For now Nam Soon had decided that the best thing with the Jung Ho situation was to let Ji Hoon and Yi Kyung handle it. Hopefully they’ll be able to get something out of the idiot. Though Nam Soon had told them to call him if anything happened. Especially if they saw Jung Ho’s new ‘friends’ about.

No, what Nam Soon had to concentrate on was Heung Soo. There had been no police knocking on the door overnight so that probably meant they weren’t coming. So, he could just concentrate on the most pressing matter at this moment in time.

He wasn’t sure how to broach the topic that was troubling him, but he had to get Heung Soo to stop being so caught up in the past. How could he make Heung Soo want the present day Nam Soon as he is?

However, as it turned out, he needn’t have stressed so much, because Heung Soo was the one to bring it up. After waking up he rolled on to his side facing Nam Soon and apologised, pulling Nam Soon from the internal debate that seemed intent on giving him an headach.

“Huh?” Nam Soon asked, not quite understanding.

“Sorry,” Heung Soo repeated. “About, you know, yesterday.” Nam Soon just watched him, unsure of how to respond because he hadn’t considered this; he thought it’d be his job to do so. He just didn’t think it was the kind of thing Heung Soo would see anything wrong with. … Wait, they were on the same page here, right? He wasn’t apologising for something else? Before he could ask, Heung Soo cleared it up when he continued speaking. “When we got together, you said it couldn’t be like that. Like before. I… I thought I was okay with that too, but I guess I kind of miss it. It was… it was confusing when we met again; how you’d changed so much, like you were another person who just happened to share your name and appearance.” He smiled humourlessly, fiddling with his threadbare ibul, unconsciously pulling it even looser. “You know, stupid as it sounds, I think I would have forgiven you faster if you were still the Nam Soon I knew from back then.”

Nam Soon didn’t know how to respond to that. He could understand the surprise in his attitude adjustment, but why would Heung Soo prefer the guy who broke his leg over the guy who wanted to make up for it? He rolled on to his side so he was parallel to Heung Soo and shuffled closer, throwing an arm around him and hugging him close. “Why?”

Heung Soo let himself be hugged, raising one hand to play with Nam Soon’s hair.

“The rational part of me was saying the same as you; that you’re better like this. Not for me, but for you. I used to think that we’d both just end up in a real gang after leaving school and we’d spend half our lives in prison.” Nam Soon stayed still as the hand in his hair ran lower, fingers ghosting down to his cheek, too focused on watching Heung Soo to really take any notice of it. “I was a little torn; I wanted you to have a good life, but I didn’t like seeing it. Hated it, even. To see you’d changed so much… it was… I dunno, not a betrayal, but something like that, you know?”

Nam Soon didn’t know. Try as he might, he didn’t understand what Heung Soo was trying to say. Oh, he could understand Heung Soo’s pain at Nam Soon seemingly living a happy, untroubled life after what he’d done, but not how changing for the better would affect Heung Soo in any negative way. “How so?” He asked quietly.

Heung Soo huffed out a loud breath and rolled onto his back to stare up at the ceiling. Nam Soon was forced to release him from the hug, but he immediately shuffled up against Heung Soo’s side which earned him the smallest of warm smiles.

“You gave yourself redemption. You hadn’t even bothered to find me even once to try to make up; you’d already redeemed yourself and moved on, giving yourself a nice new life in Seoul. A life where nobody knew your past, about me – out of sight, out of mind and all that.” Nam Soon wanted to say that it wasn’t like that, it was never like that. He never forgot about Heung Soo, even when he tried to force himself too those times he got so low he just wanted it all to end; when he’d look at a knife he was making dinner with a little too long, or when his footsteps slowed on a bridge. Not for one minute or one second did he forget Heung Soo, every breath was filled with him, day and night. And when he wasn’t thinking of Heung Soo he was dreaming (usually nightmares) about him.

He couldn’t make his voice work though through the guilt; he couldn’t force any sound from his throat, couldn’t explain, couldn’t tell Heung Soo how much he’s always meant to him.

