(Minhyuk POV)

 “Appa…?!”

I stood dumbfounded in the door opening, looking at the familiar man who sat there in the kitchen chair, staring at me. I could not read his expression. Was he surprised?

 After a moment of silence, that in honesty felt like an eternity, he stood up and held his arms out to me. I could clearly see his warm smile. I could not resist. I could not stay mad at him in that very moment. I quickly embraced him and broke into tears. I hated myself so much for not being able to stay angry.

 “You’re so stupid!” I choked out, gripping harder onto his shirt. “How could you ignore me all this time?” My father just laughed whole-heartedly and patted my back.
 “I didn’t think you wanted me to call,” he chuckled. “You told me not to.”
“Why do you have to take everything I say so literally?!” I cried. It was unfair.
 “I figured that if you didn’t mean it, you would call by yourself. I’m sorry for disappointing you.” He let out a sigh as he kept my back careful.

 “What is this all about? Sanghoon?” I heard Eomma say behind my muffled sobs.
 “We were playing Minhyukie’s favourite board game the night before I left,” Appa said, still trying to calm me down or whatever he wanted to do as he was holding onto me.
 “And?” she urged.
“He lost.” He was laughing. It did not sound as if he was trying to mock me, but it was more of a relieved laugh.

 “Jesus Christ,” my mother sighed. She on the other hand sounded very irritated. “Lee Minhyuk, you are 21 years old. Act your age!”

 I could only whine as tears were still flowing. When he put it that way, it did sound very childish, but it sure did not feel that stupid when it was actually happening. I was the best in that board game. I had always been and I thought I would always be. However, my father had somehow noticed my tricks and managed to beat me. I was devastated that night and I told him not to even call me after he left for work.

 After a while, I guess the situation turned, and I was not upset about losing any more, I was upset because he really did not call me…

When I thought I was finally calming down, I could to my big surprise, hear Sujung giggle from the kitchen table.
 “Don’t laugh at me!” I whined, stomping my foot like a little child. I had completely forgot she was there.
 “I’m sorry, but you’re adorable,” she excused herself, not really helping.

“Minhyuk, are you upset because I didn’t call?” I nodded at my father’s correct guess. After all, he had always been able to see right through me. “I see…” He chuckled lightly. “I am very sorry for not calling you, it won’t happen again. I’ll call you after I leave next time.”

 He cupped my face in his hands, smiling with tenderness as my tears kept falling and I was sniffling.
 “Okay?” I looked at him for a moment, and then, I nodded again, down a deep breath.

 “Yeobo, could you help me unpack, please?” He shifted his gaze from me to my mother.
 “Of course!” she said. I could hear the smile through her words.  

My father gave me one last reassuring smile, before his warm hands left my cheeks, and he went together with my mother upstairs.

 With a blank face, I fell down on the chair beside of Sujung. It felt as if my whole face was leaking. I could not stop the devastating tears and I kept sniffling desperately.

 Although I kept my eyes glued to the wall, I could see Sujung turn her body to face mine better in the corner of my vision.

 “Don’t laugh at me,” I pleaded, resting my head against my palm.
“I wasn’t laughing at you. I was laughing at your behaviour. I’m sorry,” she said. She did not seem so upset, luckily. Her voice was soft.

 She watched me for a moment. Maybe she was waiting for me to stop crying.
“Yah, look at me.” Her fingers brushed lightly over mine, and I turned to face her. Her eyes shone with sincerity. “I’m sorry,” she said again.
 “Don’t be,” I told her back, groaning. “I know it’s stupid…”
“It’s not stupid! It’s your feelings.” She smiled at me. “You’re forgetting everything you’ve thought me.”

 “The problems I have with Appa are nothing compared to what you’ve experienced.” Suddenly, she looked at me in disbelief.
 “Are you, Lee Minhyuk, being insecure in front of me right now?” I breathed out a low laugh.

 “Come here.” She held her arms open for me and I leaned my head against her shoulder, resting my body against her body. She put her arms around me and held onto me, leaning against me as well.

 “It’s okay,” she said. “I understand why you’re upset.”
“I just wanted to avoid this from happening…” I confessed. It felt weird; somehow having our roles switched like this. She was usually in my arms, hurt and devastated, but now, it was I who needed to feel the safety of her.

 “If you had talked to someone about this before, you wouldn’t feel as bad now.”
“Don’t use my own tips on me!” She laughed. Hearing happy sounds escape from her lips was enough to make me feel better. I was so happy to see her be happy.

