Noise
Bastard“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,” Gale does her best to run to stop Mei Lin in her heels—they’re only an inch high but nonetheless, an effort is required. “Where the hell do you think you’re going, missy?”
“Meeting?” Mei Lin lies quickly, almost forgetting that Ms. Wang scheduled one and that was her initial reason for return today.
“…Right…” What the happened?
Had you been anyone but Mei Lin or Yi Fan at that meeting, like say Lu Han, you would’ve never known that something had just happened between them. Mei Lin takes notes and acts as if she had never left. When the meeting is over, Yi Fan tries to catch up to Mei Lin, but the moment that he does, she quickly says, “Parking lot, five pm,” and nothing else.
The discreet exchange and Yi Fan’s blank response does not go unnoticed by Gale who sees everything though the glass of Mei Lin’s office. The moment that Mei Lin returns to her office, Gale is waiting for an explanation with arms crossed and a tapping foot. “Spill.”
“Remember what I said earlier about quitting?” Surprisingly, there is no waver in Mei Lin’s voice.
“Oh…”
“‘Oh?'” Mei Lin is as perceptive as ever ever since Yi Fan’s confession. It’s as if everything has been made clear—everything. She tints the glass for emphasis. “You knew, didn’t you?”
Gale sees through Mei Lin’s antics. “Don’t try to turn this around and make this about me. You always pull that .”
“Says the one who hid Tao’s death and my boss’s feelings for me from me,” Mei Lin says sharply.
Gale blinks once, I’m surprise you didn’t have a .
“I kept it from you, what else is new? We keep things from each other all the time; there’s nothing wrong with having a few secrets among friends.”
“,” Mei Lin can’t help but say.
“Don’t tell me you’re actually going to quit,” Gale says, bringing the conversation full circle. “You can’t run away from your problems, Mei.”
“Really? Really?! That’s rich coming from you.”
You have a counter for everything, don’t you? “Mine was justified—”
“Bull. .” Mei Lin stares down Gale in spite of the fact that she’s shorter than her friend. “You have no right—”
“Okay! I know that that’s what I did, but that doesn’t make what I did right!” Gale unconsciously rakes her hand through her hair. “And that is definitely no reason for you to make the same mistake that I did. My visa was expiring, alright? I saw an opportunity to go and I took it. What reason do you have to leave? Don’t you love him back?”
Mei Lin’s train of thought derails at the question. “Love is when you put someone else before you. Love is when someone else’s happiness is essential to your own. Love is something that you cannot express properly through words or even actions—it’s a feeling, it is a connection. You’re asking me if that’s the case? I don’t know, Gale, okay? I don’t know. It’s been my job for the last three years to make sure that his needs are met before mine. If he’s not happy, then how the hell can I be happy? I don’t know what it is that we have but it sure as hell isn’t a simple business relationship, because what kind of boss takes you to a garden after closing?”
“Beats me,” Gale shrugs. “I think I would prefer a bonus.”
Mei Lin laughs off the gravity of the conversation. “Are you implying something?”
“No,” Gale smiles.
“I’m just so used to the way that things are, I don’t know if it’s anything special.”
“Then figure it out,” Gale says. “Would you have been like this towards anyone else?”
“I don’t know the answer to that.”
“Mei, you would’ve backed away ten steps and told the guy upfront that you ‘cannot return his feelings’ if you simply only cared,” Gale chuckles. “That was what you used to say in high school whenever a nice guy confessed to you, right?” Mei Lin rolls her eyes at the memories. “You were nice to them, you didn’t hate them, and you liked them as they were, but you didn’t feel the same way—”
“I get your point,” Mei Lin sighs. “Well, I know what I’m going to do. What about you?”
“I’m giving the poor deer another chance. I don’t think I’m ever going to get over him and I think that that’s a sign—as if Alistair’s first word being ‘daddy’ wasn’t sign enough.” Gale sighs, “I’m not sure how it’ll go, though. We’ve never lived together and who knows what will happen.”
“We should get back to work…”
“I better see you here tomorrow morning.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
Five pm comes faster than Mei Lin would have liked, but it did not come fast enough for Yi Fan. Neither of them could stop thinking about today’s events. She’s probably working on her letter of resignation right now. He sighs, I won’t accept it.
