I'm taken in a lounge room after that. Once the numbness and indifference wears off a little, I hear someone approach me.

“I’m under strict orders to keep a personal watch on you.” A voice says. I turn and see a boy-ish face yet a grim expression. “I’m sorry I couldn’t keep the entire Compound safe.”

“You can’t blame yourself for any of the intruders.” I respond. “But thank you….?”

“Ah. I haven’t actually introduced myself. I’m Xiumin. Head of Field Troops. I’ve trained your brother.”

I gawk. “What. You're Xiumin?" I think back to my previous image of him: visibly rippling with muscles and extrememly tall. "But why are you so young? And why haven’t I met you before if you’re the Head of Field?”

“I’m not that young,” he grimaces, like he’s been told that too many times for comfort. But then he smiles. “My work is more...of the underground type. Not many personally meet me unless that have business with me.”

I nod. “Well, it’s nice to finally meet you, then, Xiumin.”

He nods in return. “I’m to show you to your room.” He starts walking. “Perhaps I’ll show you, if you like?”

The sleep that night, is surprisingly restful.

_

It’s said that in the moments when you’re just about to wake up and shake off your dream, you are allowed a few seconds of true peace. You start to see the pink of your closed eyelids and you wonder just where you are; the elongated tick and tock of the clock where your foggy mind starts to stir, clicking its gears back into place. That’s how I wake. There’s no heart-racing nightmare, no emptiness in the pit of my chest. Just peace. And it’s so, so nice. 

But all things come to a certain end, and then it’s wiped away and the world seems to hang even heavier on my shoulders than before. It takes great effort to push myself off the bed. I can’t even bring myself to open my eyes just yet. At one point, I think that I might just stay in bed for the rest of the day, but then I feel something so very strange. Actually, I don’t feel anything, and that’s what is strange. Usually, I can feel a small pulse of energy that flows through me and then to Jongin, undoubtably because of the bond. 

Jongin. I panic slightly, pull myself together. Brush my teeth. Pull back my hair. Put on some clothes. Is he back? Is he safe? What about everyone else? And Yoonmi? What about her? I swing the door open and almost run into Sehun. It’s almost like running into a brick wall. He turns slowly, raising his eyes from the ground to my face in a careful, calculated movement. Something’s...off. 

“What’s up, Sehun?” I say a bit breathlessly due to my previous panicked attempt at getting ready in under five minutes. “I was just about to-”

“I don’t know how to tell you this,” he begins. “Perhaps it’d be better if I showed you?”

_

This means going to a hospital run by vampire sympathizers. It means feeling the dread turn my legs into liquid lead as the elevator slowly creeps up. It means seeing everything slow to a point where shapes blur together. It means entering a room, and seeing Jongin unconscious. 

“What...w-what happened?” I rush towards the bed.

“He called for backup when he reached the destination where he figured Yoonmi was hiding. We were on our way, but he just wouldn’t wait for us and headed in by himself. We suppose that he couldn’t more than likely been able to take care of himself, but the doctors have concluded that the lack of blood intake made him fairly weak and vulnerable to attackers. He was injured, but for the most part fine. We found Danmi and Minkyung safe, but Yoonmi was nowhere to be found.” Sehun glances at the sleeping Jongin. “Then when we were heading back he just...crumpled.”

“Can I help? Is there anything I can do? Blood? I-”

“Sis, you gotta calm down. Everything is fine physically. Something’s wrong internally, but it’s not something blood, not even a bond’s blood, can fix. We’re going to have to wait.”

_

The next few days bleed into each other. 

At one point, I’m in the cafeteria, shuffling through food when Luhan walks up to me. “He’s up.” Luhan says.

“Oh god, is he okay? Are his wounds healing?” I start to rush for the door but Luhan grabs a hold of my hand.

“When you walk into that room,” he starts. “I want you to be prepared for anything and everything. Jongin himself is fine. His injuries are healing. It’s just-Daeun, please don’t be sad.”

_

“I’m sorry. Everyone’s been telling me I have some kind of post-traumatic disorder that’s causing memory loss. I don’t think I...quite remember you.”

