Gone

Found You, Saved You

  (Minhyuk’s POV)

 “What’s wrong with you?” I asked, looking Ilhoon up and down.
“What do you mean?” he asked back, avoiding eye contact.
 “You’ve been avoiding me the past month,” I told him. “Whenever I call you, you decline, and you turn around when you see me. Why are you being like this?”

 “Hyung, I’ll stop avoiding you so let’s not talk about this now,” he said, looking at me for the first time since Hyunsik and he had arrived at the hospital.
 “I can’t go around knowing that you’re having a reason to avoid me.” Ilhoon looked at me.
 “I just don’t want to come between you and Sujung, that’s all,” he said plainly.

 “What do you mean by that? All I asked you to do was to treat her better! Is that too much to ask for?”
 “Yes. It is too much to ask for.”

I was taken aback by his reply. What did Sujung ever do to make him become like this? Or maybe he had just decided to despise her this much.

 “I’ll be leaving then,” he suddenly said, starting to walk away.
“You did not come here to leave!” I took a grip around his wrist. “At least tell me what’s wrong!” Ilhoon snapped his wrist out of my hand and turned to look at me, annoyed clearly written in his face.

 “If you really must know; Sujung was my first love and she turned me down a few years back. She broke me, and it made me hate her. Now, I can’t stand to see the two of you together. It bothers me, so leave me alone.”

 I kept silent for a moment. Did Ilhoon… like Sujung? He could not possibly still like her after years of hating her. I really had no idea. If this happened a few years back, it must have been before Hyunsik invited Ilhoon into our gang. If it was after, I would have known, so it was impossible. Ilhoon and I became friends two years ago, which meant all this happened before that.

 “If you don’t mind, I’ll take my leave now,” Ilhoon said, braking my thoughts.
“What about Hyunsik?” I blurted out. I wanted to talk this through with him, he could not just leave like this.
 “What about him?” Ilhoon asked, clearly irritated.
“You came here with him, didn’t you? You shouldn’t leave without him,” I told him.

 “Just tell him I’m waiting outside. He’ll understand.” With that, Ilhoon walked away. I sighed heavily. So many things had happened in her life that I did not know of. Why would she never tell me this? More importantly, why would none of the others tell me anything about this? Not even Ilhoon or Hyunsik had ever hinted this.

 Remembering the time, I walked inside the hospital room. There were days Sujung needed to sleep at 8pm, and today was one of those days. She managed to trick me into not giving her the said medication to put her into sleep the day before, but I could not give in to her today. The nurses would be mad at me for breaking my promise about managing to take care of her the way I was told to. I knew this was what she needed, even if she really did not think the same.

  I sat down on a chair, smiling as I saw how Sujung lit up when she saw me.
“Where’s Ilhoonie Hyung?” Sungjae asked, looking around as if Ilhoon was hiding somewhere.
 “He said he wanted to wait outside,” I explained, wanting to just brush the subject away.

 “I better look after him,” Hyunsik said, standing up. “It was nice seeing you,” he said, this time directing it to Sujung, who smiled in response.  She had not talked with Hyunsik too many times, and she felt insecure around unfamiliar people, but I was glad she went along with the lot of them.

 “You guys should leave too, Sujung needs sleep,” I said, looking at Donggeun and Sungjae.
“Now?” Sujung whined, “Do I really need to sleep now? It’s too early!”
 “Don’t you dare! You haven’t slept for two days! You have to sleep!” I told her. Sometimes, in situations like these, I felt like her mother of some sort.

 “If that’s the case, we will leave now,” Donggeun said, standing up, taking Sungjae up with him.
“I’ll see you tomorrow!” Sungjae said, following Hyunsik and Donggeun outside.

 I took out her medication, which contained of two sleeping pills, and a glass of water, but she only looked blankly at me as I held it in front of her, telling her to take it.

