Diary-nim,

It’s getting more and more surreal. I’ve seen multiple doctors at multiple hospitals and the result came out the same. It’s really sinking in on me and I cried for the very first time after the initial news. If only I could write out my tears here too I would. Then I would write out everyone’s tears too so we wouldn’t need to shed any. I really didn’t like seeing my parents and even my brother crying like that especially when the tears are because of me.

I told my family to keep it a secret from Jessica and they promised me to. However my mom insisted that we should tell Jessica’s parents about it just in case anything happens when I was at their house. I had to agree too to keep my mom at ease. I just don’t want to see her cry. It’ll break my heart. I know it will.

Ohh! I’m sorry I forgot to introduce Jessica to you Diary-nim. She is a girl I knew ever since I first started school. Now she is my best friend. Best of the best! She gives out very cool vibes which makes people think she is a cold person but in reality that’s just how she looks. Sometimes her stares are like cold arrows piercing through people and they might think that she is arrogant but actually most of the time when she does it’s actually because she is shy. Hehe. She is so cute isn’t she?

About her, there is a big secret I need to tell you. You see I don’t know since when, I have had feelings for her. Feelings of more than just best friends. I love her. Kyaa! >.< I wrote it. I know I know. She is a girl and I’m a girl too. It’s not right and blablabla. What am I suppose to do? My heart tells me one thing and my brain tells me another. I asked my mom ‘what if my brain contradicts with what my heart tells me? What should I do?’ My mom just simply smiles and said ‘follow your heart dear.’ So I did. But…

*sigh* If only things were this simple. This illness of mine complicates things.

She always relies on me in a lot of things.

*sigh* This is not good. I’m already thinking what if I’m not around anymore?

I’m worried for Sica.

What should I do Diary-nim?

I’ll leave that question to you for the meantime.

By the way, do you remember the last time I found out about my sickness? Of course you do it’s just the previous page. Kekeke~ Actually I was planning to confess to Jessica. However because of this sickness I put it on hold. Before I would hope that she would feel the same way but now a part of me hope that she wouldn’t. The thought of me leaving her after really . Gosh what am I saying? Like I’m dying already. Ahhh… I better quit these negative talks before I cry again.

Where were we… Oh ya! I planned everything out. Like how I would bring her to Lotte World and then the ferris wheel. I know its kinda lame but I don’t have any better idea. Not like I can ask my best friend about it right? Oh my God *lightbulb lights up*! I CAN ask her about it. Kekeke.

I have to go over to Jessica’s tonight. Mom and dad had to visit a relative out of the city and my bro… Don’t need to even ask about him… He is always out with his friends doing stupid stuff. I even start having make-up products because of him! Why you ask? He needs my help in covering all his bruises from fighting outside. If mom and dad found out he is so going to get it. Well it’s a win win situation. He buys me make-up products, I use them. Hehe. Not to mention he drinks out of curiosity once and was caught. He was under aged and grounded for a month. Funny story for me but not for him.

Even though he sounds like a bad guy who fought and drinks underage, he is actually a very good person. Every time he fought he had a good reason. I remembered once for a girl friend of his (not girlfriend) where her boyfriend (ex now to be exact) cheats on her even slaps her and scolds her with some nasty words. Oppa just snaps. Mom would just scold him for being a busy body while dad will just say don’t hurt himself so much even though stepping up for others is good. Mom would then scold dad for being soft. Never fails to repeat itself every time.

Ahh why am I telling you about my oppa now? Haha!! That’s so random.