The Word That You're Looking For
BastardThe moment that Mei Lin had arrived at the office the next day, something was different, but she simply couldn’t put her finger on it. On her secretary desk is a fresh vase of sunflowers, which almost causes her to lose her footing. “Who are these from?” she asks softly to hide the fact that her voice is still weak.
“They were here when I came in,” Victoria lies. “Welcome back.” She adds a bow and continues with her work.
Mei Lin turns around and sees that Victor is already hard at work in his office. He is the only one that knows about the sunflower thing. Something catches her eye and her attention is drawn to the office twelve steps up. He’s here early. Mei Lin takes a closer look at the vase and sees a card that says “歡迎回來.” ("Welcome back.") The faint logo on the back confuses her. This is the same floral shop that I called for Mrs. Wu’s… Don’t tell me they’re collaborating now. I guess that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. She goes into her office without confronting either suspect. When she sees Gale already looking down a microscope, she adds another suspect to her list, but it’s quickly crossed off on the account that Gale was never the type for such sentimental acts. I’m surprised you’re still working. I guess someone has to occupy my apartment to keep me from moving back in.
By the time that she realizes that her lunch break was supposed to be an hour ago, it occurs to her that Yi Fan hadn’t called for her all day. In fact, no one has really come by to say anything. The truth of the matter is that Gale did not only call Xue last night, but mass messaged everyone (even Lu Han) that Mei Lin was out of the hospital. Under Yi Fan’s orders, they are to not give Mei Lin any special treatment—that includes visits to welcome her back to the office.
“This is so weird,” Mei Lin says to Yi Xing as they have lunch. “It’s like I never left.”
“That’s good, right?” Yi Xing asks. Isn’t that what you wanted?
“It’s nice.” Mei Lin has to figure out what’s bothering her. “But it’s not normal.” Maybe I’m not needed here. She is quickly reminded of her dreams and what that voice said to her. They’re only dreams. I only dreamt what I wanted to hear.
“Ms. Chen?” Yi Xing asks, wondering why Mei Lin is posing in still frame. “Ms. Chen?”
“How’s Lu Han?” Mei Lin asks, changing the subject.
“He’s fairly well from what I can tell,” Yi Xing says. “He and Miss Estella are on speaking terms now—is it still considered speaking terms if it’s only work-related speaking?”
“Well, if they’re not sending messengers and actually picking up a phone or going thirty seven floors to talk, then yes, I would say that that’s an improvement.” With a glance at her watch, she leaves, “My lunch break is over.” She is about to walk back into the lab but remembers that she technically has another job. “Sir?” Mei Lin asks as she walks in.
“Shì shén me?” ("What is it?") Yi Fan asks, not looking up and pretending to look busy.
Why are you speaking to me in Mandarin? “Do you need anything?”
“Bù.” ("No.")
Why so formal? “Alright…” Not even a ‘welcome back’? Mei Lin looks around and sees that there’s not a speck of dust nor is there a single smudge anywhere. “Is there anything you’d like me to do?”
“Méi yǒu.” ("No.") Yi Fan still refuses to look up.
Mei Lin is about to leave but then decides, if things really are how they were before I left, then this shouldn’t be happening. “Wu Yi,” she says after walking in front of his desk. She waits for him to look up but he never does so she continues, “Wǒ zuò cuò shén me?” ("What did I do wrong?") Yi Fan doesn’t answer and Mei Lin catches sight of a receipt for sunflowers. She slams her hand on desk, enough to make Yi Fan (and his pen) jump. “Oi!” Mei Lin swallows, forgetting that she shouldn’t raise her voice like that. “Kàn kàn wǒ.” ("Look at me.") Yi Fan slowly but eventually makes eye contact. “Nǐ hái hǎo ma?” ("Are you okay?")
Don’t look at me like that. “Wǒ méi shì.” ("I'm fine.") Yi Fan worries that Mei Lin can hear the pounding in his throat in such silence.
