Not with spoken words

His head bowed in prayer, Teddy looked up when a Nurse tapped him on the shoulder. He had been waiting outside the Operating Room right after visiting the chapel.

He had refused Danny’s request that he join everybody else in the waiting room and was thankful not to be further persuaded. He wanted to be near her and make sure that whatever happened inside, he would immediately know. He couldn’t wait with everybody else. He’d go crazy.

“We have begun the transplant Mr. Park. We will be checking soon how the new heart will function along with the rest of Ms. Lee’s system” the nurse informed him “However, I came out here because this fell from Ms. Lee’s coat. One of the theatre nurses saw it and I decided to hand this to you… it has your name on it.”

The nurse held out a white envelope with his name written on it before going back inside the O.R. A few smears of blood traced it but Teddy was sure he would be able to read it.

It was Mai’s handwriting, he was sure. Mai had written this letter and carried it in her pocket…

=======================

Teddy,

You can call me a coward or a fool for this letter contains the things I have always wanted to say to you but never could. I can’t remember how many times I have re-written this… everytime something happens… everytime I fell like I have something new to tell you… I sit down and re-write this letter again… then fold the new letter and keep it in my pocket… until such time that I could give it to you or just say it out loud.

I have kept every letter I have written and I hope that someday, I will be able to show them all to you so you would know that you have always been with me… in everything I did and in whoever I have become now.

Firstly, let me tell you that I love you.

I think that the first time you stumbled into my world, running for your life and cursing like a sore loser in a Poker Game was the moment I fell in love with you. Or maybe it was that time you rapped with Danny and stopped in the middle because the words were just coming in so fast inside your head and you neede to pause to write them down. Or maybe it was when you laughed at me while I slumped down -first during practice… I’m not really sure. But what I do know is that I was already in the middle of it when I realized that I had already fallen for you.

I hope that when you read this… you would remember all the times that I tried my best to make you feel this eventhough I was not able to say anything… I hope that even if I was not able to say it to you, you knew how much I cared and how close I held you to my heart.

I’m not a particularly cheesy person and you know how I sometimes freak out when I see chessines in others but in this letter I want you to know that I have always thought how it would feel like to hold your hand, to hug you so close we both can’t almost breathe, to run my hands over your hair, to hold your face anytime I just want, and to kiss you and not care how many people see it.

I know it sounds arrogant but I think you feel the same for me and let me tell you that even if you have not said it out loud to me, your eyes had always been enough to see me through each time I felt the ache of not being able to be with you.

It kills me each time to know that no matter how much I love you I just can’t seem to be with you but I always still hope for it because there is no one else I’d rather be with in the world than you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I believe that I always have… and I’m sure I always will…

PS

At the very moment this letter reaches you, I think I might be walking down the aisle to be married off to another man. However, please understand that I did what I did for you and for all those I have come to love too. I am so sorry I had to sacrifice the both of us but there is only one thing I know and it is that I will do anything for you… anything for you.

I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me and the next time we see one another… I hope you can still look at me with your wonderful wonderful eyes… but if you can’t I will understand, I know it is too much to ask.

PPS

Ji Yong and Dara are fated to be together. Bom and T.O.P. might just go there too. Chaerin and Seung-ri will definitely go there (no matter all that fighting). Minji and Dae are NOT going to go there… or maybe they are… who knows really? And Young Bae… he’s so much like you that I’m sure he has someone he cherishes but we know nothing about.

I love them all and I know you do too… if you do not know yet at this time then I am telling you. We may not yet have seen our happy-ever-after but I hope that all of your kids do. I know you will always support them.

And…

Have I written here I love you yet?

I LOVE YOU… OK? YOU HAVE GOT TO DEAL WITH IT!

Yours forever and always,
Mai

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From the very first line, Teddy’s shoulders had shook with the pent-up frustration, sadness, and overwhelming sense that he will really lose her now.

And as he continued on, light bulbs blinked on inside his mind as he remembered every gesture, every look, every joke she had made. The whole story had cleared for him as though he had been with Mai throughout the whole journey.

He now understood clearly why Song Yu Seuk had released all of them. He now understood why the President couldn’t bargain for his freedom in the first place. He now understood all of it. The puzzle has now finally unraveled its answer for him.

“How could you?” he asked the letter, as though it was Mai herself he was talking to “How could you just write this all down and not tell it to my face? How could you be so unfair as to not even let yourself hear from me that I love you too? You’ve got to live coz you have so much to explain to me… coz you have to tell me this in person… you’ve got to.”