I'll Be Fine
BastardTwenty seconds. Mei Lin is silent for twenty seconds too long. She just stares straight ahead at the office that’s directly across from hers and sure enough, Victor’s name and title is in perfect white letters and characters that appear to be floating due to the glass doors. Of all the representatives; of all the countries; of all the floors. Her eyes pan over to the one above them and she notices that it’s still empty. He should be here already. He’s never late—anymore. “Has Yi Fan come in yet?” Mei Lin asks, completely forgetting what they had been talking about before.
“Uh, no,” Victoria says, somewhat disappointed because she had expected some information to come out of Mei Lin, rather than a question about her boss. Mei Lin calls Yi Fan but there’s no answer. “Where are you going?”
“I need to take care of something,” Mei Lin says.
“What will I tell Mr. Wu?” Victoria shouts, as Mei Lin is about to get on an elevator. He wanted to see you; you’re supposed to show this new guy around.
“Tell him I’m taking a vacation day.” Something’s not right. He’s practically attached at the hip with his phone.
Mei Lin pulls up the tracking system on her mini-notebook and finds that Yi Fan is still at home. As she walks to her car, her eyes still glued to the screen, she unknowingly walks past Victor, who just as unknowingly walks past her.
She calls Zi Tao once she’s in her car. “He didn’t get the door when I knocked and he didn’t answer his phone when I called. I assume he’s taking a personal day.”
“What makes you say that?” Mei Lin asks as she pulls out of her parking space.
“Well…”
“…Gotcha,” Mei Lin says. “I’m going to check on him now.”
“Don’t you have wo—”
“This is more important. Something’s wrong; I can feel it.” Traffic causes Mei Lin to get there in half an hour and sure enough, no one answers the door when she knocks. “Sir?” Nothing. Mei Lin sighs and digs through her bag for the key. “I’m coming in.”
Mei Lin wouldn’t call the place a mess but it surely isn’t what she would call clean either. There’s a thin layer of dust on everything and dishes are in the sink as well as the dishwasher. Clothes are thrown all over the laundry room and everything needs to be either vacuumed, washed, wiped, or simply cleaned. Mei Lin checks all of the rooms and Yi Fan appears to be not home, but of course, the one room she was avoiding is left and that’s his bedroom.
She knocks and waits for a response, but when she hears nothing, she can’t help but try her luck with the doorknob. Mei Lin has the key to the front door because she made herself a copy of it last year when she had helped Yi Fan buy and furnish the place, but she knows that he changed his bedroom lock. Surprisingly enough, it’s unlocked, but before she cracks the door open to what Mei Lin is sure to be many girls’ dreams, she calls out again, “Sir? Are you in there?” Silence, but there’s a bit of shuffling. It sounds like the sheets to Mei Lin and an image from The Pink Blossom comes to mind. She listens more closely and can only hear faint breathing. She holds her own breath to ensure that there’s only one person on the other side of the door. “I’m coming in.”
Mei Lin opens the door slowly and pokes her head through the crack. Yi Fan is entangled in his sheets but still fully clothed in a dress shirt and pants. She scans the room and sure enough, no one else is in the room. He moves every now and again subtly as if he’s dreaming (or having nightmares) and something about this scene just draws Mei Lin closer.
“Sir,” Mei Lin says, trying to shake him awake. “Sir, you’re late.” Mei Lin shakes his shoulders again but Yi Fan unconsciously shoves Mei Lin’s arms away. The contact causes Mei Lin to gasp. That’s warm. She places her hand on his forehead and almost pulls it back instantly. . She practically runs into the bathroom, kicking off her dress heels in the process so that it doesn’t make any noise against the tile in the bathroom. I know there’s a first-aid kit in here somewhere. Upon placing the digital thermometer in Yi Fan’s mouth, he stirs a bit more. Thirty-nine point five, are you kidding me?!
“Hmm,” Yi Fan hums and his eyes flutter open for just a moment before they roll to the back of his head and he is out cold again.
Mei Lin goes into the bathroom and wets a small face towel to place on Yi Fan’s forehead. “I should get you to a hospital…”
She sighs and does her best to free Yi Fan from the sheets. He jerks out of reflex at the sudden temperature change, curling up before Mei Lin drapes the comforter over his whole body. She fixes the cool towel and is about to call Zi Tao for some help when Yi Fan is suddenly wide awake. “What are you doing here?” Yi Fan asks, curious rather than appalled that his secretary is in his personal bedroom. Though, given his current state of half-consciousness and a fuzzy mind due to fever, one could say that Yi Fan is not in the best states of mind. “How did you get in here?”
