What a good heart can do

Han had out-maneuvered all of his excuses, Ji found to his displeasure.

He had avoided her at all costs but the woman wouldn’t budge. He scheduled rehearsals and talent-pooling and performances and other activities to cram his day just so Han could not get him on his own.

He knew what the woman was up to. Se7en had been lenient with him and had granted him the space he asked for. Han wasn’t like that at all, Ji remembered. “Man! She’s just as stubborn as Dara!” he thought as he stepped outside their training studio.

“So, can I take you out to dinner now?” Han asked, waiting for him most patiently in the parking lot “I’ve taken each one of them and it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t take you too, right? Who knows? The next time I might be able to do this will be like three years again.”

Ji sighed. “Han… why do I get the feeling that this isn’t just simply dinner?”

“Of course it isn’t!” Han answered as she latched onto Ji’s arm and took him to her rented car “We both have a lot to talk about. You wouldn’t want the boys to hear that, right?”

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*After the rain*

“Han… I know you won’t listen to this but I’m still going to try” Ji began as the waiter left after delivering their dessert “Thank you. Really. For this dinner… and thank you too for coming here coz I think you want to fix something but you see… Dara and I… we’ve talked. And we’ve both agreed that we’ll become good friends just as we used to before. So… I don’t know what else it is that you have come here for. I’m sure Dara has told you that already.”

“Actually, no. She didn’t tell me that you talked about something like that” Han answered “You see… she’s got pride as much as you do – though it doesn’t show. And there are things that she wouldn’t tell me unless I corner her. You’re ALSO alike in that.”

Ji controlled himself from smiling at Han’s comparisons between him and Dara – he needed to make Han feel that he had closed the subject matter completely. “Well… I’ll be the one to tell you. We’re both ok now. We’ve talked and we’ve agreed to become friends.”

He didn’t want to talk about any of this at all. His words had fallen on deaf ears, though, as Han took her time in sampling the mango cheesecake she ordered and didn’t give any hint that she had heard Ji Yong. From the look of things, he decided that Han was taking a different approach.

She wasn’t baring her teeth and snarling at him like she did the last time that Dara had been discussed between the two of them but it also meant she was really really darn serious now – which worried Ji more.

“Do you know how I fell in love with Se7en?” Han asked him – throwing Ji of course.

“Uhmmmm, no” he answered.

“I fell in love with him in an instant” Han answered, smiling at the memory of it “I got hyped about underground performers years ago – I think you’ll remember that. The first time I watched Se7en do battle, he was just so good that my jaw dropped open watching him up that small stage giving his soul to every word he uttered.”

“So, it was love at first sight?”

Han shook her head “No. Not exactly. I admired him only then. I began to fall for him when on my way home right after watching that performance, I was crossing the street and he grabbed my hand to save me from a rampaging motorcycle. He told me to be more careful crossing the road – all the while not letting go of my hand. That touch stayed with me Ji. The memory of it did. And I would find myself thinking of him until I finally went back again to watch him. He remembered me as the girl he had saved but that was all – there were a lot of girls there who easily distracted him and you know how those girls can be. They’re very very territorial. Now… how did I know that your hyung liked me too?”

“How?”

“When I was about to go home, he watched from a corner as I crossed the street. I didn’t see him until I was finally able to ride a taxi. He was looking directly at me – not knowing that I was seeing him do so.”

“I haven’t heard that before” Ji exclaimed.

“I haven’t told anyone except Se7en about it before” Han answered.

He was more confused now. What was the purpose of Han’s story? “Uhmmm… then why are you telling me this?”

“To tell you that the same way I saw Se7en did care for me is the same way I see you care for Dara.”

“I’m not anything like that at all” Ji told her indignantly.

“The truth is you don’t want to be” Han replied “You don’t want to care for Dara coz it’ll open you up to other things too.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Stop lying to yourself Ji Yong! Stop! Stop! Stop!” Han put down her dessert fork and looked at him with fire in her eyes “I’m your friend Ji – your ‘noona’ from another mama as you used to call me – and I’m here to help you, even though you’re fighting it.”