Heung Soo glanced at him, like he understood, like he could see what Nam Soon was thinking, then his eyes darted back to the ceiling and Nam Soon wasn’t sure what exactly he’d say even if he could talk.

“I know it’s not like that now, Nam Soon-ah,” Heung Soo told him softly. “It just looked that way at the start.”

Heung Soo grinned, amusement suddenly back in his eyes like a switch being flipped and a rush of intense relief shot through Nam Soon’s body. His breath came back and he relaxed muscles he didn’t even realise he’d tensed. “After a while I realised you were still the same idiot.”

“I object to that,” Nam Soon replied playfully, poking Heung Soo in the chest, smile a mile wide. Heung Soo’s moods were really infectious; he should come with a warning label or something, the bastard.

Heung Soo jabbed him back in retaliation. “You’re the most retarded idiot I know, and I’ve met a lot of them.”

“You’ve obviously never looked in a mirror, then,” Nam Soon quipped snidely, laughter badly veiled beneath it.

Heung Soo laughed and Nam Soon tried to move away when the other boy went to shove him, but Heung Soo was quicker. They broke in to a small scuffle, grinning the whole while, until a scratching sound on the door and a low whine told them Pororo was up and wanted attention.

“Your damn dog is an attention .”

“He’s defiantly a , but more the general kind rather than an attention one.”

A burst of laughter had Nam Soon chortling loudly. “You just called your dog a .”

Heung Soo shrugged as well as he could while laid on his back. “You’ve never seen him around other dogs. He if he’s not trying to bite them he’s trying to them.” Nam Soon snorted with amusement just as the scratching started up again. Heung Soo glanced over Nam Soon to the door. “We should probably get up before he ruins it.”

Though he wasn’t very bothered about his door being damaged, Nam Soon moved to get up first anyway, but a firm grip on his arm stopped him. He looked at Heung Soo with a silent question as the older boy sat up to put them on a level height. “Really though Nam Soon-ah, I know now that you hurt just as much as I did. You just had a different way of showing it.”

Nam Soon simply smiled and kissed him. “Of course I did. Told you you’re the idiot, bastard.”

Then he jumped to his feet, dodging the pillow Heung Soo threw his way with a loud laugh and ran for the door.

As soon as it was open Pororo shot past, heading straight for Heung Soo, but Nam Soon carried on, getting away before Heung Soo could take his revenge, leaving him to his fate of being ploughed over by a giant, energetic dog.

He headed to the bathroom to shower, thinking over what Heung Soo had said. He was relieved about it; that Heung Soo knew he had to put the past behind them. Nam Soon did wonder how long it would take though until Heung Soo really felt nothing for Nam Soon’s past self. There had always been some part of Heung Soo that liked that side of Nam Soon – even before he was like that. Well, before he got as bad as he did. In fact, Heung Soo could perhaps be credited with making Tsunami – maybe that’s why he’s so keen on him, at least partly.

When Nam Soon had first met Heung Soo he wasn’t like that. He held a lot of anger and hurt, especially for such a young kid; he was resentful at the world and had no way of channelling it. When he met Heung Soo he saw a way. Heung Soo was a relief from it all – a crack in the dam. Heung Soo was wild and brash and obnoxious, he said and did what he wanted to whenever he wanted to. Nam Soon was into it, craved the loudness in his silent world. When he looked at Heung Soo he saw what he wanted to be. The more they hung out together the more Nam Soon got louder and bolder, and the more he acted out and rebelled the more free he felt.

As the years past and they began middle school Heung Soo started running with some older guys. At the time it was cool, exciting; after all, those types of guys didn’t waste time on kids – not usually anyway. Naturally, because Heung Soo hung with them, that also meant Nam Soon did. It was a thrill; before they’d just act out, get detentions, piss adults off, but with the older guys they started stealing and smoking (more to fit in if anything at the start; to prove himself as one of them. Nam Soon could admit to that. But it was fun too, addictively fun).

Heung Soo was the one to get more deeply involved sooner than Nam Soon. And he wasn’t the only one. Pretty soon others wanted in too, and before anyone even realised it an iljin had formed – an iljin with Heung Soo right smack in the centre of it.

