Nam Soon flicked through the TV channels lazily, only half paying attention, concentrating more on the relaxing hand absently running through his hair. He shuffled a little in his position sprawled out along the sofa, Heung Soo tucked up behind him. He yawned and blinked at the TV. “There’s never anything good on.”

Heung Soo idly hummed his agreement, his second hand curling around Nam Soon’s waist. Nam Soon yawned again and snuggled back further into the comforting heat of his body.

“Maybe we should just go to sleep,” he murmured, but neither moved to get up. They were too comfortable. It was morning anyway – hardly time to sleep. Not that Nam Soon had much sleeping in mind…

A few minutes went by in peaceful silence, both dozing lightly with the TV a dull hum of background noise. Nam Soon was falling asleep when there was the beep of a phone, and Heung Soo pulled himself away to dig into his pocket and pull it out. Nam Soon grumbled at the loss of warmth and pulled himself up into a sitting position next to Heung Soo.

He watched the change in expression on Heung Soo’s face, from relaxed and sleepy to an anxious frown as he bit his lower lip. “What does it say?” Nam Soon asked, a little curious but mostly concerned.

Heung Soo turned the screen towards him so he could read it for himself.

We need to talk this through. Will you come home?

It was clearly from Soo Min. Nam Soon looked back to Heung Soo. “Do you want to go?” He asked. “You don’t have to, you can just stay here if you want.”

“I…” Heung Soo trailed off, rereading the text a few times over. “I think I should go.”

“Are you sure?”

Heung Soo sighed and lay back against Nam Soon. Nam Soon automatically wrapped an arm around him. “No, but I don’t like this, Nam Soon-ah. I don’t want her looking at me like she did before ever again.”

Nam Soon nodded, entwining their fingers. “Okay. I’ll walk over with you – and don’t try to say no because I won’t listen. Don’t worry, I’ll leave as soon as we get to your gate.”

Heung Soo chuckled a little, though it lacked any humour, and tightened his grasp on Nam Soon’s hand. “Okay.”

‘What made Soo Min reach out now?’ Nam Soon wondered. It had been a few days since they met her in the street and since then there had been no contact between her and Heung Soo.

“Wait – you’re going right now?” Nam Soon asked, a little alarmed when Heung Soo shifted away and got to his feet.

“No point in waiting around,” he replied.

“Yah, wait for me, bastard,” Nam Soon said, jumping up.

They kept silent as they left, but they’d barely made it to the end of Nam Soon’s street before he couldn’t hold back a question any more.

“What do you think she’ll say?”

“I don’t know,” Heung Soo replied honestly. “I don’t think she’d have gotten over it, but… maybe she’s working on it.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Nam Soon agreed, but his heart wasn’t really in it. He’d found it best not to hope for things too much in life, because it rarely turned out the way you wanted it to.

“Or maybe she just wants to convince me to date a girl, then kick me out for good when I refuse,” Heung Soo then said, proving he wasn’t an optimist either.

“She might try to make you straight, but I don’t think she’d kick you out,” Nam Soon said candidly. “She loves you, Heung Soo-ya. Even if you are a dumb bastard.”

Heung Soo chuckled and elbowed him, so Nam Soon elbowed him right back with a goofy looking grin; all gums and teeth.

“I’m too awesome to get rid of,” Heung Soo declared. “She’d miss me too much if I were gone.”

“I’d send you packing,” Nam Soon joked.

“As if,” Heung Soo snorted. “Who else would your for you?”

“Damn,” Nam Soon faked dramatics, “you’ve discovered the only reason I keep you around.”

Heung Soo elbowed him again. “Don’t know why I do - small objects are a choking hazard.”

Nam Soon’s mouth fell open in surprise, offended. “Yah, you take that back! My is magnificent! You should feel honoured I let you near it.”

Heung Soo patted him on the shoulder. “That’s right, you just keep on telling yourself that.”

Nam Soon looked down between his legs, as if he could see his through his clothes. “Don’t listen to him, we both know you’re great.”

Heung Soo shot him a strange look. “Are you seriously talking to your right now?”

“Please, don’t pretend like you’ve never done it,” Nam Soon waved his question off.

Heung Soo paused for a moment, then shrugged. “Yeah, okay. I have.”

