Hyukjae heard the loud clicking of heels as he walked down the corridor, towards the lab, where he knew Siwon and Yesung were working. He smiled politely at the woman, nodding at her as she opened the door, allowing him in first. Ae Cha nodded back, shutting the door behind her as they came in. She was smartly dressed, the jeans neat and the blouse pulling her in at the waist; she looked a little formidable, but she was less scary than she looked, he’d learned, as she rolled her eyes at Siwon and Yesung, who had stopped their work to eat lunch.

On seeing her look, Yesung quickly dropped his sandwich down, Siwon looking comically scared with his chopsticks still in his mouth. Hyukjae snorted and Siwon took the last bite before shoving the chopsticks back in the takeout box. “Nice to see you boys working so hard.” Ae Cha said dryly. “I hope to god you’ve been watching those screens.” She said, nodding her head towards the row of monitors on their right.

“We have!” Yesung said loudly, his expression indignant as Siwon looked a little furtive. “It’s just lunch time now…and me and Siwon were hungry, so we decided to eat…” He stopped talking when Ae Cha raised an eyebrow.

Hyukjae found it funny. He didn’t think they’d really done anything bad…although, he couldn’t say he was advocating them eating over the expensive devices they were supposed to be keeping track of. But the looks on their faces clearly said they were afraid. He wondered if Ae Cha had a temper. She seemed like a perfectly nice woman to him, but then, he didn’t work with her all the time.

Ae Cha sighed. “Okay. Finish your lunch, quick, because I want to have a look at the analyser. Siwon, I know you said you made sure it was stable, but come on, we’re putting this thing in the path of a tornado, I want to make sure!” The two men nodded, and she turned to Hyukjae. “Eunhyuk-shii, would you like to help?”

Hyukjae answered “Yes.” He was excited, as they all were, to see if it would work. Yesung and Siwon had worked long and hard on it, and…well, to be honest, he wanted the thrill of the chase. He could work with that; he knew how to follow a tornado to its peak and he could do his job. This was what he was good at, not Donghae and his confusing attitude. He hadn’t seen him, not properly, in over a week. He knew that was how Donghae played it, though. He’d avoid him until he couldn’t help but talk to him, and then he’d pretend nothing had happened. Hyukjae didn’t want to do that.

Hiding in plain sight, that was what Donghae did. He would pretend nothing was wrong until he couldn’t take it anymore. Well, Hyukjae was sick of it. He had gone three years without an explanation for Donghae’s abrupt departure, and he wanted one. He deserved to know what was going on, and he deserved to know just why the hell Donghae had kissed him when he knew he had Sungmin.

Sungmin. Yeah. What was he thinking about Sungmin? That was what disturbed him a little, the fact that he was obsessing so much over what Donghae had done, that he wasn’t even that responsive when Sungmin called him. Before he’d been all confused, he had always loved it whenever Sungmin called him, at work, if he was out, whenever. But now, it always felt a little forced, because he felt slightly guilty about this whole Donghae…thing. He was almost tempted to tell Sungmin about it, but what could he say? Oh yeah, that guy we met that one time, Donghae? Remember him? You do, oh great, because he’s my ex-boyfriend and he kissed me and I have no ing clue why. Yes, because that would go down so well. He rolled his eyes to himself as Ae Cha pulled out a chair, indicating the one next to her for him as Yesung and Siwon began to self-consciously eat again, being sure the food wasn’t anywhere near the monitors. Hyukjae suspected that had they been alone they wouldn’t have been nearly so meticulous about the crumbs and such, although he knew that Yesung got kind of about the safety of his machines.

He thought perhaps that wasn’t the best analogy, not with the obvious thing Yesung had for Ryeowook, the small guy who was always with Donghae.

He was sat there, inspecting his fingers, bored, when Siwon’s face suddenly changed. Setting down his food, he wiped his greasy fingers on his jeans and traced the path of the green icon on the screen.  He turned around, blinking a little. “Noonim.” He said to Ae Cha. “This is saying the tornado is already on its way.” He blinked a little more, and Yesung put his sandwich down roughly to tap away at something on his own screen.

“How can it be coming faster than we thought?” Ae Cha bit her lip. It was a little hitch, but it was okay. If it came earlier, they could still chase it, and despite the fact he’d rather test out the analyser one last time, it was safe to use. And he wanted this, he wanted the distraction, the adrenaline rush of chasing after something he couldn’t control. This, this he could understand. He knew that Donghae couldn’t make this confusing. No, this was something all his own.

While Hyukjae was glad to hear of the impending chase, Donghae received the news from Wookie (who had had it from Yesung), with that horrible twist of fear that never left. This was a part of his job; he couldn’t escape that. But he was always the one who had to hide how scared he was. Wookie, while he seemed small and sweet, never seemed to react in the same way that Donghae did. With his friends, it was all about getting as close as you could before you made your daring escape. Wookie had been in horrible danger multiple times, and it never fazed him as much as it did Donghae.