Nam Soon of course wouldn’t be left out, wouldn’t let himself be, especially when Heung Soo was involved. He wanted in, and he took to violence like a duck to water. After his initiation Nam Soon was quick to jump right into the thick of it all. The first time he beat someone bloody – not a school yard scrap, but really beat someone halfway to Hell – was an intense rush of endorphins, the best he’d ever had. He was in his element. After that the previous rebellion he’d learnt from Heung Soo, the backtalking, the insults, the threats, it was nothing, nothing compared to the physical stuff. He was willing to use violence to follow through after the threats, and soon everybody knew it.

A few months in Heung Soo came to him one day and asked him to take over, to be the iljjang. Said he didn’t want the job, that he’d only taken that position because it dropped on him; a simple case of circumstance. Besides, he’d gotten more serious with football and was spending far too much time training to head an iljin. He told Nam Soon that he was better suited for the role, and Nam Soon agreed. So he took over (which meant Heung Soo getting a beating, because that’s how it always worked, Nam Soon couldn’t take his place just because he was asked nicely) and Heung Soo turned his attention to sports. Heung Soo had lost intrest in the iljin, with every game he won the more and more Nam Soon came to realise that Heung Soo was only sticking around for him, not for the iljin. Even so, at the time he hadn’t even a flickering of thought that Heung Soo would one day tell him that he was going away to Seoul to pursue football, leaving Nam Soon behind. Perhaps if he had he’d have turned Heung Soo down, made him keep his position as iljjang so he couldn’t get so good at football.

But nobody could see the future, and so Nam Soon took up the role of iljjang like a well fitted glove, as if he were born for it.

And it was good, for a while, right up until that moment Heung Soo came knocking on his door, all wide smiles and tangible excitement, blurting out about scouts and professional training and the big city without hardly pausing for breath. He was far too hyped to see Nam Soon’s face fall, oblivious of the sick feeling churning Nam Soon’s stomach as word after endless word fell from his lips. Nam Soon’s fast paced life of thrill and impulse came to a crashing halt with more force than a speeding bullet train. He was devastated, but somehow he managed to choke out a congratulations for Heung Soo.

The water turned cold, pulling Nam Soon from his memories. Just in time, too.

‘No point dwelling on the past,’ He  told himself firmly, forcing himself back to the present day. He didn’t want to think of what came next anyway. He hated thinking of what he did. So he finished washing up in the cold water, turned the shower off and wrapped a towel around his waist. He pulled the hair stuck to his forehead to the side and stepped out the bathroom.

“Yah!” He shouted at the sight which greeted him. “Are you feeding that damn dog my food?!”

Heung Soo lazily looked up from where he indeed was feeding his dog Nam Soon’s food and nodded. “You done in the bathroom?”

He didn’t wait for an answer and brushed past Nam Soon, shutting the bathroom door behind him. Nam Soon didn’t bother warning him about the water temperature as revenge, because dammit, meat’s expensive!

A few seconds later the sound of the shower reached Nam Soon’s ears and he laughed heartily when a shocked yelp pierced the morning quiet half a second later. Grinning to himself he just shook his head, choosing to ignore that the dog was eating the last of his meat. There was no way he was going to try getting it back from the dumb mutt with his big teeth.

Skipping breakfast for the day he dried off, pulled on his school uniform and got comfy on the sofa while he waited for Heung Soo.

Ten minutes later they were out the door and heading to Heung Soo’s place to drop Pororo off, and then off to school.

The teacher hadn’t arrived when they entered the classroom and Heung Soo pulled his chair over to Nam Soon’s desk, leaning folded arms on the table while Nam Soon relaxed back against his own chair.

They wasted away the next few minutes with idle talk, up until Ji Hoon and Yi Kyung slumped over, looking tried and defeated.

“Jung Ho didn’t come home,” Ji Hoon said, voice horse as if he’d been using it either too much or not enough. “We waited outside his house all night, didn’t even sleep. He didn’t come.”

