Diary-nim… Sica found out today. I was careless. I’m always careful but Sica just have something that makes me throw everything out the window. I thought she was sick and is stubborn again about eating medicine. I chase after her like I usually would but my heart had its own plans. I suddenly felt tired and my vision blurred. I sat down thinking that I could regain my breath and calm down the sudden stress I’m giving my heart. I try hard to keep myself awake but I passed out.

Next thing I know I’m in the infirmary and Sica is holding my hand in a praying position. She is crying. I know it’s because of me. She must have been scared. I held her hand tight.

The school contacted my parents and they were seriously worried. I could see it in their eyes. Mom lectured me and I know she is worried. Mom cried again. I didn’t want her to worry about me. They asked me to rest more as they went out. I should but I didn’t want to. The nurse gave me some advice as I head out and heard them. Sica is forcing my parents to tell her what’s wrong with me. I stopped her from going overboard but I knew at that moment I had to tell her.

She cried so hard on the roof that day. I cried too holding onto her. The thought of her crying for me makes me hate myself.

Hate myself for making the person I love shed tears.

Hate myself for being so powerless.

Hate myself for being so weak.

I’m so lost now.

These tears just won’t stop.