 “I don’t want to sleep,” she said, looking away out the window.
“I know you don’t, but you have to,” I told her, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
 “But it’s so scary! Whenever I try and sleep, I can see and hear them everywhere! They won’t leave me alone!” she protested.

 “It won't be scary,” I said, “I’m going to stay with you the whole time. I’ll protect you.” She looked at me and I could see tears in her eyes. I could sense her fear. “It’s going to be fine, just please take it. You really need to sleep,” I begged her.

 She looked at my hands for a moment, then decided to take the medications. When she had handed back the glass of water, and I had placed it on the small table, she leaned back on the bed, sighing slightly. The pills would take control over her body rather quickly. Usually, it only took 20 minutes before she slept soundlessly.

 “Why am I the only one who can see anything?” Sujung asked, staring up at the ceiling.
 “Honestly, I have no idea,” I said, pulling a strand of her hear behind her ear. “Those things cannot hurt you. They are not real, they’re only inside of your head. You shouldn’t be scared of something only you can see.”
 “But they are trying to hurt me…” she said, her voice low.
“They can’t hurt you. Only you can hurt yourself right now,” I told her.

 “Minhyuk, I don’t want to sleep!” Tears started to fall from her eyes as she became sleepier. It stung to see how much she hated being put to sleep. I felt terrible for having to do this to her, but she still had not slept for two days, and I knew it would be another sleepless night if I did not give her these medications.

 “What if something happens when I’m sleeping and I can’t wake up!”
“Nothing will happen,” I told her, “I’ll stay right here and watch over you. I promise nothing will happen.” I sat back beside of her, wrapping my arms around her and leaned her against my chest.

 “Please… just make it stop…” My tears finally fell as well. It hurt so badly, knowing that she had it all too awful. “I can’t take this anymore. Wouldn’t it be so much easier if I just let them take me…?”
 “Don’t say that. We’ll find a way out of this. I will not let anyone take you.” I tried to make my voice as steady as possible, trying not to let her know I was crying, but my voice only came out as a whisper. I could not seem weak in front of her now that she needed me to be strong when she could not.

 “Just sleep. I promise to stay right here,” I said, kissing her lightly on the top of her head. She turned around slightly, wrapping her arms around me and leaning her head to rest on me. I could feel her nails dig into my skin, and my shirt become wet where her head law, but I did not say anything about it. It was better to just let her hold onto me until she finally fell asleep.

 After a while, her tears had stopped, and she was not using any of her strength. I her hair carefully as she slept, tears still falling. Suddenly, I heard the door open, and Changhyuk came inside. He had not visited since she was unconscious two weeks back. I did not care to dry my tears away, only because I was scared she might wake up if I removed my hands from her. Even if I knew she would not wake up so easily, I was not going to take that risk.

 “It’s really hard?” he asked, sitting down on a chair not too far away. There had appeared a lot of chairs lately, as people were visiting her. By people, I meant my friends.

 I nodded at his question, chuckling slight awkwardly. It was hard, but I knew I could endure it.
“How is she doing?” I could hear in his voice that he knew my answer.
 “I have no idea how she’s actually doing,” I confessed, sighing. “Hyung, she can see and hear things, things no one else can. She doesn’t sleep, I need to give her pills to put her into sleep now. It just… All this… It hurts so much to see her like this.”

 “Are you still not considering to put her into some other kind of hospital, somewhere they can take care of her and help her so you can rest?” I instantly shook my head.
 “I’ve promised not to send her away. She’s always asking if I would ever take her to a place and leave. I really can’t do that to her,” I explained.

 “By hospital, I of course don’t mean some sort of locked up and mental asylum,” Changhyuk said firmly, “Just somewhere safe where they can give her the required help. I know you’re good at acting and all, but I know you, and you are not doing too well lately.” I sighed. Indeed I was tired, but I just could not break now. Sujung needed me.

 “I know your friends are helping you a lot, but you are still worrying too much. Regardless of if you just need to stop by school or come home for a shower and get a new set of clothes, you always worry. Your visits at home are so short, I can’t even talk to you for five minutes, Minhyuk! Don’t you think we are worried about you?” He looked me directly in the eyes. “Tell me honestly; are you doing alright?”

