The next day, I’m released from the hospital. A nurse shows me out and there I find Daeun waiting by a large floor to ceiling window. She has her hands by which makes it seem like she’s praying, but for some reason in the back of my mind I know Daeun doesn’t believe in prayer.

I clear my throat lightly to get her attention and she breaks out of her daze. “Oh, you’re here already.” She tilts her head a bit. “Let’s get going, then.”

The drive back is silent save for the radio. I’d like to say something to her, anything really, but the words catch in my throat and I can’t seem to drag them out. After sixteen minutes or so, we stop at what seems like a hotel that seems a bit familiar. She parks, gets out and I follow suit. By the entrance, I notice Danmi just as she sees me.

“Oh, dear Jongin, you’re alright.” Danmi hugs me and she breathes a sigh of relief. Pulling back, she scans my face, every so often glancing behind me. Probably at Daeun. “Let’s get you inside.” 

We enter a large lounge room where a couple people sit or stand talking with each other. I notice it’s only Kyungsoo, Sehun, and Kris. They quiet when we enter. I’m instructed to sit in a chair as Kyungsoo stands in front of me.

“How much do you remember?” He asks, crossing his arms and leaning into a table.

“Everything,” I look down at my shoes and reconsider. “Almost everything.”

“What do you remember right before waking up?”

What do I remember? Leaving...leaving this hotel? That’s why it seemed so familiar. But why did I leave? “I remember leaving this place to go to...I don’t know.”

Kyungsoo looks at Kris before muttering, “Yeah, this is Yoonmi’s work.”

Kris shuffles a hand through his hair before patting my shoulder and leaving. He briefly pauses at the door to talk to someone, and Luhan comes walking in. Only now I notice that Daeun stands towards the back of the room by the door. Luhan pats her back lightly and offers a gentle smile. She returns the gesture, half-heartedly, yet my stomach still knots and my chest constricts, and suddenly I don’t feel all that good.

“Um-”

A ringing breaks the still air. I see Daeun fumbling around her jacket before bringing the phone up to her ear. “Hello?” After a moment, her lips draw into a straight line. I let my hearing tune into the conversation.

“-ant them back then meet me here.”

“Alright.” Daeun hangs up and converses quietly with Luhan, writes down something—an address?—before jogging out the door. 

Luhan walks forward. “Well, change of plans. Yoonmi contacted Daeun and she wants to see her.” 

“I’ll go spread the word.” Kyungsoo volunteers quietly and shuffles out of the room.

I furrow my eyebrows, standing up. “Where’s everyone going?”

Sehun and Luhan glance at me before turning around to silently argue amongst themselves. Finally, they turn back. 

“It seems like you aren’t an apparent threat at the moment, so we’re entrusting our plan to you.” Luhan says. Sehun scowls a little before relaxing and nodding his head in agreement. “However,” the older continues, face growing grim. “If you become a threat, I will have no choice but to eliminate you, whether Daeun wants it or not.”

“Fair enough.” I answer even though on the inside I find I’m questioning myself. Do I really want to know the plan? Yes I want my memories back, but do I trust myself enough? If she’s messed with my past, who knows what else she’s messed with.

“Alright. Simply, we infiltrate the building from all sides. Find Yoonmi, then take her in for questioning.”

I see Daeun’s face in my mind. I see her sad, and smiling at the same time. No. I have to go. I have to be there and find that Yoonmi is taken down. Not only for my sake, but Daeun’s. “Do I get to go?” I ask. They seem hesitant. “Yoonmi. She’s the one who messed with my memories right? Well I want them back.”

For the first time, Sehun cracks a smile, nods. “And you’ll get them back.”

_

“Stay back,” Daeun says. “There’s going to be a group that goes in before us. We have to secure the boundaries first.”

Daeun walks to several checkpoints, talking to leaders to make sure they have their area secured. I follow along, a bit lost. Even though I still have my memories of working in SHC I feel disjointed from the rest. Like I’m just a spectator floating above and watching the events as they unfold.

When we make a full circle, we come to stand next to Kris who keeps the time by checking his watch often. After a few minutes, he mutters into a device. When there is no reply, he speaks louder. There is only static. 

