“So,” Nam Soon said, throwing Jung Ho none too gently onto the sofa and crossing his arms over his chest, standing over the scowling boy like a self-appointed authority figure (and Nam Soon guessed he really was). “Explain.”

Without a word Jung Ho pushed himself up and moved to leave, but Nam Soon shoved him back down. He landed with a bad creek from the springs, falling a little too deep into it and gave Nam Soon a look so far from amusement it was almost funny. Or at least it would be had he not just caught the stupid idiot with a couple bags of highly illegal drugs.

“Did you get this ing thing from a dump?” The younger boy grumbled in false bravado, folding his arms across his chest and refusing to look at either of them, but not trying to leave again. Hopefully he’d realised quickly how futile that would be. Nam Soon was a stubborn bastard; Jung Ho wasn’t getting away until Nam Soon let him.

“Found it out in the street a little before third year, actually,” Nam Soon shrugged, momentarily distracted by that god-awful shade of puke yellow Jung Ho was sitting atop of. Though perhaps the colour of the sofa was ideal, since the streets weren’t exactly the best, nor the most sanitary, place to pick up new furniture, but it did the job it was designed for and that was good enough for a poor teenager. “It came with the TV.” The ty, small, orange hued TV, he added silently. It had been sitting there, right on one of the cushions. He would have left it, having little interest in TV himself, but Heung Soo had been complaining when he’d come around at the lack of one so he took it too.

However, realising he was getting far off topic, he pointed an accusing finger at Jung Ho. “But we aren’t here to discuss my furnishings. Now, why are you carrying drugs?”

“I’m not,” he replied infuriatingly smugly, a snide little smirk on his face even if under it he didn’t look at all sure of himself. Nam Soon knew a mask when he saw one, but he wasn’t here to babysit the brat or talk about his feelings, he was here purely to prevent the stubborn ing idiot from ruining himself.“Park Heung Soo is.”

Not at all amused, Nam Soon smacked him over the head, and if looks could kill he’d be dead and buried for that. Lucky for Nam Soon, looks couldn’t kill, and so all Jung Ho could do was glare balefully. This kid was really trying his patience, and that wasn’t a very clever move as patience was already something that Nam Soon lacked. If Jung Ho didn’t start talking soon, then Nam Soon would damn well knock some answers out of him. He was here for Jung Ho’s own sake after all, he personally gained nothing from this. It was about time Oh Jung Ho grew the up and started taking responsibility for his actions, and the future his actions would bring him.

Nam Soon crossed his arms, glaring down at him. “Yah, I said why do you have drugs? Answer, quickly!”

Jung Ho stubbornly looked away, fixing his gaze on an empty far corner. Nam Soon sighed and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. Why couldn’t the idiot see what he was doing to himself?

Nam Soon looked over to Heung Soo, hoping for some ideas of how to sort this situation, but Heung Soo only gave him an unknowing shrug. Nam Soon frowned, not pleased with how unhelpful his boyfriend was being, and Heung Soo sighed. Nam Soon smiles, pleased with himself. He knew Heung Soo was a softie behind that rugged mask he put on, and that he too didn’t want to see Jung Ho destroy himself.

“You’re going to go to prison,” Heung Soo said bluntly after a few moments of silence, and Jung Ho gave him an unimpressed look. “It’s true,” Heung Soo shrugged. “You’ll get caught doing some illegal , your new little friends certainly aren’t gonna bail you out, and you’ll go to prison. Then, when you’re out you’ll not be able to find a job. Nobody’s gonna want to hire an ex-con, after all. So, what will you do? You’ll turn back to crime. You’ll sink deeper, and one day you won’t even recognise yourself. All this,” he said, waving an absent hand about the room, “all this will just be a distant memory, like a dream or past life. But you’ll look back, and you’ll think ‘what if’; what if you chose something else? What if you chose the life of a good guy, even if it was harder? But thinking like that… well, it’ll just make you even more resentful, and the cycle of bad choices continues.”

