Pain.

Jiyong groaned. All over his body felt like hell. Especially his head. It felt so heavy, throbbing like there was someone who kept punching him in the face. Trying as hard as he could, Jiyong fluttered his eyes to open but failed miserably. Groaned in pain again, Jiyong tried one more time.

A blur vision welcomed him. He saw lights, unclear dim yellow lights. One thing he was aware of: silence. The silence was utterly sickened, like how you felt when you watched a real horror movie. There was no sound. Everything was so quiet, or his ears were playing with him?

Groaning again, Jiyong tried to move his head, but he couldn’t. It hurt too much to even move just an inch. Trying to open his eyes wider, Jiyong looked over, grabbing on whatever he could see.

Jiyong couldn’t see much, but with blurring eyes, he could see the other driver. A girl, her head was on the side, it looked like she was struck hard to the left,  blood was dripping down from her messy hair, onto her face. Her eyes were closed, she was unconscious.

Sirens were off somewhere not too far from where they were. And Jiyong felt so painful, so tired. He couldn’t take it anymore. He closed his eyes, drowning into darkness again.

_____

Someone cracked the door to open, revealed an old woman in her middle age. Quietly closed the door behind her back, she walked towards the figure laying on the bed. Heaving a sigh, she touched his forehead, smiling sadly. “How are you today, my boy?” She asked fondly.

“I’m fine mom.” Beside her, Jiyong smiled sadly too. “Well at least I don’t feel anything particular than other days.”

“I can’t sleep last night you know.” The woman continued her lone conversation.

Jiyong wished he could hug his mom right now. She looked so exhausted, so distraught, so upset.

“I’m sorry mom.” He said, for the n-th time in the past month, despite knowing his mom wouldn’t be able to hear him anyway.

“Your dad is better these days though.” She continued talked to Jiyong’s figure on the bed. “He could sleep more, even went out to play golf with friends.” She caressed Jiyong’s hand, patting it lightly.

“That’s good. He loves golf.” Jiyong smiled. Knowing his parents hadn’t dwelled on his current state was a relief.

“Dami is very busy these days. Jin Hee is having final exams and she is worried. You know, he's gonna graduate soon, that's understandable." Mrs. Kwon still spoke with a soothing voice, kept rubbing her palms on his hands.

Jiyong chuckled inwardly. His nephew was that big now? To him, he would forever be a kid clinging onto his legs, begging for more candies. Maybe the kid even had a girlfriend by now.

"Are you lonely here?" His mom asked sadly again. Jiyong wished he could take away the sadness in her voice.

"I'm getting used to it mom." He replied anyway.

"You must be." Mrs. Kwon went over his bedside table and fixed the flowers. "I'll get you some sunshines." She pulled out the curtains, letting bright rays of sunshine come into the room.

"Here comes sunshine." Jiyong smirked when the door was twisted to open, revealed his best friend and his manager coming in.

"Oh Youngbae ah." His mom greeted them with a smile.

"Oma-nie." Youngbae bowed down. "I didn't know you were here this early."

"I miss my boy. I didn’t visit him yesterday.” Mrs. Kwon looked back to her son.

“Oh mom seriously!” Jiyong rolled his eyes at her. “Just 20 hours.”

“How is he?” Their manager also bowed down to greet his mom. They all huddled around Jiyong’s bed now.

“I guess the usual.” Mrs. Kwon replied. “Why you guys are here this early in the morning? Youngbae, aren’t you very busy with your new songs?”

“I miss him.” Youngbae answered, gazing at Jiyong’s closed eyes face. He brushed off some imaginative dust on Jiyong’s hospital outfit. “I’m making a comeback, and yet you haven’t helped me anything. You promised you would be there when it’s my turn.” He said quietly to Jiyong. “Liar.” He lightly punched him on shoulders.

“Youngbae...” Jiyong didn’t know what to say. He felt an imaginary lump inside his throat making him hard to breathe.

“We all miss you, so much. When will you come back with us?” Youngbae whispered only enough for Jiyong to hear. He tried to hide it, but Jiyong already saw him wiping a tear.

Even though Youngbae could not feel it, Jiyong went to hug him as tightly as he could. “I don’t know too Youngbae. Something really serious is happening to me, help me. I’m afraid I might not be able to come back at all...”

If it’s a month ago, Jiyong was furious, angry, bewildered, confused, and most of all, scared of what happened to him. Not the accident, that was nothing. It’s him being awake and conscious about everything, yet no one saw or heard him. And Jiyong could see clearly there he was, still lying on that hospital bed, his eyes closed, with some bruises and cuts and a few broken bones.

