At 7:58 I leave to restock the pantry and fridge, and perhaps to swing by the agency to pick up Jongin’s blood supply for the week. I would’ve left at 7:30, which was the original plan, but stubborn Jongin is not a force to underestimate. It took at least ten minutes just to free myself from his grasp, nine to lock — because he wanted to follow me in — myself in the bathroom to dress and freshen up, and the rest of the time to convince Jongin that I had better things to do on a Saturday than lie in bed all day cuddling. Which is a total lie. I really had to force myself out of his warm embrace to replenish the food that kept me alive (this is the main reason he reluctantly let me go).  

He offered, of course, to accompany me, but I refused. Multiple times. Lately, I’ve had no time to myself, no place to really think and enjoy a peaceful silence. Although the bond doesn’t really grant me true freedom because it always feels like Jongin is right next to me, at least a few hours out on my own gets me close enough. 

I speed through the mini mart, checking off sandwich bread and jam, a few different kinds of fruits, chocolate because who doesn’t like it, a few breakfast materials like pancake mix and bacon, and two pounds of steak for dinner the next couple of nights. With the rustling plastic bag filled with food, I head to the SHC blood bank. The receptionist recognizes me immediately and quickly stalks away to bring me the prescribed amount. I hand her an insulated bag and she fills it with fourteen packages of dark liquid before returning it.

“Have a great day, Ms. Daeun.” She says with a bow.

“Thank you. You too.”

The automatic glass doors whir open and I hastily rush back to the car, the warmth off the rising afternoon sun muddied by dark storm clouds.I decide to get something warm to drink, perhaps for Jongin too, and head to the nearest cafe, delighted to see that it isn’t quite the lunch rush just yet and the line is short. 

Two turns before reaching the cashier, an unexpected howling wind rushes through the streets, sending umbrellas thrashing wildly around in a blur of colors and people scuttling into stores in hopes of escaping the relentless freak weather. There’s something so eerie about the way it stops all of the sudden, the way only the bell on the door of the coffee shop is heard, that sends chills down my spine and I glance back. 

Sehun stands there, cheeks bitten by the cold, hair jumbled into a mess, but it’s his eyes that shock me the most. Fear. Pure, concentrated fear. I can see it, the dark waves of anxiety eating away at the rocks of his sanity. I pull him aside to a secluded booth away from prying eyes; he tenses, relaxes. 

“Daeun, I’m so sorry.” He whispers, hands reaching up to his head and clawing at his hair. “I don’t know what to do. I’m losing it. I didn’t mean to hurt him, your friend, I really didn’t mean to hurt him. Or you. I just. I’m losing it-”

“What are you losing?” I say and he inhales, exhales, inhales.

“Have you ever woken up from a dream or something, and in that dream you had no control over your own body and you did terrible things? Terrible things that you would never think of doing, but you do because in that dream you aren’t really you? But what if it’s not just a dream. It’s real. Oh god, Daeun, it’s disappearing. I can feel it slipping right through my hands.”

“Sehun, tell me what’s wrong?” I urge, placing my hands on his trembling shoulders.

“My humanity, Daeun. I feel it disappearing.”

Yoonmi is the first to arrive, Kyungsoo follows shortly after. Both eye Sehun cautiously before approaching him with a small, but genuine smile that seems to calms him a bit. We meet in an old, unused research lab that six stories under the main agency building. When vampires were still unknown to the public, they would research, live and meet in these underground facilities. 

“It’s not unusual. In fact, I’d say it would be strange if we wasn’t experiencing these symptoms. In an awakened hybrid, the human emotions starts to slightly disappear if he/she died unwillingly and/or at the hand of a vampire. It takes the body some getting used to it, so it switches from, I guess, on to off mode. On being human and off being heartless monster. Usually, as time goes on, the switches even out and then you get a stable regular vampire. In some cases, however, when the mind struggles too much against these changes, the body starts to shut down from the stress. In other words, the ‘on’ time decreases and the ‘off’ increases, eventually leading to complete humanity loss.” Kyungsoo says, tilting his head in a thoughtful manner. 

“Sehun? How long have you been in your off state? Where you have no control over anything?”

My brother closes his eyes, and furrows his eyebrows. “I...I don’t know. Maybe a month? A little more than that? I remember the leaves were still turning colors before the change.”

I bite the inside of my cheek. The trees turned early this year and were mostly dead by the time September came around. So it’s been three months, at least. Three full months that Sehun has been something like a Division III. 

