The Raiders of the Waking Sea had reluctantly given up the elves to the Warden's. Yongguk had managed to convince Captain Zico that the rumours involving elven princesses were impossible due to both the king and consort being Warden's thus his decision to release them onto the Warden's ship. Now they were on route for home, what they'd expected was to have their friends back but the Dalish kept to themselves instead. They were always together in seclusion which concerned the Warden's greatly.

 

Youngjae sat on a barrel with his arms folded, eyes focused on the dark grey clouds which formed overhead. Ever since the argument he refused to go speak to Kai, he'd tried at one point but she just brushed him off. He knew his actions were childish but hers had been rude when he was going to apologize. “Still sulking?” Daehyun's voice came from above him. He crinkled his nose and watched the Antivan descend from the netted ropes to sit beside him.

 

“I don't sulk.” He muttered finally though his tone betrayed him.

 

“Mhm and I'm the Empress of Orlais. You're totally sulking.” Daehyun laughed, completely amused by his brothers behaviour. It was so out of character it was humorous to him.

 

Youngjae shot Daehyun a childish face of disapproval then glared off to the side with a huff. A snigger came from the Antivan which made him hop off the barrel, he couldn't sit next to him any longer, “ you.” He pointed in frustration before storming off to the other side of the ship for some space, leaving the other to laugh hysterically. 

 

Jongup passed Daehyun and ended up quickening his steps. He looked insane. Shaking his head he approached Keo, setting a tray down in front of her. “Where's Kai? You two have been glued at the hip since coming aboard.”

 

The mage just stared down at the tray which carried a plate with a piece of crusted bread and a green apple. She remained silent and didn't dare lift her gaze to meet his, she'd crumble in an instant if she did. Had it been Zelo or Daehyun she'd be able to bull her way through but she found lying to Jongup almost impossible. She usually had no problem lying as she was in fact a compulsive liar but luck would have it she had a weakness in this boy. 

 

A frown crossed his lips as she just sat there, refusing to speak or eat. He'd saw her talk before but it appeared she only did if it was to Kai. He didn't like what this made him think. “Keo..” He moved his hand over hers as a sign of comfort but she was quick to flinch away from his touch. “What did they do to you on that ing ship?” She must have seen he was getting worked up as she grabbed his hands in hers and dropped her head into his lap. She shook her head to push aside any accusations he had which relieved him at least a little. Something was still wrong though. His anger slowly settled until it had diminished completely, leaving him to just sit there with her and wonder.

 

Kai had climbed up to the crow's nest to stare out at the sea. She had to think and she knew she worried Keo when she had on her thinking face. For some reason she looked angry when she wasn't. Keo called it her resting face. She'd been dreaming of leaving with Keo for so long, now that it was actually happening she had to properly plan. She use to joke about going to Antiva and becoming an assassin to get by while Keo would stay inside to avoid Templar's and occasionally go to the markets, possibly to trade herbs and potions she'd brew. It was a good dream but now it seemed impractical. Now that it was happening, plans changed. Goals changed. They weren't running away or escaping any more, it was something more than that. It felt like it meant something. Shaking her head Kai pushed herself to her feet and began to climb down, they still had a bit of a voyage back, she'd have more time to think this through. When her boots touched the ground she was now face to face with Youngjae and her heart sank. She knew he'd came to apologize for the time on the raiders ship, she knew even now he was going to try again even after she'd rudely ignored him but she just couldn't face him. She'd tell him everything. He had went to speak and she just ran. 

 

Youngjae clenched his jaw shut as the Dalish shot off, his hands balling into fists. It took all his power not to chase after her and demand an answer. It was no longer about what happened with the Raiders. He could tell that much from the pained expression she had. This entire situation was so ridiculous. They were acting like a couple who'd had a huge fall out. Why were women so complicated. He ruffled his hair in irritation, every fibre in his being told him to turn around and walk away yet he followed after her. He refused to play along any longer. He caught her in the lower decks, she'd went to run again but he managed to grab onto her arm. “Right. Enough. What's going on? You've been avoiding me. I mean.. Not just me but everyone. We'd think you'd be happy to go home.”

