Only a few minutes before the cameras start rolling. Loud chatter and laughing resonates in the area with the six young men, followed by silence by the group of seven. They murmur and move, but there is a tense air about them that the other six can’t ignore.

“Don’t worry guys!” The seven boys look over to see Chunji waving at them. “I’m sure you’ll do well, just relax and smile!” He put a large smile showcasing his teeth before the PD called everyone to order. The MC, who was sitting in the back reading over his script, rose to his feet and made his way towards the front. Everyone in the back also rose and stood in their positions. Teen Top were playing quietly while the other group just fidgeted and tried to calm their nerves.

After only a few minutes, they were called out to the front, and both groups entered. Teen Top proceeded to their greetings and smiled comfortably. When the other group introduced themselves, they stuttered and staggered. The others couldn’t help but to smile.

Changjo watched as Niel smiled and hid behind his hand as he always did, and he couldn’t help but to smile as well. He knew that they shouldn’t really be laughing at the dongsaengs, but the atmosphere just felt so tense amongst them, that they just had to cut it away. The giggles died after a moment, but they rose once more when they failed to introduce themselves once again. Changjo noticed the small twinkle of aw in Niel’s eyes as he watched them. Even though they are younger than everyone in 100%, they still felt an urge to take care of them.

The program proceeded a little stiffly, but they hoped to break the nervous air about them.

“We will be ranking the TeenTop members in popularity base on search results.” Everyone’s ears perked up at the mention of the ranking. The TeenTop members were told of this segment beforehand, but they were not informed of their ranking as of yet, for they were hoping to keep it a secret until the actual recording. Changjo thought back to when they first heard the news.

Niel and he were lying on a bed, hoping to relax for a while before their next schedule. Chunji and Ricky were trying to catch up on a drama that came out a while ago while Minsoo and LJoe were in the kitchen writing music together. Changjo and Niel were just staring up at the ceiling, hands barely brushing against each other as their breathing seemed to shallow in synch together.

It was a comfortable silence that they had created and become accustomed to for a while now. They would always come back into their room together and just lay in silence, letting their minds unwind. Sometimes, they would sleep, sometimes they would play, but at times like this, they talked.

“So,” started Changjo, “We’re going to be ranked again.” Niel nodded and Changjo put his arms behind his head as he closed his eyes. “I wonder how the results will be.”

“I’ll probably be last.” Changjo opened his eyes and looked over to Niel. His voice was so soft and so calm and he hated the fact that Niel accepted the idea as if it was fact, but he couldn’t lose his temper so quickly, at least, not with Niel. He raised himself up onto his elbow so that he could look down at Niel.

“What makes you say that?” He wanted to know the reasoning. He wanted to know why Niel always thought so lowly about himself compared to the others. He knows that he has self-confidence issues as well, but Niel always helped him to be happier. Niel always comforted him, even during pre-debut when they hardly knew each other, but now, he wanted Niel to be happy, but Niel just shrugged his shoulders. Changjo rolled his eyes before laying his arm around Niel’s waist and looking at him with the biggest eyes he could muster.

“Come on, Niel. You can tell me.” He even added a pout. He was never one for aegyo, but Niel is a special person to him. He would always act tough and manly in front of the other members, but it was Niel’s attention that he wanted, and the easiest way to do so was to do aegyo, and although he won’t admit it, it comes naturally to him when it’s for Niel. At times, he wouldn’t even realize it until one of the members asks him about it later or when he sees a fan picture or fancam of it online later.

There are times when his childish charms go in vain, and he can’t help but to sulk later. It wasn’t that Niel ignored him, but something else would grab his attention instead, and he can’t help but to become upset. It’s during those times when he seeks comfort from the other members or the fans, but even with them, he can’t help but feel a tug in his chest. A hesitation.

A smile formed between the thick lips of the elder before he turned his head and chuckled at the cute antics of the younger. He could never resist against him, but the reason why has always eluded him. Changjo tightened his arms and pulled him closer letting his straightened hair fall into his eyes. Niel knew he would always give in, but he would always try to hold out just to see this side of the maknae.