 “Maybe we should go to bed,” I suggested after a few quiet minutes had passed. “It’s getting kind of late.” She agreed and went with me upstairs. As usual, we would brush our teeth together in the bathroom.

 Well in bed, we only laid there in silence beside each other for a moment.
“I’m cold…” Sujung mumbled. Taking it as a hint, I scooted closer to her and brought my arms around her. She closed her eyes and let her fingers bury themselves in my hair, tugging the slightest on it. Having her in my arms at night like this was positively my favourite thing in the world.

 “I’ve noticed your scars have faded a lot,” I told her, referring to the dark lines that covered her arms and thighs. She only hummed in response. I knew she was rather ashamed of her body because of those scars. The main reason for why I had noticed this, was because I would occasionally try and see if she had started selfharming again. I was not suspicious that she would, it was only to make sure she was not. I loved her. I only wanted to make sure she was okay.

 “Don’t worry about them, I’m fine now,” she stated. She snuggled her head closer against my neck.
 “I’m not too sure about that…” I sighed, rather suspicious. “You’ve been rather off lately. You won’t tell me what you’re thinking about.”
 “I’m not thinking of anything that should worry you.” I sighed. She was a little too uptight. She would not tell me what went through her mind.

 “I’m now 19 years old, and this is the first Christmas I ever experience where I don’t have to fear for my own life,” she mumbled against my skin. “Do you think it’s weird that I’m reflecting over things a little more now than before?” This was not a question meant for an answer. It was obvious. I had not really thought over it that way.

 “I love you,” she said.
“I love you too.” She separated slightly from me and looked up at me for a brief moment. Then, she pressed her lips against mine. Firmly. I responded to her kiss quickly. I was always a little surprised when she kissed me. She did not usually do that- at least not before. However, it felt good. Of course.

-

 Sujung seemed to get along with my father well. Three weeks passed, and she managed to celebrate Christmas better than what I thought she would. Jihyun had managed to convince her into going shopping. She even wore a dress for Christmas Eve. It was an amazing red dress with thin straps. She looked so beautiful in it, although she was not too secure about it herself.

“Minhyuk, I don’t know about this…,” she said from inside the bathroom.
 “Let me see!” I told her, leaning against the wall on the other side.
“But I look weird,” she argued. I chuckled lightly.
 “I’m sure you don’t.”

The door opened slowly, and Sujung walked out with her head hung low. I was speechless then. I could not do anything but to stare at her. The red silk hung gracefully around her body, and hung loosely over her hips.

 Sujung looked up at me with an insecure expression.
“I shouldn’t wear this, I’ll change into something else…” She started to move away from me, and I quickly took her hands in mine, preventing her from leaving, in panic.
 “I won’t allow you to change!” I said, bringing her a little closer, looking her up and down. Amazed.

 “You look stunning!” I probably looked crazy. I had no control of my own facial expression. She looked so beautiful, I had no idea of how to hide my fascination.

“Are you sure?” I could see a hint of light in her eyes. She trusted me. She did not think I would lie to her.
 “Stunning is an understatement! Words cannot describe how beautiful you look,” I told her, giving her a assuring smile.

 She blushed. I could not resist her cuteness as I leaned closer and kissed her on the lips.
 “Let’s go downstairs, the others are waiting.”

 Eunkwang had celebrated the holidays with us. It was truly the most wonderful Christmas I had witnessed! Sujung was constantly smiling. She was so happy. Seeing her like that made me warm inside my chest. However, after a while, she confessed that she had been thinking back to the Christmas holidays she spent with her own mother and father all those years ago.

 I did not really know what to do about it. I wanted her to, more or less, forget about her past, but I understood that it was hard. I was only happy she told me, rather than keeping it all to herself.

-

(Sujung’s POV)

 May had approached and summer vacation was only a month away. Things had changed so much during the past half year. I knew it was up to me to become better, that was why I had tried my very best to be positive. I tried my best not to punish myself and hate myself. I wanted to understand that I deserved to be loved, just as much as anyone else.

 To my big surprise, it had actually started to work. Although I was still on medications, I was feeling so, so much better. It was easier to deal with for me, and also Minhyuk seemed more at ease now. However, he also seemed unsure on how to act. He was used to protect me against everything, and suddenly, I was capable of taking more care of myself…

-

 I held tightly onto Minhyuk’s arm as we walked under the cherry blossom trees. It had already become dark outside and the only thing making the streets visible was the lampposts that stood symmetrically down the street.