 “Yes,” I replied, “I might be a little exhausted, but I’m doing fine, I promise. If I have enough, I truly will ask for your help,” I replied, not hesitating. “Right now, it just hurts to see the person I love suffer. If it’s because I was crying just now you’re worried, then you shouldn’t be. Sujungie was having a hard time and she was scared. There was no other reason behind it.

 Just imagine if your girlfriend was like this, wouldn’t you be sad? Wouldn’t you do anything to help and protect her?” I asked him. He was silent for a moment, letting it sink in. Of course he would. Who would not? If he was ever put in the same situation as me, he would do exactly the same. He would do exactly what I did.

 “I guess you’re right…” he sighed, “Just promise to tell me if you need my help or anything.” He stood up from his chair and walked over to me. “You know I’ll always be here and help you.” He gave my hair a ruffle, before exiting the room, and I was left in silence.

 I looked down at Sujung who was sleeping soundlessly on my chest, deciding I could also go to sleep now. She would probably wake up early anyways, so why not use the free time I had to rest.

 -

(Sujung’s POV)

 I was held down on the floor, trying my hardest to escape as the man in front of me, dressed in a white suit and wearing a black mask decorated with green flowers, was trying to sew my lips together. He had a strong and firm grip around my jaw, holding me in place, fingernails digging themselves into my skin and knuckles going white.

  I tried to scream as the needle went through my lips, but I could not because my mouth was already glued closed. Again and again and again I felt the sharp object go through my facial skin, a thick thread closing tightly around my lips as blood ran from the new wounds.

 I was desperately crying. I almost could not breathe. It hurt so much, and no one could hear what was going on. I had no clue on where I was, I only knew I woke up in a dark and empty room with my lips glued together.

 After a while of hard work, they quietly left the room, leaving me on the floor, lips sewed, blood spilling, tears falling, arms and legs bruised, and terrified. I brought my knees up to my chest on the cold floor. I had no strength.

 Hours must have passed before I stood up and moved slowly to the door. As carefully as I could, I opened the door and stepped outside. The corridor I met looked like it was taken out from an old and abandoned hospital. The lights were almost unusable, they were only blinking and some of them did not even work. The walls were grey, but they looked as if they had been white a long time ago.

 Making my way through the corridor, I could see closets filled with medicines and half broken wheelchairs stood messily placed by the walls.

 Suddenly, I could see a door open. I froze on the spot, looking as a man dragged a girl out of the room. The man was dressed in a white suit and he wore a black mask, just like the men who stood around me when I woke up did. But the flowers on his mask were yellow roses. It seemed as if all those men around here had different painted masks.

The girl, however, had porcelain white skin and long brown hair. She looked weak, she was unable to stand on her own. Her lips were sewed together with a yellow thread. They did not seem to bother about my presence, so I followed as they made their way down the corridor.

They were walking in the opposite direction from which I had done before. Even down the staircase, I followed. I followed until they reached a door in an entirely different floor, when I suddenly was grabbed from behind by two strong arms. I recognised it to be two men, wearing exactly the same as all the other men, and they both had green flowers painted on their masks.

 They took me to a room and forced me onto a bed, where they tied my arms and feet to the bedposts, making it impossible for me to escape. I wanted to scream and tell them to stop so badly, but no sound came out. I hated that everything was so silent. The men did not speak either. They said nothing. Not even a word to threaten me or to make me lay still. I despised it so much.

 As the men made their way out the door, the dark room somehow became lighter. I watched, confused, as the white light took over my sight, and the room slowly transformed into the hospital room I was used to see.

 “Kitty, did you have a nightmare? You’ve been biting your lips in your sleep, they’re even bleeding!” I looked up and saw Minhyuk sit in the chair, holding a wet cloth against my lips. I sat up slightly, brining my fingertips to touch my lips. I felt warm liquid attach itself to my fingers, and it hurt so much where I touched. Panicking, I searched for any signs for thread or holes from the needle, but there were none.