“I don’t know really.” Changjo widened his eyes and smiled a little at his triumph. “I know that I am not that attractive, I know I don’t have the best body, I know that I still need a lot of work…” Changjo looked up to Niel with softened eyes. He was conflicted. Should he be saddened by how Niel feels about himself? Or should he be angry? He knows that he’s upset, but he was at a loss on how to react. He didn’t think, but just acted upon what he felt he should do.

He loosened his arms from Niel’s waist, and Niel seemed to slump down into himself. Niel closed his eyes as he waited for Changjo to get up and leave him alone, as he was so accustomed to. Instead, he felt the weight on the mattress shift upward before resettling higher than him. He was pulled up into the two strong arms of the maknae and against his chest. He held Niel about the shoulders and just hugged him tightly against his heart. He placed his chin atop his head and moved his face down, hiding in his hair, kissing the top just ever so softly so that Niel would not notice before speaking.

“If you feel that way about yourself, then how am I supposed to feel?” Niel didn’t say a word. He remained silent, waiting for Changjo to continue. “You are the person I look up to the most. I want to be like you. I can’t understand how you can see so many faults in yourself if I think you’re perfect the way you are and the way you’re always just running forward.”

Tears pierced both their eyes. Niel didn’t know what to say. He never knew that Changjo looked up to him, and this made him feels bad for letting him see his insecurities. He wants to be strong for the youngest, but he felt as if he hasn’t been able to show it. Changjo was trying to not just pin Niel down and yell at him until his throat gave out. He was angry and sad. Maybe they picked on him too much. Then, is it his fault as well? He never did anything to stop the others.

“I’m sorry,” whispered Niel. Changjo just shook his head. He had to take a deep breath to calm himself before speaking, for he knew he would let his emotions overtake him if he didn’t.

“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to yourself.”

Even as they sat waiting for the results of the result of the popularity ranking, Changjo’s words resonated through Niel’s mind. He couldn’t help but steal a glance towards the maknae as they waited, and as they started, he chanced a glance at Chunji as well.

Changjo and Niel fell asleep in each other’s arms. It wasn’t odd for the others, for it has become a habit for all of them to hug each other when they fall asleep. Just as that has become normal, it has become a usual occurrence for either Minsoo or Chunji to check the rooms every night. Whenever Minsoo checks he would usually just peek in and leave. Sometimes, if Niel is sleeping alone, he would come in and ruffle his hair or kiss the top of his head just as he had done when Niel and Juniel were children. He would also pray over them before leaving, but ever since they started training and debuted, it has become a rare occurrence. When Minsoo did not check in, and even when he did, Chunji would come around afterwards.

Chunji wouldn’t just check and leave; he would always come and check to see that they are covered up. He would check them to make sure none were getting sick, and he would say a short prayer over them before leaving. Niel never knew how Chunji cared for them until he woke up one night in the middle of the check in. He kept quiet, and Chunji continued as normal. As he left, he had looked back at Niel and put a figure over his mouth before leaving. Niel just smiled and slept once more.   

“We shall start with the oldest.”

-

Silence filled the large car, and only the hum of the engine resonated in the night. Heads nodded to the left and right in a haze of sleep, but one pair of eyes remained awake and alert despite the sleepiness. Changjo was in a content state as Niel’s head lay atop of his shoulder. He smiled as today’s events passed through his mind.

He remembered how proud Niel was when he was ranked second in highest popularity, only being beat out by Chunji. He saw the twinkle in his eye and how he seemed so surprised whenever he saw that someone else was ranked lower than him, including himself.

Now, as he stared down at Niel with a smile on his face, he only looked away when he felt something on his other shoulder, only to find LJoe falling onto him as well. He smiled and held in a laugh as they slept, but held his breath when he felt Niel move closer to him.

“Thank you, Changjo,” he whispered. His eyes were still closed, and in that moment, he stilled once more. Changjo laid his head atop Niel’s and closed his eyes.

They shot open once more when he felt something fall into his hand. He tilted his head down, careful not to wake either of his two hyungs before seeing what it was. Bright letters flashed on the screen.

“What do you mean you were last?!” –Jiho

‘Oh, just Zico,’ he thought before turning off the screen and putting the phone away into LJoe’s pocket. He turned forward and closed his eyes, hoping to have a small nap before arriving home, his hand unconsciously finding Niel’s.

All eyes were closed, or so it seemed. A curious and wary glare reflected against the rear view mirror, never leaving the sight of the three huddled together in the back.