 

Kai shut her eyes tightly and dropped her head, wincing a little. It hurt her to do it but it was her only way out of her telling the truth to him, she yanked her arm free and spun to face him, glaring at him. “You shems are all the same. I didn't need rescuing, moron. I liked it there. Who said I wanted to be saved, eh? Want to know the only damn reason we were still on that ship? We wanted to stay with them!  We could have killed the entire crew if we wanted. I can't believe you tore us from that! We were happy! You shems always think you know what's what but you don't, I've never met a more pig-headed, egotistical, whiny little brat like you before!! I didn't need you!”

 

“They kidnapped you!” Youngjae shot back in defence, “Excuse me for thinking that was something bad. Y'know generally when people are kidnapped it's against their will and of malicious intent! Oops, no, these raiders just made a mistake. Clearly. They meant well, right? Only reason they hadn't slit your throats was because their idiot of a captain thought you were the 'secret princesses of Ferelden'! They're cold hearted men who just wanted to ransom you off! I can't believe you deluded yourself into thinking they actually liked you. You're dumber than I thought.” He growled. At the look on her face he realized what he just implied, “Wait.. No, I didn't mean-.. Dammit.” She'd already ran off again, obviously offended and hurt by his words. “You just had to chase after her..” His gaze drifted to the side, his guilt only increasing at the look the sailors who'd over heard were giving him. “Like you've never said something you wish you hadn't.” He growled at them before stamping back up to the top deck to walk off his lingering anger.

 

Kai had climbed back up onto the crow's nest, finding it to be the only place where she found complete solitude. She hugged her knee's, head resting on top. She felt terrible but she knew he'd talk her out of leaving, so far him and Keo were the only ones who'd be able to do that. Still, insulting him had worked but she couldn't help feeling hurt. She had started that argument so she'd gotten what she wanted. A way away from him. Still she was hurt, sad, guilty and angry all at the same time. “ my life. emotions. everything.”

 

Down on the deck Keo had managed to get away from Jongup, he'd been unable to take her silence and had given up on speaking to her for the time being so before he returned she moved to the very front of the ship. She'd almost let it slip on so many occasions. They could have told the Warden's as they were doing the same thing but she knew they'd reject the idea. Becoming Warden's seemed out of the question so the sneaky route was their only option. She leant forward against the barrier, hidden by a bunch of crates that couldn't fit in the cargo bay while she stared at the stars in the distance. So much had happened in so little time, she was still in mourning for the dead dragons on top of all of it. She must have been there for half an hour at most, lost in a daze.

 

“You look terrible.” Daehyun commented, peering down at her from atop the stacked crates. If she looked up she'd see he was laying flat on it, half his torso hanging off to talk to her while his chin rested in his palm. He hadn't been there long, five minutes tops but the look she had made him want to hug her. She looked so sad and distant. He'd noticed her around the sailors who'd occasionally ask if she was okay and she always smiled back and nodded cheerfully then go straight back to looking sorrowful. 

 

The accent made her jump a little and she flashed a smile up at him. “Well you look so attractive too. Seriously you look like a slug.” She teased, a small laugh coming from her.

 

Daehyun narrowed his eyes at her. There it was, he'd blatantly seen her expression yet she was trying to look happy. “Mm.” He allowed himself to slide forwards until he fell from the crates, body twisting mid air to land upright. He then took the spot beside her and crossed his arms on the railing. “So what's wrong?”

 

“Nothing.” Keo responded quickly, not even convincing herself. She had no energy to lie convincingly any more. She still felt horrid and weak from the cave, she'd had no rest since connecting with the dragon's thoughts. Every time she closed her eyes she saw the dragon's death, she heard the dying screams and the high dragon crying. She still felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest. It was so tiring to pretend to be alright all the time. Even at camp that's all she had done. She'd smiled through being bullied. She'd smiled through being isolated for not only being a mage but for being herself and she'd smiled through everything that had been thrown her way. Her smile finally faded under the stare she was receiving.

