What doesn’t destroy you make you stronger

She had no idea anymore of the number of days that they’ve been practicing.

Monday, Tuesday, Thursday… her schedule was always as follows:

8:00 – 9:00 AM – Morning exercise

9:00 – 9:30 AM – Breakfast (Light)

9:30 – 10:00 AM – Meditation Exercises

10:00 – 10:30 AM – Vocalizations

10:30 – 12:00 AM – Singing exercises

12:00 AM – 1:00 PM – Lunch

1:00 – 2:00 PM – Afternoon nap

2:00 – 3:00 PM – Afternoon exercise (stretching)

3:00 – 5:00 PM – Dance exercises

5:00 – 7:00 PM – Style and Make-up Class

7:00 – 8:00 PM – Dinner

8:00 – 9:00 PM – Individual lessons (specializations)

The routine just changed during weekends when they were allowed to spend time on their own. She and the girls sometimes went to Han River on Saturday mornings and then they’d go directly to their homes and stay there until Sunday night or they’d immediately go home or they’d be extending practice for some of their individual lessons or they’d just go see some of their other friends, who have been noticing how hard they have all been working.

The everyday training was exhausting and she – more often than not – found herself crawling to bed for sleep. There was even a time when she had just collapsed on her mini sofa and dozed off until the next day.

“Please God” she prayed one night “give me more strength. I want to be able to make lots of people happy and I pray most sincerely that you help me and my friends become the best.”

It was a prayer she uttered every time she had the chance. She didn’t want to fail in this – not ever.

“Dara!!!” their dance instructor shouted “You’re spacing out. Come on! Come on!”

She immediately snapped into attention. “Sorry sunbae.”

“Well just get back… let’s do this again!” the dance instructor stood beside her “Jump – wave! Jump – wave! Bend! Bend! Bend! Step back! Slide! Step back! Slide! Jump! Jump! Jump! Bang!”

“A little more” the dance instructor repeated “Minji’s got the beat pat down. Chaerin, Bom, Dara – a little more… and let’s begin!”

As they danced to the beat of the instructor’s stick, Ji came in (along with his faithful dog Gaho). He sat on one side of the studio, watching them.

Dara noted that he always dropped by – more than all the other Big Bang oppas do. Manager Teddy had explained to them that as BB’s leader, he had delegated Ji as their group’s main supervisor as well.

“He could handle that” Chaerin had told her, glowing with respect for the sunbae “I want to be like him someday.”

“… OK! Very good! Now… you guys have to work on your stage expressions. It doesn’t matter how good your routine is if you cannot make the audience feel what they are supposed to feel out of the performance… don’t be afraid to smile! Charm the audience! Bring them to their toes!”

Dara was trying not to be distracted by Ji’s watchful eye on all of them – she listened with as much attention as she could give to their instructor.

The sunbae spoke up. “Will you perform for me what hyung has choreographed for you? I want to see it.”

Their dance instructor nodded. “Yes! Why don’t you guys perform for Ji? He’ll be able to give you other tips too on what you can further develop individually.”

Dara felt her blood pump on hyper mode.

“I will not allow you to be shy in front of me” Ji told them explicitly “If you cannot even perform with me watching, how can you perform in front of other people that you do not even know?”

“Yes sunbae” they all replied.

“Let’s begin!” the dance instructor shouted and the music to its loudest – clouding out everything else.

Dara quickly crossed her fingers as Chaerin-ah told them “Let’s put on our baddest personalities! Let’s show Ji-oppa just how bad- we are!”

“Go!” Minji shouted as they took their first step.

Slide – Slide – Quick turn to the left – Pause – Shake – Shake – Pause…

Sweat – Inhale – Exhale – Inhale – Sweat – Exhale – Inhale…

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Their styles were different from one another.

Chaerin was a lioness – she was obviously the leader of the pack. She was ferocious.

Minji was a she-wolf. She was wild but very coordinated – you wouldn’t think she’d thought it out but she’d had it planned down to the smallest detail.

Bom was a mother bear. She was just so cute but one wrong touch and she’d lash out like a grizzly.

Now… Dara - Ji decided - was a rabbit. She wasn’t as fierce yet as Chaerin and Minji but she’d improved a lot since the last he had watched them – she was fast and quick-to-pick-up on what she needed to do and she didn’t act her age – she just kept going on top speed.

And he knew that she remained later than the others practicing. He had once waited for her to leave and go home – making sure that she made it back to her apartment safely. Their performance today was showing just how much hard work they were all putting in.

“I envy them” YB once told him “they already have that much potential without the trainings. They could be bigger than us.”

He believed that to be true.

And it really wouldn’t be too bad if these girls become bigger than they could ever be – they helped them blossom.

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Respond to the beat

Dara’s individual lessons were rapping. To ensure that she didn’t feel too much pressure – YB was tasked to teach her. Teddy knew that if she was taught by either T.O.P. or Ji – both guys would immediately lose their patience as they were master rappers teaching a totally alien individual.