But he knew it was a remnant from the terrible moment when his mother had told him his father was gone. He wondered if Hyukjae remembered the horrific moment too, when he had run to him, seeking comfort in his arms, even at that early age. It was all so obvious when you looked back, he thought bitterly. He should have known he would fall in love with his best friend and he should have known not to break up with him.

But there was no use dwelling on the things he should have done. There was no point to it; it would not fix anything, and it certainly wouldn’t bring Hyukjae back to him, if that was even what he wanted… Oh, don’t be an idiot, he chided himself. He knew that he definitely wanted Hyukjae back, even though that was impossible, and quite frankly, selfish. He had told Hyukjae to move on, so how could he expect him to want to come back to him? He couldn’t. And besides, why would he want to come back to someone who randomly kissed him and then ran away? He hadn’t even properly apologised for that, he thought.

Not that he really wanted to go over and apologise, he thought, as Siwon spotted him and fell into step beside him. He was too scared of Hyukjae’s reaction.

“So, hyung.” Siwon grinned at him, full of excitement. “I guess Wook told you about it?”

“Mm.” Donghae nodded absently. He didn’t want to go into it. He really didn’t want to have to explain to the younger man why he wasn’t as excited as the rest of them.

Siwon didn’t notice his disinterest, too caught up in his own excitement.  “It’s just going to be fantastic to finally see the thing in use, after me and Yesung-hyung took so long on it, I mean…” He rambled on, gesturing wildly with his hands, as per usual. Donghae had to admit he was sort of an endearing person, really, and his general enthusiasm and happiness was almost contagious, because Donghae found the corners of his mouth lifting.

They made plans; careful ones that included easy routes to escape, and to drop off the analyser somewhere where it wouldn’t get destroyed as soon as the tornado hit. It didn’t lessen Donghae’s fears any more, and had he looked, he would have found Hyukjae’s eyes on him, wondering, watching. He wanted his answers, and he also wanted to know if Donghae would be okay. He half wanted to make sure he was in the same car as Donghae, because he remembered the fear Donghae had always had. Even if Donghae thought he never had, he was always watching. Not in the creepy way, just to make sure he was okay. But he couldn’t, because Donghae had both pushed him away and pulled him forward, and he didn’t know what he wanted, but he was going to find out if it killed him.

So, that was why, the next day, Donghae sat in the back of a car, his arms braced against the headrest of the seat in front and his face buried in them as he tried to convince himself it would all be fine. He didn’t usually get this scared, but the combination of the tension with Hyukjae and the memories didn’t do anything to allay his fears.  He was just glad no one was here to see his freak-out because he was one of the first ones in the car, but he spotted Wookie bouncing out of the hotel, his camera clutched in his hands.  Donghae wondered just how close Wookie was going to want to get this time, and suddenly realised he didn’t want to know. That would just make it worse.

He sat up straighter as people started to come closer, Leeteuk directing people to cars. He was glad that Leeteuk spotted him and simply smiled at him, saying nothing more.  He was feeling better, until he heard someone come up behind him, and tap the window lightly. It was Hyukjae, looking at him quite solemnly.

When he turned to look at him, Hyukjae only said: “I’m in this car, okay? And I’m driving.” Before he went away to say something to Leeteuk.

Well, , Donghae thought. That wasn’t going to end well for him. He wondered why Hyukjae was in this car, but then decided to blame it all on his apparently mind-blowingly awful luck. But really, what was the point in about it anymore. It was all going to go the wrong way, so what was the point in complaining. He knew he was being petulant, again, but he really didn’t care.

Hyukjae knew that, somewhere in the back of his mind, Donghae probably wanted to kill him for coming in the same car, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He wanted to make sure he could keep an eye on him…and then there was his plan to corner him and make him spill his guts.

Donghae could have shot someone (if he’d had a gun) when he found himself alone in a car with only Henry, Li-Na and Hyukjae in the car. Siwon, Wookie, Yesung and Leeteuk were all in the same one, Siwon and Yesung in together so they could position their analyser, and Wookie there because he knew he could convince Yesung to get ridiculously close without Donghae freaking out and making them stop, which had happened a few times before.

So this was awkward. Henry felt left out, because Yesung and Wookie were together, and he wasn’t with them, Li-Na didn’t really know that anything personal was going on, and Hyukjae was giving him that disturbingly pointed look. They set off, Donghae staying in the back seat with Li-Na as Henry took the front seat.  Hyukjae concentrated on driving, and Donghae took the chance to appreciate his high cheekbones and attractive mouth, reasoning that he hadn’t seen him for three years, and wouldn’t after this, it was okay to drink him in. The set of his mouth exposed the excitement underneath the calm exterior. Donghae knew he couldn’t wait to be in the middle of it, half terrified, half enthralled, and like every time he had done this with Hyukjae, he prayed that he would get them out in time.

