I wake up to Sooyuong and Tiffany rapidly tapping me on the back. I look up to see YoonA crying and she looked ferious. The girls all following behind her , they all looked dissapointed in me. How did YoonA find out so quickly, i didnt think Donghae would mention my name. Then i look in her hands, shes carrying a news paper. Its titled, " SNSD Jessica plays the Sm boys " Its followed by a picture of me hugging Jonghyun and kissing Donghae.

" Jessica, how could you?! We were best friends, you were my sister! You ruined my relationship with my boyfriend, and you still have the courage to step into this hosue hold!? "

Sooyoung : "what do you expect her to do leave SNSD ?! Lay off! "

Sunny : " Lay off Sooyoung! Jessica did wrong , everyone here knows that, she lied to all of us , and goes and kissed Donghae whos dating YoonA"

Tiffany: " Leave Sooyoung alone Sunny! Jessica, can explain herself , dont you jump to conclusions!"

YoonA : " Regardless of how she can explain herself , she kissed my boyfriend! And as of now Jessica your dead to me."

" YoonA , Im sorry! theres more to the story then you think! Dont be like this , dont just cut me out of your life for this. "

Hyoyeon: YoonA ... I've known Sica for a long time .  I've known she liked Donghae a long time before you did. Whatever happened im sure it was an accedent , and the guilt is killing her. Lets talk it out. "

" Im done with you Jessica. Im done , I cant see you anymore. "

Seohyun : " YoonA ... This is snsd your talking about. Just forgive and forget."

" fine , for the sake of SNSD ill forgive you Jessica , but that also means im going to forget you ! "

YoonA storms out of the room , not even bothering to take a look at me. Sunny, Seohyun ,  Yuri  follow YoonA out. I can tell their mad at me aswell . Taeyeon stays and instead of me consoling me like the rest of the girls , she gives me a dissapointed look.

" Taeyeon... I'm sorry , i really am. This hurts SNSD's reputation and im sorry. "

"Jessica, because i am the leader i wont take sides. But I want you to understand what you did was wrong. Whatever your reasoning was, you are indeed in the wrong here. At the same time, I understand your feelings, sometimes you cant contorl how you feel . I mean it when i say i dont take sides, but while the whole world goes against you, I will always stand by you."

I stnad up and hug Taeyeon. She was speaking the honest truth , she was doing exactly what a leader should do . I was wrong , i shouldve had control over my feelings. I shouldve been mature about this and just not of done it. I've hurt Yoona , aswell as hurting SNSD's reputation , and the girls ive come to love.

Tiffany : " Jessica , there are a lot of reporters waiting outside to tlak to you... and LSM has called he wants to see you in his office. "

" I cant go out there! How am i suppose to get to the office? "

" Manager oppa is waiting outside, hes already started the car, we just need to get you from the porch to the car. "

Sooyuong: " Sica I'lll come to the office with you, I dont want you fighting this alone. "

I get changed , into a hoodie adn jeans. As soon as the door opens, reporters are going crazy, asking questions. Fans who are also alongside, are screaming and protesting . Once again they hate me.

anti fans : " JESSICA YOU TWO TIMER!" " DONT TOUCH JONGHYUN OR DONGHAE" " THEY BOTH DONT LIKE YOU!"

Reporters : " What made you want to be with both of them ? " " Can you explain yourself ?"

I get into the car with Sooyuong. I look at her, and shes crying . I can understand why im crying but why is Sooyoung crying?

" Sooyoung ? Why are you on my side? "

" because i know the Jessica Jung underneath the extirior . I know your heart is pure. Your one of those girls who sya you dont believe in love, but on the inside your just being careful. You dream that one day that man will come by and love you . I think all of this happened because Donghae was possibly that guy."

" The girls might hate me but i think that deep down , if they really loved me , they will forgive me eventually. I'll wait. "

We enter LSM's office and Donghae , Jonghun are already sitting there.

" Jessica lets talk."

" Whats the plan ? "

LSM: " I dont know yet, any ideas? "

"before we come up with the plans can we think of what the consequences are ?"

LSM : " Techincally you did breach my no dating rule , but your getting your punishment from the reporters and anit fans. I know your probably upset over this matter already , but in order for me to figure out what to do next, i need you to tell me your relationship with both Donghae and Jonghyun."

" With Donghae - nothing, With Jonghyun -nothing. Im not dating any of them, Jonghyun adn me just hugged, and me and Donghae kissed unexpectitly . Lets just call all of this a mistake on my part. Im wrong."

Donghae: " Jessica it wasnt all your fault! It was my fault too! Dont go blaming yourself!"

" LSM I want to take full responsibilty for this. Its better that it be just me , instead of all three of us. Its my choice."

Sooyoung : "SICA! This is going to damage your image! You might not be able to redeem yourself! "

LSM : " Since as of now Jessica is the  one being put on the spot the most, I'll let her decide. Sooyoungs right though , you could lose everything."

"Then let me lose it. Like you said its my decision."

