3^rd February, 2017

Jessica’s pov

Tomorrow will complete the nine years of my misery. The day I started to wish that all of these were lies. Like a camera prank that would end once the prey truly deceived and clueless by the evil plans. Because right now, I am being that way. I was absolutely couldn’t see where was the end of this road. Should I wait a little longer? Move a few steps? And I kept wondering is this what Jiyong wants from me? But he said that he loves me. Perhaps love(d)?

I was baffled yet the memory of him keep replaying in my head. These repetitive of memories made me sick. How could they be so vivid when they happened almost a decade ago. The day of how a sweet lie made me waited long enough to stop it.

“Sooyeon, do you believe in fate?” Jiyong asked out of nowhere.

I still laid my sight onto the Gwangju lake, our favourite spot and thought the question that he asked.

“Yes, I do. And because of that I crumpled my stand to not date anyone yet I stay with you.”

I heard him chuckles next to me, resting onto his elbow the ground while watching the lake.

“Thanks sooyeon… for coming into my life. You’re the best thing that I ever have”. He said.

And this time, I chuckled seeing his serious mushy side.

“You sure watched too much drama, oppa. I can’t believe you have this side of yours.

“I’m being like this to my dear one only. And unfortunately, I only have a person that love me back. You should be grateful that I’m your boyfriend, Jung Sooyeon! Nobody love anyone like me” he said showing his show-off smile.

I knew what the truth lying behind those words. How he desperately wanted his parent’s love that he never able to get. And I couldn’t imagine how happy his parents would be if they receive his sincere love. Because I knew how special I’m being loved hard by him.

“Yah! Is that mean you want to be loved by other girls other than me?!” I tried to change the subject.

“Ahhh, a girl already hard for me to handle. So, I would decline to love somebody else” he heaved a long sigh and straighten his back.

“what? You mean I’m a difficult girl for you to handle? You are very meannnnnn,” I said while slap his arm continuously.

He giggles while embraced me moving near him to stop the continuous slapping. The tight embrace restricted my action, so, I decided to enjoyed his warmth instead especially in this winter wind. I wanted to treasure all the time that remained. The entrance exam around the corner, we wouldn’t be able to spend time much together, and liked he could read my mind, his embrace tightens as he wouldn’t let me go away.

“Sooyeon, could you wait for me after I enter collage? Could you wait even it take me long time to be with you?” he asked with wary eyes.

Why he seemed so scared? He was the bravest boy that I knew, how he would take challenges fiercelessly that could scare me on his behalf.  The question that he would know the answer even he didn’t ask. Perhaps, repetition could ease his heart and that what was he needed right then.

“Yes, I would Mr. kwon”

“Only if you never cheat on me and keep in touch always” I replied to his peculiar questions.

“And, what if I can’t do that?” he asked me fast under his breathe which I barely heard.

“Yah! Kwon Jiyong, are you really thinking to cheat on me already? Wah! That’s so cheap of you. We didn’t even separate yet.” I looked him disbelief.

“Not the cheating part but…” he stopped in the middle.

“Do you want some ice cream, Sooyeon-ah?” and the unrelated question popped up.

“but what?” I asked the actual sentence.

He started to arise from the ground and swiped his backside with his hands. “Don’t you want ice cream? I will buy for me only then”. He started walking away.

“Do you think I’m a child that could be distracted by sweets? And it’s freaking winter!” I started talking out loud as Jiyong already feet away towards the nearby stall.

He just waved his right hand without looking back at me. ‘Urgh, my freaking boyfriend sometimes just didn’t listen’. But then I followed him regardless. The cold was expected to begin with, so I just willingly let the cold took its toll on me for next couple days.

pakkkkk

A loud sound echoed in the empty living room. And I could hear that someone ran towards me from the kitchen.

“Jess, are you alright?” Yoona asked once she saw me picking up the clutter magazines.

“Yes, Yoong. The magazines just felt hard on the floor”. I answered.

“But that’s so loud and magazine just don’t seem…”

“Yes, they did fell Yong. I want take bath now, excuse me” I cut her words and passed her politely not to hurt her by my words while heading to my bedroom.

I pushed the door knob behind me and fell on leaning behind the door. I caressed my right cheek behind strands of my bang slowly, didn’t want to bruised it more.  It stung more with time and I can’t help but groaned. And the flow of tears didn’t seem to made it better a bit. Yet, I still deserved the slap. A slap to woken me up from this meaningless slumber. This was not the first time anyway, I used to it. And without conscious it became a quirk, every time I carried away by those empty memories.