Chapter 10!

“Junho-sshi?”

I had no choice. He saw me first.

I then stepped outside while he gave me a nod.

“Good morning Donghae-sshi!”

He held his hand out. I took it.

“So, you live here, huh?” I asked.

“Yeah, we will live here.”

“We?”

“Yeah, me and Hyoyeon, we’re moving in next week. Had to make sure everything’s set. So you live here too?”

Questions like darts… piercing… exchanged… my head could not absorb what has been said.

Donghae and Hyoyeon… living together… in the same building where I live…

Great.

“Yeah. It’s good to see you or should I say, welcome.”

“Thanks! I’d better get going, I still have things to do, and I also need to pick Hyoyeon up.”

He turned his back on me and all the while, I was left thinking- does fate really hate me?

Sometimes, the more you escape the truth, the harder it becomes. Finding a new place was supposed to be uplifting. I was the “free and settled” one according to Nickhun and Yuri. But am I still?

How can I manage to escape my reality when it is being displayed for me to see?

How will I ever get the chance to move on when every single thing about my existence now interestingly intertwines with my past across my front door?

Are my years of lamenting still not enough? That even though my heart wants to see her… be with her… that even my mind is still in chaos every time I think of what should I do just to get her back.

She left, came back and I just put my hopes up… thinking that maybe, I could bring back the romance that we once had.

But no.

She returned and I was left broken, seemingly picking the pieces up all by myself.

She returned and she had been very nice to me.  My heart has been echoing my need for forgiveness and she seemed to be giving it but whenever I recall our last encounter… the conversation back in the coffee shop… I was more perplexed- did she came back just to perturb me? And does she really mean it when she said that she’s forgiving me?  

I was here sitting at the edge of my bed… with a dim light on. All the windows are left open. And the breeze makes the white curtain flap gently… the air touching my face.

I ran my hands through my hair and rested my elbows on my lap… I was consumed again.

Token… pictures… and the red velvet box that housed the ring… they were occupying my bed…just like how Hyoyeon occupies “my everything”… and damn it hurts. Still.

When will this ever end?

==============

The moment that I’ve been waiting for arrived after several days. The thumping and thuds became clearer; I could hear every rustle and noise. I knew that they were just outside my front door, preparing their life… together.

I opted to stay inside. I cooked breakfast and contented myself by watching ESPN. I then switched channels for honestly, nothing can ever compensate for the discomfort that I’d been harboring.

When the greatest love of your life was just a few steps away from you, living with someone who is not you… do I really expect a tennis game to eradicate the hurt?

When the girl that you longed for and hoped to ask forgiveness from was finally opening up yet becomes unavailable, do I really expect life to suddenly give me a forehand when I was already playing too late?

Life and love… they are inseparable. For when you start loving truthfully, your life begins. And when you lost someone you love, life seemed to be put at a halt. You may never notice it but when you are longing for someone… such never ends easily. The longing stays.

Knocks were heard and my heart skipped a beat.

Please, tell me, it’s not her… not “them”.

If I stood up and answered, it is like opening my home to unwanted strangers.

If never stood up and answered, it is like closing my doors to a seeking friend.

Again, choices… everything does involve choices.

I stood up and approached the door. I peeked through the peephole and there she was, right outside my unit.

“Good morning, Junho.”

“Hi, good morning, Hyo.”

“Did I disturb you?”

“No not at all, Where’s Donghae-sshi?”

“Uhm, he just went out for awhile, can I ask you a favor?”

My inner voice wanted me to say no but being the stubborn man that I was, I said yes.

“Yeah, sure. Anything wrong?”

“Ahm, yeah, I was just wondering if you could help me with something.”

I was inside their haven… their love nest and as much as I wanted to pull back, seeing her again, after several days, satisfied my longing.

She was in front me, wearing this oversized shirt and short shorts, which exposes her hot damn legs that I personally missed seeing. She was too busy unpacking things from a huge box. There were mostly items meant for the living room and I could care less.

Apparently, she wanted me to help her with a huge wooden dresser.

“Uhm, so where is this dresser you needed help with, Hyo?”

“Go to the bedroom.”

“Huh? W-why?” I gulped.

"Uhm... Because the dresser is in my bedroom? What's wrong with you? Why are you so nervous? Hahaha"

She then motioned for me to follow and I was led to a bedroom. I assumed- their bedroom. Ouch.

The walls are colored light green. A French window overlooking the busy street can be seen on the right side of the room as I entered. A few more steps and I saw the wooden dresser. She wanted to reposition it and have it placed far enough from the bed.

When we were still together, the first things that came to mind whenever I see four-posters were- silk or satin sheets… crumpled by sweating bodies… moans of pleasure and passion plus need. Yeah, it wasn’t al really.

But now, I am beginning to hate four-posters.

“Junho, are you okay?”

“Ah, yeah, I just remembered something. Was this the same-“

“Oh, the bed? Nope, this one’s handcrafted. Do you miss it?”

“Huh?”

“I mean... Your old home. Because me, I wanted to see traces of my past through certain things, you know, so I could be reminded of people, experiences… Just like this, you know how I love four-posters right? I had my first poster when I was nine, my dad gave me that, didn't I said that to you before?”

I just shake my head…

“Really? Oh well, it’s understandable since we didn’t last long… it’s not even a year right?”

“9 months.”

“Sorry, what did you say?”

“9 months… we’re together for nine months…”

“Oh really! Wow! Even the time that we are separated was much longer than when we were still together, Hahaha!”

That laugh… if only I could read those laugh… was it really a laugh or sarcasm?

“But I was happy. Even though it’s only 9 months… I was at my happiest, Hyo”

I was practically testing her this time. I just want to see her reaction with what I said. But just like before, she was just there standing… rooted to her spot… not wavered.

She then flashed a smirk before answering back,

“Me too, Junho. I was at my happiest… too bad, it didn’t work out. I was so busy loving you that time… that it somewhat overrun…”

It sounded sad… not bitter but sad.

If I’m not mistaken… it felt true for what she said is true. I promised her forever but I failed her big time.

She then tried to break the deafening silence between us by adding,

“So, what  now?”

She asked with a soft smile but instead of going where the dresser was, I moved towards her…

I don’t know how it happened but I was already in front her… holding her face… my right hand caressing her cheek… I was gazing… taking a careful look at a face that I loved and missed… she wasn’t moving.

“Sorry… for what it’s worth, I'm really sorry… you’re right… it somewhat overrun, I’m the one who’s lacking.”

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