 People were walking busily down the way. Boys and girls were constantly going in and out of nightclubs on this Saturday night, and I spotted a girl giggling as she let herself be dragged along by a man.

 Although it was quite hot outside, considering how it was night-time, I was starting to feel cold. Maybe that was the reason for why I held onto Minhyuk so tightly. As always, I was covering my arms, this time with a plane white jumper. I had put it on to keep myself from freezing, but mainly, I kept my erms covered because I was ashamed of the scars that were so visible. The same went for my legs. I usually wore jeans, or if I decided to wear a skirt, I would put on leggings. This was common for my school uniform.

 “You’re shivering,” Minhyuk, pointed out, dragging my head back to earth. “Are you cold?”
 “A little, but it’s fine,” I said. I was not exactly as if I was freezing to death.

 Regardless of how fine I told him I was, he shook his arm out of my grip and proceeded to take off his hoodie, exposing his muscular arms. As the gentleman he was, he helped me on with the hoodie and put his arm around my shoulder, bringing me close.

 “You know…” he started, looking up at the pink floral trees above our heads. “I’m graduating soon.”
 “I know,” I told him. I was not very happy about it, though. I did not want to be left behind alone at school. He was the main reason I even bothered to show up every day. I had even held him back for a whole year.

 “You only need to attend for another year, and it’s going to be alright,” he continued. “I know Donggeun, Ilhoon and Sungjae will take care of you, so you won’t be alone.” He became silent after that. He wore a rather unsure expression, as if he was debating on whether to continue talking or not. I, myself, was actually confident that my last year would pass by okay.

 “I was thinking that, since you’re much better now, we could try and find our own apartment or something,” he finally said. I looked up at him with big, sparkling eyes. “Only if you want to, of course.” He kept avoiding my gaze for some reason. I could not understand why he felt insecure about something like this. He had, in fact seemed a little insecure, as well as uneasy, lately.

 “Of course I want to,” I said, smiling up at him.
“Really?” He looked down at me with a shocked expression.
 “Why do you sound so surprised? We already live together,” I giggled, leaning even closer to him. “But, I love you; of course I would want that.”

 “Kim Sujung, I am so, so proud of you, you don’t even know.” I gave him a confused look. He changed the subject rather brutally. “You have changed so much the past half year- and only for the better! You’ve become so open and you express yourself so well now. When someone compliments you, you don’t just deny it or brush it off. Now you take it by heart and you show pure thankfulness.

 I’m so proud of everything you have achieved and how different you have become. Don’t think I don’t love you like I used to only because you’ve changed, because that’s not the case at all. I didn’t think I could love you any more than I already did, but I do. I truly do. I love you so strongly and sincerely, and I don’t know if I can ever tell you enough.”

 I smirked up at him. He looked so cute and frustrated. His words sounded like a beautiful melody to me. Had he been stressed out because he did not know how to declare his love for me? I knew he loved me dearly. I was as much as positive of it.

 “Relax,” I told him. “I know you’re proud. I am too! I’m surprised I could ever move forward with my life. I couldn’t have done it without you, however. I also know you love me. I love you too, very wholeheartedly.” He stopped walking, turned and cupped my face in his warm hands.

 “How can you be so prefect?” he sighed. I did not reply, only smiled softly up at him. Love and tenderness was clear in his eyes. I disagreed with his words however. Although I was better, I was far from perfect, and perfect was something I would never become. Sure, I was feeling more confident than I had ever done in my entire lifetime, but I had not recovered. I would have to be on medications for the rest of my life. It was said that I could never recover from this, schizophrenia, I could only keep fighting.

 Minhyuk had kept on looking at me with a soft expression, and I had looked back at him. After a moment, he carefully came closer. I could feel his nose brush lightly against mine. For some reason, it felt as if time stopped around the two of us.

 Then, finally, he pressed his lips softly against mine. A very dreamy kiss. I became completely oblivious of the people walking around us. Not that I thought they really minded the two of us sharing a rather passionate kiss in the middle of the street, but I had a habit of worrying that they might.

 After a moment, our lips parted, probably because he wanted to allow me air, but he still held me close. I kept my eyes closed, still enjoying the previous feeling.

 As he removed his hands from my face, he embraced me in a warm hug. His fingers went slowly through my hair. I would probably never understand how he managed to cherish me as much as he did, but I had accepted that he did. Love was indescribable, even when it came to loving me.