“See?” Nam Soon smugly said. “Now, you owe him an apology, and I think you should do it on your knees.”

Heung Soo raised his eyebrows and gave a pointed look around them. “Here? I didn’t realise you were into exhibitionism, Nam Soon-ah,” he teased, poking him in the ribs.

Nam Soon swatted his hand away. “Not here, bastard, later.”

“’ ’; I’ll set a reminder on my phone,” Heung Soo laughed.

Nam Soon rolled his eyes. “Retard.”

“Tiny .”

“Yah! That’s two apologies you owe me!”

“What was that, zero inches?” Heung Soo continued to tease, “I didn’t quite catch it.”

“Three!” Nam Soon shouted with an accusing finger. And as Heung Soo cheekily grinned back, a new thought hit him. “Yah, I think you’re just doing this because you like blowing me so much.”

“If that’s what you need to tell yourself to get by,” Heung Soo said with fake sympathy.

“Whatever, it’s you who’s gonna have aching knees and jaw,” Nam Soon grumbled.

“I look forward to it,” Heung Soo lasciviously drawled, and Nam Soon flushed pink. “Now, if you’d like to off, I’ll call you later.”

Nam Soon blinked in surprise at the abrupt change in tone. Looking around, he noticed they were close to Heung Soo’s house. Well, time sure does fly when flirting.

“Alright,” he said, casting a last look in the direction of Heung Soo’s house. “I guess we can put your apologies on hold for a while.” A glance around at the windows in the surrounding houses told him they had no witnesses, so he kissed Heung Soo quickly before backing off. “I hope everything goes well,” he said sincerely, all joking passed.

“I’ll be fine,” Heung Soo assured, and then Nam Soon was watching him leave.

“You’d better be,” he quietly said to himself.

Instantaneously feeling rather lonely and disheartened, Nam Soon made a slow trek back home. He was in no rush to return to an empty place. And it might just stay empty. Since Soo Min called Heung Soo back, he may end up returning home for good. It was selfish of Nam Soon to not want that, but it was going to be lonely now that he’d gotten used to Heung Soo’s constant presence.

What to do until Heung Soo rang? He figured it’d probably be hours, and he was right. He was bored stiff by the time his phone rang, the sky having already darkened two hours previously.

 “Heung Soo-ya,” Nam Soon said picking up the phone, too impatient for the normal ‘hello’. “How are you?”

“Do you want to come over sometime tomorrow?”

“I… what?” Nam Soon fumbled for words, more than a little confused at the abrupt, not to mention crazy, question. “You mean go to your place? Soo Min would kill me before I could even get near the door.”

“I asked her if you could come.”

Nam Soon blinked at the phone. There must be a bad connection or something because all he’s hearing is a whole load of crazy. “You… asked her? And she said… yes?”

“Well,” Heung Soo hesitated, “not exactly. But she didn’t say no either. So…”

“I… I don’t know if that’s the best idea, Heung Soo-ya.” Nam Soon said unsurely.

A weary sigh travelled through the phone; Heung Soo sounded tired and drained. “I just want some even ground between the two of you. You don’t need to become BFFs, or heck, you don’t even need to like each other, I just need Soo Min to tolerate you.

“Do you really think it’s a good idea?” He asked doubtfully. “Maybe in a few months or something, but I don’t think now would be the best time to put me in her personal space.”

“I know,” Heung Soo said, frustrated. “I’ll probably end up regretting this… but Nam Soon-ah, I… I just want you here.”

Nam Soon’s hart gave his ribcage a harsh kick, and he found himself agreeing before he’d even thought about it.

“Thanks.”

And that one little word stopped him from taking it back, from telling him he’d come over another time. Heung Soo sounded so relieved, and Nam Soon thought about how strained it must be between him and his sister, how unsettled he must feel alone with her.

“What time?” He asked instead.

Heung Soo told him five-ish, and they ended the call without Nam Soon asking how things went between them. Heung Soo didn’t want to talk again, so Nam Soon just accepted it.

He made himself some ramen, watched some TV, read a few comics and finally went to bed, staring up at the ceiling worrying about how the next day was going to turn out.

He didn’t remember falling asleep, didn’t realise he even had until a loud banging knock jolted him awake.

