text:

" Sica, meet me at the bistro for lunch. We need to talk."

-Donghae

I'm not proud of what i did. I was a bad friend to YoonA to all the soshi members. I lied, and hid. It was time to come clean , It was time for me to stop this. It wasnt fair for me and it really wasnt for YoonA. I go to the Bistro to meet Donghae, so i could end things.

" Sica, your here."

" yea, look i think -- "

" let me go first. Look Sica, i was wrong for asking you not to tell YoonA or anyone of that matter. I shouldnt of asked you to keep something so big from them. Up till now I've been asking to much of you, just because i wanted it all . I was being greedy, and its time for me to pick you or Yoona , or no one. I cant keep playing both of you. I want you to find someone better then me and be happy with him because as of now I can't give you the happiness you deserve. "

" Donghae... so you want to end things now. for real? " (teary)

"to be honest before we end whatever this is, I want one last day for me to be happy around you. one last day for me to be Sica's, Donghae. "

"fine. but this is the last. After this we're back to where we were before."

What Donghae said was true, he did ask to much of me. He did do everyone wrong , but as of now its important that hes realized what hes doing is wrong. However he did leave out the fact that I was also in the wrong, I shouldve ended this from the very  beginning as a best friend, i shouldve said no , and rejected the offer , but i couldnt I liked him to much, i was also being greedy. Right now , as me and him are driving in the car to Jeju for our final day together, we're both in the wrong , we both shouldve never gone through with this . All of this shouldve ended at the Bistro , but once again i like him to much to say no.

" We're here, what would you like to do in Jeju  Sica ?"

" I want to watch the sunset. "

- sitting on the beach "

" Jessica, If you could wish for one thing right now what would it be ? "

" for everyone else around be to be happy. That if i were ever to tell everyone the truth that they would somehow forgive me. "

" See your wish is so diffrent from mine. I believe that if everyone around me truly loved me, they would understand what I've done , was because i had to. I couldnt go another day without seeing you smile around me , I couldnt go another day knowing JessicaJung was never going to tlak to me again. "

"so then what would your wish be ? "

"that this moment right here, with you sitting beside me on the beach watching the sunset together , would freeze. I would want to stay right here forever . But i understand my wish will never come true because I have to face my concequences , something ive been avoiding. So in conclusion my real wish would be for you to find a man that will make you happy , one that wil always put you first and never upset you."

Donghae puts his hand on mine. I can feel his pain, but at the same time I cant do anything about this. He feels bad because hes done wrong to YoonA. I feel bad because I've also wrong YoonA and a lot more people. Its best that this ends , because if i have to go on feeling guilty , i might go insane. As of now, i dont care what happens to me , i just want everyone to be happy . Donghae... I dont think you realise but the only guy I ever want to be with is you.  I just wished that fate wouldve let us end up together in the end.

"Jessica... Im going to tell YoonA so dont worry about this okay ? "

"Are you really ? "

 "yea I sent her a text asking her out for brunch tommrow, so we can talk."

" okay, lets get home now . "

-arrives at SNSD dorm -

" Sica, you know its 2am right? "

"yes . why ?"

"Our weeks over. Have you figured out if you loved me yet? "

"have you figured out why you care so much about me ? "

" yes. I have its because at first I just wanted you to be my best friend again , but after a while of being around you , I realised we were never going to be best friends again. Its because I've fallen for you Jessica Jung, and I cant be in love with my best friend. "

" And I guess I've figured myself out aswell . I do love you , in a way that I cant explain because regardless of the fact that we could never be together I  still managed to fall for you. But , now its time for us to part ways. Its time for you to go along with yourself, and its time for me to continue my life . Goodbye Donghae. "

" Good night Sica. I'll miss you . "

I walk up the steps to the house crying my eyes out. I really hope every ones asleep . I dont know what i could say , if they asked. They're all asleep thats good. I walk into my room  , to be shocked with Tiffany and Sooyuong wide awake , sitting on chairs glaring at me. I run into their arms , crying it alll out.

 Tiffany : " Sica... baby what happened? why are you back so late? "

Sooyoung : " I know you've been keeping secrets from us ,I just didnt know they were this bad. Tell us everything. "

" Im soo sorry . Im so sorry . I trust you , I do , i trust you two the most , im sorry. "

Tiffany:  " Dont apoligize Sica, tell us everything now , we'll always understand you. We'll always stadn by you. "

" I'm a bad person , i am . I kissed Donghae. I've been spending the whole week around him .I've been lieing and hiding from the rest of the girls, adn yourselves. You wont forgive me for this.  I know you wont.  So just let me tell you the truth. "

Sooyoung : " Jessica... I encouraged you to go for Donghae , I will never be mad at you. Why you kissed him I dont know, but i know there was more to the story, then what your telling us."

Tiffany: " Sooyoungs right . I said we'll stand by you , and we will . Everyone in this world can hate you but in the end We will always stand by you. Im not saying kissing Donghae was right, or practically dating him was either but I know theres more to the story , I know my Sica would never want to hurt her best friends. "

I told tiffany and Sooyoung the whole story, they understood me. They might just be the only ones who are on my side, but im still happy to have them. We went to sleep together , three of us fell asleep hugging eachother. Saranghae SNSD... Im sorry... Im sorry YoonA . I whisper to myself

" In the end fate didnt want us together Donghae."

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A/N : thanks so much for the comments & for subscribing!  I just wanted to say that this story is going to be filled with drama , aswell as happy moments! I've thought out my story, and theres going to be a lot more chapters to follow . A lot of which probably wont always end in a happy moment , but its getting there ! So if you really want to read a story filled with happy moments, that wont be mine . I like to keep things dramatic and then eventually get to a happy ending. Sorry if you might not like it this way ):

just a preview of my story plot :  (SPOLIER)

Chapter 14 :

- newspapers are going to be printed that dont exactly work in Jessica's favour. -

Chapter 15 onwards ---

there will be a moment where JongSica are together , but of course it will always end in haesica   

thanks so much,

Lisa <3