worried about Seohyun. I didn’t understand why she ran off that suddenly, but my reflexive systems made me go after her. There was no time to think what and why. I just didn’t want to lose sight of her. When I lost her, I felt horrible and guilty.

“I’m home. Yonghwa, are you awake?” I heard Mom shouted from downstairs.

“Ne, eomma! Be there in a sec,” I rushed downstairs to help with the groceries.

After I finished putting all the groceries in the kitchen, I went out to get some fresh air. I needed to relax my body and mind so I did some light exercise on the porch. The morning was really peaceful. Not many cars passing by in front of the house. It was so quiet and peaceful, it reminded me of Seohyun. As I thought about it, lately we hadn’t had much time to find a quiet place to refresh our minds. Seohyun really loved quiet and peaceful places and hated crowded places. From time to time, we would find time to go to places like the park in the morning or the rooftop of our school only to sit there and enjoy the view, talking to each other about our problems, refreshing our minds, and just to enjoy the presence of each other. But then so many things happened lately, so we hadn’t had peace in a while.

“Yonghwa, are you going out? Go get shower and brush your teeth first before you go out,” Mom called from inside the house.

“Arasseo. Maybe I’ll go out a bit later,” I answered her and then went inside to get a shower.

When I was taking out my clothes from deep in the closet, I accidentally dropped something on the floor.  I didn’t realize it at first, but when I picked it up I remembered what it was. It was a small deer keychain someone gave me. It was covered in black stains and dust. I didn’t realize I was still keeping it.

I suddenly remembered how I got the keychain. My mind began to play something, like a movie on a projector screen.

“How long has it been? Three years?” I whispered to myself. “Why am I remembering this now?” I sighed and put the keychain back in the closet before going to the bathroom.

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It was already 10 am. I had nothing to do so I decided to take a walk outside. The streets had gotten more crowded and people had started to do their daily activities. I walked peacefully while munching a piece of toast. I just needed some fresh air after all that happened lately.

I hadn’t gotten far from my house when my phone vibrated. I took it out and see the text message. It was from Seohyun.

[

SH: I’m sorry oppa. I’ve caused you troubles. But I’m alright now. It’s okay oppa, it was my fault to make you worry so much. But thank you so much oppa.

]

I smiled at the message. I didn’t know why but finally receiving her reply made me happy. It was like a mood booster for my gloomy morning. Then I decided to come by her apartment. Maybe that was just what I needed, seeing her. I informed her that I wished to come to her apartment before setting off.

I went over to the convenience store first to buy something to eat in Seohyun’s apartment. As I got closer to the store, I immediately remembered the scene that was going on here in front of the store around three weeks ago. I could only sigh and move on.

“How long should I go on like this? Do I really have to remember all of it every time I visit this place?” I whispered to myself.

Just as I went out of the store, I saw someone from afar going pass the store on the other side of the road. The sight of her made me frown and brought back the weight I felt on my chest yesterday, when she told me that we couldn’t be with each other anymore. Fortunately she didn’t notice me and just keep going. Then I waited until Taeyeon was out of sight before continuing making my way to Seohyun’s apartment.

I was already in the last intersection near the apartment when I realized some people that were passing the area suddenly stopped and stared at something. I didn’t know what was it but I did hear something like a faint smacking sound from afar. I quicken my pace to see what was up. And I saw what was up. The moment I saw them, I turned back right away. I accelerated my pace as I made my way back home. I'm not supposed to be here, I thought.

“Was that really…Yoona?” I said to myself in disbelief as I accelerated into a run towards home.