Heung Soo leaned back in his chair in pointed disinterest, but Nam Soon contemplated it regardless of Heung Soo’s feelings on the matter. What could Jung Ho be doing that would take all night? “He’s not picking up his phone either?”

The two shook their heads simultaneously, looking even sadder with each passing moment Jung Ho wasn’t there.

“Well, I guess there would be no point going back when there’s no telling where he is. I dunno what to say,” Nam Soon confessed honestly. Yi Kyung and Ji Hoon looked so downtrodden he couldn’t help but sympathies. He’d said he’d help, but he had no ideas on how too. ‘Well... unless…’ He glanced at Heung Soo, there was no way Heung Soo would agree to it, even without asking he knows what Heung Soo would say. But it was the only thing he could think of; going to Jung Ho’s gangster buddies and simply asking where Jung Ho was. Well, it most likely wouldn’t be that simple; Nam Soon hadn’t exactly made a good impression on them. Chances were it’d end in a fight.

He looked to Heung Soo again. Yeah, no way would Heung Soo just wave him off with a grin telling him it was a brilliant idea. He also wouldn’t be happy with Nam Soon going without so much as a by-your-leave if he went without telling him what he was up too. He’d also promised Heung Soo he wouldn’t do this alone. If he does go he’ll defiantly have to tell Heung Soo before he leaves, but he’s not asking in front on an audience. He doesn’t need people getting into their inevitable argument.

He turned back to the two friends. “Just keep ringing him for now – maybe you’ll annoy him into answering. I’ll try to think of something.”

Neither looked very reassured, but they nodded and shuffled away to their desks. Both immediately had their phones out as soon as they sat down and Nam Soon doubted they’d be going away any time soon. Nam Soon also sent off a quick text (Answer your phone, micro-.) because if there was anyone who could frustrate Jung Ho it was Nam Soon. That guy just couldn’t let one of Nam Soon jibes slide.

He slipped the phone back into his pocket and grinned at Heung Soo; time to pull his boyfriend out of his ‘Nam Soon’s dumb helping everyone complex’ induced strop.

Wait… when did he start thinking of Heung Soo as his boyfriend? Had he done it before? Having surprised himself, he tried to think, scanning his memory. … There was that time talking to Young Woo, after their little jint on the roof… he’d defiantly thought it then. … And playing in the park yesterday… and…

Holy , he’s mentally referring to Heung Soo as his boyfriend and he didn’t even realise it!

“Heung Soo-ya,” he said, looking up at him, eyes wider than usual. “You’re my boyfriend.”

Heung Soo pulled a face, clearly not seeing the significance of this. “Really? And here I was thinking I’m your housekeeper.”

“Yah, don’t make jokes, I’m serious!” He waved his hands around for emphasis, not that it was actually emphasising anything in particular, but it made Nam Soon feel better for some inexplicable reason. “I mean, I know you’re my boyfriend cause, well, we do… you know, stuff. ual stuff. Together. Just the two of us alone.” Okay, he was starting to ramble and Heung Soo was looking at him strangely. He cleared his throat and folded his arms across his chest to prevent any more flailing of arms. “I just mean that I’ve never really categorised it in my head. We were just us. But… but just now I thought of you as my boyfriend rather than as Heung Soo, and I realised I’ve done it before and… yeah. You’re my boyfriend.”

Okay, so that ended lamely. In fact, the whole speech was lame, not to mention embarrassing. Sure enough Nam Soon felt his cheeks heat up as he waited for another joke.

But Heung Soo just smiled at him. It was a small one, but so genuine. Nam Soon’s embarrassment simply fell away because Heung Soo looked happy, really happy. Not that beaming, personal kind of happy when you just feel it for yourself, but the quiet content that makes the entire world seem amazing.

“Good, I’m glad.”

That’s all he said, but Nam Soon didn’t need to hear anything else. It seemed like a lifetime ago they were stood in an alley, Heung Soo confessing to liking Nam Soon, Nam Soon so sure that they would never happen. It all seemed so silly now, so dumb to deny himself this. Heung Soo is his boyfriend, he is Heung Soo’s boyfriend. It really was good.

“Me too.”