 

He watched as her smile vanished only to be replaced by a look which made him feel as though she had wished that alpha had got the chance to slice her in half. Admittedly she looked so pitiful. Even as an assassin who'd been trained not to feel such things. He pitied her. “Don't lie to me.”

 

His words caused a lump to form in and tears began to sting at her eyes. Normally she'd force them back out of instinct alone or at least excuse herself and go somewhere secluded if she truly had to but for once she didn't care, the tears started rolling down her cheeks. She pressed her hands over to stop any noises escaping. She wouldn't tell him. He hadn't felt it, she'd tried to explain it to Kai but she couldn't understand. So she kept it in. 

 

Daehyun pulled her into a hug instantly. Their first meeting she was only teary eyed. Now was different so he just held her and she continued to cry. For quite some time he just hugged her while she cried, her body trembling. “When.. I first joined the Crow's.” He started though he had to pause, unsure why he was even telling her. Youngjae didn't even know. “One of my targets was a... Mage. The thing was.. That mage was my girlfriend. I was thinking of proposing to her actually.” He smiled though the memory of her now pained him. By now she'd pulled away to look up at him, sniffling away. “I.. You'd think I'd... I killed her. I had to. If I didn't someone else would have.. I loved her, y'know. The look on her face when I put the dagger through her stomach though... She wasn't surprised. She didn't feel betrayed. It was like she expected it.” His voice had started cracking and it became difficult to find the right words. The long pauses between sentences were both to calm himself and out of difficulty talking about it. Yet he continued. “..She uh.. She just smiled at me like she forgave me. I keep seeing that smile when I close my eyes and it still makes me dizzy.. But it destroys me. Every time I close my eyes.. My heart breaks all over again. Every..” 

 

Keo placed a hand against his cheek softly which he leant into, eyes closing tightly to force back tears.  He took hold of her hand and just held onto it, breathing shaky. “You don't need to tell me.. If you can't I mean..” She whispered, voice hoarse from all the crying. This story seemed to be making all the water in her body start to flood out. What a scene this must have been. 

 

Daehyun cleared his throat and opened his eyes again, smiling weakly. “I need to. I've held it in for two years..”  He blew outwardly and removed her hand from his cheek though he kept hold of it for emotional support. “Everything reminds me of her. Even when she lay dying, I kept apologising.. She just.. She just told me she loved me and that she was sorry. She was sorry!.. I killed her and she apologised to me. We could have ran.. I could have protected her. I should have protected her. Instead I killed her. I feel like my heart just shattered into pieces and no matter how hard I try to fix it.. It just... Starts all over again. I wanted to die.. I didn't deserve to walk around and live...But I couldn't bring myself to face her. I chickened out knowing she'd be there waiting and I... I can't.. I don't..” Finally he let himself cry and slowly he lost the ability to stand. He'd released her as he dropped to his knee's, head in his hands.

 

Keo wiped her face with her hands and knelt down in front of him, arms wrapping around his shoulders to comfort him. She'd expected him to just cry to himself like she had but he held onto her, hands gripping at the fabric of her shirt. He couldn't speak any more so she sung him a lullaby. It was designed for a child fearful of a stormy night. She use to sing it to one of the elven kids as it was calming so although the situation wasn't quite the same it felt as though it needed to be done. Her voice didn't match his skill level but due to the nature of the song it didn't need to, sincerity was enough to calm his shaking. Out of habit she shifted to run her hand through his hair in a soothing petting motion until he got it all out. 

 

Eventually he lifted his head to thank her but she just wiped his tears with her thumbs which made him laugh. “You're like a mother. I think you'd make a good one.”

 

“Ugh!” She protested to the idea as she released him and stood. “I'd make a horrible one actually. Believe it or not I hate kids.”

 

He smiled and stood slowly though it felt as though his face was cracking from the dried in tears. “Well... Thanks.”  Daehyun used his sleeve to clear the rest of his face from the water even if it was damp.

 

“S'what I'm here for!” She grinned, balancing on one foot and saluting him. Keo went to leave but he caught her hand.