“I have a key,” Mei Lin says, which doesn’t surprise Yi Fan at the least, half due to his current condition, the other half due to his knowledge of Mei Lin’s nature. “You didn’t show up for work, you didn’t pick up your phone…I can see why now.”
“I’m fine,” Yi Fan says as he tries to sit up. His body has other ideas and he falls back on the bed almost instantly.
“Right,” Mei Lin sighs, looking at her phone again.
“What are you doing?” Yi Fan asks as Mei Lin tucks him back under the comforter while balancing her phone between her ear and shoulder.
“Getting you to a hospital,” Mei Lin says as she waits for Zi Tao to answer his phone.
Yi Fan seizes Mei Lin’s arm, causing her to drop the phone with a soft thud on the bed. “No hospitals,” Yi Fan says, his voice shaking like his grip. “I hate hospitals.”
It takes Mei Lin a moment to make the connection as to why that is and she’s pulled back into reality when Zi Tao is answering questioningly on the other end. “Oh, sorry. Uh—”
“Is he alright?” Zi Tao asks with sincere concern.
“Yeah,” Mei Lin says. “For the most part. Could you…” The helplessly pleading look in Yi Fan’s eyes coupled with his hot but weak grip forces Mei Lin to sigh. “Could you pick up some medicine? He’s sick—”
“What else do you need?” Zi Tao asks, already getting into the car.
“Just…” Mei Lin stands up and Yi Fan lets go even though he’s still unsure if Mei Lin would go behind his back. She steps outside of the room and Yi Fan fights to stay awake to hear what she’s saying so that he could object if she’s asking Zi Tao to help take him to that helpful place with terrible memories. “Just bring that with you, I’ll pay you back.”
“Don’t worry about that,” Zi Tao smiles. “Anything else?” He looks over the grocery list that Mei Lin had given him. I haven’t shopped for half of these things in years.
“No, but I might have to ask you to make a dry cleaning run though,” she says, looking at the clothing scattered in the laundry room, the bedroom, and even more so in Yi Fan’s bathroom.
“Alright, see you soon.”
“Thanks.”
Mei Lin turns her attention to the condo and can’t help but rake her fingers through her hair at the sight of all the work that needs to be done. She curls her hair up into a messy bun and takes off her peacoat before putting on the unused apron so that nothing would ruin her blouse and pants. After poking her head in to check on her boss, who is passed out once again, she starts by sorting the laundry by color and what needs to be dry cleaned as she is expecting Zi Tao soon. Once she has the machines going, she gets to work on the dishes by hand. By the time they’re all drying in the dishwasher, Zi Tao is at the door with the medicine and the ingredients that Mei Lin had requested.
Zi Tao chuckles at the sight of Mei Lin who now looks more like a housekeeper than Yi Fan’s secretary. “He needs to give you a raise.”
He can’t raise what doesn’t exist. “The dry cleaning is in the laundry room,” Mei Lin says as she unbags the vegetables.
Mei Lin goes to get her wallet so that she can pay for the dry cleaning but Zi Tao hold his hand up, refusing to accept it. “Please Ms. Chan, I’m not Kris. You don’t have to go out of your way for me. I’m his friend too.”
“My apologies,” Mei Lin says. “It’s a habit…” She starts to blush a bit once she realizes the implications behind the last sentence that Zi Tao had said. “Huáng Xiān Shēng—”
“Please, call me Tao,” Zi Tao says. Something tells me you’re still going to be formal with me no matter how many times I insist.
Mei Lin looks down. There’s a reason why she used that version of Zi Tao’s name. It’s because she’s going to ask, “‘Nǐ yě shì tā de péng yǒu,’ a?” ("You are also his friend?")
Zi Tao smirks a bit at how Mei Lin had caught his slip up. He doesn’t say it—he’s never even said this about me—but you are his friend. “Duì.” ("Yes.") Normally, Mei Lin’s bangs would hide Mei Lin’s face when she has it tilted in the fashion that she has it now, but with her hair up in such a way, Zi Tao can see the flattery as clear as day. “I should get going.”
Mei Lin nods and thanks Zi Tao again for helping before returning to cleaning Yi Fan’s condo. How he sleeps through all the necessary noise is beyond Mei Lin. She starts to cook when she hears Yi Fan stir again. Mei Lin walks in to check on him and is surprised to find that he’s sitting upright on his bed. “Sir?”
Yi Fan blinks slowly as he tries to remember what had happened. “I’m going to take a shower.”
“Is that really a good idea, sir?”
“I’ll be fine,” Yi Fan says, even though he’s not really sure whom he’s talking to or why he feels warm and sensitive all over like there’s a layer of cotton clinging his skin. All he knows is that he needs to wash it off, whatever the feeling is.