Mei Lin walks slowly on the account of her leg but Yi Fan takes it as her reluctance to this confrontation. When she trips and loses her balance, Yi Fan quickly steps forward to catch her. They walk together the rest of the way to their respective vehicles. “Thanks…”
“Maybe you shouldn’t drive today,” Yi Fan suggests in attempt to joke and lighten the mood.
“Oh not you too,” Mei Lin whines. Neither do anything to let go of the other.
“You should fire the driver if he’s not going to be doing his job,” Yi Fan jabs.
“Such a waste of gas,” Mei Lin says softly. Though the mention of a driver brings back memories. “Maybe you would like to drive me home then?” With a soft voice and a hidden face, Yi Fan knows something is wrong and quickly obliges. “Sorry to impose like this…”
“It’s no problem.”
“Are you saying that because it’s true or because of your bias towards me?”
With Yi Fan’s eyes needing to be on the road and Mei Lin’s on the sudden storm that they’re driving through, there left little room open to interpretation now that Mei Lin speaks softer than ever. “Mei…”
“I’m sorry,” Mei Lin says. Yi Fan holds his breath as Mei Lin sighs. “I shouldn’t have brought it up just yet.”
A bit of relief shows itself through a sigh for Yi Fan. “We’re adults, I think we can handle this kind of conversation.”
“Can we?” I know I can’t, too much is happening. “Wu Yi, you’ve had months to think about this. I found out only today.” I should probably clarify. “Did you bury him?”
“Cremated,” Yi Fan says. “His request, not his parents.”
Once they arrived at Henry’s mansion—which, I suppose, is Mei Lin’s now, Mei Lin goes to change into something more comfortable and there is tea waiting for them in the sunroom. “Wu Yi,” Mei Lin says slowly after sipping her tea. “I would like to give you a proper answer, but to be perfectly honest, I don’t think that I can at the moment. This isn’t the first time that I have lost a friend, but this is the most recent, and this is by far the most connected that I’ve been to said person.” Yi Fan says nothing. “This is really no excuse though,” she chuckles. “I either love you back or I don’t—simple as that, right?”
“Love is a complicated thing,” Yi Fan says quickly, not wanting to force an answer. “Take all the time that you—”
“I don’t need time,” she says. “What I need is to know what you want from me.”
“What?”
“What do you want from me? Do you want me to be your girlfriend? Do you want to just date? Do you intend to marry me? What do you want from me, Wu Yi?” Yi Fan simply blinks (adopting Mei Lin’s habit); he was not prepared for this. “Depending on your answer, I will act accordingly.”
“What the hell does that mean? You mean that you could quit or do what Gale did and—”
“Whoa,” Mei Lin holds a hand up.
“How does what I want have anything to do with how you feel?”
“It doesn’t.” Mei Lin says. “All it’ll change is what I’ll do.”
“Are you going to tell me?”
“No, it’ll affect your answer if you know the outcome.”
“Mei, I don’t want to play games. I’ve played enough of those with those and I can’t even remember the last time I had an honest and decent relationship. I know I’m not exactly what you would bring home to those undeserving parents of yours, but—”
“Wu Yi,” Mei Lin says calmly. “I care about you very much.” This puts Yi Fan a bit at ease. “To what extent though, I’m not exactly sure, but I’m willing to find out—but all of that depends on what you want out of this relationship.”
“I want us to be happy,” Yi Fan says simply.
I wasn’t expecting that. “What do you need to be happy?”
“You,” Yi Fan says, staring at Mei Lin even though her attention is on the ripples in her cup. “As long as you are alive, well, happy and in my life, the whole company can go up in flames and I will be content—though… you might not be too pleased about that, so maybe that wasn’t the best metaphor…”
Mei Lin laughs to herself at his unintentional attempt to lighten the mood. “Okay,” she says wistfully.
“‘Okay,’ what?” Yi Fan asks, confused as ever.
“Do you have any preferences as to how we’ll go about our happiness?” Mei Lin asks.