“Liar.” I’m not playing your game anymore. Mei Lin narrows her eyes. She analyzes him further but still can’t come to a decent conclusion like she used to. “Are you blaming yourself? I know both Tao and I got hurt but it’s over now and everything’s okay.” Yi Fan says nothing. “Are you honestly not going to respond to me if I use English?” Still silence. “Weren’t you the one who insisted that I—” Mei Lin takes a deep breath through her nose, having to remind herself to pace herself. “Tao felt guilty too, didn’t he?” At that point, Mei Lin knows just to keep talking because her boss surely isn’t going to say anything (he can’t). “Do you blame me for his absence?”
When you say it like that, it almost sounds like you know…
Mei Lin took the silence as confirmation. “If that’s the case, then I’ll find a way to bring him back.”
She turns to leave with tears threatening her eyes but Yi Fan coughs up a “Stop!” Alarmed, Mei Lin jumps and lets the door close. “I… I don’t blame you.”
Mei Lin feels a bit more relieved to hear Yi Fan speak English to her again, but his words sound thin, as if stretched out to cover something bigger. “Wu Yi,” Mei Lin says slowly. “If you want to have the whole building treat me like nothing happened, that’s all fine and dandy, but it doesn’t mean jack if you suddenly shut me out.”
“Sorry,” Yi Fan blurts. He presses his lips thin to try and get a hold of himself. “I… just didn’t want to bother you with petty things. It’s good to have you back.”
Mei Lin leaves with a bleak smile and finds Gale waiting in her office. “Y—” Before the syllable was out of , she is slapped. “What the hell?!”
“That’s my line, missy!” Gale has half a mind to slap her again. “You know, I was really hoping that Henry wasn’t going to be right, but doctors don’t just keep you in the hospital because they want your money. What the were you thinking when you checked yourself out last night?”
“That slap was a bit unnecessary, wasn’t it?” Mei Lin nurses her cheek.
“You and that blond over there are one in the same,” Gale hisses, not liking the fact that her other statements are being ignored. “I literally have to slap sense into both of you.” There’s a flash of defensiveness behind Mei Lin’s eyes to which Gale smirks. “If you had stayed home to rest, I can totally understand that, but no! You’re here working like nothing’s changed.”
“Everyone’s treating me that way anyways,” Mei Lin shrugs.
“For heaven’s sake, Mei! You were shot. Twice, I might add.” Gale is on the brink of being hysterical from how calm Mei Lin is. Maybe she still has some sedatives in her system.
“You don’t believe in heaven,” Mei Lin says as she skims the latest reports.
“You’re missing the whole ing point!” Gale walks up to Mei Lin, intending to hit her upside the head but Mei Lin is quick to catch her wrist this time.
“You get one freebie, the next one will mean your job,” Mei Lin says seriously. She lets go and Gale plops herself on the couch that’s in Mei Lin’s office. “I already missed two months. Even if I don’t work in the lab or go out to the conferences, I still need to be here—”
“Bull,” Gale scoffs.
Mei Lin ignores her disrespect. “You know where the door is if you have a problem with how I choose to do my job.”
“You firing me, Mei? You two really are the same now,” Gale laughs dryly.
“I’m giving you the option. I only asked for you to be here until I was back. I know you don’t want to deal with who’s on the ground floor, so if—”
“Really?!” Gale slams her palms on the couch. “What is it about you two and pushing away the people that actually care about you?” Gale huffs and gets herself off the couch. “You can do your Department Head work from home. There’s a little thing called technology nowadays—”
“Pick a door, Gale.”
Gale turns towards the lab but before sliding her ID card, she turns and adds, “You really should just admit that you’re back for another reason.”
“You first,” Mei Lin makes sure that her friend sees the look on her face. I know what you’re implying but stop projecting.
Gale scoffs and goes back to her work, but that conversation argument has her thinking more than she would like to admit. Why am I still here? Do I still love him? What am I saying, of course I do. Maybe it’s because I don’t want Alistair to grow up without a father. Who am I kidding? I want to give him another chance but… how? I don’t want to get hurt again…
Her cellphone rings and she answers absentmindedly without seeing who the caller is. “Miss Estella?” It’s Yi Xing’s voice.