 “Aish, they’ve even turned blue…” Minhyuk sighed, pushing my fingers away to hold the cloth against my lips again. “Your dream must have been terrible. You were crying a lot,” he said. I felt another round of tears coming up. I had been so scared, and it was only a dream. I looked around the room, and spotted one of those men. He had the exact same mask as the one sewing my lips together, which I assumed meant he was the same person.

 I could not breathe. I was so terrified only by watching him stand there. I did not want him to actually sew my mouth closed. Desperately, I took my arms around Minhyuk’s neck, hugging him tightly as if it made the man go away. Minhyuk took his arms around me as well, and brought me down to his lap, holding me even closer.

 I leaned my head against his shoulder, crying as I tried to catch my breath. Minhyuk kept telling me how nothing was real, how everything was going to be okay, letting me cry, comforting me as he always did.

 “Kitty, everything will be alright, nothing of what you’re seeing is real. It was only a nightmare, there’s nothing to be afraid of. I will stay here and protect you, you know I will. I will always protect you. We’ll go through this together, I won’t let you go alone. Just remember that those awful things are not real.

 Remember that they cannot hurt you. I can’t see anything, so nothing of this can actually be real. And you know I’m not lying. I will always be by your side. I love you.” I looked up at him. He had never said those last three words before.

 “Can’t you see? I love you. I really do,” he repeated himself. I took a deep breath to calm myself, for his sake.
 “I love you too,” I told him, leaning against him once again. I looked to the man with the floral mask again, and as I said that, he vanished, turning into black shadowlike butterflies. Vanishing completely.

 

-

 I sat on my knees, rubbing a wet cloth roughly against the hospital floor. Ever since the incident with Hyemi, there had been blood on the floor, created by her tears, and it had been bugging me for so long. I rubbed and rubbed, using all my strength, but the blood would not go away. All it did was making the cloth completely red.

 “What are you doing?” Minhyuk asked, entering the room with his school bag, before sitting down on the couch right beside of me.
 “I’m trying to wash the blood away,” I replied shortly, not taking my eyes off of the floor.

 Minhyuk kept silent for a while, only watching me. I noticed how even my hands had become red from the rubbing, blood somehow managing to fasten itself to my fingers and palms. It was so weird how both the cloth and my hands were becoming more and more covered with blood, while the floor did not change. Not one bit.

 “Kitty, stop that,” Minhyuk suddenly said, his voice demanding.
I looked up at him. “Stop what?” I asked.
 “Stop trying to clean the floor,” he told me, “There’s no blood.”

I looked confused from him to the floor, then back to him.
 “Yes there is. Don’t tell me you actually can’t see that. The cloth is completely red!” I argued.

“No, Sujung-ah, it’s not,” he sighed, “Where would that blood even come from?”

 “It’s Hyemi’s tears…” I kept my voice low. Even if she did what she did against me, it hurt thinking about how much I let her down. I could have held her back, but I didn’t. It was my fault she died.
 “Hyemi cried blood?” Minhyuk asked shocked. I only nodded, my eyes focusing on the floor.

 “But Kitty, I thought we already went through this; Hyemi never even existed. You’re only imagining there’s blood on the floor, so just leave it be before your hands become sore,” Minhyuk told me. I frowned at his words. I was not crazy. I did not see things no one else could.
 “It’s only you who’s blind,” I said, my voice only heard as a whisper. It was irritating. I didn’t want to be sick like this.

“I’m having a test tomorrow, just so you know,” he said after some while of silence. I nodded, continuing to wash the floor, just slower and not so hard this time, as I buried myself into my own thoughts. Minhyuk had taken out his books and was now studying for the test he was going to have.