“I would like to be able to show you that I care a bit more openly—and not just in words…” Yi Fan watches her calm expression for any subtle changes. “I’ve never really thought about marriage or a family, but that’s the ideal of any society, right? The idea doesn’t disgust me but I am scared that I won’t bode well as a husband or a father but I’m willing to try—I know what not to do.” They both chuckle a bit. “I know what’s expected of me in a relationship, so—”
“Wu Yi,” Mei Lin stops him. “I don’t care about what you’re supposed to be doing if it means that you won’t be yourself. Please do not do to me what you did with Miss Kwon.”
A sour expression twists Yi Fan’s face for a moment before he adds, “I don’t want to hinder your career or do anything that will affect the people you are and could be helping.”
“I think it goes without saying that an open relationship given our current circumstances will be highly frowned upon,” Mei Lin says with a smile. “Maybe I really should quit.”
“No,” Yi Fan smiles. “I don’t want another secretary. I like having an excuse to call on you whenever I need something.”
“If you don’t want to hinder my career, you will restrain yourself from doing such things,” Mei Lin (playfully) glares. “What happens in that building and at any event related to the company must not change. What happens anywhere else is fair game.” Yi Fan can’t help but smile. “Like you said, lives are at stake—in both our cases.”
“I don’t want you to become like Wang,” Yi Fan says carefully.
“Let’s not think about that just yet,” Mei Lin says. “With all due respect, even when there were rumors, my credibility, my success, my reputation, all of that was put into question. Anything too public would only confirm what the tabloids want to hear.”
“Mei, if this goes well—”
“I know,” Mei Lin sighs. “But we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. I would like us both to come out of this with our names still clean.”
“No one can deny your results,” Yi Fan points out.
“The media doesn’t care about statistics, they care about drama.”
“I’m sorry that it slipped out—dropping one bomb was already too much and—”
“In your defense, they were both dropped by accident.” They laugh quite loudly to relieve the tension. “I think our main focus right now is to get to know each other a bit better while improving the company’s image and actual inner workings. I think we can wait.”
“Mei,” Yi Fan says honestly, “I don’t want to wait. What if something happens—”
“Wu Yi—”
“No! You never put yourself first and you always think of other people. What do you want, Mei?”
The question rings in her ears. You would think that by now, after hearing it so many times, that she would have an answer. “I would like to have a personal life that doesn’t conflict so much with my professional one. Clearly that’s impossible given the circumstances—”
“We’ll be okay,” Yi Fan says reassuringly. “You’re talking to the Head of Public Relations after all. As un-human as it is to compartmentalize one’s life, if you do your job and I do mine, I think everything will fall into place.”
“He was right… you really are wise,” Mei Lin says softly. And with that last word, the dam breaks.
Yi Fan soon realizes that the ripples in her cup are not just from her shaking hands, but also from the falling tears. He sets his cup down and quickly removes Mei Lin’s from her hands in fear that it might shatter. Yi fan sits himself down next to her but hesitates before attempting to comfort her. One would expect her to sob loudly and uncontrollably—and she would have, had it not been for her caged voice and Yi Fan’s strong hold. It’s not long before Mei Lin has trouble breathing. Yi Fan panics but doesn’t let go (nor does he call the staff). Instead he rubs her back and coaxes her with soft words that even he doesn’t believe, “It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.” When her breathing seems to be under control, he holds her close in his lap, afraid to lose her again, and adds, “I’m right here,” with a kiss on the forehead. He feels Mei Lin shift in his arms and in fear that she would leave his arms abruptly again, he loosens his hold just a bit. Don’t go.
It surprises him when the weight on his lap doesn’t lift. Mei Lin rests her head against one of Yi Fan’s collarbones, in the small of his neck, and has her arms wrapped around his back and waist. “Thanks…” She rubs her cheek against his skin a bit and settles down, but the tears don’t stop. “Sorry, it’s just really hitting me that I’ll never get see him again.” Yi Fan hugs her a bit tighter while rubbing her arms but says nothing—he too starts to cry for his friend. Mei Lin sees and feels Yi Fan’s silent tears and sits up a bit to reach for some tissues. She wipes his eyes before hers. “Sorry, didn’t mean to—”
“Don’t worry about it.” He chokes on his smile but takes the tissue from her. Midway, he decides to grab her hand instead of the tissue and she quickly looks down and away. Too soon for a real kiss, so he takes her hand and gently kisses it briefly on the knuckles. Mei Lin was already red from all the crying; this sends her heart on a marathon. There’s a bit of pain and the free hand instinctively reaches for her chest. “Sorry…” Yi Fan whispers. “Another reason to take this slow then?”
