After that day, I was lost. That moment felt like forever to me. The doctor came out of the surgery room with a sad face I knew it was over. I had only hope that I was wrong but once the doctor shook his head and said that he was sorry that they’ve tried their best, my legs went weak. That scene kept repeating itself in my head but my heart rejects it. It is as if time has stop and everything doesn’t matter anymore. Everything. It is as if I’ve lost a part of myself and I couldn’t retrieve it back regardless how much I try. I cried so hard. So hard that I out. I woke up on a hospital bed. I hoped I was dreaming. That it was all a dream but reality is so cruel.

A part of me has withered away that day. I was unstable that the option of suicide constantly lingers in my head. However that isn’t even an option to me it seems when Yuri kept appearing in my head whenever I tried to. I see and hear her telling me not to do it. I miss her. I miss her so much. I ignored all her protest to keep me away from suicide. I know its all in my head but if that is what it takes to at least have a glimpse of her I will keep on doing it. Until that one time, I couldn’t see her anymore. Has she given up on stopping me? Have I triumphed? You miss me too don’t you seobang? Don’t worry I’ll see you soon. That’s what I thought until I woke up in the hospital bed again.

“WHY?! WHY WON’T YOU LET ME GO TO WHERE YOU ARE YURI-AH!! WHY?!” I was crying, trashing and tossing venting out all my pent up sadness into anger until I felt people pinning me down and a needle through my neck. I pass out.

After that, I was kept in the hospital for 24 hours care. No matter what I do I couldn’t see or hear Yuri anymore. Every time I attempt suicide there will always be someone to stop me. I gave up. My parents and sister tried to talk me out of it and even Yuri’s parents who was devastated had to console me. My brain tells me that I should quit this and that I shouldn’t do this to them but I don’t feel it. I don’t feel anything anymore.

A month after I wasn’t doing any better. I was determined. I made sure of it. I was at the roof of the hospital this time and at the ledge of the building. One step is all it takes. I was calm and ready. I close my eyes breathing in my last few breaths.

“Yuri-ah… seobang… I’ll see you soon…” I smiled.

“NO WAIT!” I heard a voice call out to me. I turned around to see the source of the voice. It was Yuri’s brother with another guy in nurse uniform emerging from the door.

“Oppa. Don’t stop me please. I’ve made up my mind.” I smiled at him. He didn’t smile back. I didn’t care either as I looked towards the rising sun.

“WAIT JESSICA! YURI! YURI HAS SOMETHING FOR YOU!” I frown and turned back again. I saw him holding a familiar book. I remembered. It’s her diary.

“I don’t need that oppa… I’ll just ask her about it later…”

“NO! SHE… SHE WON’T REMEMBER YOU KNOW… She… She IS KkabYul you know… She won’t remember what she wrote to you so many years ago!”

I hesitated but he is right. Knowing Yuri for so long I know she couldn’t remember what she wrote sometimes. That’s one of the reasons why she is bad at studies.

“Give it to me.”

“No. You come get it.”

“…” He lured me by waving it in front of me. “Its fine I don’t need to know…”

“Okay! Okay! I’ll give it to you… Just stand still alright?” I nodded as I held out my hand waiting for the book to be in my hands.

“Don’t try anything fishy oppa.”

“I won’t. I’ll just pass you the book.”

Everything happened in a flash. Instead of passing me the book, he grabbed my wrist. I struggled out of reflex and my feet slipped. He was pulled by the sudden weight and nearly slipped off. I thought this is it but I felt an arm around my waist preventing me from falling to the back. It was the nurse. He swiftly pulled me up putting me on his shoulder before I could react and throw tantrums. I was struggling wailing my limbs here and there until the doctor arrives and another needle to my neck puts me to sleep.

I woke up in a different room this time but nevertheless I’m alive. I’m still in the hospital. However the book on my bed table caught my eyes.

It’s Yuri’s diary.

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Yuri's diary which you've read it beforehand.

No this is not a trolling page of the story. I know a lot of author likes to troll people this way but from the beginning I've decided this. I'm sorry for killing Yuri off but it's a part of the bittersweet feeling that I want to portray in the story.

Yes I know you hate me but I'll still love ya'll ^^

Well there are letters too. Upcoming. Then a chapter then an epilogue.

I'm rushing this alright. Really busy days ahead but no time to write or update!

Sorry again!