a/n: hey, guys! before anything else, i think you need to reread chapter 26 part i and ii again bcs you would lose if you didn’t! (since it’s been yearssss already) aaand, this chapter contained suicide attempt. it might trigger some of you, who maybe had some experience about it. if it makes you uncomfortable, just leave it, okay, my honeybun? last but not least, enjoy! <3        

 

 

 

 

 

Why would he leave Sungjong alone and Soojong at Lee’s because of a stupid argument.  This was most likely like running away from the problem more than to calm himself down and collect the rational thoughts. This was childish. Myungsoo’s chest ached with shame. There was no excuse for his behaviour, not even if Sungjong’s words had been true.

Myungsoo knew Sungjong and he knew that Sungjong always think big and far, taking things positively, optimistically. Even in this situation, Sungjong even hurt Myungsoo in any possible way because he thought too big and too far and too positive, but there was Myungsoo’s job actually – to being understanding and supporting, not running away- not when they’d been happy choosing names for their sons just that early in the morning.

No, Myungsoo hadn’t been thinking. That was exactly the problem. They’d been so focused on their immediate problem that they hadn’t thought to watch out for something or anything that might happen- anything bad and unfortunate. And Myungsoo was this close, too close to lose his everything.

A tiny, pathetic noise of defeat came from nowhere deep inside Myungsoo. It was like an invisible hand wrenched the sound from him. He didn’t even know why he’d overreacted at the first place.

“I guess,” Myungsoo admitted quietly, rubbing his aching head. “I don’t know what came over me.” He felt his eyes burned. Myungsoo knew tears were welling in them right before he blinked and forced them to trickle down his cheeks. He hadn’t thought to feel this miserable and hopeless. Yet again seemed like happily ever after wasn’t totally agreed with him. Dongwoo looked right through Myungsoo. He let out a soft sigh. “Sungyeol-ah,” he called the name gently. “Lee Sungyeol. Look what have you done, buddy.” 

It was true, in front of Dongwoo was Myungsoo but the soul, the heart was Sungyeol. This had happened quite some times, though. Out of nowhere, Myungsoo would find Dongwoo at the places only he and Sungyeol knew, and talked about everything like they had known each other since they were little. Reminiscing the school days, and Myungsoo kept reminding Dongwoo not to strain his left hand too much since that guy had a minor accident when playing basketball during their high school time. Not even Hoya knew about that.

Myungsoo even knew Dongwoo’s favourite food, his first dog’s name, his shoe size and his mole at his back when Dongwoo had never been shirtless in front of Myungsoo. Not any single little thing about Dongwoo that Myungsoo didn’t know. Myungsoo knew Dongwoo better than Hoya. Myungsoo knew Dongwoo just like how Sungyeol knew him.

Dongwoo had cried that day when he realized he got his best friend back. Maybe not as whole but the heart was all counted. Sometimes Dongwoo accidently calling Myungsoo as Sungyeol, and the guy seemed okay with it. And whenever Dongwoo called Sungyeol, he swore he saw his late best friend who was in front of him, not Myungsoo any longer.

“Sungyeollie,” Dongwoo called out his best friend softly. “I don’t know how but I want you to fix this. Can you do that?”
“I don’t have much choice, do I?” Sungyeol said sadly. “Do it for Sungjong, and you’ll be alright.”

 

                                                          *******

 

It was too late, though. It was all too late.

The argument with Myungsoo earlier have caused Sungjong too far exceeded his mental and emotional tolerance. He just couldn’t handle it anymore. It was over. Everything was over for him. He couldn’t take the pain of guilt and grief and loss. It was too much, it was too heavy to bear anymore. He was a disappointment. Good thing he won’t have to deal with it any longer.

The tears weren’t stopped.

The weird pressure crested in the room, so dense Sungjong felt like he couldn’t breathe, and the siren of the ambulance sounded clearer and louder. “Good, they’re already here.” He was determined. This was the best. The helpers were here. If he cut himself only a few seconds before they got into his house, his babies can be saved just in time. That was his plan. If he was going to die, he would die alone.

Sungjong blamed himself for everything. Because wasn’t it all his fault? He thought so and he wanted to make sure to never make a mistake like that again, even if it meant dying. He gripped the blade tighter. The cut would make the blood all over the place. If you’re going to do it, do it in the bathroom, logic told him. But no, he wanted to do it here. In the living room, where most of the happy memories happened.

His pain was about to end right here, right now. He smiled sadly but satisfied with the decision. He heard they already in front of his door, asking for permission to enter but he just kept silent as he sparred one moment to steel himself... and then he cut his wrist using his butter knife, cold just like what he expected and  sharp just like he hoped. The rush of emotions that flooded through him as he made the first slice was almost too much and he almost stopped. Almost. But he couldn’t stop. Not after the second, third, se