Ji had visited every girl during their individual lessons.

T.O.P. was teaching Bom how to rap as well (a surprise there as it was T.O.P. who actually volunteered), Daesung was teaching Minji to develop her vocals more, and Seung-ri was doing the same for Chaerin.

He had noted how cute both Bom and T.O.P. were but he wouldn’t for the life of him ever tell that to hyung’s face. Bom was well working her charms on the usually uptight T.O.P. but the man seemed to need to teach the woman a whole lot more as her rapping had improved but was still a little scratchy.

Daesung and Minji were doing very well too. He had seen that when they exchanged notes on each other’s performance, they really put everything to heart. Daesung had suggested that Minji fully utilize her powerful voice and not fear over-topping Chaerin with it. “The leader can handle it” he told her.

Seung-ri and Chaerin… well… they were another story altogether. They didn’t seem bent on teaching each other but on battling one another out. He had told Teddy of this and the Manager just laughed.

“I want them to learn to balance” Teddy told him. “Seung-ri tends to become an air head around Chaerin and Chaerin tends to flare up with Seung-ri around. They’d meet a lot of people much like that and I want them to learn to handle those things. Most especially Chaerin since she’s the leader of the girls.”

Ji wanted to tell him that those two’s antics might lead to something else. He’d seen others end up falling for one another much like that.

“I know what you’re thinking” Teddy told him “but I’m not worried. Now, how is Dara doing?”

That question had led him to go to Dara and YB now. He dreaded having to see the two. He had avoided going to Dara’s lessons. Hell. He dreaded seeing Dara at all – most especially with just one other person in the room.

YB had often asked him why he wasn’t visiting with them and he had joked that his ears might not recover from Dara’s rapping.

“She’s improved a lot, you know, and she’s not really as bad as we previously thought” YB had told him.

“Well… that’s good. I’m sure it’s because you are such a good teacher” he replied.

Now, as he opened the door, he plastered a big smile on his face. It wouldn’t do for his brother to see his apprehension.

“… I’m not gonna wait around for you coz I ain’t lesser of us two…

I’ve moved on now and I don’t care whether you believe it

I’ve got so much to do and this song ain’t even finished…”

That was Dara. And he was floored.

“Ji!” YB called out and he saw Dara transform from uber confident to a fish out of water.

He sat down in front of them. “That sounded good” his voice remaining neutral.

“I told you so” YB told him “She told me that she got that rap from a friend from way before. I was asking her who it was coz we sure could recruit the guy. He writes just like you.”

“Well, I haven’t heard all of it” Ji replied “Why don’t you go and finish the rap Dara?”

She gulped “Having Ji-oppa in the room makes me nervous.”

“Come on Dara! You can do it… don’t worry… Ji is very supportive. You should worry if it was T.O.P. here with you.”

Dara aimed a feeble smile at YB, not daring to look directly at Ji. She had been so confident during their lessons and had noticed that Ji had not been visiting them at all.

But with that guy here now…

“I’ll give you a beat” YB told her “We can begin again with this song you’re working at.”

She nodded. “Ok. Ok.”

YB began beat-boxing and Dara closed her eyes… if I don’t see him, I’ll be ok… I can do this…

“We got ourselves a complication

Coz from what I know we’ve said goodbye

So what are you doing back here?

Are you spoiling for a fight?..."

Dara went on and he just listened, closing his eyes as she did... letting YB’s beat-boxing bring him along. Some things still need tweaking but she could do good. He hadn’t – honestly – expected that.

“I’m sure you thought I was still interested – but you just up and proved me right with your big big head –“

Dara felt the words flowing from her. She was doing good. She really really could do it!!!

She opened her eyes and saw Ji, with his eyes closed, listening to her intently – his face a painting of all the emotions she was talking about. She gulped and her head suddenly went blank.

“Oh no! What’s the next line???” she thought in panic.

“Not that I care whatever it is you do but you keep finding ways to let me know even though we’re through…” Ji continued when she paused.

YB stopped beat-boxing - stupefied.

Dara’s eyes widened - surprised.

Ji’s eyes flew open - stunned.

“You know the piece?” YB asked Ji.

It was obvious that Ji was as shocked as he was. “I – I just thought of that man – I – I was as surprised as you were.”

YB smiled uncertainly but willing to believe his brother. “Uhmmm… didn’t I tell you? You could have written the piece yourself.”

Ji smiled back as Dara’s heart deflated. Whatever was she expecting?!? Of course… this Ji… this Ji wasn’t the Ji she had known then…

“It’s the first time I’ve ever heard it but you’re doing good Dara. I think you need to push yourself more, though, and experiment with other pieces as well… if you can write one, that would be great” Ji told her indifferently, putting on a business-like tone – as though nothing happened at all.

Dara was fighting for air as she remained immobile at his words. She repeated in her head what she had always told herself since the first day she saw Ji at the club – “They just met through work and had not had the chance yet to grow close. He was a totally different man… a stranger.”