(Sujung’s POV)

 I traced his facial features with my eyes as I laid on the bed with him. It was in the middle of the night and he was sleeping. Although having his arm around me, I woke up. Maybe I was just used to wake up in the middle of the night now. Not once had the nights at that place been silent and peaceful.

 The thought had hit me: Maybe this was just a dream. Maybe Minhyuk was not really with me. Maybe I was still at that place. Maybe if I did not sleep in this dream, it would last longer.

 Anyhow, I could feel my eyes become heavier and my head was starting to throb from lack of sleep. No matter what I did, it became harder and harder to stay awake, and when four more hours had passed, and the sun was already starting to shine outside, I had to give in. I had to sleep.

--

 A little more than a week passed, and my body had started to regain some strength again. However, I noticed Minhyuk losing it more and more.

 I had gone through a lot of different tests at the hospital, and by now, they had decided I was schizophrenic. They had figured the exact same thing before I went away as well, but no one ever told me. They just gave me medicines, telling me to take them because they would make me better. However, the medicines I took now were a lot stronger. I had to take one three times a day, and I did notice difference. I did not see nor hear strange and scary things as long as I took them.

 Luckily, as I was not as paranoid as I had used to be, I managed to sleep at night, so I did not have to take any sleeping pills. I hated those pills. I had always hated them. But I had no idea where they were stored. Minhyuk kept them far away from me, because the doctor had also decided I was suicidal, that I suffered from a depression and that my head was stuffed with different ideas of how to kill myself. I had medicines for that as well. One pill every morning at nine o’clock. If I was not awake by then, they would have to wake me, just to give me that one pill.

 One day, I woke up to hear Minhyuk’s angry voice. He was often angry these days, and he was easily irritated. And for some reason, he did not allow Changhyuk to speak with me.

 “No! I’m not allowing you to say anything about it!” Minhyuk shouted. I sat up slightly, and just managed to see Minhyuk stand in front of the door outside in the hall.
 “Minhyuk, you should agree to do what’s best for her,” Changhyuk said, rather coldly.
 “You can’t take her away from me!”
“You don’t own the girl! Let me at least ask her if she thinks it’s okay!”

 That was the first time I had ever heard Changhyuk raise his voice.
“Hyung, I cannot lose her again,” Minhyuk said, lowering his voice the slightest.
 “You’re not losing her. You would be able to visit her every single day. It wouldn’t turn out like before,” Changhyuk assured him.

 However, I was left confused. Visit me where? Was I going somewhere? I had been asking myself that question the last few days. ‘Was I going somewhere?’ Minhyuk had kept telling me that no one was going to take me away the last three days, more than he usually did. He also seemed bothered and overprotecting when he did so.

 It was as if he was scared something might take me away, back to that place, even more than I was. Or maybe he was scared I might be scared someone would bring me back, because I really was the first few days. But I had already told him I felt safe being with him, that I was not afraid anything would part us.

“Minhyuk, can’t you-“
 “No.”
“Please! There are only a few days until the test-“
 “Sujung, stop. I said no.”
“Please just go there! It’s your last test! This is the one that counts-“

 “I TOLD YOU TO STOP IT ALREADY!”
I was taken aback as I looked at him with wide eyes. I froze. I had no idea of how to react.
 “I told you to stop it, so stop it!” Minhyuk repeated, his voice rough and loud, “I said I won’t go, and there is nothing that will make you change my mind! There is still a week until the test, so stop it!!”

 “Minhyuk-ah...!” I could already feel tears sting in my eyes.
“How do you expect me to go to school when you’re in a state like this?!” He asked, looking almost furious.
 “I’m not that bad! I’m on medications, I’ll be alright!” I defended myself.
“Exactly. You’re on medication. Do you know why they put you on medications?”

 I felt tears run down my cheeks as he spoke. Could he really not handle it that I was gone for a year? Did I break him this much? I knew it was all my fault. It was only I that had made him into this.
 “Sujung, you’re on medications because your state is that bad,” he continued.

 “Why did you never listen to me?!” I shouted at him, not knowing the reason why. The question had just always been inside my head, screaming to get out.
 “What are you talking about?” Minhyuk asked, his voice not even a little softer.
 “I told you to stay away! I told you that it wasn’t good for you to stay with me! Now look what you’ve become! If you ever listened, you wouldn’t have gotten like this! I should just go! I should leave you alone because I am clearly ruining you!”

