I was thinking if I should bring you along to the trip… Well I’m glad I did. Else how would I share all my happiness with you?

Just now, we made love to each other for the first time in months. I know she wanted it. I see how she avoided me at times giving excuses and reasons. To be honest I wanted it too. I just thought I’ll give her some time after what happened the last time.

You’re curious of what happened last time don’t you? I didn’t update you about it. More like I couldn’t. We were about to have a passionate night when my heart decided otherwise. My heart ached all of a sudden and we had to stop. Of course I took my medication that the doctor prescribed right away and the next few days I was forced by Jessica to stay at the hospital for safety measures. She does overreact at times but I know it’s out of love.

My heart is still beating well giving me hopes that nothing is wrong with it. I believe so too. Sometimes it just likes to prove me wrong or remind me that it’s otherwise. Proving myself wrong is fine with me but not proving it to the people I love. I hate myself at times like that.

Today is not those times though.

You must be thinking why am I not in bed with my beloved. I just wanted to feel my heartbeat calm down. I need to feel it. I am tired. I’m tired but I’m afraid. Only at happy times like this I’m afraid. I’m afraid when I’m at ease and fell asleep… my heartbeat wouldn’t listen to me when I’m in my dreams. Every night I’m afraid.

However I’m glad every morning. I wake up to an angel. It does take me some time to realize whether I’m still alive or not. I feel so blessed and every morning is really a gift to me.

Thank you God.

Good night Diary-nim.