He absent-mindedly grabs some pants, underwear and a thin, almost see-through, white dress shirt, as if he is in any condition to go to work now, and as if the weather would allow for such thin clothing. He walks slowly into his bathroom, which looks emptier to him for some reason (now that all his laundry is being washed, dried, and pressed). He closes the door but is too weak so it is left ajar an inch.
“Call me if you need anything,” Mei Lin says. Yi Fan hums in response but the running water drowns him out. Mei Lin sings and hums to herself while mindlessly tidying up Yi Fan’s residence and she decides to wait at least five more minutes when she hears the water stop running. I really hope he still has enough motor skills to dress himself. Just as that thought crosses Mei Lin’s mind, she hears a distinct thud. “Sir?” She knocks but there’s no response so she opens the bedroom door and finds Yi Fan lying face down on the floor fully dressed save for the dress shirt, which is only looped through one arm. “Sir!”
Yi Fan opens his eyes a bit when he feels himself being moved. When he realizes that he should stand up, the dead weight that Mei Lin is trying to lift is no longer so dead. Yi Fan stares mindlessly at Mei Lin as she tugs at his shirt every which way to get it on properly, as if he is unaware of what is happening. But he does know what’s happening, Yi Fan is just a bit unsure if he understands it. How can she be so calm? Most girls (and women alike) would faint at the sight of Yi Fan half dressed.
Mei Lin does, however, stare for half a moment at how well toned her boss’ figure is but something else catches her eye. She turns him slightly to get a better look and sure enough, he has a tattoo. Interesting. Mei Lin buttons the second to last button under Yi Fan’s collarbone and when she does, her fingers brush against it ever so slightly. The contact reminds her that he’s still burning with a high fever. “Sir, please sit down. I’ll be right back.”
Yi Fan sits on the edge of his bed without a word but his blank eyes are still on Mei Lin. I feel dizzy…I’m going to fall.
Mei Lin comes in just as Yi Fan was about to spill over the side of the bed and she catches him before gravity took him down the rest of the way. “You alright, sir?”
Who is “sir”? “My name is Yi Fan,” Yi Fan says with a coarse voice.
Mei Lin smiles at the innocent response. At least he knows his name. “Yes, I am well aware of that, sir. You should lie down.” Mei Lin almost wants to laugh at how easy it is to coax Yi Fan to do something. You’re so well behaved. “Please drink this, it’ll make you feel better.”
Yi Fan swallows the bitter substance of what he has to assume is medicine but he doesn’t have enough energy to show his dislike of the taste. “Where are you going?” he manages to ask when she turns to leave. Please don’t go.
Mei Lin stops not because he asked her a question, but because of the way his voice quivered with fear. “I’ll be right back,” Mei Lin says but Yi Fan doesn’t believe her. “I promise.”
Mei Lin puts a pot of boiling water on the stove and looks in the fridge for any leftover rice. She juliennes some ginger, slices some chicken, and dices chives in time for the boiling water. She adds a bit of oil and tosses in the ginger and rice and waits for that to boil before turning the heat down. When she goes in to check on Yi Fan, however, she is greeted by a sight that is quite familiar to her as he reminds him of how she would try desperately to stay awake, waiting for Henry to get back from hanging out with his guy friends.
“You should get some rest if you’re tired,” Mei Lin says softly as she walks over to coerce Yi Fan into lying down.
“I’m fine,” Yi Fan yawns.
He tries to keep his eyes open but Mei Lin’s fingers brush against collarbone when she tries to place the comforter on him properly. The way he seems to move at that touch does not go unnoticed by Mei Lin so she tests her theory by fixing his shirt collar, letting her knuckles graze his sharp jawline. Yi Fan unconsciously tilts his head in the direction of Mei Lin’s hand, as if asking for more, and his eyes find it even harder to open again after blinking. When was the last time someone cared for you like this? She brushes his hair out of his eyes and Yi Fan tilts his head up in attempt to catch Mei Lin’s palm so she helps him by letting his cheek rest in her hand. What soft skin you have. And how fragile Yi Fan looks right now.
He lets out a content sigh through his nose before he gives in to sleep. Mei Lin brushes his cheek with his thumb for good measure before returning to the kitchen. She cooks herself something a bit more wholesome and makes more than she can eat so that she can text Zi Tao and invite him to a home-cooked meal. He arrives just as the sun is setting and Yi Fan is still sound asleep.