“Yes?”
“Mister Lu would like to see his son, if that’s alright with you,” Yi Xing says slowly. “He didn’t ask me to ask you… he’s just been—”
“No.” Gale hangs up. 'His son' my . You wouldn’t have frozen up and taken half a lifetime to make up your mind if you really cared. So you care more about the kid than you do about me? What did all those years mean then—
Her phone rings again and she doesn’t even vocally answer. “Miss Estella?” Yi Xing is confused at the silence on the other end.
“What?” Gale isn’t exactly pleased right now.
“I’m only telling you this in advance because I fear that he might do something drastic.”
Gale stops her work, “Go on.”
“Mister Lu is not happy with himself and hates that you are so far away, even though you are here now,” Yi Xing says politely. “I know he is only my boss, but—”
“Get to the point.”
“I would like for you two to get along for the sake of each other, your child, and even to Miss Chen.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“It is not my place, but please try to talk to each other and understand each other.”
“Is that all?” Gale sighs and rubs her eyes, happy that she didn’t put on makeup today.
“Yes.” Gale hangs up instantly.
Someone knocks on her door about five minutes later. What is it now? Someone from the Legal Department hands Gale a folder of papers. Long story short, Lu Han would like partial custody of Alistair. So this is what Yi Xing was talking about. Gale is far too tired at this point to get angry. She walks down (yes, all thirty-seven flights of stairs) to the ground floor and makes a slow beeline to Lu Han. He spins around just as she’s walking up to him. He is even more confused to see the files in her hands and completely shocked when she feeds them into the shredder. “If you want to see him on a regular basis, all you had to do was ask.” Lu Han is speechless. “If you wanted an excuse to see me, don’t use our son, just give me back my ring.” Still as still as a statue. “It’s still mine, right? Or did you sell it—”
Gale is almost knocked over by the sudden embrace even though they’re about the same height. “Th-thank you.” Lu Han’s words sound choked as if he’s trying not to cry.
Gale cringes and pats him awkwardly. “Don’t screw it up this time.” Lu Han lets out a lame laugh. “You… can let go now. People are starting to stare.”
Both clear their throat and awkwardly return to their work. Even by the time that Gale returns to the second to top floor (elevator this time), Mei Lin is still deep in thought while mindlessly retaining the information in the reports. You seem to be carrying yourself quite well without me. Looks like my decision to not sign three years ago was not in vain. Mei Lin gets up and packs.
“Where the hell are you going?” Gale asks, checking her cellphone just to make sure of the time.
“I’m taking your advice,” Mei Lin sighs. There’s no need for me to be here. “I’m going to work from home. Video stream me if you need anything.”
“What?” Something happened.
“I’m finally doing what you want and you’re going to get mad at that too? There’s no pleasing you, is there?” Mei Lin gets into the elevator and Yi Fan confronts Gale.
“Did she just leave?” Yi Fan is clearly as confused as Gale. “She’s never left early.”
“She says she’s going to work from home.” Gale finds her words to be unbelievable even though it was her voice saying them.
Yi Fan gets a text from Mei Lin that says, “I had no reason to stay so I’m going home; call me if you need anything.”
'No reason' my , Gale smirks as she reads over Yi Fan’s shoulder. She bites back a laugh when Yi Fan texts back, “drive safely.” You two need to get a room. “Better tell her to text you when she gets home. Her leg is still weak; what if she can’t hit the brakes fast enough and—”
“Shut up,” Yi Fan rolls his eyes. I’m worried enough as it is, don’t scare me like this.
“Why not visit her? You know where Henry’s mansion is, don’t you?” Gale is enjoying being the catalyst. “Surely there are things that she needs to sign that cannot be sent electronically and you don’t have a secretary anymore. It’ll be the perfect excuse for you to deliver them yourself.” She can’t help but chuckle at how Yi Fan forces his door to close faster. I wonder why she left the flowers out on her secretary desk. Just throw them away if you don’t like them, don’t be so polite about it.