He shot up, unfocused eyes useless in his sudden wakeful state. He blinked, confused as to what happened, then there was more banging and his whole body jerked.

Confused, he got out of bed, pulling a T-shirt on over his chest and left his room in just the top and his boxers.

There was another angry bang, this time accompanied by a shout of, “Go Nam Soon!”

Nam Soon flung open the door, surprised to see Soo Min standing before him, a determined expression on her face. He looked around for Heung Soo but she was alone.

“Noo- er, I mean Soo Min-ssi,” Nam Soon quickly corrected. “Are you looking for Heung Soo? He-”

“No,” she interrupted, folding her arms over her chest. “I came to talk to you.”

“Oh… erm, well, come in?” He stepped back and allowed her entrance, not quite sure what exactly was going on. He watched as she stepped in and followed her to the living room-come-kitchen, feeling more than a little awkward.

“Heung Soo doesn’t know that I’m here in case you’re wondering,” she said, coming to a stop in the middle of the room and facing him.

Nam Soon nodded, scratching at the back of his head. “Do you… want a drink or something?”

He was really feeling uncomfortable in this situation, the dislike was radiating off Soo Min and it was just so peculiar for her to be in his home. He tried to be polite though; she was Heung Soo’s sister, not to mention she’d done nothing wrong to Nam Soon personally, it was Nam Soon who’d wronged her and her family. She had every reason to hate him.

“No, I’m here to clear a few things up.” She said, voice firm and cold, unforgiving. Nam Soon just nodded his head and stayed silent. “Heung Soo… I suppose he told you everything that happened earlier today?”

“Well, not really,” he answered honestly, “but I think I get the picture.” He shuffled on the spot and stuck his hands in his pockets. He already didn’t know how to deal with this conversation.

Soo Min stood taller, straightening her back as she looked over him critically. He felt like he was under a microscope, and he just knew Soo Min didn’t like what she saw. “You care for him?”

He nodded.

She looked to the side for a moment, as if to gather her thoughts, then her gaze was back on Nam Soon and he fidgeted on his spot. “But you’ve hurt him before.”

Nam Soon winced, but didn’t even attempt to deny or rationalise it. There was no way to do so anyway, even if he wanted to which he certainly didn’t. He was completely guilty.

“You were his best friend but you still beat him up and broke his leg,” Soo Min continued, angry. “I don’t see what’s stopping you from doing it again.” Horrified at the thought Nam Soon went to answer back, but Soo Min stopped him by raising her hand for silence. He bit his tongue to keep from speaking. “People rarely change, Go Nam Soon. Tell me this; have you hurt him since then? Since he transferred to Victory High?”

His heart fell and his stomach churned. Memories of a crying, bleeding Heung Soo on the floor of their homeroom class came as clear as glass to his mind.  He could feel the phantom pain in his knuckles from the impact of punching him. Swallowing hard and feeling like a piece of he nodded his head once in a rough jerking motion. “Yes, I have,” he whispered, forcing the words out as if each one weighed a ton.

He watched, tense and ashamed as Soo Min closed her eyes and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself. “You have. Of course you have.” She sounded upset but resigned, like she was expecting it. Nam Soon looked to the floor when she opened her eyes, unable to meet her gaze. She took a moment to compose herself. “Why Heung Soo wants you in his life I can’t understand, I can only hope to change his mind.” He didn’t move his eyes from the floor by Soo Min’s feet, even as her voice became stronger, a fierce protectiveness to it. “Until that day comes… I’m warning you Go Nam Soon not to touch him. I don’t care if you’re Tsunami, I don’t care how many people are afraid of you or how many people you’ve hurt, just know that if you lay a hand on my little brother again, I will make you regret it.”

Nam Soon bowed, bending his back to go as low as possible, the sick feeling creeping up into his throat. “I won’t,” he choked out, bowing a second and then a third time in apology and holding it. “I promise I won’t ever hurt him again.”

“The problem is,” Soo Min said, her tone one of genuine sadness, “I don’t believe you.”

He stayed in his bowed position, rooted to the spot as she walked past him. “I’ll show myself out.”

He didn’t move until the door shut behind her, and only then Nam Soon slumped to the floor, head in his hands and tears gathering in his eyes.