“You look like you just had a very long day,” Zi Tao says, noticing that Mei Lin had removed her make up and changed into some spare clothes she had in the car. He walks in with the dry cleaning receipts and places them on the fridge with a magnet. “How is he?” He sits down and Mei Lin sets the plates of food on the table.
“Sleeping,” Mei Lin says. “Excuse me.” She goes into his room to change his towel. When she comes back into the dining room, she says, “His fever seems to be going down. Hopefully, he’ll be alright by tomorrow.”
“I could have taken care of him, you know,” Zi Tao says. “It musn’t be good for the company, lacking two Department Heads and three Departments today.”
“It’ll live,” Mei Lin says. “It was a much-needed break.”
“You call this a break?” Zi Tao laughs. “I think you work harder for him than you do for the company.” In fact, I know you do.
“That’s only because there’s more physical work involved,” Mei Lin says.
I’m sure it’s mentally exhausting as well. They eat in silence for a bit but, “Thank you,” Zi Tao says suddenly.
“For what?” Mei Lin asks.
“Taking care of him,” Zi Tao says. “And looking out for him.”
“It’s my job,” Mei Lin shrugs.
“No it isn’t,” Zi Tao says, causing Mei Lin to hold her breath in fear that Zi Tao knows Mei Lin’s secret. “Nowhere in your contract does it tell you to take care of your boss when he’s sick.”
“It’s implied,” Mei Lin says casually.
“Is your job the only reason why you’re doing this?” Zi Tao asks, finding it hard to believe.
Mei Lin simply shrugs, “It’s just the way that I am.”
“So would you take care of me if I was sick?” Zi Tao asks teasingly.
Mei Lin shrugs again, “Why not?”
This takes Zi Tao off-guard and Mei Lin can’t help but giggle at the pink tint that’s threatening his cold complexion. “Um, thank you…” Zi Tao looks back down at his food and avoids eye contact until he’s done eating. “I’ll do the dishes,” Zi Tao offers, feeling obligated now because not only did Mei Lin cook for him, she said that she would care for him should be not be well.
“It’s not that many; I’ll do it,” Mei Lin says.
“No, I insist,” Zi Tao says quickly. “You’ve been working all day; take a real break.” When Mei Lin still looks hesitant, Zi Tao adds, “Please.”
Mei Lin sighs and drops her shoulders before sitting back down at the dinner table. She rests her head on her open hand and watches as Zi Tao scrapes at the dishes before loading the dishwasher. “Neh, Huáng Xiān Shēng…”
I thought I told you to call me Tao.
“We’ve been working for the same boss for over two years now,” Mei Lin says. “And yet, I still don’t know very much about you.”
“The same could be said for you,” Zi Tao says. That is, if you don’t count how much he talks about you. “What would you like to know, Ms. Chan?”
“How long have you been working for him?”
“Hard to say,” Zi Tao says, closing the dishwasher and turning it on. “At least five years.” To be honest, he didn’t need a driver; he just gave me the job because I needed the money.
“What do you like to do for fun?”
“Basketball,” Zi Tao smiles, accentuating the natural bags under his eyes. “What about you, Ms. Chan?”
“I like to dance,” Mei Lin smiles. Though I’m a bit too tired to do that right now so please don’t ask. “You know, you tell me to call you Tao and yet you still call me Ms. Chan.”
“I do so out of respect,” Zi Tao explains. It’s hard not to if you’ve been able to take Kris for this long.
“The feeling is mutual then,” Mei Lin says.
“And what reason do you have to respect me?” Zi Tao asks, finding it hard to believe that someone of Mei Lin’s status would respect a driver such as himself.
“I respect your loyalty and trust,” Mei Lin says. Though I wish you were a bit more active. You’re probably one of the closest people to him; your words have weight.
“Anyone would if—” Zi Tao bites his lower lip to stop himself from saying anything that he shouldn’t.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Mei Lin says. “I never asked.”
“He’s a good man,” Zi Tao says. “No matter what the tabloids say.”
“I know,” Mei Lin says. He still sends his mother pink orchids. “I wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t.”
“I…” Zi Tao knows that he’s going to regret saying this later but something compels him to tell Mei Lin the truth about his past. “I was a troubled kid. I did some things I knew I shouldn't have done and I got mixed up with some very shady people. I’m not proud of who I was. By the time I realized that I wanted out, I was in too deep. Kris…He gave me a second chance. He didn’t have to but he did, and…it wasn’t cheap.” Not to mention dangerous. “I didn’t deserve it—”
“Surely you did something or said something to deserve it,” Mei Lin says.
Zi Tao thinks on this even though he’s thought about this many times before. “To be honest, I’m not sure what I did. He was just someone I played basketball with at first but then he treated me to a meal once after a long game one night. I didn’t do anything extraordinary.”