 “You’re sick…” I heard a slow and husky voice say. I frowned and kept my head down. “You’re completely mental…” the voice came again. “You should just give up… You will never get better… What a miserable failure you are… No one would notice it if you vanished… Nobody wants you around… No one wants to deal with a sick creature like you… So sick-“
 “I’m not sick!” I screamed, throwing the cloth against the floor, making a loud splash sound echo through the room.

“Kitty, I didn’t say you were,” Minhyuk said, being all shocked and confused.
 “I know,” I replied through gritted teeth, “But I’m not sick!”
“Well…” Minhyuk started, “You’re not mental or crazy or anything like that, but you are actually quite ill.”

 “Then what makes me so ill?!” I snapped.
“You see and hear things no one else can, and you have a selfharm problem as well as depression,” he explained, “I know you don’t want to realise it, but we actually have to help you and follow you everywhere until you’ve recovered.”

 I stood up, looking irritated out the window, before turning around to walk away, but Minhyuk had already jumped to his feet and was standing right in front of me, making it impossible for me to go anywhere.

 “Where are you going,” he asked, his voice sharp.
“Outside,” I replied, “I’m going to prove to you that I’m not that sick and that you don’t have to follow me everywhere.” With that, I walked right past him, heading towards the door.

 “Sujung-ah, stop it. Don’t be that way,” he pleaded, but I ignored him completely and continued on my way outside. I went to the balcony, sitting down on a bench, brining my knees up to my chest. Just looking up into the sky was good enough for me. I enjoyed it. Everything looked so much prettier far away. Far away where things were not as bad and messed up as they were here.

  I was longing for that place, where it all was much better. I heard people who look into the sky often are longing for something, something that is too far from their reach. Knowing that, it made quite much sense to me that I was looking up into the sky or out the window so often. There were a lot of things I longed for. Peace and silence were some of the many things I wished for. I just wanted one normal day where no one was bothering. Just one silent day had meant so much to me.

 “Sujung-ah…”
“Go away,” I immediately said, not giving Minhyuk a single glance.
 “I know you’re irritated and all, but please don’t be this way,” he pleaded, sitting down beside of me.
“Leave me alone,” I told him again.

“I know you don’t like this, but-“
 “I don’t have any mental disorders! Just go away,” I stated, still not looking at him.
“Sujung, please! I’m doing everything I can to make things alright for you, I really do!” He took my hand in his own, holding it tightly. “I know you don’t want to face this, but it’s simply just reality. Look, I already promised you that we will find a way out of this together.”

 I leaned my head back against his shoulder. No matter how hard I tried to stay mad and irritated at him, I couldn’t. It was just impossible. Maybe I just had to accept that my head did not function the way it should? It was an awful thought; being mentally disturbed. Maybe if I knew I was, it was easier to become better.

 “I’ll let you be alone tomorrow since I have a test at school that I need to take,” Minhyuk said, taking his arm around my waist. I just nodded my head and kept quiet. Nothing felt safer than just having Minhyuk beside of me like that.

 

- 

(Author’s POV)

 The hospital had informed Sujung’s father about her state of mind. He now knew about her suicide incident as well as her problem with cutting. He even knew about the fact that his own daughter saw and heard unreal things all the time and was really struggling mentally.

 With all this information, he could finally find a way to take his responsibility as a father away. The money he owed, was all finally paid back, but the idea of losing his daughter was still triggering. She was just a waste of space, and all she did was use his money to pay for her school. Even damages on the schools ground was his to pay, as Sujung’s classmates would blame her for absolutely everything, even if she was not at school the day it happened.

 It was when the message from the hospital came that he finally came up with the idea. He could send her to a hospital that dealt with people who struggled, a hospital he knew she was not let out of so easily. That way, he did not have to pay for her or be responsible for her actions.

 It did not take long before he already had decided to do so. He went straight to the hospital, taking two of the men working at this place with him. At the hospital, he was asked if he was sure, and if he had talked it through with Minhyuk, because everyone who worked there knew how badly Minhyuk wanted to take care of Sujung himself and not let her out of his sight.