Gale’s words turn into a persistent thought more annoying than fruit flies in spring. Yi Fan eventually gives in and grabs a few things with the intent to see Mei Lin, even though he’s already home. I’m making myself pretty damn obvious, aren’t I? Xue opens the door. “Hello—”
“Miss Chen is expecting you,” she says before heading out herself. “She’s in the sunroom.”
“Hin Wah left me with his entire staff if you can believe it,” Mei Lin sighs, not looking up from her tablet. “That includes the expanded security detail—in case you were wondering how I knew you were here.”
“I have some things that you need to look over and sign. I also wanted your opinion on the—”
“This couldn’t have waited until tomorrow?” Mei Lin chuckles to herself as she looks at the files.
“I didn’t know when you would be back,” Yi Fan admits honestly.
“Well, you didn’t have to come all the way out here yourself—oh wait, you have no real secretary,” Mei Lin laughs to herself. “Sorry about that, I’ll start looking for a temp.”
“How’s your leg?” Yi Fan asks, already knowing the condition of her lungs and heart from how she sounds. There was a slight limp when you walked into the office today.
“It feels like I only used this one leg to run a marathon.” Mei Lin keeps her eyes on her tablet but rubs her leg subconsciously. “I still keep up with my rehab if that’s what you’re worried about.” I just don’t like being so unproductive—or maybe that’s just what I’m telling myself as justification. Mei Lin isn’t sure; Gale’s insinuations have her confused. “You’re already tall, no need to keep standing and make me feel even more inferior.” Yi Fan looks around before sitting down awkwardly. “Have you never been here? Henry’s had a few company parties here before.”
“Since when have you known me to attend such things?”
“You went to the Gala,” Mei Lin points out.
Yi Fan’s mouth goes bitter at the memory. “A prime reason why me going to such public events is never a good idea.”
“Ironic,” Mei Lin points out. “So you mean to tell me that you’re not going to talk at the local middle school?”
“I thought it was a college,” Yi Fan knits his brow in attempt to remember the memo.
“If you go to a college, the only people who will listen are those who want an internship. Most people at the local universities already have most of their lives planned and high schoolers are far too stubborn and heaven forbid you try to talk to children. They have a shorter attention span than you do, so—”
“Hey!” Yi Fan chucks a small cushion but quickly fears that he threw it too hard.
Mei Lin ignores the pillow with a glare and continues, “The middle school is our safest bet. Plus, it wouldn’t hurt you to stick around the school and talk to some of the kids more personally. Don’t go in a full suit, you’ll come off as far too intimidating—but don’t go in jeans and a graphic tee, no one will take you seriously. Be business casual and approachable—leave your hair down, you look more welcoming that way, and for goodness' sake, smile.” Yi Fan’s chuckling cuts Mei Lin’s advice session short. “What?”
“Anything else? Should I be taking notes?” He smiles just like she asks.
“Of course not,” Mei Lin says coolly, “I have a copy of all that I’m telling you.” At that moment, Yi Fan’s phone vibrates with an email from Mei Lin with an attachment of the said copy. It’s Mei Lin’s turn to smile. “May I suggest something, sir?” She takes his silence as a yes. “Being the Head of Public Relations, you really ought to think about the image of your future company. Image is more than just you and Mister Wu,” Mei Lin says carefully, mindful to not use the word “father.” “It’s more than just stock values and profit and statistics and expansion—a company is more than just what’s on paper, it’s about the people as well. It doesn’t matter to the general public how rich we are if it’s ran by snobby, pretentious men in suits.”
“So what are you suggesting?”