Nam Soon looked to Jung Ho, waiting for his reaction. He didn’t need to wait longer than three seconds.

“The are you? My therapist?” Jung Ho muttered, not looking at Heung Soo, arms crossed and still gazing into a corner.

“No, but I had a lot of time to think these things through,” Heung Soo said, and Nam Soon now watched him rather than Jung Ho. He watched Heung Soo’s brow frown before he rubbed at his forehead, sighing, forcing his expression back to neutral.

Jung Ho snorted, not buying it. “What, when you were busy running around with Tsunami stealing from vending machines? Hardly a harrowing life of crime.”

Jung Ho didn’t look impressed, and Nam Soon wished he could just beat some sense into the idiot. Before he could even try that, however, Heung Soo spoke up again.

“No,” He said, and something in his tone grabbed the attention of Nam Soon and Jung Ho both. Without even realising it, they both gave the oldest amongst them their full, undivided attention. Just from that one little word. “After Tsunami. Nam Soon might have been an infamous iljjang, but it was when he was no longer around that I learnt what violence really was, want it really meant. Hanging with Tsunami, fights were fun, a joke so long as it didn’t go too far. But later, when I did learn, when I was sat in a cell in a police station, knuckles bustard and clothes stained red with blood that wasn’t mine. Sat there, knowing I’d ed up bad, wondering how my sister was going to react, if she was going to hate me for doing this to her right after our mum died. Wondering if she’d even visit me if I got sent down – not even sure if I would deserve even one visit from her.” Heung Soo sighed, crossing his arms, almost like a defensive position, and Nam Soon listened without making a sound. Heung Soo had never really gone into detail about his time during the three years they’d been apart. Of course Nam Soon knew of his arrest and the results of it, but Heung Soo hadn’t shared what he’d done to land himself in court. Nam Soon had never asked, not wanting to push it, sure that Heung Soo would tell him in time. He’d never expected to be sharing the audience with Oh Jung Ho though.

Nam Soon looked to the younger boy, and was mildly surprised he was staying quite too. It seemed Jung Ho was just as interested in Heung Soo’s past as Nam Soon himself was.

“At the time,” Heung Soo continued, and it looked like he was talking to himself rather than either of them. Nam Soon wouldn’t be surprised if Heung Soo had forgotten they were there. “I wasn’t even sure what chargers I was facing. I… I thought I might have killed him, to be honest. He’d out at some point, just went limp, but that didn’t make me stop. I could see all the red as he kept bleeding, hear the cracks of bone, the way his chest rattled as he tried to breath. It’s hard to describe just how ing angry I felt at the time. I don’t even remember it all that well – just hitting and colour and sound, and then sat there in a room with someone shouting questions at me. I was still angry even then. The only thing stopping me from laying into that cop was the handcuffs.

“But then I was left alone in that room, and I couldn’t stop thinking. It was the what ifs that really scared me. I didn’t want to go to prison. I’d lost Nam Soon, then my mum, and then I thought I’d lost my sister too. The worst of it was that it was my own doing. I’d ed up. I’d lost my sister because of what I did. There was no one else to blame. She didn’t abandon me like my dad did, she didn’t run away like Nam Soon did, she didn’t die like my mum did; she was right there, were she always was, but I was the one leaving her.” He looked at Jung Ho hard here, suddenly back in the room with them, keeping the younger boy’s gaze. “You don’t want to be your own downfall, Jung Ho-ya. When you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself, the only person you’ve got to hate is yourself. Don’t dig yourself into that hole, because it’s a very hard place to crawl out from.”

For a few moments silence reigned, but when it was clear Heung Soo wanted to say no more Nam Soon wanted to say something himself too Heung Soo, though he wasn’t entirely sure what. Some type of comfort, even just a simple ‘I love you’, to make sure Heung Soo never felt like he was on his own again. What he did to that guy didn’t matter, Nam Soon didn’t care for some stranger, his thoughts were purely on the one person he loved. He hated the thought of Heung Soo in that situation, scared and alone, sure he’d lost everything. But with Jung Ho with them, now wasn’t the time, so he bit his lip and kept quite.

