Tao P.O.V

I hadn’t seen Kris this morning, he left no trace that he even came home last night- who knows where he went or who he was with… why am I thinking about him? It was already 6 A.M and first period began at 8, there was enough time for a shower and possibly breakfast- that is if I take a shower fast enough. My body was aching all over due to the tossing and turning from last night’s dream; or rather would it be called a nightmare? Is it bad that I spent all night thinking about him? I mean… I had spent years with this man! We did everything together and I loved him, but isn’t it time to just move on?

No one was at our usual table for breakfast, my stomach dropped when I realized I would have to be alone with my thought for another hour and deal with the tornado of fantasies and demons. I just sat there unsure of what I should even be doing with myself, I decided on playing a little game to keep myself busy- it was a simple finding game- spot everyone who looks hungover. The first one was a guy with bright red hair, tall looking with small eyes who kept grabbing at his neck and coughing (which turned to a bit of gagging). He looked towards me smiling awkwardly but still genuine, and I couldn’t help but smile back until he walked closer to me and stopped.

“Do you mind if I sit here? None of my friends decided to come to class today and it seems like that for you too…” His voice was smooth yet deep but not in a seductive way that would startle a person you just met.

“No, it’s cool you can sit with me. I have no clue where any of my friends are either actually, I couldn’t even find my roommate this morning.” He sat beside me, wow he was big.

“Ha, I know where all of mines are- passed out on couches of people they don’t even know with people they don’t know on them… I should be taking better care of them.” He sighed deeply, before grabbing his head in his hands body hunched over. Something in my brain told me I should rub his back but everything else told me not to that it would be like defying Sehun… But he looked so distraught!

“Don’t think like that…” Suddenly realizing I had no clue what his name although I have seen him around before. “Uh… I’m sorry, I never caught your name.” My face heated up, should I feel bad that I don’t know his name?

“I never threw it” he winked as he laughed- it was nice seeing happiness. “The name is Lee Joo Heon, and yours is..?”

“Huang ZiTao, I’m still pretty new to the school so I haven’t learned a lot of names yet- sorry about that.” Couldn’t you tell I’m not Korean by my face? Why did he look so shocked?

“No wonder you looked familiar! Our Chinese teacher told us that if we needed help with words or homework then we should look for a Huang ZiTao!”

“Oh, well if you do need any help I’m here- it would be fun to teach someone.”

He started looking through his bag, “ I can’t find my phone do you mind if I just put my number in your phone and send myself a quick text?” Joo Heon smiled sheeply as I dug into my pocket fishing out my phone. He punched in his number and text himself something.

“Now I have your number, I hope to see you around Tao- looks like some of the kids decided to come to class and it’s almost homeroom and I have to run across campus. Thanks for the talk!” Heon smiled with more confidence this time as he ran through the cafeteria towards the so call kids he was talking about. They looked happy together, he looked like the father leader person for their friends- the kind of person that those kids would spill their hearts out and he would fix everything up with a bow and hand back to them. Kris used to be that… I could tell him everything-or nothing- and he would know exactly what to do and how to do it- and if he didn’t he wouldn’t leave my side until everything was back to normal. That man was my world, my everything. There were days. before he showed up here, that I would not even want to move, spent with me in bed eyes bloodshot and puffed from crying and drinking because being away from him felt like having my body ripped apart- salt and lemon juice in the wounds, being put back together, watching him love someone else, ripped apart, skinned- in honesty the feeling was ineffable.

My life was hell until I met Sehun. With him it’s like everything is back to normal-

“Didn’t you hear the bell? Class is about to start Tao!” There he was smiling in a nervous manner that noodle.

Letting out a soft laugh I held his hand “I must have not heard it.” Sehun led us down the hall and forward until we reached my homeroom- he was just next door but behind this door was Yi Fan and with the way I was thinking about him I don’t know what to think.

“Tao, you zoned out again. Hurry into class before the late bell rings. I’ll see you later!” He pressed a kiss against my cheek, Kris never did that, and ran next door. With great reluctance I walked into class sitting beside Hyun Seong someone he was sure wasn’t aware of all the mess that my group was going through. He wasn’t much to talk, he was shy in that sense but when he did have something to say it was nice to hear him talk.

“Why are you staring at me Tao?” His brows furrowed together in confusion and curiosity written on his face. “Do I have something on my face- that is, besides my beauty?”

Laughing I replied “There’s nothing on your face, I was just thinking and happened to be looking at you,” a smoke of pink rose to your cheeks “you are beautiful…” The Korean blushed a crimson red and he turned his head away, he acted y when he said the comment but couldn’t even take a compliment; he was adorable. Homeroom continued it felt slower and for some reason I would keep letting my mind drift off somewhere; the thoughts were fuzzy but they held such warmth that it was hard to pretend that he knew these memories and he liked them.

“Tao, get your things together.” Hyun Seong nudged as he started packing his own things himself i could feel my face heat up with embarrassment. “I tried putting your things away but you slapped my wrist when I tried to grab the notebook away. By the way, writing in Chinese next to someone who understands it was a risky move but I won’t tell anyone what I saw.” He was teasing you could see he was but the way my stomach twisted when I let my eyes graze the page of the notebook was as if someone was holding a gun to my temple.

‘I love Wu Yi Fan and I don’t want to be with Oh Sehun. Sehun was just a rebound and means nothing to me, I hate lying to him but there is no space for him in my heart. How do I force him in when Kris is standing guard at the front step of the palace I call my heart? Forget being a guard he is the one you will find seated on a throne and I sitting by his feet happily basking in his presence. Where would we find Sehun you may ask- here is the answer: he is standing one thousand feet away from the palace- Kris has forbid him entrance and he is now on death row because he tried to make me betray my love. My love how beautiful that sounds on my tongue- how his tongue feels on my body. I do not feel any remorse for playing Sehun the way I have.’

“Hyung!” My voice cracked with unease even when he stopped to face me. “Pretend you didn’t see that. Forget it all. Hyung…” The way Hyun Seong looked back at me was enough to know that he saw how desperate I was about this.

“Forget what?” He lifted his hands in surrender and walked out backwards his eyes never leaving mines. Even though I trusted him enough there was this sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach the way an would feel all tight except I didn’t want this to leave me. I couldn’t hurt that kid even if I wanted to. How could I hurt someone who loves me so much?

Why don’t you ask Yi Fan?