 “THEN GO!”

Everything around me somehow seemed to just stop. I froze. Time froze.
 “If you hate it so much, then go…” His voice was now low and broken. Tears were staring to escape his eyes as well.
 “You know what,” I started, my eyes meeting with his, “I will.”

Not taking another glimpse of him, I turned around, walking out of his room, down the stairs, and out the house. I walked the only way I knew with tears streaming down my face.

 After 45 minutes, I found myself outside of my own house. I felt my stomach twist by the sight, but where else was I supposed to go. The lights seemed all to be off, and my fathers’ car was nowhere in sight, so I carefully twisted the doorknob. I was not surprised when the door actually opened and I could step inside that awful house. I had not been here in more than a year.

 As I entered the living room, it looked abandoned. It was dirty, flowers were lying dead and books and papers were lying messily on the floor and on the table. The kitchen looked just as bad, maybe even worse. Food was in the sink, on the bench and even on the dining table, surrounded by flies. It looked as if a massacre had happened just in that room, and it smelled awfully.

 Not really wanting to see more of the house, I went to my bedroom. It was dusty and it looked as if someone had looked through all my belongings. My closet was almost completely empty.

But still I was devastated from what had happened earlier, and the sight of my old house was not exactly helping. I had no idea of what to do, so the only thing I could think of was to take my phone out and call one of the only contacts I had.

 “Sujung-ah!” my aunt nearly shouted into the phone, “Are you all right?! That idiot told me he sent you away- Are you crying?”
 “Imo-yah! I don’t know what to do!” I cried into the phone, falling down onto my bed. “He told me to leave! I ruined him!”
 “Sweetie…” Her voice was calmer now. “What happened? Where have you been? Who did you ruin?”

 “Minhyuk! He’s worn out and it’s all my fault!” My body was shaking terribly by now. “He told me to go. He told me to leave. And I did! For his sake!”
 “Sujung, where have you been, where did your father send you?” My aunt asked, suddenly in a rush. Of course she did not want to know what happened between Minhyuk and I…

 “I don’t know where,” I answered, “But it was in a hospital, and…” I was unsure whether to tell her anything or not. “They hurt me. A lot. My whole body hurts! Imo, I don’t know what to do anymore! I don’t want to live!”
 “Sujung, you have to calm down, it’ll be alright!”
“NO! It won’t! Why would it turn out alright now, when it never did before?!”

 “Is your father around now?” she asked, changing the subject slightly again.
“No… I don’t know where he is… The house look absolutely awful!”
 “Okay, just stay away from him. Don’t go anywhere near him. I’ll come in two days, and I’ll get you. I’ll help you, Sujung. We’ll make it work, okay? Don’t do anything stupid.”

 Instead of replying her, I ended the call. Laying on my back on the bed.
“You shouldn’t wait two days to leave,” a cold and distant voice came. “You can just leave now. It won’t hurt.” I let my sobs out. I didn’t want to die like this. Really. “Minhyuk is just happy you actually left. He doesn’t care anyways. That’s why he was so cold and easily irritated. Because you came back. He doesn’t love you. It’s just a lie he keeps telling you because he pities you.”

 “No, you are the one lying!” I shouted, closing my eyes tightly.
“Am I really?” the voice questioned. “But I’ve always been here and told you the truth. I’ve always been here to tell you what you really are. A freak.”
 “I’m not a freak!” I protested, tightening my fists.
“Yes you are. That’s all you are. That’s everything you’ll ever be.”

 “I don’t want to be,” I said, my voice cracking.
“But you are. You can’t do anything about it, except maybe dying. You should just leave this place. Leave all the people you are hurting.”

 I shot up, looking around, but I couldn’t see him. “Are you looking for me? You can’t see me. You can’t see monsters like me. Because I’m you. You are the only monster around here. You are the only monster people need to see to know they exist.” Looking around once again, I walked to the other side of my room, looking at my reflection in the mirror.

 He was right... I was hideous.

Taking the mirror down, I threw it down against the ground, smashing it to pieces.
 “If you’re going to cut yourself, you should just kill yourself while you’re at it,” the voice said lazily.