He turns towards us, mouth pulled into a tight line. “Well,” he gestures at the building. “Shall we?”

DAEUN

When there is no response coming from Kris’ speaker, my skin starts to crawl. He turns towards us, part irritated and part anxious, glancing at every face for a brief second. “Well, shall we?”

My throat constricts. All of a sudden I see Yoonmi and her ghost white skin, rogue lips, gripping my neck and strangling me so that I can hardly breathe. But then someone tugs on my hand and she disappears. “You alright, sis?” 

It’s not her that scares me. It’s—

“Huh?” I mutter unintelligibly. “Oh. Yeah. Fine. Let’s go.”

—it’s that maybe I’m at fault. That everything bad that has happened was because of my carelessness. 

I don’t turn away fast enough to miss the look of concern on Sehun’s face, but I pretend like I don’t see it. I’m not ready to talk about the nightmares. The hands wringing my neck like it’s a dirty, wet rag. The ground churning under my feet. I’m not ready to admit that I’ve lost hope, that I’m absolutely frightened, and that the only person who would ever be able to quell that fear completely doesn’t even remember me.  No. I’m not ready just yet. 

I follow close behind Kris with Luhan up in front, Sehun at my side, and Jongin behind me. I feel safe and protected, yet still so vulnerable. How can that be? How can I be the one protected, be the one who feels defenseless when I’m the reason why everything’s gotten so messed up? Without me, Sehun wouldn’t have gone through what he had gone through. Everyone would still be working peacefully at SHC, not hiding in underground tunnels and running from everyone. Jongin would still have his memories. Perhaps...he would have even been better off with Minkyung. I mean, she seemed like a nice girl. Pretty, clean, someone who wouldn’t cause trouble. Maybe it’s for the better that he’s forgotten me. 

Those nightmares...they always start with cherry blossoms. They’re in full bloom, sweet and pastel, like pink snow drifting and swirling around me. It’s so quiet that it hurts, but then before I feel anything I see Jongin. His figure is hazy but I recognize it; the broad shoulders, lean body. I try to call out but I don’t feel my lips move, or the vibrations hum in my throat. It seems like I’m floating, part of the cherry blossoms falling to the ground. Then he’ll take someone’s hand, Minkyung’s, and they walk away while I tumble to the ground, darkness swallowing me greedily. A spotlight centers on me then and I find myself back at SHC in the interrogation. “You are here because we have been informed that you are a danger to humanity.” 

I see the elevated platform. The benches behind filled with faceless shadows. They creep and crawl. “Guilty. Take her away.” The shadows pounce on me, ripping at me, and I find myself screaming. Then I am little again. I’m tugging at younger Sehun’s sleeve and begging for something sweet to eat. We arrive at the convenience store, and I pick out the sweetest chocolate. There’s the lady again, and she bites into his neck. In my horror I squeeze the chocolate in my hand hard. It melts into a brown liquid that glistens blood red in the light of the neon open sign of the store. Sehun is no longer young, he looks like himself now; tall, muscular, and bony. 

“Your fault.” Sehun says.

“Yours.” Jongin says in a different scene. He’s smiling gently, holding my hands in his. Then a cloud passes over the sun and the shadows surround me, casting a sinister glow on his face. “Yours. Your fault.”

The ground crumbles away and hands grab at my feet. They drag me down, dirt cascading around me like the ocean. “Your fault. Your fault.” Right before I’m fully immersed in it, I see a building burning. Fire bright yellow, almost white. Flames dancing around in a dangerous tango. And then I’ll wake up.

I take a deep breath and enter the abandoned warehouse. It’s musky, like air hasn’t passed through it in years. It sticks in my lungs, makes it hard to pass oxygen through my system. 

 The thing that really bothers me, it that the building that was burning in my dream, is the same building we are entering right now.

ACK you guys i'm so sorry I haven't updated in FOREVER. Ugh. School has been a little too harsh lately. But I do hope you enjoy this! btw, I really can't thank you all enough for sticking with me and reading this fic. I'm serious. You guys give me strength to write this  \(///Σ///)\