 

“Oi.. I mean it. Thank you.. And.. Sorry. I thought telling you that would.. I dunno. Let you know you aren't alone.. Y'know?” He sighed, dropping her hand then. “I kind of took over there though.. So.. Sorry.”

 

Keo shook her head and looked up at him. “It's alright. I had my moment. I'm totally better now!” She'd punched the air to show she was full of energy but by the look he was given her it turned weak. “Alright so I feel like someone's just gripped onto my heart and crushed it but.. I'll be fine. I'm still grieving but.. I'll get better.”

 

“Who.. What happened?” He frowned. “May as well tell me. I've been through it.. And apparently tonight’s get all your suppressed feelings out night.”

 

She doubted it was the same but she told him anyway. She explained how they'd went into the cave and the feeling she had inside. She told him of the drake then the incident with Kyung. She told him how ill she'd gotten on the stairs then how she started hearing the dying screams. She told him of the cultists and the mother High Dragon crying for her dead children. How she had felt a mothers heartbreak, how painful it had been and how she shut her eyes and felt and heard it all over again. She told him everything. “It's unbelievable I know. I know it's just because I happened to be the first mage to walk in that cave.. But still.” Her hand moved over her heart and she rubbed at the area. “I felt her helplessness and how it enraged her. I felt what a mother should feel for her child yet I couldn't understand it. A dragon could.. But I couldn't.”

 

Daehyun tilted his head, he'd found the story amazing, despite what had happened. Now that it had been explained though he could see the dark circles from lack of sleep and how sick she looked. She was almost a deathly pale and looked so weary. “Youngjae told me.. You and Kai raised each other, right? No parents.”

 

“Abandoned. Tragic right?” She joked to lighten the mood. This was so depressing. She couldn't handle the seriousness between them any longer. “I always knew I was part dragon. Don't want to know how that'd work though. Dad must have been one son of a .”

 

He couldn't help break down into laughter at her, “So much for suppressed feelings night.”

 

The two emerging from behind the crates caught Kai's attention, it was only on closer inspection she noticed how they both had tear stained faces. An eyebrow raised but she'd question it later, they were laughing anyway so whatever it was had passed. She sighed and lay back, hands clasped behind her head. The sooner they got away from these Warden's the better. Grunting sounds broke Kai out of her thoughts as arms appeared over the edge, “What the..”

 

Himchan pulled himself up clumsily and turned slowly to sit beside the rogue, fearful of falling from the edge. “Hey there. How are you? I'm great.. Why are you up here?”

 

“Thinking.” She muttered, sitting up to edge away from him though she got pulled back.

 

“No seriously.. Why are you up here? I almost died five times from almost falling.” He smiled and just rested his arm around her. “Youngjae came to me. So fix all Himchan is once again to the rescue. Tell Himchan what's wrong.”

 

Kai sighed, she knew he wouldn't give up so she dropped her gaze to her hands which fiddled nervously with the bottom of her shirt. “I.. Tell him I'm sorry but.. I can't tell him why I'm being like this. It's personal.. But.. Tell him it isn't anything he did and that I lied when we argued. I don't want to be a raider. I just said it.”

 

Himchan listened and nodded, “So.. I notice how you haven't told me anything either.”

 

“I can't, Himchan..Just tell him, yeah?” She mumbled bringing her knee's up to her chest again.

 

Eventually Himchan took the hint that he wasn't going to get anything out of her and out of habit he kissed her temple and began his clumsy climb back down. He paused at the edge of the crow's nest and locked eyes with the Dalish, “You don't have to burden these things alone, you know. You have people who will always listen. Remember that.” He smiled then continued in the descent, the occasional girly scream coming from him as he almost fell. 

 

Kai frowned and buried her head in her arms. That seriously hadn't helped her mood. Why was this so difficult? They were just a bunch of stupid humans who wandered into their camp. Sure, they saved her and Keo but they had said thanks. Why was it now depressing her? Everything felt as though it was falling to pieces. She lifted her head a little to gaze down at the sailors when she caught a glimpse of her sibling parting ways with the assassin, she was smiling away until his departure then she saw her cheerfulness die away into such a tired expression. Was this what meeting these Warden's had done to them? They had to lie to get away from them, they had to trick them in order to live how they wanted. Kai scowled and got to the feet, jumping from the crow's nest only to grab onto a rope and swing herself down next to Keo. 