 But my breathing was already very unstable, and my sight was fading away. However, I did use my last strength to drag one piece of glass over my wrist.

-

 I found myself wake up on the floor the next day. I did not want to think that yesterday was real, that it actually happened, but seeing what room I actually was inside, I had to accept it. 

 Sitting up, I took a look at my wrist. A thick blood-red line formed over it, but obviously it was not enough to end everything. I was not sure whether to be happy or disappointed.

 “I’m not a monster…” I mumbled to myself, still studying the wound. Blood was more or less everywhere around my wrist and palm. “Or am I?” With a sigh, I took my eyes away from it.

 My body felt numb as I stood up, picking up my phone from my bed. There were no calls nor messages. It did not feel right. Minhyuk would be worried now, would he not? He would call and send messages like a crazy person, just as he did the other times, would he not?

 We had never fought like that before. Usually, one of us would prevent the other from getting really angry, one of us would do anything.  However, it did not happen this time. Somehow, Minhyuk had changed. I just wanted him to do well in his life, graduate school with great grades and become something like the rest of his family, but because of my entire existence, he was ruined. I ruined the most important person in my life, and I had no idea how to fix it. If his temper had been like that the whole time I was gone, everyone must have suffered around him.

 More than anything, I wanted to run back to him and tell him how sorry I was, but I did not feel like I could. I felt as if I would only make things worse. If that was even possible…

 I would give anything to be normal and not have any troubles, and for him to be as happy and healthy as he was before, but at the moment it seemed just impossible. Never had my wish to die been this strong. I was just another failure, ruining everything for everyone.

 I knew that if I really wanted to, I could kill myself this instant, but I felt as if it would be unfair if I just left. I had a lot of unsaid things and undone business. I wanted to tell Minhyuk that I loved him and that I wanted to leave to make things easier for him, give him a last kiss. I had promised Sungmi to see how she was doing now that she was out of that place. Also, my auntie was using money just to come and talk to me, and I would hurt her if I just left like that.

 Still, my wish was to leave when I had done those things. If I was to die, I wanted a proper goodbye first. I could deal with not talking to my father. Him, I knew I should just avoid. I did not want him to infer with what I was doing, and I knew he would be totally furious if he found out I was out of the hospital. Rather than a quiet death by myself, I could expect a painful and bothersome death, caused by my own parent. If he saw me, that was the much higher possibility. 

 “Sujung-ah, what are you doing?” I looked around, not seeing anything around me. I didn’t know where the voice came from until I felt soft fur against my ankle. Looking down, I saw a cat staring up at me with big eyes. “Why are you looking at me like that?” it asked.

 “Now, this is messed up,” I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. Just then, I felt something sharp bore itself into my ankle. Looking down again in shock, the cat had its claws on me and was looking up at me with an angry expression.
 “The only messed up thing here is you!” it sneered, “Take it back!”
“I-I’m sorry!” I stuttered, not really knowing what to say or do.
 “Please sit down before I claw your eyes out.”

I silently obeyed, sitting down on the floor, looking at it with uneasy eyes.
 “You know,” it started, laying down comfortably in my lap, “No one likes you.”
 “So I’ve heard,” I replied with a sigh, dragging my fingers through its long and silky fur. “Haemi liked me, but I killed her…”

 I missed Haemi. No matter how bad she treated me, she was still there and listened. She understood me. Even if she jumped out of the window by herself, I felt so guilty. It was only my fault that she became the monster she did. I ruined her, just like I ruined everybody else around me.

-

 The day passed by, and the cat had disappeared. I tried looking for it, but I could not find it anywhere. But that was not my main problem. I had gone a long while without food, and all the foods in the house were not eatable.

 Exhausted from everything, I decided to sit myself in the couch and wait for tomorrow. Just when I thought everything was silent around me, which was not very often, the front door went up. I held my breath as I waited for the person to come into view. Hopes were that my aunt was able to come earlier, or maybe Minhyuk came to look after me, but neither of those hopes were reality. The person coming in was…

 My father.

 *Author's Note*

Long time no see! Sorry....

 This chapter is a lot shorter than the other chapters, i just had a hard time and was unusre of what to write >-< It's not even 3000 words T.T

Hope you enjoyed it btw^^ Look forward to the next chappie though, because that's where everything happens >:D

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