“Han, I’m not fighting anything” Ji answered “Dara and I, we’re just friends. We always have been.”

“Then tell me… why did you pretend not to know her for more than a year?”

Ji sighed “Honestly, I didn’t immediately know she was working for Teddy. She’d been waitressing there while we were still having gigs at other clubs. I was surprised to see her there. I didn’t know she’d already gone back here. I wasn’t sure at all if it was her…”

“Ok, but you did become sure that it was her. Why didn’t you talk to her? Why did you treat her as a stranger???”

“You know Teddy’s rules. When we came in, a singer – Krump – had just left with one of the Service Crew. It was the height of Teddy’s anger and he had also just recently installed a new crew. I didn’t want to give him cause to doubt me or any of the boys and most certainly any of the latest bunch of servers he hired. I decided it was the best way.”

“That’s not the whole truth” Han replied.

Ji raised his hand in frustration “Why am I not surprised?”

“There’s something else in this Ji… something you don’t want to tell me” Han shook her shoulders “if that’s the way you want it then I’ll let it but listen to me and listen to me good. I won’t repeat any of this. It’s not even my place to let you know this but you and Dara are both so immovable that another person has to intervene before you both realize what you might just lose.”

“Han…”

“No! I told you to listen so listen ok?”

Ji folded his hands together and braced himself. There was no stopping Han.

“Almost a week ago, Dara met me. She asked me out for lunch and I was really surprised. That was the day before their debut with you, the day before I unleashed my wrath on you in that V.I.P. room and do you know what she talked to me about?”

He had been mulling that over in his mind but he gave Han no reaction, he wanted to discourage her to go on. She was making the mistake of pushing him to believe Dara loved him as he loved her. He knew it to be not true. He had proof of it in his e-mail – a letter he read whenever he needed to be back on ground.

“She told me the situation between the two of you and asked me to respect what your choice has been – your choice to treat her like a total stranger – coz she didn’t want to make it hard for you. She told me you’ve been given a lot of weight on your shoulders and she’s worried you might snap any minute. She even scolded me days after when you got sick as hell. She told me I was rash in saying what I said in the V.I.P. room and you know what I realized? She’s been watching you all this time, worrying about you, caring about you… and she’s never had anyone to tell it to. You obviously, showed her you didn’t care. She, couldn’t tell anyone at all among her circle of friends to make sure that you remain as you are in your treatment of her… yet she still watches and might get tired of it but gets back on track again…”

“She sees you” Han continued “Haven’t you ever felt that? Even Young Bae sees it. He told me that she cooked for you and was up almost all night the first time you got sick – the night they camped at your apartment. He told me that she also rapped your piece and I know that piece Ji Yong. She remembered it and even used it after what? Three? Two years? Seung-ri even tells me that she tried to cut down on eating instant Ramen after you told her off. Do you know these? Do you see these things?”

Ji bit on his lower lip. He wasn’t going to let this affect him.

“You know what? I think you’re problem is that you don’t believe in her love for you. Actually, sorry – I think it’s more fit to describe it this way… you want Dara to love you the same way you love her but you’re blind and you don’t see it at all when it’s all so obvious to you. Now, Dara, she loves you. She hasn’t told me this but I do know it. And she continues to love you even when you’re not showing that you love her back. I think that’s so selfless… coz she’s not expecting you to love her back, she just loves you… think about it. You want love before you give it. She GIVES love without you even showing any hint of it towards her. Doesn’t that make you an ?”

Han’s tears fell as Ji held himself back… WHAT THE HELL!

He’d never seen it that way. He’d been too caught up in his own misery that he didn’t see hers. Was she really that dejected? Had he done that to her thinking it was the right thing? Did she really see him as Han told him now? Did she have these feeling all bottled up?

He pictured her now… pictured how she looked like whenever they were together. Had it escaped him? Was he too angry? Too selfish? Too much of an ?

Did she love him? Does he even have to be sure about that to allow himself to love her?

The answer to all of his questions glistened like a diamond against a sea of opals. He’d known those answers all along but never recognized them. Damn. Damn. Double Damn.