Instead, he watched as Jung Ho seemed to have a silent, internal battle with himself. The younger boy swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing, and looked at the floor. “It doesn’t matter. I’ve got nobody to leave behind,” he said, but he didn’t sound like he meant it much.

“You have Ji Hoon, and Yi Kyung,” Nam Soon said gently. Heung Soo’s story had softened any anger out of him, at least for the time being. Right now, he just felt sorry for Jung Ho. The boy looked so pathetic and small sat on that broken old sofa, like a kid trying to handle a world that’s only interested in watching him suffer. Nam Soon glanced to Heung Soo, thought about how much he loved him, how much he needed him in his life, by his side, and how much it would ach if he wasn’t. But he only looked to his boyfriend for a few seconds before his eyes were back on Jung Ho. “And maybe one day you’ll love someone, someone you’re going to want to hold onto with everything you have. You don’t want to be pulled apart from that person, or you may as well just rip out your heart right now.”

Jung Ho scoffed. “Bull,” he declared, still unable to meet their gazes as he spoke. “ all that , I don’t want or need anyone. I can get by fine alone. I have done so far, after all.”

“Dammit, Oh Jung Ho!” Nam Soon near shouted, aggravated beyond belief. Had nothing Heung Soo said gotten through to him? Why did he so insist on ruining his own life. “You do realise that we are trying to help here, right? For ’s sake Jung Ho-ya do you realise how much this could land you in? Are you ing deaf, did you not hear a word we said?” He rubbed at his forehead, feeling a headache coming on. “We’re just trying to help you.”

“I don’t need or want your help!” Jung Ho snapped, finally having had enough, eyes flashing to him. “So why don’t you off and learn to mind your own damn business?!” He jumped to his feet, clearly intent on leaving, and Heung Soo, demanding, “Give them back.”

Heung Soo raised a lazy brow, as if to say ‘yeah right’, and Jung Ho growled out in frustration.

“Fine!” He snapped, pushing to his feet and shoving past them both. “ you both! Keep the Hell away from me from now on, I don’t need any help, especially not from either of you.” He spat out ‘you’ like it was a curse, levelling both with eyes full of spite. He spit words intended to hurt, and he got it spot on. “You might go on like you’ve changed, like you’re living well, but you,” he spat at Nam Soon before nodding in Heung Soo’s direction, “claim he’s your best friend yet selfishly ed up his life because you couldn’t face your own insecurities. Poor little Nam Soon being left all alone, so you had to ruin the one person you claimed to care for to make yourself feel better.” He turned his sharp gaze on Heung Soo next. “And what the is with you? So desperate for validation you run after a guy who ed you over and abandoned you like some unwanted dog? Yah, dog Heung Soo, you think he won’t do it again? You don’t think the next time you do something he doesn’t like your other leg will be next?!”

“Shut up!” Nam Soon snapped, suddenly enraged, and he punched Jung Ho hard enough to knock him over, his own knuckles cracking at the impact. The sting of truth in Jung Ho’s words hurt like an unimaginable physical pain, worse than any injury he’d ever received, and anger heated up his veins and mind like liquid fire, leaving nothing behind but a burning fury. His fists clenched tightly, and he was shaking with anger and from the barely there will he had to exert to hold himself back.

Sprawled across the floor Jung Ho just laughed, wiping blood from his lips and disfigured nose with a triumphant look. “See?” He smirked over the pain he must be in. “For someone who claims to have put his days as an iljjang behind him, you react so quickly with violence.” He pushed himself up, red dripping down his face, and met Nam Soon’s gaze. “But it’s in your blood. You’ll always be Tsunami, even when you don’t want to be. One day, maybe next week, maybe in another ten years, you’ll snap again and it’ll be bye bye Heung Soo.”