But that all flew out of his mind as soon as the tornado came into view. The familiar whooshing roar of it both elated and scared the out of him, and he found his hands clenched tightly as he watched the huge swirling mass come closer. Li-Na was talking quickly on her phone to Siwon, he presumed, snapping out quick commands so that he could get the machine in the path safely. They weren’t so close that Siwon was in real danger, but Donghae still thought he wouldn’t have had the courage to get out the car, Yesung dragging it out carefully with him and positioning it. He heard Li-Na’s sigh of relief as they reported that it was done, and watched as they got back in the car, Leeteuk patting both their backs. He could almost imagine Wookie’s insistent pleas for them to get closer, and he thought he saw the camera held up.

And then they were driving closer, the tornado beautiful in its own, terrifying, scary way. It was a murky grey colour, the end coiling and spinning debris blindingly fast and the funnel widening out at the top, extending up to the clouds. He had a strange relationship with the tornadoes…on the one hand, he hated them, and was scared of them, but on the other, he thought they were so very beautiful and mesmerising.

He could feel the tension in the car as Hyukjae drove closer, the roar becoming louder and more threatening. It didn’t stop Hyukjae’s smile, it only made it bigger, as he tried to get as close as he could. Donghae’s hands clenched tighter, his heart rate speeding up in fear. He wished it wasn’t like this, wished they wouldn’t get so close…but the other half begged him to get just that little bit closer, to see it through his own eyes.

He pressed his lips together to keep from making any noise as Hyukjae drew ever nearer, his heart pounding as the tornado whirled around at what felt like a million miles per hour. They were getting close enough now, he wanted to say, they could see it in all its glory, but no closer, please, no closer. Hyukjae didn’t answer his silent pleas as drove so close that debris could be seen. A twig flashed out and snapped at the car, getting stuck in the windscreen wipers.

They were too close, Donghae’s mind screamed at him, but he would say nothing until it got too close for him to bear. Or too dangerous. Whichever one came first.

And then…it got too much, as the roar suddenly sounded louder and something smashed against the car door, not enough to break anything , but enough to terrify Hae.

“Stop it.” He said, just loud enough for Hyukjae to hear.

“We’re still safe.” Hyukjae responded, distracted by his fascination with the thing in front of him, his grasp on the steering wheel tight.

“We’re not.” Donghae tried to stay calm.

“Donghae, you’re being too-” Donghae interrupted.

“Don’t tell me I’m being too paranoid, you always say that! You never understood! Just get away. Get a-ing-way!” He yelled, his terror rising as Hyukjae swerved, surprised by the yelling.

Henry turned, wide-eyed as Li-Na placed a reassuring hand on Donghae’s arm, trying to calm him down.  “We’re not that close.” Hyukjae muttered mutinously.  It was a lie, of course. They were so close it was making Donghae sweat, his breathing only slowing as Hyukjae pulled away.

His heart didn’t slow until they were clear of the tornado, and his eyes never left it until it was small enough not to get him worked up, and it didn’t return to normal until they were parked back at the hotel. Henry stepped out first, walking on wobbly legs over to an excited looking Ryeowook. Li-Na patted Donghae’s arm once more, looking concerned, but being polite enough not to push it, she left.

So there he was, alone with Hyukjae. Hyukjae, still riding on his adrenaline rush, decided now was the time to ask. In hindsight, it would seem like a stupid idea, but now, when he had had that rush, and Donghae was alone in the car with him, it seemed like the perfect time. He turned to look at Donghae, and asked the question that had been burning him for days. “Why the hell did you kiss me?”

It was a simple question, but one that completely threw Donghae. He had no idea what the correct answer was supposed to be. What was he supposed to say? He couldn’t just leave, because that would be crass and idiotic, even for him. He stared back, unable to think of what to say.

“Come on.” Hyukjae said. “You left me hanging for days. You kissed me. You were the one who broke us up. I want to know why.” He pressed. Why couldn’t Donghae answer even one question, only stare at him blindly like a fish?

“I…don’t know.” Was all Donghae could think to say.

Hyukjae gave an unhappy sounding laugh. “Hae-ah, both you and I know that’s a lie. So tell the truth for once, would you?”

The truth, Donghae mused. Well. The truth wouldn’t be anything either of them wanted to admit. “You don’t want to know.” He told him, looking away.

“Honestly, I don’t care. Just tell me, please!” Hyukjae’s eyes pleaded. He desperately wanted the truth, just this once, just so he would know.

And Donghae didn’t know what to do. He wanted to know, did he? And yet he pulled crap like getting too close to the tornado. Perhaps it was still the anger and terror from that swirling around inside of him that made him say it. Or maybe he was tired of hiding it. He didn’t really know.

“Maybe it was because I ing love you. Still.” He snarled, so loudly, he caught Wookie’s head tilt as he heard something. Hyukjae’s head snapped up, his eyes shocked as he stared back at Donghae. “You wanted to know.” Donghae said, tears blurring his eyes as he unlocked the door clumsily, stumbling out, back to the safety of the hotel room where Hyukjae couldn’t make him admit these things. He didn’t realise Wookie had followed him, and must have heard, until he heard the door go behind him, Wookie grabbing his arm, unlocking the door himself and pushing Hae inside.