They exchange smiles and Mei Lin decides to change the subject without attempting to remove how her fingers are still in his grasp. “Would you like to stay for dinner?”
Seeing how much strain he had already put her through, Yi Fan kindly turns down the invitation on the pretext that he should get some work done. Although slightly disappointed, Mei Lin smiles at his decision.
Mei Lin arrives at her usual time (fifteen minutes before opening) and sees that her vase of sunflowers had been replaced by a pot of pink orchids. Confused, Mei Lin looks around and sees that Yi Fan’s office is unoccupied. “Vick, what the heck are these?” Mei Lin asks.
“…Don’t you like them? You left the sunflowers out on your desk, so I thought your favorites had changed… I did some research and you always get these every so often from that shop, so I thought—”
“I’m not talking about the kind of flowers, I’m trying to ask you why you even bought me any—or rather, why you had your secretary buy me any.” Victor is more or less speechless. Mei Lin suppresses the urge to rake her face with her hands. “Maybe you shouldn’t look past the secretaries’ desk.”
“What?” Mei Lin rolls her eyes and leaves his office, moving the flowers from her desk to Victoria’s in the process. “Oh…” (Victor takes the hint).
Mei Lin makes the mistake of leaving the flowers out in the open and Yi Fan sees them the moment he sets foot in his lobby. He stops and stares at the pot just as confusingly as Victoria. She bows to him in greeting and he absentmindedly acknowledges her. He goes straight for Mei Lin’s office and gives her a confused look while stealthily pointing at the pot. Mei Lin throws her eyes at Victor’s office and Yi Fan’s face silently says “ahh” before he goes to his own office. This confuses everyone in the lobby because all they saw was a very silent exchange between the two. “I know that they should know each other pretty well by now but,” Victoria looks at her boss and then her boss’ boss, “but has it really evolved to silent communication?”
“Why are you surprised?” Krystal asks.
Their little conversation is interrupted with Mei Lin poking her head out and asking, “Victoria, can you get Yi Xing on the line? Thank you.”
“You’re so lucky to have a boss like Miss Chan,” Krystal says. “Her orders are questions—at least she gives you the option. Everyone that I overlook is all ‘do this, do that.’”
“Line 1,” Victoria tells Mei Lin.
“Yi Xing,” Mei Lin says, “Has Lu Han come into work yet?”
“No miss,” Yi Xing says. “I’ll let him know that you called.”
“That won’t be necessary,” Mei Lin says, rubbing her head. “Thank you.” Her eyes can’t help but stare at how empty the lab looks—even with all the techs. She’s never late. The only other time—oh no. Mei Lin quickly makes a call on her personal cellphone and panics when no one answers. Never before has she worked so fast to find information and is startled when her phone goes off, even more surprised when she sees that it’s Lu Han calling. “Are you okay?! What happened?!” Heavy breathing, sirens, crying—but not his—noise, just noise. “Lu Han? Lu Han? Where are you? What happened?”
Lu Han’s mouth was open but no sound came from it. He was still too much in shock and he can’t even remember how he came to dialing Mei Lin’s number. Somewhere, somewhere in the midst of all this chaos he hears himself tell her, “Alistair… he…” Mei Lin grabs her keys and personal mini-laptop and leaves. “He’s…”
“Miss Chan?” By the time Victoria notices and stands up, Mei Lin is already inside an elevator.
“He's…”
“Did Mei just leave?” Yi Fan asks. Victor stares at the elevators and exchanges looks of question with Yi Fan.
But all Mei Lin could think about was GPS tracking Lu Han’s phone and getting there as soon as possible. She scrambles to get into her car but—
“…gone.”
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