 “It’s getting late, maybe we should head home.” I hummed lightly in response to his suggestion and we started on our way back home, hand in hand.

-

 “Are you hungry?” Minhyuk asked as I sat myself down in the couch. I shook my head no. “Thirsty?” Again, I shook my head. “Tired?”
 “Minhyuk, I am just fine!” I told him, laughing slightly. “What about you?”
“Hm?”
 “Are you hungry or thirsty or whatever, since you’re asking me?”
“Not really…” he said, standing there awkwardly. “Maybe we should make some popcorn and watch a film?”

 I agreed and went with him to the kitchen to make the popcorn. Although he was slightly joking around, I still felt as if there was something off with him. I was not exactly sure what it was, but there was something.

 He had his arms around me as we sat watching The Imitation Game. The time was well past 2 am when it finished, and since there was no other reason for us to stay up, we went to bed.

 Somehow, I could not fall asleep. Minhyuk seemed to be having the same problem. So, there we laid, foreheads touching and legs entwined.

 “Minhyuk, is there something wrong?” I asked, keeping my voice as low as a whisper since we were so close.
 He sighed. “No, not really.”
“You’re not convincing me… You’ve been a little off today.”
 “It’s just-“ He hesitated for a moment. “We have the whole house for ourselves and all…”
 “It’s not the first time, though,” I pointed out.

He moved away from me and rolled over to his back. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s stupid.” I leaned my body on my elbow, sitting up slightly to look at him.
 “I doubt it’s stupid,” I said. “Can’t you just tell me what’s wrong?”

Carefully, yet surprisingly, Minhyuk sat up, turned his body, and pushed me down on the bed. My heart skipped a beat as his hand came to reach my neck, and his lips moved against mine, slowly at first, and then picking up phase as I responded to him.

 Soon, his whole body was over mine and my fingers were in his hair. Minhyuk’s hand had gone from my neck to my waist, touching my skin underneath the big t-shirts that belonged to him. My heart was pounding quickly inside my chest. I had never been so aware of how I was not wearing more than and a shirt, or of how Minhyuk only was covered from his waist and down, than I was right then and there.

 His lips left mine and continued down to my jaw and neck. My head fell back against the pillow. I had never felt this way. I was not even sure on how to identify this feeling. It felt as if I was suffocating, but in a good way. It was a good feeling, yet desperate.

 My hands went from his hair and to his toned shoulders. A moan managed to suppress itself out of my throat. This seemed to make Minhyuk lose it a little more. He started to tug at the shirt I was wearing, and I eagerly allowed him to take it off. The change of temperature made goose bumps appear on my skin.

 He pressed his body closer against mine and our lips connected again. My arms were around his neck, and suddenly, I found myself somewhat grinding onto him.

 And then- he suddenly stopped and parted from me, as much as he could as I held onto him.
 “Wait!” He looked at me, out of breath.
“What’s wrong?” I asked confused.
 “I don’t want to put you through this again…”
“What are you taking about?”

 “You know…” He kept murmuring. “I don’t want to hurt you like he did…” My eyes softened. I was not scared he would hurt me. I had not even thought of what happened those years ago, during our rather heated moment just now.
 “You can’t possibly hurt me like he did,” I told him. “I want this just as much as you do.”
 “Are you sure?” He looked at me through worried and insecure, yet lustful eyes. I brought him closer to my body again.

 “Minhyuk-ah… Change my experiences.”

*Author's Note*

I AM BACK!!!!

 I am so so so sorry for being gone for such a long time... and for giving you such a crappy chapter. I don't like this at all, but if I had started this one all over again, I would never manage to continue on the story. I think I've said this before, like  a looooong time ago, but the story is really soon about to end, and I probably won't make a sequel (we'll see tho).  

 BTW! there won't be a chapter! Because, first of all, I'm not even 18 lol, and secondly, it is so so so awkward to me, i would never be able to write one XD

 Anyways!!!! I hope ya'll liked this chapter, I absolutely hate it for so many reasons, and the next chapter(s?) will probably also move very quickly. But they will absolutely be better than this one!

 (I figured trying to recover is hopeless, so I'll just try and focus on writing instead of focusing on really getting better because I can't and I've never been able to but anyways don't worry <3)
 

 WHO'S EXCITED FOR THE BTOB COMEBACK?!?!??!?!? JESUS CHRIST MINHYUK IN THOSE TEASER PICS 

 ~Take care and comment, subscribe and upvote <3 ilyall