Luhan POV

     I’m a terrible person. I had replayed that moment in my head for some time now, the way the words slipped out of my mouth almost felt unreal as if I had made it and didn’t actually say it. Why was it that even when I wanted to make amends and right my wrongs I just made more wrongs? I mean it’s not like I hate him or that I want him to be unhappy it’s more like I only want him to be happy with me-- he can be unhappy with Tao, that’s almost the point. Leave Tao, let Tao love Kris because that is the way this should be! THEY BELONG TOGETHER AND SEHUN AND I BELONG TOGETHER. WE’RE THE PERFECT SHIP! Tao has been sleeping in our dorm, he said something along the line that Sehun didn’t want to see me because he was hurt by what I said, I couldn’t blame him… Kris let me stay with him, thing was he was barely around as it is-- which was good for the fact that I have spent more hours crying than trying to figure out what I could be doing to fix my situation.

Kai POV

    Kyungsoo hasn’t even looked at me, it’s been three weeks and he hasn’t texted or called or said hi or anything! What was going on, did I do something wrong? Does he feel intimidated by my awesome body? Is that what it is? Do I have to gain weight for him to like me? Is that what he’s into? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET HIS ATTENTION?!

     “What are you doing Jongin?” In the midst of my storm of anger his voice stood out, I could hear all aspects of that one question. He was confused, concerned, hurt, scared. . . I hate that I made him feel scared.

     I opened my eyes to his voice only then realizing that there was some blood haphazardly splattered around me, mainly on my fist which was still tightly clenched. Kyungsoo didn’t talk, rather he understood that speaking was too much of a challenge for me at the moment. I really liked that he seemed to understand me, if not understand at least accept that we are two separate minds although Kyungsoo has fully taken refuge in my mind. There was nothing I could do besides sit there and watch as his small frame navigated in and out of the empty classroom grabbing the first aid kit, he was swift and fast, his fingers delicately working at trying to stop the bloodshed that was my fault.

     Once he finished my eyes finally locked with his, there was this look of fear that broke my heart because I couldn’t figure out what scared him. What did I do that scared him so much that there were tears in his eyes? Why is he now crying in front of me? My body so desperately longed to feel his warm embrace, especially since he smells like cookies but the second I even open my mouth he ran. Once again my shot at love was farther away and I knew this one would be the last time I look at another man. He is going to be my forever, my always-- he may not have been my first but he will be my last and by God I will kill myself if I throw away my shot.

I will not throw away my shot.