 

As Kai landed beside her Keo let out a startled noise, hand over her chest at the fright. “What.. You alright?”

 

By the look on her face she clearly wasn't which shut her sibling up. Kai took Keo's hand tightly, “No more lying.” She ordered before pulling her up to Yongguk on the top deck. “Oi. Warden. We aren't going back to clan life. We're going to the clan to gather our things then we're out of there. We don't care if you agree or not but whatever the hell is going on with those darkspawn.. We're involved.” Yongguk had went to protest but Kai held up her hand to stop him. “No. It's changed our life forever. You can't expect us to live on like we saw nothing. To pretend everything's great. We can't forget that. We can't pretend everything's fine when it haunts everything we do. We will not sit by and let these things infest our forest. So whether we help you or not.. We're dealing with it.”

 

Himchan looked to Yongguk who just stared grimly at Kai. “You do know what you're saying right? If you get fully involved, you get fully involved. No backing out.”

 

This was when Keo squeezed Kai's hand and stepped forth, “We're dead either way. May as well do something worthwhile.”

 

Himchan stared from one sibling to the other, “You can't be serious. Do you two actually want to become Warden's? You know it's just as much of a curse as anything else, right?”

 

The two looked at each other and Kai gave Keo a nod. Keo looked up at Himchan, “We aren't kids, Himchan. This wasn't a split second decision because we thought it sounded cool. I can never forget that monster I saw... That face will always haunt me. I'll always remember that alpha.. Knowing those things are out there... What would you have me do? Curl under an aravel and cry or get up and fight it? Personally... I'd rather fight it.”

 

Kai narrowed her eyes at Himchan, “We aren't asking to be Warden's. We're asking to help. You were there when we fought that ogre. You know I can fight them. “You don't need to burden these things alone” right? You send us back to that camp... We will be. Our lives will be over.”

 

Himchan dropped his head with a sigh, rubbing at his temples in contemplation. “It's not.. I know you can handle yourselves but what you're asking.. What if you get sick?”

 

Keo released Kai's hand, eyes narrowing to a glare. “We're prepared for that. We will never let this go. You know damn well even if you say no we'll get involved anyway! On the fifth blight Alistair and Mahariel were the only Grey Warden's left in Ferelden yet they had help from others who weren't like them and had chances of getting sick but they didn't when the infection chance was more likely due to overwhelming infestation of darkspawn. This isn't a blight. Chances of getting sick are slim. I'm willing to take that chance.”

 

Yongguk leant back on the chair he was sat at and smirked a little, “She's got you there.”

 

The reaver instantly smacked the back of Yongguk's head, “You aren't considering it are you? Guk! It's crazy.”

 

“Remember how we joined the order?” The berserker grinned his gummy smile which deflated his friend almost immediately. “Himchan.. They aren't little girls who are making a spur of the moment leap of faith here. You've seen them in that camp as well, they weren't meant for simple life. Would you truly abandon them after all they've seen?”

 

“That may be the case but...” Himchan frowned and furrowed his eyebrows as he kept his gaze locked with Yongguk's. “It's just a huge sacrifice.”

 

“That should be ours to make.” Kai shot, arms crossed. “We know what you guys do isn't glamorous. The tales of the fabled Grey Warden's haven't romanced us into thinking it's all glory and honour. We know it's bloody and gruesome. We know all of this.. But after everything we've been through.. We can't go back.”

 

Yongguk gave Himchan a nod, making him throw his hands up. “Fine..  Fine!” Himchan gave in, “But don't say I didn't warn you.”

 

The two Warden's were expecting some form of celebration from the two elves but they just looked at each other with a mixture of relief and determination. This was what convinced Himchan that perhaps they'd be alright. Had they done anything else it would show they were only getting involved for petty reasons but the look they shared showed it was personal. That they truly couldn't escape what the darkspawn had done. That they had no choice.