 Luckily for him, Minhyuk had to go to school and take a test at that time, so he told them yes; he had talked with the boy about it, and boy had agreed.

 “Appa…!” Sujung looked surprised, almost shocked, up from her book as he entered the room. He was truly the last person she expected to see, and it was no helping that he walked inside with two men behind him who were wearing uniforms she could swear she had seen before.

 “I know how you’re doing,” her father started, standing beside the bed as he placed his hand carefully on her shoulder. His voice was not as stern as it usually was when he talked to her, and he acted as if he even felt sorry for her. The whole situation made her so anxious. None of this was right.

 “And I’m going to help you,” he explained. She suddenly became so aware of the situation, so aware of what was coming next. “These two men are going to take you with them to a really nice place, and you are going to stay there until you recover fully, so be a good girl, and go with them.”

 The two of them started walking towards her, and she quickly jumped to her feet. She had to find a way out of this. They could not take her away. Her whole body was trembling as she tried to run past them, and she cried out when one of them made a firm grip around her stomach, holding her back.

 She tried to escape, but failed miserably and was tackled to the ground, tears falling and helpless cries leaving her trout. Everything had happened so quickly, and suddenly she could feel something sharp dig itself into her arm, liquid spreading inside her body, and she became numb, unable to fight back.

 “I can’t leave, I promised Minhyuk that I would wait for him here…” she said, her voice weak and broken. She looked up at her father in hope that he would show her some kind of support, help her in some way, but instead, he was just grinning evilly down at her.
 “He has allowed this to happen,” he said.

She felt her heart shatter into pieces. The other day he told her he loved her, and now he had agreed to take her away. He had promised so many times that he would never let this happen… but yet it was happening.

 “Liar…” she whispered, hoping nothing of this was real, that everything was just another dream.
“Sujung, I’m not lying. The guy doesn’t care one bit about you, just face it.”

 She wanted to scream in agony, but she was too weak. She had no streangth left. No one was going to help her. No one cared, just like it always had been. The medicine was quickly taking over her consciousness, and forced her eyes closed, as well as making her fall right into a deep sleep.

 “Just take her away,” her father ordered the men, who picked her up and carried her to a big van, placing her in the backseat, before driving away.

 

 (Minhyuk’s POV)

I collapsed onto the couch at home after finally finishing the test. It was not that hard, but it was long and exhausting.

 “I think I’ll be placing first again,” Hyunsik said, completely satisfied with his test. He placed first in the whole school, so it never came as a shock when he had the best test results, it only came as a shock when someone had a better score than him.

 “Yah, did you really give Sungjae detention for today?” I asked, my curiosity going back to when we left Sungjae whining at the school.
 “Yeah, he needed to make up for all the classes he ignored, so I thought making him wash all the classrooms with janitor Jang Haram would teach him not to drop class,” Hyunsik explained.

 “Isn’t it a little unfair making him do that after the hardest test of the year…?” I felt quite bad for him. I understood that he really had to do better in school, but leaving him there after such an exhausting test was just simply mean.

 “Hyung, relax,” Hyunsik said, patting my knee, “The maknae is going to be okay. Don’t worry so much about him. The kid is fine.”
 “Then what about Donggeun? Didn’t he say he was going to wait for him to finish so they could leave together? I think they were going to watch a movie later-“

 “You’re such a worried hyung!” Hyunsik cut me off, “No one else worry as much as you do.”
“Someone has to do it,” I sighed.
 “Then I will, together with the others, start worrying a little for you instead. It’s not healthy for a person to worry like you do. Well, maybe Ilhoon won’t do it so much, he doesn’t really worry about things…”

 “You knew Ilhoon liked Sujung,” I stated.
“Hm?” He looked at me, probably not hearing what I said as he seemed to be quite deep in thoughts just now,
 “You knew Ilhoon liked Sujung,” I repeated myself. He nodded, obviously not seeing it as such a big deal. “Why did none of you say anything?”