God, what if she’s right? What if he really can’t turn away from being Tsunami? He just wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he ever hurt Heung Soo again. He’d already caused him too much pain, damaged him in so many ways. He’d die if he did it again.

He didn’t even try to stem the flow of tears as they ran like little rivers from his eyes.

And that was how he spent the night, until the sun came up and he dragged himself to the bathroom to shower and change.

Around 10am he fell asleep on his sofa for a few hours, but he woke up from dreams of Heung Soo bleeding to memories of Heung Soo bleeding. He spent the afternoon watching mindless day time TV to distract himself, but it didn’t do much good. He was almost relieved when it was time to leave after a day wasted in painful memories. Though he didn’t know how he was going to look Soo Min in the eyes.

Although the fresh air and the walk helped sooth his mind, when Nam Soon arrived at Heung Soo and Soo Min’s house, it was the definition of awkward. The atmosphere was tense and nobody knew how to break it – or even wanted to as the case seemed to be with Soo Min.

The only one unaffected was Pororo, who launched himself at Nam Soon in greeting. Thankfully Nam Soon knew to expect this by then and so avoided being ploughed over by the great big mass of brownish grey fur and large teeth.

After Heung Soo had dragged the dog off they sat down to eat, barely any words spoken between them. Soo Min served the food, though a more accurate description would be that she threw the flood down onto the table while glaring at Nam Soon.

The tense atmosphere didn’t lighten, though Heung Soo tried with a few stilted conversation starters. Soo Min made no effort to join in, and Nam Soon found himself unable to reply with more than a few words at a time.

Truthfully, Nam Soon did want to speak with Soo Min. What she’d said the night before still plagued his mind. He needed to explain to her just what Heung Soo meant to him, how much he cared for him. But he didn’t want to with Heung Soo in the room. He was ashamed about what he’d done when Heung Soo first kissed him and was too much of a coward to bring it up in his company.

Then, after time seemingly moving at a level akin to torture, Nam Soon got his chance when a frustrated Heung Soo excused himself to use the bathroom. Nam Soon wasn’t sure if he really needed the toilet, or just wanted to get away from the situation for a while – but he suspected the later.

With Heung Soo out the room Nam Soon turned to Soo Min, his last conversation with her fresh in his mind. He bowed again, as low as he could in his seated position without banging his head on the table.

“I won’t hurt him, not again,” he promised sincerely. “I’ll only ever protect him from now. I… I know you won’t believe me, but I promise that I will spend my life protecting him.” He looked up to Soo Min to see her eyeing him with weary distrust. “Heung Soo… he’s everything to me. He’s all I have in this world. I’ll hold on to him for as long as he’ll let me.”

“You’re not good for him,” she counted with a small shake of her head. The most words she’d said since Nam Soon entered the house. “I know he isn’t perfect, I know he joined that old gang of yours first, but he could have gotten away from that. He had a future, he wasn’t interested in violence; he wanted to play football.” She shut her eyes tightly and rubbed at her forehead, opening them a few moments later with an audible breath. “He only stayed in the gang because of you. Do you have any idea how much convincing it took to get him to leave? To concentrate on football rather than you? No matter how much he loved that sport, he always put you first. It was always you over himself and his dream.” She turned her head away, taking a deep breath to calm herself before looking at him again. “It was only when our mother really deteriorated that he chose football, so he could make money to help her.”

Nam Soon cringed, internally and externally. Heung Soo had never told him that. Although at the time he knew that their friendship meant as much to Heung Soo as it did to himself, he’d always presumed he and football were on the same level in Heung Soo’s eyes. Was he really so blind that he’d missed the fact that Heung Soo didn’t start talking about playing professionally until his mum got worse? Now he thought back, he couldn’t remember Heung Soo saying anything about his future life goals until his mother was close to death, regardless of how much he loved the sport.

God, how had Nam Soon been such a terrible, selfish person?

“But… but that wasn’t enough for you, was it?” Soo Min continued on. “You couldn’t let him move on to a better life when you were just heading down the path to prison. So you not only took his dream, but yourself from his life.” Her eyes harden, and Nam Soon reluctantly met them. “Do you have any idea how hard it was? How I lost not only my mother but my brother too? He threw his life away after you threw him away, you selfish bastard.”

