“JESSICKHA!!”

All the past memories scattered apart into pieces and dusts, just like million neatly arranged puzzles were thrown into the air. Breaks into pieces that were take times to sort it back like before or never will able to array forever. The loud scream did not annoy the called person, but instead grateful feeling creep inside her. Thankful for not letting her drown into the sorrowful past again.

“Come on Yoong, let’s not disturb tonight’s peace” Jessica said drifting her sight toward the petite girl leaning on the doorframe, catching her breath.

“That’s supposed to be my line, buddy. Everyone is looking for you! We got emergency call right now, red zone!” while showing the beeping red alarm in her hand.

Jessica

 I was supposed to throw a quip to my best friend, Im Yoona. How she should slip my ‘run away’ from work once in a while.

After hear the red zone warn nothing across my mind, but my feet move faster than my brain like it was intent beforehand. I tried to climbed down couple stairs at once leaving Yoona behind who still catching her breath, hurried to reach the ER department. And I blamed myself to pick the rooftop in many places to escape tonight although it always been my treasured spot.

Two cots were pushed inside the ER room. I fasten my pace, I didn’t wish any harm happened because of my escapism. The chaos atmosphere welcomed me, and it’s so unwelcomed feeling to us. All the medical team occupied with their own piece.

I dashed to the patient. The junior house officer was rushing to pick the file up.

The nurses notice me and were ready to asked me, maybe where I come from. “Dr. Jess…”

“Case history?!” I cut the nurse.

“Motor vehicle accident, 2 passengers involved. One of them unstable, 31 years old, physically fit” she replied in a single breath.

“vital sign?” I asked again.

“Heart rate 43”

But then, a long beep was echoed in the room surpassed the chaos.

“the heartbeat stopped doctor!” Jinyoung, the junior doctor stated the obvious signal.

Without further ado, I climbed the bed and performed CPR right then, overtake Jinyoung who was ready to climb. I was praying all the time, wishing the patient could survive another day.  Please… please keep alive. Losing your beloved was unbearable to anyone, and I knew that feeling well. The bitterness for unable kept our love by our side.  Those feeling never failed to linger every time I tried to recover patient who fighting to survive.  

My sweat drenched all over the forehead, effect of 20 minutes CPR without stop.

“Jess…” Yoona appeared beside me.

“let’s stop right here, jess”

My feeling won’t allow me to stop. And it felt sinful to stop even though I knew I shouldn’t violent the procedures, for own sake. Even it drained all my energy, I would do till the very last energy I left.

“Give me five minutes more, Yoong”

“But Jess...”

“Just give him just that much time. Please” I pleaded. I felt my hand shaking, for the lots of energy I loss and for hoping him please awake from that damn sleep.

I could feel all the eyes fixed on me and I couldn’t interpret them properly, whether it’s sympathetic or comforting look. But none of them bothered me, they’re were not whom I should care right now. Oh God, please….

“Uhhhukkks.” The patient choked gasping for oxygen to fill his lungs. And the sudden reaction made my surprised, a nice surprise.

All of us released deep sigh that stockpiled since before. “thanks. for stay alive” I held tight his hand while showing reassured smile and retreated a little back.

 “Jinyoung, proceed with further check up.”

“Yes, doctor.” The young man was back to reality after being called, still amused what happened before his eyes.  

……..

“Jess, are you okay?” Yoona passed me a bottle of plain water who still seated wobbly on the long bench outside the ER, try to catch up my breath and gain my energy back.

“Yup. Hey, energy drink will be better.” Still receiving it though.

“No, water is the best. Especially for dehydrated person like you” she nagged.

I just gave her ‘yeah-yeah-whatever’ look. I wanted to hear any of her long explanation no more. She just cared and that’s what a friend do. I would do the same for her anyway.

“jess…. You know things we’ve talked about before. Do you remember?”

I raised my brows together, searching for what talk that she meant. And too many ‘talks’ came across and clearly not able to pick the right one.

“Talk about like how you shouldn’t push yourself just because they didn’t go the way you wanted them to be” how carefully my bestie tried not to hurt me.

“yes, I remembered every single thing that we talked about it yoong.”

“And if this about how I’m not supposed to push the CPR just now. That’s a relieved, cause he’s alive because of it, right Yoong?” Now that I knew which talked was it, I replied.

“That’s right. But I just want to remind you, not everything is in our hand. Sometimes, it just better to let it go than held it tightly forever. Holding a fire just give you scar, jess”

I looked into her eyes, how they sincerely tried to comfort me, not because my stubborn to give up, but because of my stupidity to hold on with the wrecked past. I tried to reason, but I stopped. Because at the end it’s me myself that I fooled. Fool to believe that everything will come back together like arranged puzzles which took lots of time to assemble. They only need time, and I tried to believe my past too, but indeed my past are different.

***************

lets have faith in jisica <3