LSM : " Fine, then the plan is , Jessica you will do a press confrence explaining yourself. Explain that it was all just a mistake on your part. That you are sorry to your fans, and SNSD as a group. "

" I want to take a temporary leave to add on to that. I just want to go back to America to think about myself for a while, and get myself together. I dont want to drive SNSD apart."

Sooyoung : " SICA! Your not leaving the group, dont think like that!"

Donghae: " Jessica, dont do this! Dont do any of this! Stay in Korea."

"Good bye Donghae. "

"Just know I'll still love you. I do love you Jessica Jung , its a shame we cant ever be together. "

"Take care of YoonA."

- at snsd dorm-

Taeyeon : " Sooyoung called us . Dont do it Jessica."

Sunny: " Im sorry Sica I didnt mean things to go this far, you know we all love you, now and forever."

The girls all go on and on about how i shouldnt leave but its already final and nothing can change my mind. I see YoonA leave the room, i can tell she wont ever forgive me . I just hope that when i do return that she would let me back in as a friend.

" I love all of you. You all are the most important people in my life, and i will do everything i can to be the Sica you once knew again. But for now i need this time apart from all of this so that  i can learn from my mistakes. "

I leave for my room and pack all my stuff up. I've tried really hard to be strong , but im scared. I'm scared that they'll all forget about me during my months leave. I'm scared that my fans will all turn on me , and I'm scared that no one will ever trust me again.  Its 2am and Sooyuoung isnt in bed . I get worried and go out. Instead i find 7girls sitting on the couch crying.

" .. You all have schedules tommrow, you should get some rest."

Taeyeon : "Dont act like your not upset, we know you cry behind that bedroom door. "

Sunny : " I know we cant stop you from leaving , but atleast talk to us about it. "

" theres nothing left to say sunny, I'm leaving . "

" Arent you scared at all ? "

" To be honest i am scared. I'm scared to death. Im scared that all of you will forget about me in the month that im gone."

Hyoyeon: " Sica,that cant happen. We've known eachother for so long . Its been over 9 years. "

"and my fans? they all hate me. "

Seohyun : " Jessica your real fans will see you through to the end. They'll understand you."

" Thanks seo baby.  Im really upset this our last night together for a long time. "

Me and the girls talk for a long time before they all fell asleep ontop of eachother. I remove tiffanys hand from my sholulder and get up to find the one girl thats missing. YoonA. She might be mad at me, but i atleast want to write her a note good bye.  I walk into her room to find her still awake. I can tell shes been crying .

" YoonA ... "

I walk by and sit in front of her.

" We need to talk YoonA . I need to say goodbye."

" you dont have to leave Sica. "

"i dont have to . But i want to , i want some time to be the Sica who will always make the right desicions, and will always put you aheaad of anyone else."

"Donghae already explained things Sica. I know it wasnt your fault. I know you've lover him before i did. It might've seemed like i betrayed you first."

" no , i dont blame you for anything. I've put it all behind me. I just hope that when i return you wouldve forgiven me. "

" I dont think you realised i already have . Jessica your my sister, your my best friend aswell . I wont let  a boy come in between that. I was mad. I cant lie , i said things i shouldnt have. But i still care so much about you. "

" but you dont trust me. "

" I do ! I trust you just the same, but now when my next boyfriend comes around, I'll make sure that its okay with you before i say yes."

" I'll miss you yoonA . "

" miss you too sica. "

- next day -

I stayed up all night talking to YoonA . She really did care about me afterall . I'm really upset that things have to temporarly end for me, but ill be back with a clean start. I'm in the car driving to the press confrence. I didnt even get to say goodbye to the girls this morning , they were all rushed to their first schedule. I walk into the hall to find tons of reporters . All taking pictures and asking me questions. Then in the corner of my eyes at the very back i see all of the SNSD girls, super junior , Shinee , f(x) , and other idols who have come to support me . This gives me so much confidence.  I get up to the podium and start talking .

" Hello , thankyou everyone for coming out today. I'm here to clarafie my scandal. And truth is , i dont have an excuse for doing what I did. What I did was wrong because it violated my contract, and because of that im sorry to my company. I am not dating any of those two men , Donghae , or Jonghyun. Right now , some fans might hate me. Regardless if their my fans, Donghaes fans,  or Jonghyuns fans, you might strongly dislike me right now  and its upsetting to hear but im more upset because of the fans out there who are dissapointed in me rather then hating me all together. To those people out there I am sorry. I'd like to end my statement with my future plans. For now , I plan on going on a hiatus . This is to refelect on my actions , and maybe even give fans some time to forgive me. Im not sure how long this will be , but it is a temporary leave. I love you all , and ill miss you . So It'll be a goodbye for now."

I leave the podium and head backstage. My bags already in the van and as I head out , i see a lot of faces that I'll miss.

YoonA : "Your not going to leave without saying bye are you?!"

"what happened to your schedules ?! "

Leetuk : "We cancelled em . We needed to say bye ! "

I hug everyone good bye . When i reach Donghae , hes smiling. I can tell things have ended well with YoonA.

" Sica, I'll miss you. "

" I'll miss you too Donghae . Saranghae. "

We hug and I leave in the van.