Sehun grips my hand tighter as my world starts to spin out of control. “Oh, uh. It’s, uh, Daeun. Yeah, yeah we grew up together.”

“Ah, I see. Again, I’m sorry. You would think if we grew up together I would remember you the most. At least your name is familiar. I promise that it is. Just give me some time to remember all of you.”

I nod, forcing a smile that wobbles and cracks like what my heart is doing right now. “Of course. Take your time. I’m sure you’ll get around to it soon enough.”

“Yeah,” he says with a bright smile lighting up his face. My chest constricts and breathing gets incredibly hard as his gaze flitters down. “I hope so.”

And I, quite hopelessly: “I hope so, too.”

JONGIN

“Why is she sad?” I ask and Sehun shrugs a little. He looks like he knows. He just doesn’t really want to say.

“A lot of stuff has happened. She’s lost a lot within the past couple of days.” He shrugs again, a little bitterly this time. “She’s lost too much.”

For some reason, I feel like I’m one of those things that she, Daeun, has lost. It’s this itch I feel where my heart should be. I hate feeling lost. “Am I….am I one of the reasons she’s sad?” I glance at Sehun, and one look from him tells it all. I slump into the hospital bed and heave a sigh.

I am the reason why she’s sad. 

But why? Why is she sad? Is it because she’s worried about me? Perhaps because my memory loss frightens her? Or is it because I’m one of her lost things? Irretrievable. Untouchable. Maybe all of the above? Why can’t I...why does she….

Whywhywhywhywhy. Why?

There’s a small part of me lurking in the shadows that tells me not to care. That I should forget her, keep on forgetting her. You have Minkyung, it whispers. What more do you want? And in the silence of the room, in the hushed sound of Sehun closing the door behind him, I realize that maybe I just want to know. I want to know how I lost my memory, who Daeun is to me, who I am to her, and if I truly am utterly lost. 

I don’t want to be lost.

But you aren’t. You don’t have to know, because you aren’t lost. You have SHC, Sehun, Luhan, the others, Minkyung. What difference does it make if you don’t remember one little detail? One little name? One little person? Is it not enough?

I run a hand through my hair. But Daeun...the name makes me feel. Makes me hurt. How is it that I’ve only forgotten her and not anyone else? Daeun, Daeun, Daeun...who are you? We grew up together you said. But where, how? If I can remember these details, maybe I can remember you.

Don’t be sad. Please. I-Please just...

“A ghost in my own life.”

Lost…was Daeun lost too?

“-play, little girl?”

“No thank you.”

“Oh come on...at a park!”

She can’t end up like me, I have to…

“Come back home with me and I’ll take care of you.”

You don’t need her, Jongin. You don’t need Daeun.

Is that Daeun? But she said home…isn’t that where I belong? At home?

The shadows cackle and twist and writhe in my head. Home? Where is your home when you're just a misplaced soul who can’t even remember? You don’t need her-

Home is...home is….

I feel it all at once: I’m lying on a bed holding onto something. It moves in my arms, warm. Daeun. It’s Daeun. And she’s saying something incredibly funny because I’m laughing, my heart fluttering with joy. Is this home? Is that what it feels like? 

“Thank you for saving me, Jongin.”

I remember. I think I remember. I think-

I wake with a start. Sweat beads on my forehead and my heart is pounding. The world might even be spinning, I’m not all too sure. I register faintly someone asking me if anything’s wrong and I point to my head. Someone must be driving a nail through it because that’s what it feels like. A machine whirs, and almost immediately I feel a rush of peace, of exhaustion finally taking over. Before everything goes black, the shadows dance around my vision.

Do you really want to remember then, lost one?

Hey! enjoy the new update^^

(Daeun's thoughts are a bit disjointed in this chapter because she's a bit confused on how to feel. She feels fear and yearning. Minkyung's back and that worries her even though she believes that she's fine with it. All she wants is to live a stress free life, settle down, preferably with Jongin. But now he doesn't even remember her....)