“You were his friend,” Mei Lin says. Probably his first. “To him that must have been pretty extraordinary.”
“So what does that make what you’re doing?” Zi Tao asks.
Mei Lin shrugs, “My job.”
Zi Tao scoffs, No amount of money would compel you to show this much compassion. Be honest already.
“What do you want from me?” Mei Lin asks, sensing Zi Tao’s dissatisfaction with her response.
“The truth,” Zi Tao says bluntly.
“About what?” Mei Lin asks.
“Yourself, him, everything,” Zi Tao says vaguely.
Mei Lin’s phone vibrates and it’s a text from Gale, “You’re not running away, are you?”
Looks like someone made the connection. The reminder of what’s now on her office floor prompts Mei Lin to respond to Zi Tao by saying, “The truth is: I just care too much for my own good.” Maybe that’s why I’m with Henry now. He doesn’t need to be taken care of, nor is there anything I can really go out of my way to say or do for him to prove to him that good things still exist in the world; he already knows. He doesn’t need me to be like this; he wants me.
“Why though?” Zi Tao asks, still confused.
“It’s just the way that I am,” Mei Lin says, thanks to how I was raised. “Some things are better left unquestioned and accepted.”
“You should go home, Ms. Chan; you have work tomorrow,” Zi Tao points out.
“Victoria rearranged my schedule and I rearranged Yi Fan’s; I’m going to stay to make sure he’s alright,” Mei Lin says.
“I could do that,” Zi Tao says. Your dark circles are bigger than mine. “Get some rest.”
“I’ll sleep in the guest room—”
“You don’t have any clothes or—”
“Why are you arguing with me now?” Mei Lin asks with a bit of a smirk. “Every other opportunity, you would’ve encouraged it.”
“I’m concerned about your health as well, Ms. Chan,” Zi Tao frowns.
“Well don’t be,” Mei Lin sighs. “I’m fine.”
That’s what he says when he doesn’t want to burden anyone. But that’s also his silent cry for help. “At least respond to the text that you got. Mr. Liu must be worried.”
“Gale texted me, not Henry,” Mei Lin says as she types: “I’m with my boss. I think that’s hardly running away from my job.” I wonder if Henry connected the dots yet. “In regards to your statement about clothes, I always have spares in my car. Besides, my home is only sixteen kilometers from here. I’ll be fine. It’s not your job to make sure he’s okay, it’s mine, so let me do my job.” I guess my first day here was a lie; I am here to prove something.
“Where the hell is your boss?” Gale texts back.
Mei Lin stares at that for a moment to think over how she could respond. “That’s on a need to know; get back to work, Gale.”
Gale looks at that text message with a blank stare. Well that was cold. Granted, all text messages can be cold because that’s all they are: text. There’s no emotion or expression in the words in spite of the implications and connotations because there’s no font for sarcasm. I don’t care what she says; she’s avoiding him.
Part of Gale actually feels bad for Victoria who is now working double duty since Mei Lin is not in her office but the rest of her is tempted to storm over across the lobby and slap that motherer right across the cheek. Gale isn’t sure what happened between the two, but if Victor is who she thinks he is, a slap would not due him justice. She stares at his door through the clear lab walls for a few seconds longer than she probably should have because he makes eye contact with Gale and Gale simply looks at him, which comes off as deadly cold to Victor.
His eyes quickly look away and land on the door that has the name that’s been haunting him for almost thirty-one months. Part of him wants to believe that Mei Lin has very common characters in her name and surely there could be another Chen Mei Lin that just so happens to be working at GIBI. The fact that Mei Lin is not present the day that he arrives makes him wonder if she knew he was coming. There’s no way. I didn’t even know until thirty-six hours ago. He stares at the white characters and letters a bit more before returning to new workload. Where are you?
Translations/Author's Notes:
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Thirty-nine point five = this is in Celsius because in China, one would use the metric system. 39.5° C ≈ 103.1° F.
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‘Nǐ yě shì tā de péng yǒu,’ a? ('你也是他的朋友 ,' 啊?) = 'You are also his friend?' Mei Lin is repeating what Zi Tao had said in Mandarin with emphasis on the word that means "too/also" and a questioning yet casual "a" sound at the end.
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"my home is only sixteen kilometers from here" = Earlier in the story, Mei Lin said something along the lines of Yi Fan's condo being ten miles from her apartment. Ten miles is roughly sixteen kilometers. Though she is in China now, in the United States uses the Standard/Customary system (feet, miles, pounds, etc.), so out of habit, she will use both.
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