Kyungsoo sighs, sits in the seat in front of Sehun with Yoonmi standing close by. “Unfortunately, I think you’re fighting it, and if you keep fighting it, you’ll lose. It’s like quicksand: the more you struggle, the more you drown.”

“I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to change.” He laughs a little, and it sounds hopelessly bleak. “I don’t want to have to hurt someone to keep myself alive.”

Yoonmi pats his head, a motherly gesture that makes her seem twice her age. “But it’s what you are now. You have no other choice but to accept and

live with it. There are ways, Sehun, to live and not harm anyone. Blood banks, donors. Really, anything, but you have to let it go. It’s different, but things are always changing. Stop fighting it.”

Kyungsoo and Yoonmi have to leave immediately after, and I drive around aimlessly around the city with Sehun. 

“Daeun? Why’d you leave home?” He asks quietly, the words getting lost in the air and I have to strain to hear them.

“I guess I just wanted to escape. You were gone, mom and dad were always shouting at each other, and I thought that maybe it was all my fault. So I left, and I suppose it was because I was a coward and I didn’t want to think that my brother was gone because of me. I didn’t want everything to be a constant reminder. And in a way it was selfish, too. Mom and dad had just lost a son, and then their daughter ran away. Imagine the devastation. The realization that no one was left, that it was only them in that house. No wonder they packed up and moved.”

There are a few moments of silence before Sehun responds. “Do you regret it?”

I think about it. Think about how different my life would have been if I hadn’t left home and I shake my head. “No. I mean, I wish that maybe I would have kept tabs on them, see what happened to them, but I don’t regret leaving. I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t.”

“That’s good, not regretting anything I mean.” Sehun smiles gently, but then it fades as quickly as it came. “There’s one thing I didn’t tell you yet.” He starts, tapping his fingers along the door arm rest. “I hear things sometimes. They’re voices, but I can’t tell if it’s male or female, or both. It’s just words that appear in my head that I don’t think. They tell me the reason I was turned, was to find the Pure One because I was a direct link. But I didn’t even know what that was.

“They keep telling me that I need to bring the Pure One to them. And sometimes they’re so loud, and I can’t run away from my own mind. It’s complete insanity. They keep me up at night sometimes. So I did some research and supposedly the Pure One possesses some kind of redeeming power. He or she reincarnates after every five generations, and is destined to bring peace. But whoever it is, also has destructive abilities too. Their blood can save vampires, but it can also eradicates us. Apparently, a lot of vampires and people don’t like the idea of that, and no one has found the Pure One for the past three centuries. No amount of research helps though—I just want the voices to stop and they keep coming back.”

“Sehun, we will get through this. I have spent years without the brother that I thought was just a memory, and now he’s back. Definitely different, but now I have the chance to make up for those moments that we missed. Whether it’s voices, or these vampire changes, I swear I won’t let it happen. I’m not losing my brother twice.”

He laughs, eyes crinkling into half-moons, and reaches out to ruffle my hair. 

“Good, because I don’t want to be lost twice.” 

Sehun stays at the apartment for the night just to get his bearings; there’s a couple of open spaces in our apartment complex so he’ll be able to live close by. Jongin does a double take at first until I explain the whole situation and then he relaxes. Sehun constantly apologizes for both the intrusion and for the injury he caused Jongin, but Jongin doesn’t know the latter reason. They actually get along pretty well right from the start, surprisingly. Immediately they jump into a conversation that only they follow. After I hear soccer, I kind of tune of them out.

“No funny business with my sister while I’m here, alright?” Sehun says just before heading into my room. “I know you have a bond but still.”

Jongin gasps in mock horror. “How could you think I’d do anything to her like that?”

“Alright, you two.” I say, pushing Sehun through the bedroom door and glaring at Jongin. “Let’s go to sleep.”

After changing into sleepwear, I find Jongin completely under the covers. The small outlet light illuminates the room and I’m able to safely maneuver my way to the bed. As soon as I slip under the blanket, Jongin snakes his hands around my waist and brings me closer. I lean into his chest and he kisses the top of my head.

“He’s a nice guy. You must’ve missed him a lot.”

I nod. “Yeah. I did.”

“I’m glad you got him back. Little nineteen year old girls need their family.”

I laugh and slap his shoulder playfully. “I’m sure twenty-two year old guys need their family, too.”

Jongin nods, pushes a few strands of hair behind my ear. “Yeah, they both do. But it’s fine, really, because they can always make their very own.” He places his lips gently on my forehead. 

“Goodnight, Daeun.” He breathes as his eyes shut close.

“Night, Jongin.”

Ok so, it isn't Sehun's birthday anymore, but....

Happy Late Birthday, Sehun!