“Set an example and go do some honest good work. Charities and fundraisers are nice, but anyone can write a check. Preparations have already been made so that our producers and distributers are more eco-aware. Changes will soon be made so that our facilities are more efficient and I will soon require both of my Departments to volunteer at the local hospitals so that they are reminded of who it is that they are helping with their work.” Mei Lin pauses briefly to ensure that Yi Fan is listening and to bring him back, she adds, “Plus, it doesn’t exactly hurt the company any either. Makes your job a bit easier, no?” Yi Fan stares and blinks and Mei Lin’s mind wanders to what could possibly have Yi Fan in a daze. “It doesn’t have to be changing bed pans or anything like that. It can be as simple as getting flowers and delivering them to the rooms yourself. Pink orchids perhaps? It can be in honor of your mother’s memory so that it doesn’t come off as a lame attempt to gain good press. It’ll surely keep that flower shop in business.”
Yi Fan’s sad smile turns into a chuckle, but suggests, “How about sunflowers instead?”
Mei Lin cringes, “Sunflowers are outdoor flowers and aren’t very suitable for indoor display.” But Mei Lin sees the other side to his suggestion very quickly, “Perhaps something other than orchids then—”
“No, no,” Yi Fan says quickly. “It’s a wonderful idea. Let’s do it.”
“Would you like for me to call the flower shop or do you already have their number?” Mei Lin asks rhetorically.
The awkward silence is filled with Mei Lin scrolling through her tablet and making the order and Yi Fan staring at Mei Lin in thought. “Do you dislike sunflowers?”
“I like their seeds,” Mei Lin says smoothly, dodging the intent of the question. “Roses are cliché and overrated, yet classic, and chrysanthemums make good tea when dried.”
“You sound like Lau with the way that you speak.” Silence again prompts Yi Fan to change the subject. “Will you be coming to work tomorrow?”
“Would you like me to?”
Yes. “Do you want to?”
I guess so. Mei Lin skims through the company calendar, “Looks like I have to. We have a meeting tomorrow that was just put in by Miss Wang. Everything’s going full steam again now that I’m back.”
“You don’t have to,” Yi Fan points out. “You have every excuse not to go.”
“We can’t all be like you and get away with it,” Mei Lin jokes.
But Yi Fan is more hurt than anything else about the jab. Haven’t you noticed that I’m different now? “But that doesn’t mean you need to work yourself to death!” His choice of words is not exactly the best.
The tension is obvious to them both now. “Sir,” Mei Lin says softly, “if you no longer need my services at GIBI—” Yi Fan jumps up from his seat in horror but is speechless. “… Or if you wish for me to stay and be present, then simply say so. We’re adults now and have little time for such games.” Yi Fan opens his mouth but can’t seem to find the will to verbalize what his heart is screaming. Mei Lin sighs internally and her downcast gaze speaks nothing but disappointment. “I guess I’ll see you at the office tomorrow, then.” The fact that her voice is barely audible a testament to the perfervid atmosphere, but he credits that to her scarred vocal cords.
Yi Fan takes that as his cue to leave and someone of the staff shows him out.
“And just when I thought we were rid of you.” Gale rolls her eyes and throws her bag down. “If I’m early, then what does that make you?” Mei Lin’s lack of response and choice of ignoring has Gale frustrated and she leaves for her own work. She is in between the door when she remembers, “What did he say to you?” Still silence. “… What didn’t he say to you?”
What I wanted to hear… I guess. She gives Gale a brief glance and that was enough to make Gale turn back and go behind Mei Lin’s desk to give her a brief hug. Well, this is a little out of character for you.
Yi Fan comes to work and sees this scene just as he’s about to make his way inside his office. I wonder what happened for Gale to get all touchy.
“You want to talk about it?” Mei Lin shakes her head but Gale knows better and hugs her even tighter. “Come work in the lab with me?” Mei Lin grabs her lab coat and joins Gale in the making of the new design. “You remembered something else, didn’t you?” A nod. “Humans are never as brave as they think they are.” A laugh. Well, at least she’s not mute. “How do you feel about it?”
“I… don’t know,” Mei Lin says honestly.
Is that your real voice now or are you just being quiet and soft-spoken again?
“I still think it’s a dream—he hasn’t said or done anything to really confirm it. I don’t want to assume.”
This is Junsu all over again.
“If it was a dream, was it a wish-fulfillment dream? I know I want a straight answer, but when I get it, what am I going to do? I don’t think I’ll be okay if it was just a dream.”