 “Ilhoon didn’t want me to say anything, so I didn’t,” he explained.
“Does he still like her?” I asked.
 He sat quiet, thinking for a moment. “No, I think he hated her for too long. I’m guessing he’s being like this because he finally understands why she rejected him. He probably has a hard time because he knows what she’s going through as well. He feels guilt too, you know.”

 

 “I have to go back to the hospital,” I said when an hour had passed. “Should I drive you home, or are you coming with?”
 “Just take me home,” Hyunsik replied, “Changsub and I are going out to see a movie.”

“Wait… Donggeun and Sungjae said they were going to the theatre to watch a movie,” I pointed out.
 “Yeah, Changsub wanted to spy on them, so we’re going there as well,” Hyunsik said, seeming rather embarrassed about it.

 “You’re actually going to spy on them?” I asked, chuckling.
“I tried to stop him, but he even paid the tickets for Donggeun and Sungjae just so we could spy on them.”
 “He paid their tickets?!” I laughed, “And they have no idea?”
“Nope, they don’t even suspect anything,” Hyunsik said, laughing as well.

 

 After driving Hyunsik home, I went to the hospital, but strangely enough, Sujung was not inside her room. I went to the balcony, but she wasn’t there either, not even outside in the garden. I looked around the whole hospital, but she was nowhere to be found. In the end I went to look after the nurses who usually took care of her while I was not there.

 “Where is Sujung, I can’t find her anywhere.” The nurse looked at me, her eyes showing sadness.
“She was escorted out earlier today, have you forgot?” I furrowed my brows in confusion.
 “What do you mean ‘escorted out’? What are you talking about?” I asked, feeling anger build up inside of me.

 “You didn’t know she left today?” she asked, suddenly panicking.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about! Where is she?!” I almost shouted.
 “Her father took her out today. He said you were aware of it,” she explained. My eyes widened. I had absolutely no idea of what was going on.

 “Oh my god, you didn’t know…!” she gasped, finally understanding that I had no clue on what she was talking about.
“Where is she?” I asked, my voice low with horror.
 “I don’t know, they never told me,” she said. Tears were about to spill from her eyes. She obviously thought this was just as horrible as I though.

 “Who are ‘they’?” I asked, feeling weak to the knees.
“He came with two men who looked like they worked at some kind of prison,” she said. I sighed heavily and ran my hand through my hair. She was gone…

 

 

   *Author’s Note*

 Hello^^ I bet you’re all really surprised about Ilhoon? I hope you understand him better now that you know his reason for being this way… love isn’t always kind.

 So now there’s a new problem; Sujung is gone. No one knows where she is, except for her father… and me of course. I don’t know if any of you sensed this coming. I tried making it a little obvious by making them talk so much about these hospitals and asylums…  Please don’t hate me for making her situation worse T.T I will truly make things better when I figure out how to fix what I just did.

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LunaStar94
#1
Chapter 29: So sorry to hear that. I know you can recover so, fighting!
maidhiah
#2
Chapter 28: Thanks for the update author-nim :) i hope sujung will recover soon T.T pity her
maidhiah
#3
Chapter 27: Yay!!! Thanks for the update author-nim. Yeahhh me too. I really excited with BtoB comeback. They all look so damn good, handsome and hot!!!! Hope they can get first win. #BtoB_Back_Again
LunaStar94
#4
Chapter 27: Yay you're back! i was getting worried! And omg yes they're doing the do heheheh