To make it simpler to understand, Jiyong was like a ghost.

But the machine connecting his body showed that his heart was still beating, so to be exact, he became a soul now. A soul kept wandering around aimlessly and cluelessly about what happened to him,  how to fix this or when he would be normal again.

Jiyong still remembered that day, when he first woke up, found out the horrible thing happened to him. He screamed. He never screamed that loudly, but no one heard him. He screamed in agony, in tears, in pain, realizing something was wrong with him. He tried to grab their hands, arms, clothes, anything, but he could not get a hold to anything. He, indeed, was like a ghost.

When he gradually learned to accept that horrible fact, he had no choice but  watched what happened around him instead. He didn’t feel anything, sleepy - hungry - hot - cold, nothing.  A day now had 24 hours for real, and each day to him was incredibly long. There were many things he got to see, learn and feel, making him treasure his life now more than ever. But still, now he was a soul. He didn’t know why, how and what happened to him, why didn’t he die, why didn’t he wake up either? Being like this, it’s like he’s living yet invisible.

Things changed drastically the past month - Jiyong had been in coma for almost one and a half month now.

Being unable to keep the info from public, 5 days after the accident, the whole Korea received a breaking news saying that G-DRAGON was in a deep coma and didn’t know when or whether he would wake up, or, as that tabloid said, “G-Dragon is bargaining his life to the Death”. Jiyong scoffed at that ridiculous title. Those reporters ran out of words, didn’t they?

His fans cried their lungs out, screamed, wailed in front of YG building, praying from nights to nights for him to come back to life. They also tried to visit him in the hospital, but under a strictly tight security, no one was permitted to visit his room minus family, close friends and of course, his doctors and nurses.

From times to times, there were “friends” visiting him too. He saw some other celebrities went by and passed their prayers to his family. Jiyong didn’t considered himself as a social person, let alone a friendly celebrity, yet he still appreciated their concern a lot.

But what pained him most was seeing how people he loved got affected deeply by his accident and falling into a coma like this.

His family, there was no need to say how devastated they were. Dad acted strong yet there was pain in his eyes, mom cried most of the time visiting him, noona was no better. He was their only son, their only brother, the Kwon’s heir.

The BIGBANG brothers

They were.....they were like....shocked, utterly shocked.

He heard Seungri even fainted when he was informed about Jiyong’s coma. When he was awake again, he stayed in Jiyong’s room for 2 days, just cried. Even now, maknae was still the one visiting him most, like, twice or 3 times a day.

Daesung was back to his 2011 days, when he was involved in that accident. Everytime he visited him, he would hold his hands and cried,  “Hyung, don’t, don’t do this to me.” He showed no attempt of hiding how Jiyong’s accident affected him, reminded him of the accident in 2011.

Youngbae, being a strong and quiet one, he was the one showing the least of what Jiyong’s accident did to him. But of all people, Jiyong knew very well how his best friend actually was. He was hurt and felt helpless. Youngbae never said it out, but Jiyong knew, he was just as hurt as other brothers.

Seunghyun hyung, he became even much more reclusive. He didn’t talk much, didn’t smile anymore. Most of the time Seunghyun stayed at his house, when he went out, he visited Jiyong. He didn’t say anything, just sat there, by his side, looked at him with a sad expression.

There was one more person got affected deeply too. Yang Hyun Suk hyung.

YG was trying to move on despite Jiyong’s accident. He could see how Hyun Suk hyung was trying to manage the company in the midst of this so-called recession due to Jiyong’s coma state. But when he was alone, his mind wandered back to Jiyong and deadly worried about him again.

Jiyong wasn’t sure how, but it seemed since he became a ghost, he could define people’s true emotions every well.

Hearing hurried steps, Jiyong glanced at the door expectantly.

“Hyung!” Seungri dashed into the room, holding his breathe. “Oh oma you’re here?” The kid quickly bowed down realizing Jiyong’s mother’s presence. He turned back to Youngbae, the one he originally called for. “Hyung, come with me a bit.” He bowed to Mrs. Kwon again and dragged Youngbae out hastily.

“Wait, maknae, wait.” Youngbae was caught off guard. “That was rude!” He scolded when they got out of the room. “Jiyong’s mom is there!”

“No, this can’t be said in front of oma.” Seungri explained, letting go Youngbae’s wrist. “Hyung, I heard Shin Ae Ra was awake!” He whispered furiously.

“What?” Both Jiyong and Youngbae said at the same time.

Shin Ae Ra is awake? How about me?