Chapter 8!

“Hahaha, are you jealous?”

 “How about you, what brought you here, you miss me don’t you?”

I should have not asked it but I did. Separation and distance, they are ideal components of a relationship gone wrong but I was confident that she would kid about my remark.

I was wrong.

Dead wrong.

She moved towards me, her face facing mine, she uttered, “What if I do?”

Change, if this is the kind of change that Hyoyeon had to put up with, I wondered what went wrong back there in Yuri and Nickhun’s home. She was nothing but cold and distant. But this time, she was teasing, I felt trapped.

The sight of her naturally pink lips enticed me that I wished I did more than just stare. After a few seconds, when she said it, I pulled back and I knew she noticed it. I was like a retreating soldier. I was unprepared, not geared up for the upcoming battle.

Junho, you’re such a wimp. That, I managed to say to myself.

“Hahaha, oh, don’t be scared, I won’t bite, Junho, haha! You should have seen your face,haha! Epic! Haha!”

“Hyoyeon, you got me there for a second, haha!”

“But seriously, I miss you, Junho. Not because our relationship went down the drain it means, we can’t be friends right? I admit the idea… At first, I felt really awkward but what we had was good. You’re friends with Yuri and Nickhun, I am too. I went here because… I felt guilty, on how I treated you.”

Forgiveness… was this part of it? Feeling guilty for something that she said was kind of unfair…

Guilt… if she had experienced it on a whim, mine took forever.

“Hyo… To be honest, I’m really happy, ‘coz you came here, talking to me me like this. I couldn’t be happier.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, when you left, I thought, there won’t be a time like this again--- that we’ll be okay… but look, you’re here, I’m here with you, talking to you… You, smiling at me… You don’t know how happy I am today, Hyo. And I miss you too.”

Missing me? Oh c’mon, Junho, you never even tried reaching me. And now you’re telling me that you missed me? Pretense. You are just happy that I am giving you all the means to get rid of that guilt in you. Still, everything about us, about me… it boils down to you. It has always been like that since.

“Sorry, it was very forward, I guess, sorry.”

“Huh? No, no. I totally understand. That’s why I’m here remember? To bridge the gap, make amends. Plus, you even told me that you want me to know you again, so here I am, I am knowing you again.”

“So, does that mean, you’re gonna give me your number? Haha”

That smile… it fooled me a number of times, Junho. Never again.

“Yeah, sure. Definitely. And more.”

=============

Pizza, soda and ice cream lay on the only table that was left usable. She stayed much to my surprise but heck no, I am not complaining.

“Hahaha, remember when we had coffee the first time? You’re really grouchy that time, haha!”

“Hahaha, and you! you’re full of yourself, haha! Feeling so handsome, haha!”

Memories… here they are again, I thought. For three long years, I cradled them in my mind like babies. Every detail embedded, every good old memory kept for my satisfaction. I was plastered by it so many times, I was weakened by the fact that the resource of those memories was living hundreds of miles away that time… But now, it’s different, she’s here, with me, and she even offered me a new beginning.

Do I love her for doing this? For initiating? I owe her. And it was unlikely for I felt, I should be the one making amends, fixing our relationship. Instead, it was her. I will give her everything that my willing heart owns. It may not result to another romantic relationship but I want to make her feel that our separation wasn’t easy. That it was a predicament that I owned for a while… that I did not forget.

“You have always been the happy, the composed one while me? I was the uptight, workaholic daughter and best friend. I think I messed you up. I think I did, haha!”

“What? What do you mean?”

She took another gulp and spoke,

“You... loving me made you mushy and cheesy and corny, Junho, hahaha! But what we had is really--- I don’t know…  sweet!? haha”

I could not believe what I am hearing… she was basking on the glory of a past that brought us together. Unbridled by pain or contempt, she was not even touching the subject; the night when she saw me being kissed… but yeah, she believed otherwise.

“Hey, what’s with the long face, what’s on your mind, tell me.”

I placed my cup back on the table. I moved my seat closer so I could have a full view of her face. I want to tell her this for the longest time and while I may ruin this ideal moment, I don’t wanna miss out on this chance.

Forgiveness, should I ask for it? Should I tell her what I did after she left? Does it even matter now?

Questions. Unfinished business. Both are hard to keep. They will kill you like secrets.

“Hyo… what we had, is not only sweet. For me, that was my greatest experience in love. You never messed me up… I love you so much that I thought, loving you would be enough. But I was so wrong when I started doubting you… when I failed listening to you… especially when I found out about Eunhyuk and Hyukjae and all… I was so sorry for not trusting you, for making you feel that I couldn’t. I was pushing you away… I was not thinking. Maybe because, what happened to us was, we loved each other too much, we started to fear… I was too scared that you might be taken away from me but I messed up… I’m sorry for messing up.”

Words… how sweet…but how come I couldn’t taste it. And that was the inner speaking.

Tears were forming… I could tell. He had this look on his face that anyone could easily love. If I was the former Hyoyeon, I would readily cuddle up with him and tell him that I’d understand… too bad, I wasn’t the same pathetic girl who fell for a man who promised to be her saviour.

I had two broken relationships. One died. This one- it died on me.

I left his unit before midnight. He thought that what he said was fully accepted by me. The tears and drama brought it to life but I won’t be sold by it. I was done with drama.

If you only knew, how much I cried back then, you would not even attempt to know my pain.

The lights and the passing cars as I drove home were clear reminders that I was again living. I came to his unit to deceive him. I was successful judging by the way he treated me.

It’s really different when you’re facing him… with only the two of you.  

It’s really different when you hear those words you prayed to hear from that very person you longed to see.

I don’t know but as I drive, I am in tears. It feels like there’s a heavy burden inside my chest…

No, Junho… it wasn’t you who I messed up…

It was me.

***************

Aigoo Hyo!!! Junho was telling the truth & he trully loves you so please listen to him!!!

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