also im hella excited for the comeback i cant wait TT
SuperDreaming
#5
Chapter 26: Well I'm gonna wait till you update the chapter!^^ Even if I have to wait months~
kikkawa
#6
Chapter 25: Finally was able to reaaaad!!! Gosh didnt take me long
All in all i liked it! I think is one of the very first chapters where sujung's issues arent the main thing, and thats awesome! I also like how some of the spotlight is switching towards minhyuk, it will make him a less flat character, which is always important, i am really curious about his father really, there's just something fishy about him, dont ask me why
And last! You like john green?!?!? It's one of my favourite writers! I truly liked looking for alaska (they'll be doing a film soon) but my favourite was probably paper towns
LunaStar94
#7
As a person who has cronic depression and social anxiety, I'm so happy that I found a fanfiction that is so related to me. I feel Sujung, really. I'm glad she has Minhyuk beside her and of course Hyukkie :D Cats helps depression more then antidepressants since I, too have three cats and stoppes taking antidepressants! Any way, I finished it at one night and I'm craving for some more heheh As for you, our lovely author, if there's something I have learnt in my 20 years of life, no one is worth for more than us ourselves. I'm so glad that you're recovering and I want you to try harder, for no one but yourself. The future is ahead of us and there will be amazing things that will happen to us one day. I promised myself that I'm not going to die before seeing those idols I adore in person. I at least should thank them in some way because they are the reason I smile at the end of the day :D
Tho I feel like I'm no one to lecture you, I really don't want you to feel sad, as I know how bad it is :)
chensadamsapple #8
Chapter 24: Those two chapters... She's finally recovering! Even though the s at school are doing her great injustice!
Really, I liked Sujung's and Minhyuk's conversation about how Minhyuk doesn't want her to leave.
And if the reader hasn't noticed by now, Minhyuk, his family and his friends, but mostly Minhyuk alone, are Sujung's only reason of living anymore. This story holds a very strong message: someone shouldn't be feeling worthless, someone shouldn't be feeling bad about oneself, someone shouldn't be feeling like not being a burden anymore only by killing oneself and someone should never stop believing in oneself. This is really one of the best stories I ever read, because it actually has a meaning, when other fanfictions don't, and it makes me very proud that your foreword or your description of the story managed to get me hooked and make me want to read all of this, even if it takes a lot of times because those are a lot of chapters. But I don't think it would be as good if there were very short chapters.
I thought that Peniel exploded when that (even though even es would be ashamed that something such as THAT would be called a ) was talking again (if you can even call that talking) but it was a pleasant surprise that Ilhoon saved her and stopped her talking. Also, Ilhoon's using strong language was quite fitting right there. He actually tried to make his point clear by cussing, so it's okay. And he didn't just give up when the THING kept saying things against his statements. That showed he was strong-willed and convinced that he could turn the events around and make the crowd feel guilty etc.
I slightly smiled and started tearing up when she thought about the whole situation, asking herself what if she really wasn't the one in fault. She believed in Minhyuk's encouraging words and gained confidence by hearing it from Minhyuk, because he is the only one who can actually make her feel to be allowed to having been brought to life in the 1st place.
kikkawa
#9
Chapter 24: Oh my ilhoon feeeeels!!!! Over the chart, i mean i had been having feels for him ever since the last comeback (and he dressed up as harry potter, that got me) and now this, he may kick sungjae down the list!
I truly loved this chap, even if it was angsty i could see how it's starting to become a happier story, which is great, i loved your writing through ilhoon's speech
Also, i am glad sujung is growing some confidence because that means you are too!! I'm proud for you because of that (not minhyuk but it's better than nothing right?)
I hope your exams go weeeell!!
kikkawa
#10
Chapter 23: Reeeead! Weird that aff didnt warn me about you updating!
Anyway i loved it! This chapter feels so much more optimistic and happier, it's a nice change, i specially lived peniel in this one...and the poor ilhoon...broke my heart
On another line, you got a kitten!!! I am so jealous!! I want one too but my parents wont allow one in house T.T
Oh and i want to congratulate you cause your writing has improved! You dont make as many mistaked and the story flows better, you're doing a good work!
And about your personal life mingling with your story, thats completely normal and happens to all writers, i do it too, i mean in my fic ha in is basically myself (improved in some aspects of course) so don't really worry about it, i personally find it therapeutical, kind of like letting all the bad things written on paper and burying them there, and being able to write what you want for yourself before it happens kind of makes it easier to visualize right?