“Mei?” Gale asks after there’s a long silence. She looks to see Mei Lin concentrating on soldering. “Why won’t you be okay? Do you want him to—”
“I don’t know,” she admits. “If it’s true, then I just might have to quit.”
“Whoa, wait. What?”
Mei Lin looks up seriously, “Are you honestly going to tell me that your personal life doesn’t ever spill over into your career?”
“Point taken.”
“I’d have to question everything that he’s doing—everything that he’s done if it’s true,” Mei Lin sighs. “It’ll change things. I’ll definitely treat him differently. I would be idealistic and say otherwise, that I’m capable of ignoring the fact and putting it aside, but with something like this, I know that I won’t.”
Wow.
“I don’t want to stay in this state of not knowing though.”
“From the sounds of it, there’s nothing but cons that can come from—”
“I know,” Mei Lin sighs again.
“So then why do you want it to be true?” Gale watches Mei Lin’s face very carefully. “If you don’t want all of that to happen, shouldn’t you want it all to be just a dream?” Silence. “Mei…”
“I care about him, okay?” Mei Lin practically yells (“practically” because her volume has forever been adjusted). “There. I said it. Are you happy now? I really care about that indigent buffoon and I don’t know why.”
Practically on the brink of tears, Mei Lin is moved out of the lab before she hurts herself and into her office. Gale tints all the glass walls and sits with her on the couch. “Love,” Gale says softly. “The word that you’re looking for is love, my dear.” Mei Lin’s throat feels sore from her outburst so she keeps quiet as Gale holds her and her hair. “You have a very giving and selfless personality. Junsu and Victor were similar in the sense that they proved to you what you want to prove to the world: that there are good people, that good things happen. Victor did something stupid and almost made you lose sight of that but then blondie over there gave you a challenge. He gave you focus and an opportunity to show that your will had not been diluted by your misfortunes. You probably saw and learned a few things about him that you didn’t expect. And you of all people know him best.” Now that Tao’s gone. “You grew to care about him because that was your job.” I’m talking a lot. “Feel free to stop me.”
Mei Lin shakes her head. When did this even start to happen? When did this go from me trying to do my job to me actually caring? Maybe I’ve always cared. Maybe it’s only now that I realize it might be more, now that it’s been brought up.
“Give him time,” Gale suggests. “Give yourself time.” She hears a sigh. “And don’t try to reason it out. Love doesn’t have a reason, it just happens. If putting it into words was really that easy, then we would have a lot less music, poetry, and books about it.” Mei Lin chuckles and sits up, allowing them both to get back to work.
I should finish those reports.
Meanwhile, with the glass still pitch black, Yi Fan decides to hand in the new contracts to the chairman himself, not wanting to bother Mei Lin. He thinks that it will be a quick in and out, but Mr. Wu adds, “Miss Chen is back to work already, I see.”
“Yes she is,” Yi Fan says with the intention to leave.
“Then why is it that you’re doing your own lackey work? She didn’t just come back to do one job, did she? Or should we assign you a new secretary?”
“You can’t expect her to come back and work like she used to,” Yi Fan says as calmly as he can manage.
“Why not?” Mr. Wu narrows his eyes. “If you’re going to work here, you might as well put in a good effort; if not, then why come back at all?”
“How can you say that?!”
Mei Lin stops herself from entering Mr. Wu’s office. Maybe I should go… Hoang and Wang aren’t here so I shouldn’t go in unannounced. Mei Lin turns to leave but she didn’t leave in time to miss what was said next.
“I was a bit more forgiving with her when your crooked driver was still alive—at least he was good for something besides being your pick-up—but now you’ve been demoted to handing in your own contracts. It’s ridiculous.”
What did he mean “was still alive”? Is Tao… no… He was shot but—Wu Yi said—everyone—
“Why do you care—”
“The head of such a company should not have to subject to such petty work.”
“Well then it’s a good thing that I’m not the head of the company.” Yi Fan storms out of the office but the sight of Mei Lin quickly dispels his anger. “Mei…” How much of that did you hear?