Tears crept into his eyes, but Nam Soon blinked them away. “It wasn’t like that, I swear. I never meant to hurt him. Never.”

Soo Min broke their eye contact. “And how exactly are you going to protect him?”

“What?” Nam Soon asked, thrown by the change of topic.

“You know as well as I do what most people think of gays. What are you going to do when people find out? And don’t say you’ll keep it a secret. That might last for a while, but it won’t forever. People will realise your relationship and they won’t accept it. They’ll go out of their way to hurt you. Both of you. So how will you protect Heung Soo from everybody?”

“I-” Words failed him. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t. He couldn’t stop people from hating Heung Soo, hating both of them because of their relationship.

“I don’t understand it; two men together,” Soo Min continued when Nam Soon couldn’t find words. “I don’t know if it’s natural, or a mental issue. I don’t know if it’s a choice or not. Either way it’s not the correct way of doing things, it’s not how relationships are meant to work. But Heung Soo is my brother, so although I don’t agree with that sort of behaviour I will keep my opinions to myself so long as it’s not in my face.”

Nam Soon bit his lip, not sure where she was going with this. “So… you’ll accept our relationship?”

“No,” Soo Min said. “I will accept that you are friends again, and that’s it. I will ignore anything else. After today, this whole mess never happened. I forget about it, and you don’t bring it up.”

“So why say all this?” Nam Soon asked, a little bitter and a little relieved. He didn’t like that she would disregard Heung Soo’s feelings like that, but it was better than not accepting him. Perhaps in time she’d change her mind and come to terms with Heung Soo’s uality.

“Because the only reason I’ll put up with it is because it’s my brother,” she said. “If it were someone else, I’d lose contact with them. Not everybody has someone in their life to halt their actions or words. Keep in mind that many people dislike homouals and have no reason not to.”

There was a sound outside the door and she cut off. A few moments later Heung Soo entered and Soo Min glanced to him briefly, then turned back to her food as if nothing had happened.

Nam Soon stared at his own plate, thinking about what she’s said. His mind raced through a thousand and one possible scenarios of people discovering their relationship, and none of them were good.

“I’m guessing I didn’t miss a revelation where you realised how much you have in common and decided to become best friends for life?” Heung Soo asked, clear sarcasm splitting through the gloomy mood like an ill-timed sword.

Soo Min humped in annoyance and Nam Soon continued staring at his plate. Heung Soo sat down with a sigh. “Well, this is going wonderfully,” he muttered, but Nam Soon caught it anyway.

He looked over at Heung Soo, an apology readable on his face. “Maybe I should go.”

“I think you should,” Soo Min said, tone flat and voice strained, doing her best to stay neutral for her brother’s sake.

Heung Soo looked between them, like he wanted to argue and tell him to stay, but his eyes dropped after a moment. “Yeah, maybe.”

For a few seconds nobody moved, the silence loud in their ears, then Nam Soon stood, his chair scrapping loudly against the floor as he pushed it back.

He knew today hadn’t gone how Heung Soo hoped it would, and he wanted to apologise, but he had no idea what to say. It seemed like he never had the right words. Every time something happened in their relationship, he couldn’t speak up. His mind would fizz out and he’d just stand there like an idiot. Was he afraid? Was he uncomfortable about what they have still? Either way, it made him feel foolishly pathetic.

Without a word, he turned and left the room, heading for the front door.

As he was pulling his shoes on, he heard somebody follow him. He turned around to say a regretful goodbye to Heung Soo, but it was Soo Min stood there.

“I don’t like you, Nam Soon-ssi,” she said, the sentence she kept repeating, as if it wasn’t already drilled into Nam Soon’s head. “But that’s hardly a secret.” She stepped closer, so only two or three feet separated them, eyes dark as they held Nam Soon’s. “When you did what you did to my brother, I wanted to put a knife in your chest.” She closed the gap between them, eyes fierce, and she may have had to tilt her chin up to look him in the eyes, but Nam Soon felt as if he were the small one between them. “If you hurt him again, then those feelings might just come back, and I don’t care what the repercussions are.”

“If I hurt him again,” Nam Soon said sincerely, “then you won’t have to waste your energy because I’d do it myself.”

Soo Min said nothing else, so Nam Soon grabbed his coat and left with a polite bow.