Nam Soon stood frozen to the spot as those words played about in his mind, mocking him. He barely noticed when Jung Ho shoved passed, didn’t even hear the sound of the front door slam as he left.

He was terrified that he was right. Jung Ho had once again managed to find his most vulnerable spot and viciously dig a knife into it.

His eyes closed, his fists unclenched and he took a deep breath. That side of him, the part of him that craved violence like a man in the desert craved water… it legitimately scared him. Not because of what kind of trouble he could get himself into, but scared that it would one day drive Heung Soo away. And it would all be his own fault, there would be no one else to blame. Hell, just like Heung Soo described, only it would be Nam Soon sitting in that cell, knowing he’d ed up beyond measure. Knowing that he’d driven Heung Soo, the person he loved more than he valued his own life, away. Again.

Would the past repeat itself?

Nam Soon fell back against the wall with a weary sigh, looking over to Heung Soo who was looking back without any obvious signs of resentment. Why? Why wasn’t Heung Soo more angry about what Nam Soon had done to him? Why did Heung Soo smile at him every day? Why did he love him when Nam Soon did everything to deserve his hatred?

“He makes a good point, you know,” Nam Soon spoke softly, meeting Heung Soo’s gaze. He didn’t have the energy for anything louder that the quite voice he used.

“No he doesn’t,” Heung Soo denied, stepping over and leaning back too, so he was stood shoulder to shoulder with him, and Nam Soon gave him a small, thankful smile. He really was thankful to Heung Soo, more so than the other boy could ever know, even when he didn’t deserve to be thankful.

“Why are you with me, Heung Soo-ya?” He asked, turning his head to see the answer rather than just hear it.

“Because I love you,” the older boy said with such simplicity that Nam Soon felt rather stupid for even asking. “Isn’t that enough?”

Nam Soon frowned, and looked down to his feet, contemplating. “I don’t know.” He looked back to meet deep brown eyes, a sense of desperation deep in his heart. “Is it?”

Heung Soo cocked his head, regarding him for a few long seconds, and Nam Soon shifted, uncomfortable under the weight of silence.

“What are you really asking?”

Nam Soon paused, biting his bottom lip. “I guess… I guess I’m asking what if I did something like that again. If one day I got angry, and I really hurt you…” He looked up here; he needed to know, needed to see with his own eyes, that Heung Soo answered truthfully. “… Would you stay?”

“Yes,” Heung Soo replied, and Nam Soon’s heart sank. It was like being back in that ally, a time that really wasn’t too long ago but felt like centuries, when Heung Soo had so easily admitted to being gay and liking him. Nam Soon wasn’t sure how to feel this time either. His own heart confused him. He lowered his eyes again.

“You shouldn’t,” he whispered. “I… don’t think I’m good for you, Heung Soo-ya. There are a lot of other – better – guys out there than me. Guys who wouldn’t ever hurt you.”

Nam Soon startled when he felt harsh grips on his upper arms, and next second he couldn’t see anything but Heung Soo, his view filled with serious chocolate eyes and a stern scowl.

“Do you want me to leave you, Nam Soon-ah?” He asked, and Nam Soon couldn’t remember how to speak, but he shook his head dumbly. He’d rather die than have Heung Soo leave. “Good, because I don’t want anyone else. And…” a forehead pressed to his, and Nam Soon melted into the touch, his shoulders dropping and eyes half closing, and Heung Soo’s voice became soft with emotion and honesty. “What happened in the past doesn’t matter, because that’s where its staying. I trust you Nam Soon-ah, completely, and I know that you won’t hurt me ever again.”

“I don’t know if I trust myself that much,” Nam Soon admitted truthfully, breathing in Heung Soo’s sent and wanting to just loose himself in it. “But I’m a selfish bastard, always have been, and I can’t let you go.”

Arms came around his waist, and Nam Soon mimicked the motion, holding his boyfriend close, resting his chin on a wide shoulder and letting himself sink into that sense of protection only Heung Soo had ever given him.

“Then don’t.”