She snaps back to her senses and bows as she hands Mr. Wu her reports. Mei Lin leaves as quickly as possible in spite of all the attempts Yi Fan makes to stop her. As expected, Mei Lin goes to the roof but due to her weak leg, she is only halfway up the stairs before Yi Fan catches her and grabs hold of her. They struggle in the dim staircase. “Let go of me,” Mei Lin demands with a voice that’s caught between sorrow and anger.
“Mei…” Yi Fan does nothing to stop her weak strikes, nothing but hold her as tightly as possible.
She settles for anger. “You liar!”
“I’m sorry—” Slap.
“'Witness protection' my ! Why the didn’t you tell me that he was killed?! Did you not want me to blame myself, is that it? And if it wasn’t bad enough that you lied to me—how the hell could you even lie about something like that?! You even got everyone else to play along!” Angry tears sting and burn her vision, her coarse throat feeling more and more like salt in an open wound, but Mei Lin refuses to let up. “He died because of me! He died trying to clear our names! How dare you pretend like that didn’t happen?!”
“We didn’t tell you because we were afraid—”
“Afraid of what?” Mei Lin demands. “That I wouldn’t be able to handle it? Wasn’t I also his friend? Didn’t I have a right to know? Don’t you trust me?!”
“Gale and Lu Han fought in your presence and you had a heart attack when you were comatose.”
“What the does that have to do with anything?!”
“The doctors said that we shouldn’t overwhelm you—”
“Since when did you ever listen to the doctors?” Mei Lin hisses, referring to his mother.
“I’m sorry,” Yi Fan says again. “I knew it was wrong but I didn’t want to risk straining you—was it so wrong that I didn’t want to lose you too?!” Through her blurred vision and the dim lighting, it can be seen that Yi Fan also has tears in his eyes. “For heaven’s sake, Mei, I’ve lost my mom and my best friend. Lau and Amber are out of the country and you got shot because of me and were in a ing coma! You can’t dance like you used to because of me—you don’t even hum anymore!”
“So you lied to me,” Mei Lin concluded. “When did you plan on telling me if I didn’t happen to be in front of that office? When my condition got better? When will that be?” No words and the stillness allowed Mei Lin to get out of his hold. “I would’ve rather known the truth and die from it than suffer in ignorance with false hope.” How can you live with yourself lying to me like that?
“Mei,” he says, stopping her one more time. “I’m sorry for lying to you but I was doing what I thought was best for your sake—”
“You know, there’s been a lot of that happening to me lately,” Mei Lin hisses. “And frankly, I’m ing sick and tired of it. If what’s best for my sake is to lie to me and hurt me, then I might as well just jump off this building right now.”
Please don’t say things like that.
“Is honesty too much to ask for nowadays?” Mei Lin huffs. “I’m tired of people using the excuse of other people’s well-being to justify their actions—”
“Mei,” Yi Fan joins her at the base of the stairs and hugs her. “I’m so sorry, Mei Lin…” Mei Lin’s not sure what to make of this gesture. “I… I just couldn’t imagine losing you too… I’m sorry.” I did it because I love you.
From the way that Mei Lin tensed in his arms, he knew. He knew that his last thought was actually said aloud. And from the sudden empty feeling in his arms, he knew something else too.
Translations/Author's Notes:
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“歡迎回來.” (Huān yíng huí lái) = Welcome back
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“Shì shén me?” (是什麼？) = What is it?
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“Bù.” (不) = No. (negative particle)
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“Méi yǒu.” (沒有) = No. (lit. do not have)
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“Wǒ zuò cuò shén me?” (我做錯什麼？) = What did I do wrong?
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“Kàn kàn wǒ.” (看看我) = Look at me. (polite/normal)
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“Nǐ hái hǎo ma?” (你還好嗎？) = Are you okay?/Are you alright? (a question of one's well-being)
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“Wǒ méi shì.” (我沒事) = I'm fine (lit. I [have] no matters)
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